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Sunday, November 22, 2009

Testimony Sunday

(From 'God Wants You To Know' application on FaceBook)

"On this day, God wants you to know...

... that all is well. What could you not accept, if you but knew that everything that happens, all events, past, present, and to come, are gently planned by One Whose only purpose is your good?"
 
 All I could say when I first read this one was a huge "WOW!!". How powerful to me those words are. And they really hit home for me.
 
When I was born, I had birth defects internally. By medical standards, I wasn't supposed to live past my first twenty four to fourty eight hours of life. Then, not more than a month to maybe a year.
 
That was almost thirty three years ago.
 
My mother passed away when I was almost shy of becoming thirteen. That is when the doubting and anger started. Not at her. Not at myself. But at God.
 
He ruined my life. He ruined my plans. He ruined everything for me in that one moment in time. He took my mother and everything ahead I had seen coming. My Prom, graduation, marriage. All the things that a mother is supposed to be there for when her daughter gets to those milestones in her life.
 
For not just months, but for years after, I hated the Lord. I hated Him with a passion for turning on me as He did (in my eyes). What He had done to me was beyond cruel.
 
It wasn't until that final internal battle for my soul, years after my mother's death, between Satan's lies, and the Lord's Truth, both speaking to me, that I had seen the light clearly.
 
When that moment came, and I realized that it was just all a small part in God's huge plan for me, the anger, the resentment, the pain all subsided. In an instant, I felt freer than I had for such a long time. Because I had seen that my mother's death was leading to better things down the road for me.
 
My mother was overly protective. Understandably so, I may say. I guess I would be as well, if my child had the problems I did. But it hendered my childhood, and my overall recovery process.
 
After her death, I was able to get my trach removed, and closed. I went on to have a family of my own (that I was told would not be medically possible), and have recieved a second chance to see with a Corneal Transplant on my left eye on the date of mom's passing (10/29/89).
 
It's hard at times, knowing she is missing the beautiful life that I have. But I also know deep down she sees all of us. And that God is not finished with the bigger plans of my life.
 
Because all the little bumps and twists ARE a small, entrical piece of the bigger picture.

1 comment:

singedwingangel said...

Aww hun never think for a minute she ismissing out on anything. who do ya think picked your kids?? Hello sheheld them and rocked them and tucked them into bed before you were given them.. so remember they know all your secrets.. even if they don't remember them

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