Putting My Worst Face Foward...

I didn't always see myself as "pretty". In honestly any sense of the word.

I was your average American tomboy girl. I loved being barefoot, in jeans or shorts and a comfy shirt. I hated dresses and makeup. In fact, I rarely, if ever wear either of the latter to this day. And I'm about to turn thirty-five.

As a teen, I had your basic teen acne. Or so I'd thought. I had some pretty icky breakouts. Especially around the time of a hormonal flux at the nearing of my menstrual cycle.

After years of trying everything, by my 19th birthday, it all just went away. I went on with my life. Had gotten married, had a child, divorced. Remarried, had two more children. Also I'd lost a child in between the middle and youngest.

That's also when my breakouts came back. Right near the loss of that baby in 2003. And they came back with a vengeance.

After having my youngest child, who is now seven years old, and in the First Grade, things only had become worse. But I figured that over time, with my hormones getting back to a normal level, everything would just clear up again.

Oh how WRONG was I with that assumption. If anything, they had become worse.

By the time she was a year old, my face went to looking like this with Rosacea...

And yes, it steadily got worse than this. To the point that it hurt me emotionally, psychologically and even socially.

I hated leaving my home. I didn't like to be out in public. Not looking like that! People would stare. Little children would ask what happened to my face, as they pointed and had that look of disgust upon their faces.

There were times that I was even embarrassed to be around my family, wondering what they thought of how I looked. On occasion certain members of the family would "grill" me on what I ate, what I used to clean my face and whatnot.

I did NOTHING wrong. I ate NOTHING wrong. It was NOT my fault. But it certainly felt like I did SOMETHING wrong.

Eventually the Rosacea went in to an area of the body I had NEVER heard of it even being possible.

My eyes. But it primarily attacked my left eyeball. And I went to a Ophthalmologist who sadly MISTREATED me for the wrong infection. In the end, the Ocular Rosacea (Subtype 4) ate away most of the cornea (outer window of the pupil that is your eye's lens) in the left eye.

At times, my face looked like this man's...

And yes, my eye would like like the one in this picture...

In the end, after my cornea had perforated (had a hole in it), I looked like this..

Not even two weeks later, thanks to Ocular Rosacea eating away my cornea, I had no choice but to have an emergency-based Corneal Transplant (Keratoplasty) and required a full graft of another person's cornea after they had died and were an organ/tissue donor.

Here I am 2-weeks post-op...

And here I am 2 YEARS later...

As for the Rosacea, it is now under control!! I am on Doxycycline pills. And will most likely be on and off of them for the rest of my life.

Plus, soon, seeing as I can no longer have children, we are going to try a cream medication after removing me from the Doxycycline pills in a few months. And if need be, I may even end up being on both to ensure that when I have an "attack of the pimple kind", it will not be that bad, and will be staved off from being inside my eye.

Here I am today, pimple/Rosacea free (for the most part)...

I still have breakouts. Mainly around my cycle. But it's now just a bump here and a bump there. Yes, they CAN be painful, swelled and very red. But at least I'm NOWHERE near as horrible looking as back in the time of my youngest being a baby.

I'm more confident, knowledgeable about my conditions and am no longer afraid to walk out of my home, only to face ridicule from strangers young and old.

I'm "Pouring Out My Heart" as I am "Cleaning Out My Closet".

I decided to "double dip" today, which is really a rare thing. Today, this post will serve as both a participant in Shell's



..and For The Love Of Blog's (Vic's)



As most of my readers know, I required a Corneal Transplant back in October of 2009. I had a bad infection invade the eye its self, then it also eroded the cornea. But I perforated the entire cornea when I accidentally poked myself in the eye.

While I have fairly good eyesight (colors, some shape, light) I still have problems. One being a cataract that will eventually need removal. I still have eight of sixteen stithces left to go.

I have my good days. But lately, I have had a rough go. I don't often complain on here or on Facebook or Twitter. I don't want to sound like a "whiner".

And most people, if they don't understand that a transplant is NOT a "cure all" think that the recipient must be ALWAYS happy and feel "lucky".

In all honesty, lately I've had some trouble where infection is TRYING to attack again. Not bad, but in an annoying way. I am working on getting it calmed as we speak.Add in sinus trouble also making my eye a bit unnerved and it's an all out "party"

Sometimes, I wish that they did take the eye. Then I'd have no more drops, no more stitches needing to removed. No cataract to be taken out. No mounting doctor bills for "after care" that constantly come at me. And no chance of needing a SECOND transplant later on down the road.

Is it selfish and ungrateful of me to think and feel this way? Maybe. But I also feel that my children have been through enough with their mother having one set back after another with her eye in one way or another.

Yes, I am so very thankful to my donor and their family. Without their gift, I would have no sight at all. But also my children and I are paying a price. As is my husband. Not just monetarily.

Organ and tissue transplants are not the cure all to the problem with that organ or tissue. In fact, you go from having one set of problems, to a new kind of set. Mainly dealing with the chance of rejection. It CAN happne a day later or many years down the road. And we live in the thought of "is this the day that it all goes downhill and we have to start over again?". It's not a life I wish on anyone. Even for "just an eye".

I'm angry. At my skin condition that invaded my eye. I'm angry at myself for not getting that under control sooner. I'm angry that my body turned against me. I'm angry that another family had to suffer a loss. I'm angry that it took someone to die for me to be able to see with both of my eyes.

While I may smile and "look" or even "sound" happy on the outside, inside, especially right now, I'm screaming and seething. Because right now, I feel that I have lost a battle (again) that I have fought hard to win and overcome for the last year and a half.

One Hot Mama!...I'm Pretty Ticked & Heed My Warning.

If I could, I would have this shooting out of my head..

And have these shooting from my eyes...

Why?

Because, for the now third or fourth time, my local Walgreen's Pharmacist has messed up. It's one thing to miscount the number of pills. It's also one thing to not even fill one of them. Heck, it's even one thing to place your child's medications in the WRONG "filled and ready to go" bins.

But when your "mistake" at reading the prescription goes as far as one, filling it with the WRONG refill number, as well as with the WRONG DOSE, that is when I am DONE.

And that is also when I write to Corporate Office, and to the District Office, and to the Local Store. Yep. Every single level of Walgreen's got a copy of my letter of complaint about this "mix up".

The medications that my child is on are pretty "powerful" and can have some pretty bad side effects if given wrong. The one that was completely dispensed wrong can hurt his Blood Pressure or even his heart.

What SHOULD HAVE BEEN 2 mg. of a dose at 2 refills was ACTUALLY FILLED as 3 mg. dose with 3 refills.

How does someone read a "copy" wrong? When in doubt CALL THE DOCTOR that prescribed the medication, THEN proceed to fill it. It's not rocket science.

Please, my readers, for your safety and for the safety of your family, especially your children, READ LABELS on the medication bottles. Every time. No matter how many times you filled the same medication.

Here is a copy of my letter to all of the branches of Wallgreen's...

To Whom It May Concern,

I'm writing to complain about the (now) third or fourth "accident" in regards to my son's medications being improperly filled.

My nine-year-old is on medications that can have a great impact on his heart and his blood pressure.

His Intuniv was filled COMPLETELY wrong. I was supposed to have 2 mg dose with 2 refills. Instead I received 3 mg dose and 3 refills.

I cannot tell who had filled my son's medications last night, seeing as you do not have your Pharmacists place their names on the prescriptions that they are having to fill. That alone to me, is discouraging. Because I now cannot tell you in fact WHO ACTUALLY filled my child's medications.

At this time I am NOT "taking my business else where", but do know that I will NOT be talking very kindly about your store, and especially not in regards to this branch.

When filling medications, it means that your staff is literally holding their customer's/patient's lives in their hands. Including children.

Thank you,
Melissa C

Friend In Need Of Support...And A Gripe On Behalf Of Hubby

First of all, a dear friend of mine that I have known since the CafeMom days (like 3 YEARS now!) is in need of some mondo support, prayers and good thoughts/vibes.

Her name is Angel and she also blogs. Feel free to check her out over at Angel Believes.

This morning, I had read a post that she made last night. It is speaking about one of her sisters. Apparently, doctors had found a suspicious mass within her head, that has been causing severe migraines. Now, the sister must undergo a battery of tests to see if it has entered the brain cavity and if it's the dreaded "C-word",from there, then do what is needed.

So, I am asking you all to PLEASE go over and give her some words of encouragement and support.

Now (!!*WARNING*!! Strong Language Ahead!)...

Over on FaceBook, I am a 'fan' of Kroger. For one thing, I am a *former* employee. Two, my husband is still an employee. Three, thanks to his hard work and dedication, we get a discount on ALL Kroger products along with the current sale price. Four, I just love shopping there.

Lately, I have seen some real Scrooges over on the Wall and within the Kroger page's Discussion Board. Some "now former" and disgruntled "current" shoppers of the retail chain have been real assholes. No lie!

I'm tired of seeing one post over there after another blaming Management and the employees for every single damn thing that goes wrong. Including product weight changes, Gift Card Policy, other Return Policy rules and even store remodeling.

Come on, people!!! THINK before you start jabbering your jaws (more like fingers if on the computer) and bitching about things in the WRONG manner. Honestly it will get you NOWHERE with Management or Sale Floor/Department employees. It just makes you look like a jackass.

When it comes to what is sent, versus what is left out, that is NOT Management or employee fault...That is WAREHOUSE idiots. And when it is NATIONAL Brand, please, do NOT complain and bitch out the STORE employees. That has to be taken up with the National Product Vendor for THAT item!

Remodels...NOT IN EMPLOYEE/MANAGEMENT control, either. That is CORPORATE level.

Return/GIFT CARD Policy...Corporate's rules. NOT store-level things.

Also, I can personally tell you, as a *former* employee of Kroger and of other retail chains in my years, if you bitch, nag, gripe, cuss out and yell at the employees or Management Team, you will get NOWHERE. They will tell you that they will contact Corporate and whatever else needed to as to shut you the hell up.

Why? Because you were RUDE. And we are HUMAN just like those that come in the store. And like YOU, us "lackeys" have feelings and they CAN and often DO get hurt because some asswipe decided that acting like a spoiled little brat would get them what they want.

WRONG!

When you as a customer talk calmly, civilly and in an adult-like manner, we (employees and Management alike) are MORE than willing to listen, be attentive, and are more able to HELP resolve your issue.

Even with Product Vendors. We can RELAY messages or even CALL THEM personally right then and there to see what can be done with the problem at hand.

It's all in how the CUSTOMER chooses to interact with the store's employees.

In a nutshell, the moral of the story is...

Retail employees and their Management Team have NO control with what CORPORATE level says (that includes Zone Managers). And they EXPECT to be treated with RESPECT and with KINDNESS. Just like you, the CUSTOMER expects to be treated.

After all, my husband is a hard working family man in retail who is only like everyone else in this country, trying to provide for his family, has feelings and is a hard worker who is only doing what he is told to do.

The End.

Handicap Parking & The "Not So" Disabled

I know a while back somewhere along the line, I had touched on this subject. But seeing as I hate "recycling" posts and honestly, I really don't wish to go through my previous 192 posts to find the sucker, I shall write about Handicap Parking Spaces...again.

Thanks to someone I follow on Twitter, who shall remain nameless (and genderless) as to protect their identity, the subject has once more come to me, especially with Christmas shopping in full swing and the fact that some shoppers can be real humbugs about parking lots and parking spaces.

My Mother and Father-In-Law both have poor health. Primarily my Mother-In-Law. She has Systemic Lupus. Systemic Lupus affects all the main organs (including lungs and heart), as well as muscles throughout the body. She literally is drained even after a short shopping trip for groceries. It doesn't take much for her to tire out or to bruise, or get sore throughout her body.

When she goes to public places, she parks in Handicap stalls. She looks fine. She walks fine. She sees and hears just fine. She walks (for the most part) fine. But indeed, she IS legally disabled.

No one can see (unless you REALLY know her, or of her condition) her internal handicap. Her illness that is tucked within her own body.

So, when she climbs out of her van and starts walking "normally" in to the store, I have been witness to a few stares and sneers. People in general think that she is just being lazy.

Yes, she is heavy set (not fat), but that is NOT due to being "lazy" or over eating, seeing as she has to watch her intake, due to her Colostomy Bag (that she craps in to, having only two INCHES of her colon, thanks to cancer). The Lupus plays with your weight as well.

And it can mess up her breathing. After a while, you can hear her breaths get heavier, as she tires. Hence why her trips to the store are as minimal as she can make them.

When I was little (as in a toddler), I was allowed to be on "Day Trips" from the hospital (for new readers, I didn't go home until I was almost 3 YEARS old, due to many medical problems at birth). My parents had a Handicap Sticker to use when I was with them, seeing as I had to have my medical equipment close by in the car in case I had a breathing situation (a suctioning machine for my trache).

An elderly lady called the police on my parents (I know I spoke of this last time lol) because she didn't see where any of us were handicapped and "required" a spot for those that were REALLY handicapped.

Needless to say, my parents were caught off guard when a Police Officer side stepped them inside the store and let them know what was transpiring. After hearing this, my mother took me (in the cart) and walked off to "cool down" after eying the lady that made the report.

My poor dad. He had to take the officer outside and SHOW HIM the equipment, sitting there on the floorboard of the back seat area of the car. The Police Officer thanked him and apologized for the intrusion and the trouble (as well as the embarrassment) that the situation caused.

After going back inside, the officer pulled the lady aside and let her have it for being a nosy old bag. He even took HER to see that INDEED I was LEGALLY afforded that spot and why. Also, she got a better look at ME, sitting in the cart and started to cry (by my understanding of what my dad said), all the while apologizing to my parents.

My mother walked off without accepting the apology, due to the humiliation and the rudeness of the woman in the first place. Plus, it kept Mom from wanting to punch the old woman (by what was told).

So, the next time you see someone parking in a designated Handicap spot, don't be so quick to judge by their outward appearance. You don't know their full medical history and what may be going on internally.

Believe me when I say that there are days when I really wish I had a sticker/plate due to my son and his "outbursts" (due to his mental disorders that LEGALLY make him 'disabled' by our state) that he has. I'd be able to get him out of where we are and out to the car MUCH quicker when an episode hits. Most of the time, we are parked most of the way towards the end of the lot area. Just my luck I guess.

ADHD...

As a mother, it is hard to watch your child struggle. What are ordinary, everyday tasks and expectations to us, is a ball of confusion and frustration for our kids.

Sitting still. Focusing. Being organized. Paying attention to the instructor. Following multiple directions at a rapid pace.

Sounds like a lot, and even a bit confusing to you? I'm sure that it does. But to my son, and to millions of other children in the United States alone, it is a hardship for them every single day to keep up with those tasks while in the classroom, and even at home.

Constantly, I have to remind my hyper, active, not-very-attentive son to complete this task first, so he can move on to the next. Then, after that, I have to remind him to let me check his work against his Agenda, to ensure that he completed the assignments. Then, and only then, may he have his computer or his TV time.

The same goes for his household chores. And the teachers have to stay on top of Bryce as well, being he can fall off of the track pretty quick, and pretty often.

Case in point.. Bryce was found to be sitting in the hall, by his Science and Social Studies Teacher's room. Apparently, he was disrupting the class and "poking at" one girl constantly. After being told to finally move himself to an area where he could be alone, he started to bawl and be belligerent. So, the teacher sent him to the hall.

Then, at snack time, when the Mixed Berries were passed out, he couldn't have any, being that the kitchen never made him a separate bowl without the Blackberries, being he is allergic to them. He went buck wild, pitching a fit, not concentrating on the teacher's explanation, and saying he was being abused because she was "starving" him.

It's not ALL stemming from his ADHD. The lashing out is from another disorder he is inflicted with. But the "poking" of the child, his fidgeting, his lack of concentration, and organization skills, as well as his hyperness, even in his talking to others is a part of the ADHD that he has. Bryce has the more severe form of the disorder.

And yes, he is on medication therapy for it. He takes Vyvanse in the morning, before school. His Intuniv is taken before bedtime. It also serves as a sleep aide, being that his brain stays in "overdrive". The Intuniv relaxes the centers in the brain to control his sleep pattern. And it helps him focus on going to sleep, along with his bedtime routine rituals.

One thing that I have noted the last few years, as the parent of an ADHD child that is medicated, is that most (not all, mind you) teachers think that the medication is the "magic cure-all" for the ADHD while the child is in their classroom. That cannot be further from the truth.

While the medications DO help the child stay focused, attentive, and with less likelihood to blurt out or talk out of turn (or even go way off the topic at hand), the medicines can only control those points to a certain extent.

The remainder of the ADHD child's success relies upon both the child's willingness to gain SELF-control and SELF-discipline, as well as the teacher's willingness to work with the child to achieve those same goals that ADHD students need to be successful students.

This may mean giving the ADHD child a separate desk area, where fellow students will not be a distraction. Or even asking the child if the student is understanding and able to follow the lesson. The teacher can't be "all mouth". They must be about action as well. This means walking around, using hand gestures. Anything to keep the ADHD child engaged in the lesson.

On average, the typical ADHD child can give you no more than fifteen minutes of their attention. For the ones with severe ADHD, you are lucky, and I mean LUCKY, to get ten minutes of their attention, being most severe cases have an attention span of only five minutes.

Too many teachers rely on medication therapy. And anti-medicating advocates talk about us parents? MOST of us parents tried EVERYTHING else under the sun for our children BEFORE going the "pill route".

Our child's first line of defense of course, are the parents. Then, the doctors and therapeutic team. Teachers though, as well as the other school staff round out the team for these kids. We ALL have to work together to help these children with ADHD be successful . Within the classroom setting, as well as out in the community and within the world.

So, remember that while ADHD medications DO help, it's far from being the "cure-all" route of having a successful child. One-on-one working with your child (or student, if that is the case), providing the appropriate tools for success, and helping them to build their SELF-esteem and SELF-control are the REAL keys for having an ADHD child that is well-rounded, adjusted, organized and an overall good student in the classroom and beyond.

WIMTS (What I Meant To Say) Wednesday with Angel..Hearing Aide, Anyone?

Have you had to vigorously bite your tongue this past week (Thursday-Tuesday)? Did you say what you HAD to say, but didn't say what you WANTED to say to someone? Then, here's your chance!

Just click on the linky-button below, and grab a button from Angel, and start posting what YOU *meant* to say, but didn't, thanks to the little thing called 'socially acceptable behavior and language'.



BUT! Before you run off to spout off to the boss, the spouse, the kids, and the ex's dog, see what I have to say first. Especially if this is your first time.


The other day, I had called University of Virginia (UVA) Medical Center's Dermatology Partners, where Skyler is scheduled to be seen on September First for her Molluscum Contagiosum (her severe wart problem), seeing as last week, I had to take her to the ER for a (still) suspicious rash she developed that was purple and almost black, with red dots.

The lady that handles scheduling picked up and asked what my needs were. From there, it just really went down hill. I said..

Hello, my name is Melissa Cowart. My daughter Skyler is to be seen on the first of September, but due to a "non-specific rash" she developed and was taken to the ERD for, I'd like to get her in sooner.

Well, the lady wanted her name and date of birth. Let's just say I didn't get to the date of birth part for a good while. Why? Because...

For one thing, whomever placed her in the system there, initially (and I *highly* suspect it is this woman I was speaking to) had spelled the girl's name wrong! My doctor made the referral appointment, not us. But when they entered her name, they used an 'a', not an 'e' in Skyl'e'r.

It got worse from there...I was asked to spell the last name (again). So I said, C-o-w-a-r-t. Not the hard, right? WRONG!

Lady said what? I said Cowar(t..as in Tom)...Lady said say it again.

By now I thought to myself this chick was effin deaf or just not paying attention. Maybe she was playing World Of Warcraft on the 'puter.

Finally, I broke it down and sad it like this... C..o...w (as in a DAIRY COW!)..a...r...t (as in a work of ART!).

Finally we got it all straight, then I was told after all the trouble, that I COULD NOT CHANGE IT!

I so very meant to say (after saying thanks and you WILL be hearing from the ped.'s office TODAY)...

WTF! I spent the last ten minutes spelling my last damn name because you have severe wax build up apparently. So for my trouble, you CANNOT change it to an earlier date. Especially being my kid developed something I DO NOT KNOW HOW SHE GOT IT??

You people are an effin joke. And as for you, missy! Lay off the damned WoW game while you are working, get the effin wax out of your ears, and go back to Comprehension and Typing School.

Did you get your Office Degree from a damned Cracker Jacks box? Or maybe from your Trix Cereal. Because whatever school you had to have gone to should NEVER have let you pass your courses.

...So, now I am on day two of waiting to hear from Skyler's regular doctor's office, as to if the UVA office will take her earlier. Even the Office Manager and the nurse got nowhere with these people.

Apparently, it's got to be a doc-to-doc convo. Nice! I *hate* dealing with Specialty Practice Doctors. Their heads are so swelled, and stuck so far up their ass, that it comes back up through their necks.

Pour Your Heart Out Wednesday w/Shell (Get out the tissues! It's a tear-jerker.)

It's Wednesday, and it's anything that YOU consider pouring your heart out about today, as well. There isn't ever a theme or topic that you have to blog about- it's completely a personal thing. If you wish to participate, please feel free to click on the POUR YOUR HEART OUT button above and you will get all the info on this carnival that you need.

Seeing what Angel is going through, with her mom having a heart attack and Angel's sheer will to be "the rock", had me going back through time. To twenty years ago in to my past (will be 21 in October).

To this day, I remember waking up to my dad yelling at my mom to "wake up" over and over at six in the morning, along with that loud banging noise he kept making on the coffee table beside her.

When I had gotten up and went to the living room, I saw my mother sitting there. But it wasn't her. By that time that damage was done and it was too late. She sat in the chair of her's for HOURS before the discovery by my father. She was in and out of conscientious, you had to yell at her for her to hear you, she wasn't able to speak or move one side of her body. Hours later, after she was taken to the hospital, I sat in her chair to get ready for the day, only to realized she lost her ability to hold urine, being I sat in pee that SOAKED the chair.

Later on in the day, I found out that my forty-three-year-old mother suffered a massive stroke and survived it.

To have to see her in the hospital, and then the Rehab/Nursing Home Center crushed me. I was only twelve years old at the time. Later in life, I did find out she tried to starve herself to death, being she didn't want to live that way. She felt like she was a burden to both myself and my father. Near the end she had to be trached (a tube placed in her throat to help her breath) thanks to the paralysis harming her lungs, as well as STILL near the end, battling lung infections.

For all the times that I went to see her, before leaving I always told her "see you later". And she was in the hospital for twenty-eight days (Rehab Center, actually).

But on that last Saturday, which was her last, full day of life, I told her, with no one else around that it was "okay to go home". I gave her the RIGHT to die. I gave her the PERMISSION she seeked from my father. When I did, I let her know we (Dad and I) would be okay and that I understood.

Under that, though, in my mind I could hear myself getting angry. I did NOT want her to leave me. Not yet. And I resented my father, who must not have cared (in my mind) enough to let her go and be in peace. Why ME? I was only twelve. A child. And I had to do some VERY grown-up things at that time of my life. Both with her in the hospitals and after her death.

What did she do to deserve her fate? And what did I do to have to live my life without my mother, and see her slowly rot away for a month, and could do NOTHING for her, but release her.

As I have gotten older, I have learned some valuable lessons. Starting back twenty years ago, as I loved my mother the best that I could for that last month, before I actually of all the times, on her last day of life said "good-bye, Mom", instead of "see you later".

1) Life will NEVER be fair to you.

2) We all will lose those that we love and cherish in this life. No way around that.

3) Be strong. But learn to let it go and stop being other's rocks, to take time for YOU.

4) We will always have "WHY?" moments. And not all of them will have an answer.

5) Yes, the pain of loss does go away. But NEVER, EVER completely. A piece of your heart will ALWAYS hurt and yearn.

6) Timing is not always on our side. Feel blessed when it is, and ask for courage and strength to walk through the fire when it isn't.

7) It's okay to be angry and/or sad. Even twenty years later.

8) Doctors are not God. They can only do so much. After that it's up to the patient and up to God what happens from there. There is nothing you can do about it.

9) Life's lemmons sometimes stay sour, no matter how much sugar you add. You still have to drink it.

10) Trials by fire don't ALWAYS leave you burned at the stake. Good can come from tragedy. Like a new lease on your life and three kids, with a wonderful husband to boot.

Just Because My Son Is Mentally Disabled, It Does *NOT* Give Him A "Free Pass".

For the most part, my son is a perfectly abled child, physically. Mentally, he is slow in maturity, behavior and socialization. As a plus though, he is highly advanced educationally. He can be funny and VERY loving, and sweet. But he can have severe mood swings and violent tendencies...Especially during a trigger moment. Like being told (much more than once in a ten-minute period) to do something, such as clean his room or put something he used away.

I'd been reading a discussion in a group I am a member of about a child with ADD/ADHD and the mom was wondering if the punishment had fit the crime. Some said that (basically because of the child's disorder) the child should get a second chance...

For me, this is a no-brainer. I'd say let my son suffer the consequences. And he has, several times in the past for different things. Mainly for disorganization and forgetfulness, although was REPEATEDLY told to be sure he had all that he needed for whatever it was.

Plus, I have done the same with his two sisters. Even the five-year-old. If they don't have everything they need to be prepared or to be able to do what they want to do (like trips or other outings), then that is on them.

Just because my son has been legally deemed disabled, it does not deem me to give him specialized treatment, or to let him slide when his sisters cannot. I treat all three of my kids just the same. They may get punished a bit differently, being I know what works on each INDIVIDUAL child. But otherwise, they are treated fairly and equally.

I'm tired of hearing, "Johnny can't do that because he has ____", or "Mary should be given another chance because most likely it's her ____ making her forget".

Stop using a child's disability as a CRUTCH. Not just for them to get away with what neurotypical (mentally up to date) children cannot. But, also not to excuse a child's behavior, especially when you know that they can do MUCH better.

Yes, this may be making me sound harsh, and even like I'm a bitch. But I grew up "legally disabled" and my own mother put MANY limitations on me because of my problems, although I was physically (for the most part) and mentally capable of doing MOST of what any other kid could do. And it made for my childhood to be pretty boring and lacking...And I will never get a do-over. Why PUNISH my child in the same fashion?

Special Needs children (especially those with mental disorders and behavior disorders) NEED to be treated "like anyone else" and need a "normal child's" structure. That includes clear and set rules and consequences. If you treat him or her differently from their peers and/or siblings, they WILL know and be resentful. They want to be 'normal' like any other kid. And this includes punishment.

Special Needs, Special Education, Aides, And Stuff.

As the mother of a Special Needs child that is NOT Neurotypical, I love to educate others (the public at large) on what it's like as a parent, but also for our kids, that have a SILENT Disability.

What is a Silent Disability you ask? Well, to put it in layman's terms, it means that someone has a disability, or a combination of different disabilities that does NOT outwardly show in physical appearance. They may walk and talk just fine. But on he INSIDE, it is a completely different story. The person may have Lupus or Fibromyalgia. Or they have Bipolar or Oppositional Defiance Disorder. And there are MANY upon many other ailments, malady's and illness that seem to not appear to be noticed on the outside of the body.

My son has several mental disorders. They impede and impact his daily living and social skills. And also his eating and sleeping habits. He has very few friends. He has a very difficult time with outward, verbal expression. He has emotional set backs, as well as a decreased maturity level (that is NOT within 'normal' range for a boy his age). For the most part, he looks, walks, and talks just like you and I. But when he displays his "quirks" and has manic episodes, and angers so badly that the devil looks like an angel, then you know something is seriously off with my boy.

Have you ever gotten upset at ANY person that parks in the Handicapped Parking space, only to see them get out and walk in to the store, minus a cane, walker, or scooter. And even without an oxygen tank? Are you more upset that they took that spot from a REAL disabled person? Or that they walk and act "just fine"? Maybe for you, it's both?

I've honestly lost count of how many stares my mother-in-law and I have gotten as we step out the van and WALK to the store's entrance from her handicapped parking space. She is disabled and cannot stay in the store and walk for too long. And she has a hard time breathing, but not needing oxygen (yet). She has Systemic Lupus, a colostomy bag and she tires easily due to the Lupus. But you cannot see that from just looking at her.

Now, back to children with Special Needs (of any kind, really). I was reading on my local news station's web page that a near-by county is CUTTING Behavioral Aides from their schools. Why? They suddenly became a part of the county's budget cuts.

http://www.wset.com/news/stories/0610/746253.html?ref=tw

Those that work with kids like mine are an integral part of those student's having the ability, focus and willingness to learn, and learn effectively. To take them away from those kids (as was said in the article) for even just ONE school year, can set those kids (potentially) back for SEVERAL years to come.

I'm sorry, but no basic Teacher's Aide will be able to 'effectively' assist those children in the manner that they need the help to be within the mainstream classroom setting. Not unless they too have children that have some type of mental/behavioral disability/disorder.

Even then, for as long as I have been dealing with and learning the ropes with my own child, it does NOT make me an "expert" in the field of Childhood Neurological Behavioral Sciences. I'm just a MOM that has a lot of personal experience and literature-based knowledge of what is wrong with MY child.

Many, if not MOST of those children have SSI Disability, as well as Medicaid Insurance. If need be, the kids can still have their Aides (those that will require the most one-on-one assistance), and Medicaid can pick up the bills. All they will need is a Pre-Authorization from their Specialist. Ninety-nine percent of the time, Pre-Auth's are APPROVED.

In the end, it's truly a win-win situation. No money out of the school's pocket (or the children's parents). And the kids get the Aides that they desperately need in order to receive the best education possible for their abilities (and disabilities).

Honestly, this is a 'no-brainer'....

My Shining Star (My Son)

Well, yet another chapter has been written for my child. Another diagnosis. Another medication. And I'm okay with it. We know what it is, what it's caused by and how long he could have the problem.

Finally, after almost a month of fighting and nipping the heels of the doctor's office staff manager, the insurance company and making some complaints filed, it happened. Bryce FINALLY got his prescription for the Intuniv approved to be covered by his insurance carrier. That's one less thing to worry about.

As for his oral tics, they have gotten worse. And we noted that they picked up more after the Intuniv was started. Although, we pinpointed that it is NOT the medication causing them. But the medications (one, two, or possibly all three) are bringing them out more than they would usually show.

Bryce has now been diagnosed with Tardive Diskinesia. Basically, his tics are a neurological disorder consisting of abnormal, involuntary body movements caused by certain medicines. It is usually associated with long-term use of medicines for treating schizophrenia and other psychotic disorders. And this disorder will most likely NEVER go away. He has a strong possibility of always having tics to some degree for the rest of his life. And some bouts can and do affect his day-to-day living.

By what we have seen, as early as infancy, he has always had a very mild case of tics. But since starting certain medicines (primarily the Seroquel and the Intuniv that was just added), the tics have become more prominent and vary in degree of progression and regression. They have once again gotten not only in to his mouth region, but also in his hands and feet. Even his eyebrows are getting the tics.

We as his parents, have seen great improvement in everything thanks to the Intuniv being added. He isn't as aggressive, or volatile. He has a better time focusing and being organized. Even his teachers had stated how improved he had been (they did NOT know I placed him on the Intuniv for the first 2 or so weeks). They said he was like day and night with the (positive) changes.

Of course, those changes came with a price. But it's one that all of us (myself, my husband Scott, and Bryce himself) are willing to pay. And that is the severe increase in the tic disorder. I'm calling him my Jumping Jellybean. 

My son, no matter his outward appearance is still a NORMAL, active, (for the most part) healthy boy. He just has A LOT of twitches. And yes, it can impact his speech and verbalizing things he wants to say. It takes him a bit longer to get his sentences out. Patience is the key. For both of us.

In fact, this year, Bryce (for the first time) is taking the Standards Of Learning Tests (math, reading, science, social studies). He has a "Test-Taking Buddy", where he goes off to the teacher's room that does Title-One reading to do his testing. He finds it better to be alone so he can talk-think his answers, doesn't feel as pressured to perform well, and isn't on a time limit (being he is disabled, those are his afforded rights as a disabled student). His scores will come in the mail with his final report card of the 2009-2010 school year.

He may not "look" normal, but he isn't your "average" kid either. He may be at about a 4 to 6-year-old mental-maturity level, but he has been deemed (like his older sister) to be Academically Gifted. He can do work from normal grade (3rd) range, up to 6th-grade-level, based on the subject.

I'm proud of all three of my kids. They are all my shining stars in one way or another. But Bryce's star shines just a tad brighter. He has endured one struggle after another in stride, and with pride. And he has (in his own unique way) shown this old mama just how strong and how far she will go to see that my kids are NEVER 'left behind'. And for that, I will forever be in his debt and he will always have my gratitude.

*COPY* Of My NEWEST letter to the Gov. of Virgina

April 20, 2010

Dear Gov. McDonnell,

Once before, I had written to you personally to ask that you help me, my son, our family and other families like ours in the fight to place Vyvanse back on the Medicaid's list of available options to treat mental disorders (written on Feb. 5th, 2010). I had received a "round about" reply, and to be honest, it hurt me, thinking that maybe you didn't really care as to what your Virginia Citizens had to say.

But, just a moment ago, I had read an article, via the Roanoke Times (http://www.roanoke.com/news/roanoke/wb/243974)  that indeed you wish to fight FOR our families, not against us. And for that I do thank you.

I can only hope that you, sir took my words in to consideration as to your decision to fight for medications to help treat mental illnesses and disorders placed on (or back on) to Medicaid's Preferred Drug/Drug Availability/Coverage List.

Now, I am begging, not just asking, Mr. Governor, that you take this fight all the way. Do NOT stop. To stop is to fail. Not only yourself or this state. But you would be failing my son and countless other children that require Drug Therapy to help them lead a more "normal" life outside of their mental illness/disorder/disability.

I'm not scared to go up against "professionals" who feel that withholding services from my son is alright. I would take on the Government if I had to myself. My life has been too much filled with adversity from the start for me to back down now. Not for myself. Not for my children.

Please, Mr. McDonnell, give our children the best chance at a good life. Make it easier for me, and other parents to be able to go to the Pharmacy without having to fight for THREE WEEKS between them and Medicaid just to get our children's medicine. No child should have to go that length of time WITHOUT their medication because insurance decided it is in THEIR best interest to no longer cover that medication in their Drug Coverage Plan for it's consumers.

I've now got a renewed faith in you, Governor McDonnell. Please know that I will back you 100%. But I want to see you do your part. I know that you received much flack from us parents (primarily mothers) for letting Medicaid take advantage and in the end, disadvantage our children. I can only hope that WE were your driving force for going up against Medicaid.

Keep fighting the good fight, Mr. Governor. And thank you, from a mom with a very special little guy.

Sincerely,

Melissa A. Cowart (Lynchburg, Virginia)

Smile

Sometimes it takes great difficulty to smile. Sure, it takes a less number of facial muscles to smile, than to frown. But there are days that you just really don't want to smile.

There are times in my life that have had to just "grin and bear it". Then there have been times where I use smiling and laughter to "kill the pain". And there have been times that no matter how someone has tried, they just cannot for the life of them, make me smile, being that my inner pain was too great.

After learning several years ago that Bryce indeed had mental problems that I fought hard to get recognized and dealt with, I had to do SOMETHING to ease the stress, anguish and even the bitterness that laid within myself.

So, I took it upon myself to commit to smiling and laughing at least once for every time my heart broke due to the horrid "mental diseases" that took my happy boy from me.

Today, I am still committed to doing so. Although sometimes, I admit, I do falter. After all, I am still human, ya know!

Especially in the last few months. It's almost four months now since my Corneal Transplant was done. And there have been some problems associated with my new "window". But for the most part, I've been doing unexpectedly well for this time table.

Now, I am fighting off early signs of rejection. We knew that although slight, it was a possibility. And it happened. Sure! I was mad. I was angry at myself (internally). I cried A LOT on Saturday.

But now, I am choosing to smile. I am choosing to look POSITIVELY at my plight...and the fight that lay ahead. I still have a decent sized road ahead of me. And I have all the backup I'm needing. My faith, my family, my friends who have been so supportive and my doctor who has fought along side me the whole step of the way.

So, no matter how bad your road is filled with snapped off tree limbs, rocks and pebbles, smile as you walk past each of them. Because in the end, you WILL get to your final destination...smiling.

Arm, eye and stomach...What a combination to deal with.

Germ invasion, broken arm and a failing eye. That is what I have been dealing with since last week. Let's just say it's kind of looking up.

The bright side? Bryce's arm and hand/finger swelling is going down and he is doing well in the cast.

Otherwise, there isn't much of a bright side. Other than the fact that the constant drops in the eye are helping to reverse possible irreversable damage to my Cornea.

After sitting in the Cornea Specialist's chair, he looked in to my eye and looked at results from a new test I had done last Friday. Then asked how long my eye has been red.

Come to find out...My Cornea is in the EARLY stages of Rejection. Not even in my fourth month yet and BOOM! Now I'm on my Pred Forte Drops several times a day. At least for the next three weeks.

Then, Friday night, Skyler got us up at around eleven from a nice slumber, only to let Scott and I know as she cried that she "puked" all over my living room carpet and couch. Let's just say, it is going to still require the Rug Shampooer to get the stains up.

Top it all off with last night, around midnight, Bryce got up and barely made it to the toilet and threw up. He also had some on the doorway area of his carpet. But otherwise, he did it full throttle all over the seat, inside, and the side of the potty.

At this point with my immune system already attacking my eye and having a lowered "defense", I can't afford to get sick. That would make my already failing eye a complete failure most likely. My body is already attacking the Cornea. To get sick leaves a wide-open shot like a dear being hunted in the clearing of the forest. It's sure to be killed.

One day soon, I will be able to hopefully put all of my worries behind me with my eye. But now that is is in rejection, my chances go up for it to happen again if I can save THIS Cornea.

Well, that's life. I have YET to be able to get Bryce's Vyvanse. Still working on fighting insurance and waiting to see if the Pre-Authorization went through. Plus, Bryce has an appointment Friday for his broken arm. Needless to say, Dr. Asshat who doesn't call back never let him get an earlier appointment so he won't miss TWO WEEKS of school. So, it looks like Monday of NEXT week is when he can go back. Bryce NEEDS TO BE IN SCHOOL! Not stuck at home...for a broken arm. Good lord!

This guy makes me wonder if he is a quack. Who the hell keeps a kid home for two weeks? Put Bryce in a sling, make sure he gets assistance from the other kids and the teacher to help write and carry heavy things and take extra precautions (like no P.E. or recess on the school yard).

Mama Bear's claws are sharpened & drawn....My letter to State Officials in Virginia

Feb. 5, 2010

Dear Gov. McDonnel, Del. Garret, Rep. Goodlatte, Sen. Webb, Sen. Warner,

I am writing to you as to bring forth to your attention a great error in judgment, let alone compassion for the Common Wealth of Virginia's people.

My name is Melissa Cowart and I am a married, thirty-three year old mother who lives in Lynchburg, Virginia. Lynchburg happens to have the "subtitle" of being the "Heart of Virginia".

My top priority is being a mother, who happens to stay at home, to my three wonderful children. Their ages are ten, eight, and five years old. I have two girls, and a boy who is in the middle.

I'm sure that most, if not all of the gentlemen in this letter that I am addressing are fathers, if not even grandfathers to small children. Or you were at least at some point in your lives. So, you know through experience of the hardships that raising children can parenting 9or grand-parenting) can bring.

But do any one of you TRULY know the hardships of raising a child with "Silent Disabilities". Disabilities that require not only mental or behavioral therapies, but drug therapies as well? I do.

My son, the eight year old has is "Silently Disabled". You cannot tell just by looking or glancing at him that he is legally disabled. That is until he is a Manic fit, his attention wanes to nearly nothing, his focusing and social skills are being impacted, or he has such a violent rage (both emotionally, as well as physically) that you end up on the floor yourself crying along with him.

Because of these problems, not only does my son require behavior and psychological therapy. He also requires medication therapy. Currently, he is on two forms of medication treatment.

One being Seroquel. It is for his Manic Depression, Mood Disorder management, and to help him sleep at night. Or else, he is up ALL night long.

The other is Vyvanse. It is to help him with his ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). And this is the drug he needs to help him focus, pay attention, be able to sit still and quietly (as possible). And it helps his hyperactivity lessen as to carry on more normal and healthy social relationships with his peers.

Sadly, as I sat in my son's Psychiatric appointment on 2/4/2010, I was informed that the branch of Medicaid my son receives, CareNet is unwilling to provide coverage to fill prescriptions for the drug, Vyvanse.

So, when it comes time to fill his prescription for this particular medication (which is nearing very soon), his claim for filing with CareNet will be denied. In turn, I will not be able to get my son's Vyvanse. I CANNOT afford to pay out-of-pocket, (approximately) $250-300.00 for a 30-day supply.

Then, I will have to ask the pharmacy to send in a request for Pre-Authorization to my son's prescribing doctor to "beg" CareNet to let my child have his medication. If that course of action fails, then the doctor will have to call the insurance carrier and do a "round-about" in the hopes of letting my son get his medicine in that fashion.

Do any of you gentlemen have children that are in need of daily medication? Do any of you have (or had at one time) a child like my son? Do you know what it's like to care for a child such as my son?

If you did, then I am very sure that you would never let drug companies and insurance companies (State or Private) bounce "kick-backs" off of one another. Nor would you let the Insurance Company deny YOUR child the medication and/or care that they require to function in a more "normal capacity" that fits within the guidelines of how society as a whole views one another.

I'm not a College-educated individual. I did not graduate High School in the "old fashioned way". I received a GED in my early 20's. But by golly, I am smart enough to know when the government is trying to pocket money, give less to take more and in the end hurt those that they serve.

My son, and countless other children, as well as us parents deserve BETTER treatment. By the medical industry, the pharmaceutical industry, and most of all, by our Government. Our children deserve better.

Our children deserve to have ALL of their needs met. Medical and otherwise. Including their drug therapy.

Make CareNet place Vyvanse back on their coverage so that children such as my son can get the best out of his education, his social skills and his overall general life.

No child deserves to be "left behind".

Sincerely,
Melissa A. Cowart  (Lynchburg, Virginia)