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Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Why have I not walked away yet?

How many times have you just wanted to give up? Be it getting ahead financially, the house getting back in order, getting the kids to listen or any other number of possible problems that we all face.

I've personally wanted to throw in the towel so many times that I have officially lost count. Okay, it's because I have no more fingers or toes to count on, being that all twenty of them are used up.

For those of us with children that have disabilities, the number can skyrocket. Especially if they have mental disabilities that make their personalities and moods change like the weather.

There have been days that I just want to leave my screaming, hateful, physically violent child and walk away. I get so tired. It is often times just too draining to deal with anymore. Both physically and mentally.

Those that have Neuro-Typical children (i.e. normal kids with normal heads) always tell us moms of kids like my son "If it were me, I wouldn't be able to handle it. How can you deal with this everyday?".

The answer is simple. We do it because we love our child too much to walk away.

They need us. And in the end, we need them too. Our children deserve as much "normalcy" as we can provide. And we are their only true advocates in this world to ensure that they get the best life that is obtainable.

Once again this morning, Bryce had an "off morning". Once again, I had to deal with whining, crying, back-talking, trying to swing at me and be in a total anti-behavioral mode.

People have seen me in public with him when he "snaps" like this and just stare. Why? Most likely because I am stern, but I'm not "loud" with him as I try to curb his "wild side". I have had people who have gotten to know us ask how I do it. How I stay so calm and collected.

My secret? At times I walk away. Even as Bryce is being belligerent. If I don't and the tempers are both flaring, I might say or do something that I can't take back. So I walk away, take a breath, go back right away and deal with him and the situation.

Yes, there are power struggles. Daily. And with Bryce, thanks to his problems, they are magnified by one hundred it seems. His brain computes emotions, ideals, and comprehension much differently from a "normal" child his age (Bryce is 8).

So, if you are having a really bad, no good, horrible day with your child, then just walk away for a bit. Be it to lock yourself in the bathroom or bedroom. Go outside and get a breath of fresh air on the porch.

Just be sure that the child in question (and any other children in the home) is safe.

Once you are calm, then deal with the situation and the child at hand. It's better than the alternative, which has a more negative outcome.

2 comments:

singedwingangel said...

here here I agree whole heartedly and have been there myself for 17 years so I can feel ya on this one..

Timberwolf123 said...

Melissa, I'm sure there are many days that are hard & I admire your preservation. Raising child who are "normal" can be a challenge at times I can't imagine who difficult raise a child with challenges can be. While growing up I helped a couple of neighbors who had challenged children & learned first hand the range of emotions they can display. Walking away is a good way to deal with things as taking a pause & collecting ourselves in any situation is a great way to come from a place of love. Always remember to find time for yourself, the only way to give out love is to have it to give. Let go of the pain & remember the joy. Good luck.

Hugs,

Bill

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