Decisions. We all have to make them. Starting even in infancy. But as an adult, some decisions feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. That is until you confront the problem and weigh your options (carefully).
Today is that kind of day for me. I have already taken the first major step. I had to write a letter of concern and possibility to some people that I views as close, personal friends of mine. And it wasn't easy, being that the subject matter brought out some hard-felt feelings and hurt to the forefront.
But it is done. It has been sent to the appropriate people. Now, I must face making my final decision. To stay or to go. That is the hardest part, I think in this whole ordeal for me. While I like the people, and I have learned much, I feel that the 'online community' is no longer serving its purpose of what it was originally founded on. And to me that is sad. But in my eyes, also is a truth.
My life has been inundated with choices. Some have been life-altering. Some just ordinary, everyday life decisions. Maybe it's over what kind of sandwich I should fix for lunch. Another day, it might be pertaining to my son's treatment plan. See? Various. And widely might I add. From day-to-day, my decisions and their severity changes.
While it was extremely hard to have to "face" my friends on the level I did this morning, and as much of an agonizing decision it was to do so, I feel good about it. And I feel better about myself. I stood up for myself, my thoughts, my feelings, and my beliefs (to an extent).
In the end, I can only hope that the friendships I have made are not tattered and frayed. But if they do become so, then it was for the best, I believe. I'm my own person. And I always have been. No one in this life has ever been able to tie me down. Not my parents. Not the medical community. And my friends will not be able to stop me from being who I am. Not in any way, shape, or form.
So, remember, the decisions you make today, can drastically change your tomorrow. Most times for the better. And sometimes for the worse. It all depends on what the decision is concerning.