And the Gates Opened and God said "Come in My son".

We all knew that this was coming. For the last six months or so. But after losing other family members in the past that you "prepared" for losing, when the time comes, you are NEVER truly "prepared".

Last night we were told to get to Big Papa if we could because Hospice gave him just hours. So Scott and I placed the kids with some friends of ours and rushed over. He was ashen, pale and gray. His breathing was rattly and hard, thanks to the fluid on his lungs. He was sedated and given pain medications for comfort and so he wouldn't fight himself.

We stayed there a good hour or just a bit longer. All the while talking with Scott's Grandma and his Aunt, who was staying the night. As we left, we told Big Papa we loved him and to just rest and that everything was okay.

After leaving to get the kids, two of our nieces (sisters) apparently arrived not long after us. We missed one another by mere minutes.

We left at about 8:10 last night. Scott got the "call" at about 9:05, about ten minutes after we walked in the door for the night.

He died as the oldest niece was brushing his military-style cut hair. That was something ALL the grandkids and great-grandkids did. He paid them a dollar if they did a "good job", which of course they all did. *hehe*

This past Summer was the last TRUE family reunion with EVERYONE together. This year, it will be drastically different. And more morose and somber as we gather with one less person joining in watching the kids catch lizards and snakes in the backyard, eating up a storm and just having a fun time talking and being together.

*Big Papa with my girls, Skyler and Hayley (oldest of the three kids)*

*Big Papa with my son, Bryce and our oldest niece*

I can only imagine the reception Big Papa received as he entered the Pearly Gates. I know his sister and youngest brother were happy to be reunited with their big brother, as I am certain that it was a welcoming experience to see his parents again.

Big Papa was an extremely hard working man in his time, as he was the manager of a strong insurance company. And he served in the military in his youth. When he met his wife of 62 years, she had three children from a previous marriage. One of them being my Father-In-Law, whom he adopted all three after the couple had married. Then along came four other children that they had after that. So needless to say, he left behind many upon many hearts to grieve his passing. Between their seven children multiple grandchildren, and several great-grandkids and even a great-great-grandchild.

I think that the following song is extremely appropriate to say how I feel about a man that gave me a good taste of what life is like with having a Grandfather in your life, seeing as my granddads were dead before I was born. And thanks to Big Papa and his inclusion of me in to his family as "one of my granddaughters", I can never thank him (or Grandma) enough for the last eleven wonderful years of having a great man in my life such as him...Even if he was a Washington Redskins fan. I looked past that atrocity and still loved him anyways. (=

*I apologize, but VEVO just had to put a freaking commercial in this one..which is inappropriate for a song like this in my opinion.*



Go Rest High On That Mountain lyrics
Songwriters: Gill, Vince;

I know your life on earth was troubled
And only you could know the pain
You weren't afraid to face the Devil
You were no stranger to the rain

Go rest high on that mountain
Son your work on earth is done
Go to Heaven a shoutin'
Love for the Father and the Son

Oh, how we cried the day you left us
We gathered round your grave to grieve
Wish I could see the angels' faces
When they hear your sweet voice sing

So go rest high on that mountain
Son, your work on earth is done
Go to Heaven a shoutin'
Love for the Father and the Son

So go rest high on that mountain
Son, your work on earth is done
Go to Heaven a shoutin'
Love for the Father and the Son

Go to Heaven a shoutin'
Love for the Father and the Son

I'm not a huge fan of Christian music, but..

There are a few singers that I LOVE to listen to. I'm in to Contemporary Christian music. I like a few hymns that are traditional. But I'm really not a "traditional" kind of gal. With that said, here are my favorites (with a fave song video included).

First of all, gotta give kudos to Nicole C. Mullen. The girl can SING!



As for the guys, I have to give it up to Al Denson. The following song brings me to tears EVERY single time.



I've had the awesome pleasure to see Cece Winans perform one year at an Extraordinary Women's concert here in town. She is even more so beautiful in person and gives a WONDERFUL, praise-filled performance. Music for MY generation, and even my kids'. This was one of the songs she sang..



Another tear jerker for me. I love it though! He is my Comfort and my Strength. Darlene Zschech had done a wonderful job with this song.



Delirious has some good P&W tunes also.



I think that personally, I really needed to hear some of these and just give it all to God. It's honestly been a very emotionally charged (almost) two weeks for me and my family. Between after-school activities, the home invasion and my son's problems escalating due to the break-in, I have been stressed beyond limits. It was refreshing and calming to listen and even sing to these this morning.

True, I'm not a church-going, drop-to-my-knees-every-ten-minutes, constant-Bible-reading Christian, but I know HE loves me, He sacrificed EVERYTHING for me and that He is there even in the midst of every storm to help carry and weather me through.

And here I thought KIDS were bad.

Apparently, in most cases, the PARENTS seemingly are no better. And you wonder why I have a MAJOR beef with "fanatical" right-wing Christians and organized religion.

Over on my BFF, Angel's blog she posted a Vlog in regards to a fellow blogger, and one of her bloggy friends, who's son was bullied. To read that post, please feel free to CLICK HERE.

The reason so many of us are up in arms, is due to the fact, that the person in the second link had their SON dressing up as "Daphne" from "Scooby Doo". She made sure several times before ordering that indeed that is what her 5-YEAR-OLD son wanted to be. And he was quite adamant mind you, seeing as his BFF (a GIRL) was dressing as Scooby and wanted to pair up.

Now mind you, this all had taken place in a CHRISTIAN Preschool setting. Where they are taught Pre-Kindergarten concepts and that Jesus says we are to love one another no matter what and to treat others like how we wish to be treated. With love and respect.

Now, if you know me AT ALL, you know for a fact, I'm not one to post Biblical verses. I am a Christian, but not a Bible wielding one that will thump you over the head with the Good Book like bonking you with a ball bat. But just for today, I feel like quoting some Scripture.

Scripture text is derived by the Bible Gateway Site...

Matthew 22:37-40 (New International Version)

37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’[a] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[b] 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

In other words, if YOU wish to NOT be torn down and demand to be accepted and respected, you damn well better be willing to reciprocate in return.

Wow! The verses I found for you HYPOCRITE Christians out there!! Ready?

Psalm 26:4 (New International Version)-4 "I do not sit with the deceitful, nor do I associate with hypocrites."

Matthew 7:5-"You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye."

Matthew 23:13-[Seven Woes on the Teachers of the Law and the Pharisees ] “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the door of the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to."

Who can claim the name "Christian" when they are hypocrites to the tenth degree? And against a CHILD no less. Who has ANY right to judge another being? For ANY reason due to being different and "out of the box" where the "normalcy of society" is of any concern? Not myself. Not you. Not anyone. I should only judge my own misdeeds, and the misdeeds of my children. But all others should be left to the Lord God Almighty to judge for Himself. For HE is the ONLY true Judge of any one of us.

Luke 6:37-“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven."

As a child, and for the majority of it, I was judged and ridiculed. By both children and adults alike. Of course, I felt that it was both parties' faults. It wasn't until later in years, say in my teens, that I had come to an eye-opening conclusion. I should NEVER have blamed the children. But the parents that had raised them.

Children are NOT born to hate and ridicule others in the world. They were TAUGHT to do so. By example and the leading of their parents. I remember COUNTLESS times where I had walked in the door from school, sullen, sometimes tears streaming down my cheeks and being quiet and reserved. All because again, I was picked on for looking different from the other children. And many of them that did this to me were fellow members of our church that I had attended as a child.

My parents had the cops called on them due to the fact that they parked in a Handicapped Zone LEGALLY. But to the old lady, I didn't "look handicapped enough" to need such a spot.

My father almost got in to a fist brawl in a grocery store checkout lane thanks to some idiot ADULT stating that "if I had a kid that LOOKED like that, I wouldn't let it out the house" (thanks to the trache, tubes and monitor wires I required to be hooked up to for day trips from the hospital).

How in the hell can ADULTS, let alone human beings, be so damned cruel? Especially towards CHILDREN? It's so beyond my comprehension, it scares me.

So, this poor mother and her child had to endure horrid comments about HIS choice of costume for this past Halloween. And she got it for "letting him wear THAT". So obviously (and quite sadly) those "mothers" pegged the kid as being Gay. So what, if he is?? He is OBVIOUSLY quite comfortable in his own skin. His mother is proud of him for being HIMSELF. Not some "image" of what or who OTHERS "think" he should "be like".

Parents and people in general such as these "Christian" hypocrites outright DISGUST me. Yep, I said it! They D-I-S-G-U-S-T me. They are a very small fraction of the type of people that just chap my hide. They are two-faced, corners-of-the-mouth speaking snakes in my eyes.

So remember everyone, do *not* blame the children who speak ill of others, for they know not fully what they are doing is wrong. Blame their parents and any other adult-centered influences within their lives. Because it's the ADULTS that are "bringing up" these children to be, act and think how they are doing so. All we can do as REAL Christians is love them and gently correct them and the errors of their words and/or ways.

For the children we are bringing up today will be our future that will bring up tomorrow.

A Pondering Moment on this Sunday morning...

Why the following popped in to my head, I do not know. And the logic just seemed to hit me like a bolt of lightening. Especially when the thought hits at not quite six o'clock in the morning.

What came to mind was clearly a shocking "revelation" for me. Being that this "bam, wow!" moment was stemming from something in the Bible. Specifically in the Book of Revelations.

Now I am not sure exactly what verse(s) or chapter it is within, but the Bible states that once all is calm after the Second Coming of Jesus Christ and the war between Good and Evil has come to pass, that God will "raise the dead". Of course the dead is the army of souls that are of His Kingdom and will help with the battle to win over the world and trump Satan.

Suddenly, out of the blue, my logic brain jumped in with the following thought...

How can God raise the dead if the dead has been cremated?

Revelations speaks to us in regards to the Lord raising the dead from the depths of the grave in which they lay, only to have new life breathed in to them.

What about those that were cremated and placed in to urns? How is He to "raise" them? Give them new flesh to hold their ashes? Remember, he supposedly created Adam from the dirt of the ground.

At funerals, we hear the passage, "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust".

Can anyone give me a clear, level-headed, honest explanation of how He shall prepare the "Ultimate War Between Good and Evil" if not all of His "chosen ones" are able to be "present", being that they were incinerated after their death?

To me personally, it seems a bit too far fetched. And really, if God and Satan were going to battle it out, God would not have let Cremation be invented. Because now, how will His army flourish and "be whole" if the entire gang can't be "arisen from their slumber"?

This is why I honestly have a real problem with the Bible. Too many holes, twists, two-faced stories and too many hands in the pot (Book Author wise) that have contradicting/conflicting stories.

Devotional Sunday

Trust. It is something that is earned over time. As children, we trusted our parents to clothe us, feed us and keep a roof over our heads. As a spouse, we place trust in our husbands or wives to be faithful only unto us.

Once again, I had to place my trust in God. I had to trust in Him to help me through (once again) a really tough place in my life and knew in the end, I will come out just fine in the end. So far, He has yet to fail me. For thus far, my eye is getting better (minus a set back here and there) every day.

In the book of Psalms it says...

Psalm 25:2
in you I trust, O my God. Do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me.

And sure enough the enemy I had to fight has yet to prevail. And I don't plan on letting it either. For my God is beside me, leading me along to a full recovery. He will not leave my side, no matter how bad it will possibly get in my life.

My trust in Him may wane a bit here and there, but it is there. I often wonder if He enjoys testing me. Who knows. All I know is that Jesus Christ has enough faith and trust in me to lean upon His shoulder and let Him carry me once in a while. He knows at times I need the rest and comfort of His trusting arms.

Devotional Sunday (Change from Testimony Sunday)

Isaiah 35:10
and the ransomed of the LORD will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away.
Isaiah 35:9-10 (in Context) Isaiah 35


Every one of us here on earth will suffer sorrow. But all of us will experience the great joy that life also has to offer.


Believe me when I say that I have had more than my fair share of sorrow. From the time that I was born in fact. And when you tally them all up that I have collected thus far, many may wonder how I am able to see the positivity in anything.


Even though a time or two, I had lost my faith in God, He never once lost His faith on me. Even when I turned a blind eye to Him.


In the end, after walking through all of the Valleys that I have traveled, I have reached the Mountain Top. Sure, I will be pushed back down in to the Valley again a few more times before my life's journey here is over. 


But I know that once I walk through the Valley, that the Mountain Top is there waiting for my return.

Testimony Sunday (1 Peter 1:6-7...Grief, Loss & Suffering)

<sup>This week's verse...

6</sup>In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. ⁷These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

I know of this passage quite well within my life. Within my thirty-three years on this earth, I have already lost my Maternal Grandparents, never knew my Grandfather's (but have 'felt them' near), my Mother, my Paternal Grandmother and two pregnancies, and my Paternal Great-Grandfather.


With the exception of my Grandfathers, my Maternal Grandmother (too young) and my Great-Grandfather (again, too young to understand), my Christian faith was rocked to the core from these losses. Especially the loss of my mother and my last miscarriage in 2003.


For years after my mom's passing I despised God, His love, and anything else to do with Him. I wanted nothing of Christ. He had nothing to offer me. Except pain, grief and internal agony within my spirit and my heart.


The Lord made me suffer within some very deep Valleys. I saw the Mountain tops. Every time I would get halfway back up that Mountain, it seemed that the Lord would push me off a cliff, back down to the Valley floor.


It took a few years worth of soul searching, internal 'tug-of-wars' and finally seeing God's Truths behind Satan's snares and lies that the demon fed me. 


You know the kinds..."If God really loved you, He would not have taken all those people away. Especially you mother and baby". "God is punishing you for being a bratty child, so he took your mother for all the lies you told her". Those are just a couple of the thoughts that I had...The 'gem' of them all came when I lost my second pregnancy. "The Lord has taken away your child because you are not worthy of His love. An eye for an eye. You rejected Him, now He has given the ultimate punishment....Your child for His".


It took much prayer, much Scripture reading and much one-on-one with my Heavenly Father to finally realize that none of the above was true.


What is true now, as it was back then is that He will test you. He will put you through "trials by fire" and He knows that you indeed will suffer. Loss, grief, anger due to the loss, and walk through some pretty deep Valleys in order to climb to the top of that Mountain.


But never once will He forsake you. He is with you every step. Even when it seems that you are alone. Jesus Christ is there. And in the end, when your grief and suffering are over, He will be there waiting to take you in His arms and let you know that He never leaves His children to ever fully fend for themselves. And that the Mountain Top is always attainable for all.

Since You Left

Since the time you left, we still wonder what could have been

We wonder who you would take after, who you would more like be within

The years stroll by with barely a care

But in that time, within our hearts, you are still there

We miss you, we love you

Not too far off may you be

But deep down it seems that its eternity before we once again meet

So until that day, you stay safe and warm

For within Grandma's arms are you adorned

She has you for now until the day that we will finally meet face-to-face

Daddy and I had so many plans

But for now we just hold your heart in our hands

May you have joy this Christmas Season with the Savior that we celebrate

One day soon my dear, we too will meet you at the Pearly Gates

Then forever more, we shall rejoice together, with our Lord

*Dedicated to Michael Gregory C....May you be resting and playing with the other Angel Babies this Christmas Season*

Testimony Sunday (Exodus 15:13)

It's certainly been a while since I have done my Sunday post. So, let's see if I can start this again to go on a regular basis.

The following Bible passage from Exodus really speaks volumes. It regards to love. Not the love of God solely, or the love of your husband or wife, or even your children. But the love for others and for mankind.

Exodus 15:13
"In your unfailing love you will lead the people you have redeemed. In your strength you will guide them to your holy dwelling."


If the above verse doesn't speak volumes to you, then I think that there is something wrong. You, we, us, the people shall show the way to the Lord through our compassion, our actions, and by showing our fellow man LOVE.

Not judgment, fire and brimstone and damnation.

When I was a small child, my grandmother, Mary, who was a very devout Catholic forced me to go to Sunday Mass, and in turn was forcing my parents to let me go, even though, they did not particularly practice the faith any longer.

As I grew, she would do the "fire and brimstone" act upon me if I had done something wrong. And would tell me that I had hurt God's heart, and that He would not accept me in to His Kingdom if I didn't stop sinning.

By adulthood, she and I would clash almost on a daily basis while she lived with me and my father after my mother's death, and his remarriage. It had gotten so bad, I finally moved out just to be free of her "saving ways".

Yes, my Grandmother loved me. No denying on that. But, she was more concerned with saving my soul then leading me with a loving heart. Instead of leading me to God and my faith in Him, she forced me to look away and turn my back.

It made her even more angry that I was angry for a long period of my life with Christ, being that He "took my mother from me". I lashed out in many ways, even to the point of cursing God.

One thing I never lost, even though I was spiritually lost, was my love of my fellow man. My faith, love, and acceptance of other how they are had never once wavered.

Today, I am over my "blue period" of having a tug-of-war with my spiritual faith. And I lead others to the Lord not through forceful means. But by telling my story of my life, and all of the blessings within it.

From my birth, where I wasn't expected to live past the first twenty-four to forty-eight hours...All the way up to most recently, my sight being restored and saved, thanks to a miraculously successful Corneal Transplant that was done against all odds to a point of most likely not being successful.

God is love. And we have been made in His image. He shows us love daily. Is it wrong that we should show the same to our fellow brothers and sisters?

Testimony Sunday

(From 'God Wants You To Know' application on FaceBook)

"On this day, God wants you to know...

... that all is well. What could you not accept, if you but knew that everything that happens, all events, past, present, and to come, are gently planned by One Whose only purpose is your good?"
 
 All I could say when I first read this one was a huge "WOW!!". How powerful to me those words are. And they really hit home for me.
 
When I was born, I had birth defects internally. By medical standards, I wasn't supposed to live past my first twenty four to fourty eight hours of life. Then, not more than a month to maybe a year.
 
That was almost thirty three years ago.
 
My mother passed away when I was almost shy of becoming thirteen. That is when the doubting and anger started. Not at her. Not at myself. But at God.
 
He ruined my life. He ruined my plans. He ruined everything for me in that one moment in time. He took my mother and everything ahead I had seen coming. My Prom, graduation, marriage. All the things that a mother is supposed to be there for when her daughter gets to those milestones in her life.
 
For not just months, but for years after, I hated the Lord. I hated Him with a passion for turning on me as He did (in my eyes). What He had done to me was beyond cruel.
 
It wasn't until that final internal battle for my soul, years after my mother's death, between Satan's lies, and the Lord's Truth, both speaking to me, that I had seen the light clearly.
 
When that moment came, and I realized that it was just all a small part in God's huge plan for me, the anger, the resentment, the pain all subsided. In an instant, I felt freer than I had for such a long time. Because I had seen that my mother's death was leading to better things down the road for me.
 
My mother was overly protective. Understandably so, I may say. I guess I would be as well, if my child had the problems I did. But it hendered my childhood, and my overall recovery process.
 
After her death, I was able to get my trach removed, and closed. I went on to have a family of my own (that I was told would not be medically possible), and have recieved a second chance to see with a Corneal Transplant on my left eye on the date of mom's passing (10/29/89).
 
It's hard at times, knowing she is missing the beautiful life that I have. But I also know deep down she sees all of us. And that God is not finished with the bigger plans of my life.
 
Because all the little bumps and twists ARE a small, entrical piece of the bigger picture.

"He who hath not commited sin, shall cast the first stone."

Normally, I am not one to quote Biblical Scripture. But, for some reason, this one happened to pop in to my brain. And ultimately, I felt led to write about this passage. Although, I can't for the life of me remember what Book and verse it stems from.

As a child, I was "forced" in to submission. I had to submit to attending church with my Paternal Grandmother, who was an extremely devout Roman Catholic.

Throughout my childhood, she would quote Scripture to me. Especially when I was being punished. She would tell me that I made God sad and hurt His feelings.

She was also a devout hypocrite. Because many years later, after her death, I had learned of the not-so-Christian-like things that she had in her life's history.

Several divorces. One of her two sons was concieved and ultimately born out of wedlock. And that is to just name a couple of things. In fact I think that the only one that wasn't on her list of "Broken Commandments" was Adultry.

While still alive, she knew of some of my unChristianly partakings of the flesh. And she let me know how in the wrong I was. And for me, yes this DID include Adultry. While I know why I commited that sinful act, no excuse will hold up for my transgression of the flesh.

I'm far from an innocent Christian. I have made many, many mistakes in this lifetime. And I know that there are countless more coming in the years to come.

But I know that my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ will still love me. No matter how much I may hurt His feelings, or may break His heart. And as long as I ask, and truly mean it within my being, I will be forgiven.

This is why I do not judge others. Not for their "sinful acts", such as adultry, lying, stealing. Not even for loving someone else of the same gender.

In my heart, and in my mind, how can I sit in judgement of another human being, when I myself have failed at keeping the Lord's Commandments?

That question would race through my veins every time that my Grandmother would sit in judgement of me and my mistakes. When all along, she herself had her own glass house to throw stones at.

This is why I go by "Remove the plank from thy own eye thus you remove the plank from another's". As well as "He who hath not commited sin, shall cast the first stone". Because I know that my sins, while may not be as big as my neighbor's, are just as great a deal to God, as the neighbor's is.

There is only one true Judge. And I am not it. Nor are you. Only the Lord God can judge. He is my judge, and mine alone in the end.