Bible Q&A Day

Welcome to the first of many posts for this series. We will be looking Book by Book at the Bible.

Each question and it's following answer will be provided by "500 Questions And Answers From The Bible" (Mark Fackler, Editor, 2006, Barbour Publishing Inc.)

(Genesis 1:1)

Q; Where did the universe come from?

A; Who has not heard a child ask that question? Unfortunately we have no eyewitness around to answer it. We do have a record, however. Genesis 1 is the story of God's creation of the word and its heavens. Genesis does not intend to be a comprehensive, detailed account of how God created all there is. The story moves in wide, sweeping strokes. Yet it does answer two fundamental questions about when and who-in the beginning and God.

Most religious faiths recognize that the world could not have created itself. For the universe to do that, it would have to exist before itself, which is logically impossible. Something outside of and existing prior must be responsible for its creation. That something, the Bible tells us, is Someone-God.

Nothing forced God's decision to create. The decision was an expression of God's character: creative, rational, loving. God created the world to say something about Himself, to extend His relational nature to embrace beings who bear His image, and to communicate with them.

Genesis does not provide a scientific record of how and when the universe was created. Christians who wish to argue with science about these matters become caught in the give-and-take of empirical data and scientific interference, a debate that the Book of Genesis was not intended to solve. (Recall that not long ago Christians firmly believed that a Biblical view required that the earth was the center of the universe and all other heavenly bodies revolved around it. Nowadays, thanks to scientific measurement, only crackpots make such an argument. Christians can and should learn from science.)

Genesis teaches that the universe sprang from God's nature and will. The mechanics that God employed to give expression to His will are the important domains of science (physics, chemistry, biology), which like other fields of study has sometimes, regrettably, forgotten about God. But each source-the Genesis account and science-plays a vital roll in our understanding of God's creation. Genesis identifies the God whom we should praise, and science employs God's gifts of intelligence and curiosity to uncover clues the mechanics of God's work.

********************************************************************

So, in a nutshell, in my mind, Genesis just lays out the subtle clues as to how God made way for us to be where we are today. I believe personally, in both the scientific theory of the "Big Bang" , as well as that God laid the beginning foundations for the rest of it all to come in to play.

As a Christian myself, I cannot deny science. I cannot deny what they have discovered about the universe and of what discoveries that they have made concerning our world, and of us. But I also cannot deny that there is MORE to the picture. Something we will NEVER be able to explain. And that is God's hand in how we came to be.

He gave us gifts. Every one of us possess reasoning and the ability to use our logic ALONG SIDE our faith. God also gave some of us a lot of logic and intellectual ability (think medical doctors, scientists of all kinds, teachers). We all have a contribution. Because God made it so. By creating what we know of...Earth, land and sea, humans in His image, the universe.

If you like this new series, and wish to do so, GRAB MY BUTTON (below) and share it, and let others know that on Wednesday's and Sunday's, a new "Bible Q&A Day" post will be put out.

Please feel free to also share your thoughts and ideals in the comment area. Just keep it CIVIL, is all that I ask. Debate is great! But I will NOT have fights.

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New Look For The New Year! Come Take A Peek.

Well, at least this one isn't too complicated to work with. While I have loved the unique design of my blog that I have had for some time now, thanks to CheapskateMom, I felt it was time for a change and to freshen things up a bit to coincide with the new year starting.

As most of my friends know, I am a coffee fanatic. So what better theme to choose than to log on to find a hot, fresh-looking, steamy cup of joe?

At some point today (with the help from my daughter, Hayley) I will be doing the first installment of the Bible Q&A series (that will take place on Wed.'s and Sun.'s). I will be typing out the question and answer WORD FOR WORD from the book, "500 Questions And Answers From The Bible"...If some answers are VERY long (as like with the first post), then I will give my *personal* statements/views on the answers within the COMMENT section.

So with that all said, I shall be back later on today or this evening. Until then, I hope you all like the new look and have a great Wednesday.

"Am I A Fireman Yet??"

Once in a while, my dad will send me things from his side of the country. At almost 3,000 miles apart, it doesn't happen all too often. But when he does send things (primarily for his grandkids), he will send me clippings from a local magazine, The Carson Valley Scoop. Inside are some jokes, heart-warming stories and other articles that make you sit back and think, and also realize just how good you've really got it, compared to other people.

The following is a copy of an article (re-typed word-for-word by yours truly). This one really tugged at my heart strings. And yes, even brought a tear or two to my eyes. As a mother, how could I not feel the deepness of this story? So without further adieu, here is the story from 'Scoop'...

"Am I A Fireman Yet??"

In Phoenix, Arizona, a 26-year-old mother stared down at her 6 year old son, who was dying of terminal Leukemia.

Although her heart was filled with sadness, she also had a strong feeling of determination.

Like any parent, she wanted her son to grow up and fulfill all his dreams. Now that was no longer possible. The Leukemia would see to that. But she wanted her son's dream to come true.

She took her son's hand and asked, 'Billy, did you ever think about what you wanted to be once you grew up? Did you ever dream and wish what you would do with your life?"

"Mommy, I always wanted to be a fireman when I grew up."

Mom smiled back and said, "Let's see if we can make your wish come true."

Later that day she went to her local fire department in Phoenix, Arizona, where she met Fireman Bob, who had a heart as big as Phoenix. She explained her son's final wish and asked if it might be possible to giver her 6-year-old son a ride around the block on the fire engine.

Fireman Bob said, "Look, I can do better than that. If you'll have him ready by seven o'clock Wednesday morning, we'll make him an honorary Fireman for the whole day. He can come down to the fire station, eat with us, go out on all the fire calls, the whole nine yards! And if you'll give us his sizes, we'll get a real fire uniform for him, with a real fire hat - not a toy- one- with the emblem of the Phoenix Fire Department on it, a yellow slicker like we wear and rubber boots." They're all manufactured locally, so they can get it ordered and back pretty fast.

Three days later Fireman Bob picked up Billy, dressed him in his uniform, and escorted him from his hospital bed the waiting hook and ladder truck. Billy got to sit on the back of the truck and help steer it back to the fire station. He was in heaven. There were three fire calls in Phoenix that day and Billy got to go out on all three calls.

He rode in the different fire engines, the Paramedic's van, and even the Fire Chief's car. He was also videotaped for the local news program.

Having his dream come true, with all the love and attention that was lavished upon him, so deeply touched Billy, that he lived three months longer than any doctor thought possible.

One night all of his vital signs began to drop dramatically and the head nurse, who believed in the Hospice concept - that no one should die alone, began to call the family members to the hospital. Then she remembered the day Billy had spent as a Fireman, so she called the Fire Chief and asked if it would be possible to send a fireman in uniform to the hospital to be with Billy as he made his transition.

The Chief replied, "We can do better than that. We'll be there in five minutes. Will you please do me a favor? When you hear the sirens screaming and see the lights flashing, will you announce over the PA system that there is not a fire?" 'It's the Department coming to see one of its finest members one last time. And will you open the window to his room?'

About five minutes later a hook and ladder truck arrived at the hospital and extended its ladder up to Billy's third floor open window - SIXTEEN fire-fighters climbed up the ladder in to Billy's room. With his mother's permission, they hugged him and told him how much they LOVED him.

With his dying breath, Billy looked up and the Fire Chief and said, "Chief, and I really a Fireman now?" 'Billy, you are, and the Head Chief, Jesus, is holding your hand', the Chief said.

With those words, Billy smiled and said, "I know, He's been holding my hand all day, and the angels have been singing." He then closed his eyes one last time.

Pour Your Heart Out Wednesday w/Shell (Get out the tissues! It's a tear-jerker.)

It's Wednesday, and it's anything that YOU consider pouring your heart out about today, as well. There isn't ever a theme or topic that you have to blog about- it's completely a personal thing. If you wish to participate, please feel free to click on the POUR YOUR HEART OUT button above and you will get all the info on this carnival that you need.

Seeing what Angel is going through, with her mom having a heart attack and Angel's sheer will to be "the rock", had me going back through time. To twenty years ago in to my past (will be 21 in October).

To this day, I remember waking up to my dad yelling at my mom to "wake up" over and over at six in the morning, along with that loud banging noise he kept making on the coffee table beside her.

When I had gotten up and went to the living room, I saw my mother sitting there. But it wasn't her. By that time that damage was done and it was too late. She sat in the chair of her's for HOURS before the discovery by my father. She was in and out of conscientious, you had to yell at her for her to hear you, she wasn't able to speak or move one side of her body. Hours later, after she was taken to the hospital, I sat in her chair to get ready for the day, only to realized she lost her ability to hold urine, being I sat in pee that SOAKED the chair.

Later on in the day, I found out that my forty-three-year-old mother suffered a massive stroke and survived it.

To have to see her in the hospital, and then the Rehab/Nursing Home Center crushed me. I was only twelve years old at the time. Later in life, I did find out she tried to starve herself to death, being she didn't want to live that way. She felt like she was a burden to both myself and my father. Near the end she had to be trached (a tube placed in her throat to help her breath) thanks to the paralysis harming her lungs, as well as STILL near the end, battling lung infections.

For all the times that I went to see her, before leaving I always told her "see you later". And she was in the hospital for twenty-eight days (Rehab Center, actually).

But on that last Saturday, which was her last, full day of life, I told her, with no one else around that it was "okay to go home". I gave her the RIGHT to die. I gave her the PERMISSION she seeked from my father. When I did, I let her know we (Dad and I) would be okay and that I understood.

Under that, though, in my mind I could hear myself getting angry. I did NOT want her to leave me. Not yet. And I resented my father, who must not have cared (in my mind) enough to let her go and be in peace. Why ME? I was only twelve. A child. And I had to do some VERY grown-up things at that time of my life. Both with her in the hospitals and after her death.

What did she do to deserve her fate? And what did I do to have to live my life without my mother, and see her slowly rot away for a month, and could do NOTHING for her, but release her.

As I have gotten older, I have learned some valuable lessons. Starting back twenty years ago, as I loved my mother the best that I could for that last month, before I actually of all the times, on her last day of life said "good-bye, Mom", instead of "see you later".

1) Life will NEVER be fair to you.

2) We all will lose those that we love and cherish in this life. No way around that.

3) Be strong. But learn to let it go and stop being other's rocks, to take time for YOU.

4) We will always have "WHY?" moments. And not all of them will have an answer.

5) Yes, the pain of loss does go away. But NEVER, EVER completely. A piece of your heart will ALWAYS hurt and yearn.

6) Timing is not always on our side. Feel blessed when it is, and ask for courage and strength to walk through the fire when it isn't.

7) It's okay to be angry and/or sad. Even twenty years later.

8) Doctors are not God. They can only do so much. After that it's up to the patient and up to God what happens from there. There is nothing you can do about it.

9) Life's lemmons sometimes stay sour, no matter how much sugar you add. You still have to drink it.

10) Trials by fire don't ALWAYS leave you burned at the stake. Good can come from tragedy. Like a new lease on your life and three kids, with a wonderful husband to boot.

Devotional Sunday (1 John 3:18)

Children. They are our most precious commodity in this world. They daily show us unconditional love. They bring joy and happiness to our lives.

If only those of us in the world can be more like them. Their view of the world is pure and innocent. So are their hearts.

1 John 3:18
Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.


Actions really do speak louder than words. Even small children know this. Words can cut deep like a knife and drive directly in to the soul.

As I grew up, I had required medical intervention via a tracheotomy to help me keep air circulating through my lungs. So, I had a visible impairment, being that the "bolus" of the trach was on the outside of my throat.

Needless to say, men, women and children alike gawked, stared, snickered, sneered, giggled under their breath as they cupped their mouths to not let us see.

Then there were those, again adults and children alike, that made it no secret of how they thought of my parents letting me out of the house "looking like that" and using me as the butt of their god-awful jokes.

The children don't come out of the womb thinking, acting, and speaking in that manner. It was taught. Through the tongue of their parents. Their actions were of a lesser heartened person. So really deep down, I never truly blamed the children. I blamed those that are the "best" teachers (besides the Lord)...Their parents.

In all of this what made it worse? That I would see these kids, along with their parents in CHURCH! Talk about hypocrisy at its finest.

So yes, words of the tongue are sharper than any sword. Actions, depending on what it is, can be a softener. Words can never be taken back. So, speak through the tongue with love. And you will get love back in return.

Testimony Sunday (1 Peter 1:6-7...Grief, Loss & Suffering)

<sup>This week's verse...

6</sup>In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. ⁷These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

I know of this passage quite well within my life. Within my thirty-three years on this earth, I have already lost my Maternal Grandparents, never knew my Grandfather's (but have 'felt them' near), my Mother, my Paternal Grandmother and two pregnancies, and my Paternal Great-Grandfather.


With the exception of my Grandfathers, my Maternal Grandmother (too young) and my Great-Grandfather (again, too young to understand), my Christian faith was rocked to the core from these losses. Especially the loss of my mother and my last miscarriage in 2003.


For years after my mom's passing I despised God, His love, and anything else to do with Him. I wanted nothing of Christ. He had nothing to offer me. Except pain, grief and internal agony within my spirit and my heart.


The Lord made me suffer within some very deep Valleys. I saw the Mountain tops. Every time I would get halfway back up that Mountain, it seemed that the Lord would push me off a cliff, back down to the Valley floor.


It took a few years worth of soul searching, internal 'tug-of-wars' and finally seeing God's Truths behind Satan's snares and lies that the demon fed me. 


You know the kinds..."If God really loved you, He would not have taken all those people away. Especially you mother and baby". "God is punishing you for being a bratty child, so he took your mother for all the lies you told her". Those are just a couple of the thoughts that I had...The 'gem' of them all came when I lost my second pregnancy. "The Lord has taken away your child because you are not worthy of His love. An eye for an eye. You rejected Him, now He has given the ultimate punishment....Your child for His".


It took much prayer, much Scripture reading and much one-on-one with my Heavenly Father to finally realize that none of the above was true.


What is true now, as it was back then is that He will test you. He will put you through "trials by fire" and He knows that you indeed will suffer. Loss, grief, anger due to the loss, and walk through some pretty deep Valleys in order to climb to the top of that Mountain.


But never once will He forsake you. He is with you every step. Even when it seems that you are alone. Jesus Christ is there. And in the end, when your grief and suffering are over, He will be there waiting to take you in His arms and let you know that He never leaves His children to ever fully fend for themselves. And that the Mountain Top is always attainable for all.

Testimony Sunday (Exodus 15:13)

It's certainly been a while since I have done my Sunday post. So, let's see if I can start this again to go on a regular basis.

The following Bible passage from Exodus really speaks volumes. It regards to love. Not the love of God solely, or the love of your husband or wife, or even your children. But the love for others and for mankind.

Exodus 15:13
"In your unfailing love you will lead the people you have redeemed. In your strength you will guide them to your holy dwelling."


If the above verse doesn't speak volumes to you, then I think that there is something wrong. You, we, us, the people shall show the way to the Lord through our compassion, our actions, and by showing our fellow man LOVE.

Not judgment, fire and brimstone and damnation.

When I was a small child, my grandmother, Mary, who was a very devout Catholic forced me to go to Sunday Mass, and in turn was forcing my parents to let me go, even though, they did not particularly practice the faith any longer.

As I grew, she would do the "fire and brimstone" act upon me if I had done something wrong. And would tell me that I had hurt God's heart, and that He would not accept me in to His Kingdom if I didn't stop sinning.

By adulthood, she and I would clash almost on a daily basis while she lived with me and my father after my mother's death, and his remarriage. It had gotten so bad, I finally moved out just to be free of her "saving ways".

Yes, my Grandmother loved me. No denying on that. But, she was more concerned with saving my soul then leading me with a loving heart. Instead of leading me to God and my faith in Him, she forced me to look away and turn my back.

It made her even more angry that I was angry for a long period of my life with Christ, being that He "took my mother from me". I lashed out in many ways, even to the point of cursing God.

One thing I never lost, even though I was spiritually lost, was my love of my fellow man. My faith, love, and acceptance of other how they are had never once wavered.

Today, I am over my "blue period" of having a tug-of-war with my spiritual faith. And I lead others to the Lord not through forceful means. But by telling my story of my life, and all of the blessings within it.

From my birth, where I wasn't expected to live past the first twenty-four to forty-eight hours...All the way up to most recently, my sight being restored and saved, thanks to a miraculously successful Corneal Transplant that was done against all odds to a point of most likely not being successful.

God is love. And we have been made in His image. He shows us love daily. Is it wrong that we should show the same to our fellow brothers and sisters?

Trials, Tribulations, and Test-Taking

This is a subject that I had touched on yesterday in my secondary blog...

Resigning to Fate. 

We all at some point in our lives will have to do this. Some sooner than others. Some in a higher fashion than others. Some with more pain or hurt than others.

So to get the following on FaceBook's application, "God Wants You To Know" this morning, it was even more clear than ever to me.

On this day, God wants you to know...

... that today you have a cause for celebration. Today, you should celebrate what an unbelievable life you have had so far: the accomplishments, the many blessings, and, yes, even the hardships because they have served to make you stronger. Just as a gem cannot be polished without friction, nor can a life be perfected without trials. Take a time to acknowledge your life and to praise yourself.

Sit there and really think about this. How does that passage fit in to your life, and the lives of your family.

Personally, I have had many ups and downs. Many trials, that most people would just crawl in to a hole, bury themselves, and never even attempt to crawl out. And this last 'trial' of my strength, courage, faith, and to see how truly blessed I really am was severely put to the test.

Even today, I am dealing with a small...yes SMALL setback in my recovery from Corneal Transplant surgery. I'm just thankful it wasn't worse. Let alone rejection. Which can happen at any given point in my life. 

But I can't let that POSSIBILITY, which at this point has greatly lessened in chance stop me from living. It just means that I have to be vigilant and watch my eye more closely from now on.

No matter what trials and tribulations come your way, you must take it in stride. Those things that you think will make you weak, will in actuality make you a stronger person, and more recognizing of what people and blessings you do have, compared to what you did lose, and might lose.

Believe me, I know all too well what I am talking of. 

"When life hands you lemons..."

Don't you just love cliches? I do, for the most part anyways.

But, then again, I had so many lemons handed to me in this lifetime, which probably isn't quite half way over with yet, the cliche gets a bit tiring after a while.

At birth, I had fluid on my right lung, an esophugus that was basically torn in two, was a 'preemie' by 1976's standards and weighed only four whole pounds.

Oh, did I mention that that fluid severely collapsed my lung? So... Off to Santa Clara Medical I was flown by chopper. The staff told my father to not even expect me to survive the flight, let alone the surgery....Then to not expect me to live past the first 24 for 48 hours after that...And so on. 

Get the picture here?

Move it along to when I was just shy by a couple of months basically of turning the big 1-3. My mother suffered a traumatic stroke on October 1st, 1989. In the early morning hours, not long after midnight, on October 29th, not quite a whole month later, my mother passed away from the complications she incurred. 

Then, it was just me and my father, living life to the best of our ability, on our own (so to speak).

Almost twenty years later, I start getting strange infections in my left eye. Of course, it was all the signs of Pink Eye. But instead another kind of infection. So we treat it through my Opthomologist. 


Just over a year later, I get another "attack", so I gear up to see the good doctor again, to get more medicine. But, I also like an idiot, poked myself in the bad eye while scratching my eyebrow. 


After being sent to a Specialist, I find out that I perforated the eaten-away Cornea (window on the outside that keeps outside infections...out). So off to North Carolina's Duke University Medical Center I go.


They tried "gluing" the hole shut, in hopes that it repaired its self at best. Or at worst, hold it shut for the infection to go, as to do a Corneal Transplant.


Of course!...My luck had it that three days later, I get to go back to Duke for an emergency Corneal Transplant.


As fate would also have it, the surgery was done exactly 20 years later, to the day, that my mother had passed away.


She taught me, as did life its self that we all will have those sour lemon moments in our lives. At different intervals, there will be trials. We will at times be defeated. But mostly, we will defeat them! 


It's just all in how you use those lemons. Make that sweet lemonade. Or, use them to be a sour-soul.

Testimony Sunday...On MONDAY?!

Sorry about the delay, folks! I had other things going on yesterday and it completely slipped my mind to do my TS post.

So...it looks like you are getting Testimony Sunday on MONDAY! Ready? I think it's a pretty good one, if I don't say so myself. (=

(From 'God Wants You To Know' application on FaceBook.com)....

 On this day, God wants you to know...

... that you are unique and precious. When you try to value yourself for being the best in something, you are bound to fail. Even Olympic champions are the best only for a few years. You are precious to God not because there is no one better than you, but because you are a unique creation of mind, body and spirit, - th...ere is no one like you, - and that is exactly what makes you so indescribably precious.

 

Pretty powerful words, aren't they? And oh so very true at that. No one can be "perfect" or "best" at all things. We all have our unique gifts that God has chosen for us.

 

Some of us may only possess one special talent. Some of us may behold more than one gift. But, all of us do have one thing in common....

 

We are all unique. Especially to God. He made us all in His image. But He also made us all very differently. Even Identical Twins are 'unique' in their personalities and can have completely different interests and talents.

 

For my talents, I know that they were passed down from a couple to three generations ago. My Great-Grandmother was a famous Playwright in the 1930's and 40's, primarily in Chicago. 

 

To this day, I still have some of her Play Manuscripts and Scripts that were HAND WRITTEN by her stored. She had beautiful writing, to say the least. Along with the newspaper clippings about her Plays, and their reviews.

 

When I was in school, my strongest subject always revolved around the English language and writing. This included writing, punctuation, and English Literature. I love many of the classics, such as "Old Yeller" and "To Kill A Mockingbird" and the timelss classic literary arts of Mark Twain. That's just to name a few.

 

Math on the other hand is a completely different subject (pun intended here!) for me. I am so bad at math, except for the basics, that the numbers run away when they see me coming for them. As does Geography. Mountians move on. And not by the Lord's hand. But from fear of me and how bad I will screw up the naming of where they are located. 

 

So, enjoy your uniqueness and your special talents. Because God made you just the way He intended. He has you using special talents everyday. Hidden and not-so-hidden ones. 

 

 

The following video is kind of an off-shoot of my previous post.

Even though the song talks of a love gone bad, where the person she thought he was, wasn't, and that the one who hurt her won't see her inner torture, it really explains how exactly I felt after my mother's passing where God was concerned in my life at that time, and for some years after....



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=svxP2LjBg_4




Lyrics to "Behind These Hazel Eyes" (sung by Kelly Clarkson)


Seems like just yesterday


You were a part of me

I used to stand so tall

I used to be so strong

Your arms around me tight

Everything, it felt so right

Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong

Now I can't breathe

No, I can't sleep

I'm barely hanging on



Here I am, once again

I'm torn into pieces

Can't deny it, can't pretend

Just thought you were the one

Broken up, deep inside

But you won't get to see the tears I cry

Behind these hazel eyes



I told you everything

Opened up and let you in

You made me feel alright

For once in my life

Now all that's left of me

Is what I pretend to be

So together, but so broken up inside

'Cause I can't breathe

No, I can't sleep

I'm barely hangin' on



Here I am, once again

I'm torn into pieces

Can't deny it, can't pretend

Just thought you were the one

Broken up, deep inside

But you won't get to see the tears I cry

Behind these hazel eyes



Swallow me then spit me out

For hating you, I blame myself

Seeing you it kills me now

No, I don't cry on the outside

Anymore...



Here I am, once again

I'm torn into pieces

Can't deny it, can't pretend

Just thought you were the one

Broken up, deep inside

But you won't get to see the tears I cry

Behind these hazel eyes



Here I am, once again

I'm torn into pieces

Can't deny it, can't pretend

Just thought you were the one

Broken up, deep inside

But you won't get to see the tears I cry

Behind these hazel eyes

Testimony Sunday

(From 'God Wants You To Know' application on FaceBook)

"On this day, God wants you to know...

... that all is well. What could you not accept, if you but knew that everything that happens, all events, past, present, and to come, are gently planned by One Whose only purpose is your good?"
 
 All I could say when I first read this one was a huge "WOW!!". How powerful to me those words are. And they really hit home for me.
 
When I was born, I had birth defects internally. By medical standards, I wasn't supposed to live past my first twenty four to fourty eight hours of life. Then, not more than a month to maybe a year.
 
That was almost thirty three years ago.
 
My mother passed away when I was almost shy of becoming thirteen. That is when the doubting and anger started. Not at her. Not at myself. But at God.
 
He ruined my life. He ruined my plans. He ruined everything for me in that one moment in time. He took my mother and everything ahead I had seen coming. My Prom, graduation, marriage. All the things that a mother is supposed to be there for when her daughter gets to those milestones in her life.
 
For not just months, but for years after, I hated the Lord. I hated Him with a passion for turning on me as He did (in my eyes). What He had done to me was beyond cruel.
 
It wasn't until that final internal battle for my soul, years after my mother's death, between Satan's lies, and the Lord's Truth, both speaking to me, that I had seen the light clearly.
 
When that moment came, and I realized that it was just all a small part in God's huge plan for me, the anger, the resentment, the pain all subsided. In an instant, I felt freer than I had for such a long time. Because I had seen that my mother's death was leading to better things down the road for me.
 
My mother was overly protective. Understandably so, I may say. I guess I would be as well, if my child had the problems I did. But it hendered my childhood, and my overall recovery process.
 
After her death, I was able to get my trach removed, and closed. I went on to have a family of my own (that I was told would not be medically possible), and have recieved a second chance to see with a Corneal Transplant on my left eye on the date of mom's passing (10/29/89).
 
It's hard at times, knowing she is missing the beautiful life that I have. But I also know deep down she sees all of us. And that God is not finished with the bigger plans of my life.
 
Because all the little bumps and twists ARE a small, entrical piece of the bigger picture.