It Was A 'Pay It Forward' kind of evening

They say that Angels walk among us. They are hidden within society, not showing their wings, as to blend in. They show mercy, love and kindness. Some are our Guardian Angels, sent here to be with us, help guide us and to protect us.

I truly believe we have met an "Angel in Disguise"...

Last night, hubby and I decided to take the kids out for dinner. He was in the mood for Wendy's (seeing as what he is REALLY in the mood for, he can't have at the moment, so something else HAS TO take its place).

After a good, long wait, being that for some reason, the place was packed and the line long (on a SUNDAY night), we finally made it up to the counter to give the Cashier our order.

Between the meal combos and the Frosties (can't leave without having a Frosty!)the bill racked up to almost forty dollars (within a few cents!).

Scott whipped out the trusty Check Card and proceeded to hand it to the lady behind the counter, only to be told to put his card back in to his wallet.

After giving the woman a puzzled look, she said "someone already paid for your order" and then secretively-like told Scott it was the "lady ahead of you in the pink shirt".

By that time, I'd already sat the kids down at a table. He came to me and explained all that transpired and I was just flabbergasted, to say the least. So, as the "Lady In Pink" was sitting at a booth, awaiting her order, I sauntered over and thanked her for her sincere kindness.

Being that my poor cell phone was about to die, I had enough umph in it to post a text to my FaceBook about it. When I got home, I was surprised at how many "liked" or replied to my post. Especially those that were shocked that there are still people out there that love others enough, even strangers, to do "random acts of kindness".

But like I later stated on another Status I had done, the kindness of strangers still amazes me, but doesn't truly surprise me. I know that they are still out there, though in now a rare breed.

And like I said, blessed are the meek. This woman and her generous heart had taught my children something that no school, nor even I as a parent talking about it could ever teach them. They witnessed what I have told them about "love thy neighbor and do unto others as you wish to have done unto you".

They know (well, at least the two older ones do) that eventually, and as a family mind you, we intend to "pay it forward" to a fellow stranger. Be it at a restaurant, at the gas station or even the grocery store.

And after what I'd been witness to and on the receiving end of, it took me back to the movie starring Haley Joel Osment, Kevin Spacey and Helen Hunt aptly named "Pay It Forward", where a teacher who is scarred from a fire has his class do a project of doing a good deed for someone, then in turn that person does a good deed for another. Then that person goes and also does a good deed, and so on. The stipulation? The receiver MUST follow through and "pay it forward" with an act of kindness towards another. Be it a stranger or a friend or family member.

With that all said, I *CHALLENGE* all of my readers who are reading this post to go out and "PAY IT FORWARD". And it does NOT have to be with buying something or paying for something for another person. Just as long as it's a random act of kindness.

25 Days of Christmas (Day 3)

"The Spirit Of Giving vs. Receiving From Others" is what I have chosen for today.


As most of my readers know, just over a year ago, I required an emergency Corneal Transplant. I was needing it at some point. But thanks to complications I went from preparing to "do it now or else" within less than a week.

Since I was eighteen, I have been a Registered Organ/Tissue Donor. I've always been the type of person that took more joy in GIVING to others than I did with taking. It's been this way since I can remember.

Also, for the last three Christmases past, my husband and I had to swallow our pride and apply for assistance for the kids through the Salvation Army's 'Angel Tree' program that has generous people and families donate presents to needy children.

This year, we have turned a tide and did not apply this year. Some may call up nuts because my son being on SSI Disability automatically qualifies him and his sisters. But I am not, nor have I ever been the one to profit from another's suffering. Even if it meant a better Christmas for my children.

This year, with my children all now being at ages and levels of understanding in regards to helping others, we have decided to give back. On our way out to let the kids shop for one another, we stopped by the mall and found the local Angel Tree for our area.

Each of my kids were allowed to pick a child of their choosing. They all got kids off the tree of their gender and age range (though Skyler had to do a five-year-old, seeing as six was no longer there).

The first ones that they wanted to shop for after we "busted" through the store's doors was get the gifts for their chosen kids. In that moment as their mom, I could not have been more proud. They put OTHERS above themselves and thought of helping another human being BEFORE thinking of THEIR wants.

Each of their kids got a set of clothing and a toy (or make-up) that they made the final decision on (as long as it was within our price range).

After that, then the girls got to shop for their gifts to Bryce as he and I sat in the van. Then, it was vice versa.

Next, the girls have to get one another (seeing as it was getting late and too cold to be out). And knowing my three, separately, Scotty and I will be having to take them all as to be able to shop for us (Mom and Dad) like we do every year.

In the end though, this year, I have seen with my own eyes that the values I have tried hard to instill in to my children are indeed paying off. And it's getting paid forward.

Because this Christmas, three more children in this world WILL have *something* under their Christmas tree. All because three of their peers decided it was better to give than to get.

I won't remember for a day,or for the month.This 'rememberance' will be with me until I die.

See the ribbon above? I have chosen personally to not only remember this important day of awareness on just October fifteenth of every year. But, to remember it for the entire month of October.

Nor will I ever be allowed to forget for the rest of my days.

October fifteenth is known nationally (in the USA) as "Pregnancy And Infant Loss Remembrance Day". And for many mothers such as myself, as well as the millions around the world, we will never be able to forget our babies. Some of us were lucky enough to hold them for a few hours, a few days, or a few months. Then again, some of us (such is my case) never got to hold, touch or even see our baby.

On Halloween Day of 2003, I was in the sixteenth week of pregnancy. All was going fine (as so I thought, seeing as I had no complications to that point, and it was my third pregnancy). That day, I was scheduled for a vaginal ultrasound being I was a high-risk pregnancy for health reasons.

I knew, the second I had seen the little peanut on the screen, something was very off. After having so many ultrasounds in the past, I knew what to look for. And the one thing that none of us had seen was the heart fluttering.

After the doctor's tone changed to the ever-so-famous "cautiously optimistic" tone, I knew that it was confirming what I already knew thanks to my "Mommy gut".

To get a better look and to indeed confirm what all of us already knew, I got placed on the big ultrasound. And then and there, I had the worst nightmare for a pregnant mother to go through. My baby was dead.

After getting the shocking news, my mother-in-law called my husband to get to the doctor's office. All he knew was that something was wrong with the baby. After we both got over the shock of all that happened, I called where we both worked at the time and let them know. For some stupid reason I kept on apologizing for not making it back to work from my extended lunch time.

A few days later, seeing as the baby did not miscarry on it's own, I was forced to have a D & C (Dilation and Curettage) to help expel my twelve to fourteen-week-old baby. I was nearing toxic levels in my system from the baby being dead inside for up to approximately four weeks. It was the worst and the most horrific surgerical procedure that I have ever had to endure.

All I knew was this was NOT supposed to be happening. I was not to be having to abort my baby. I was supposed to be having a normal pregnancy and readying for the new addition to our hearts. And instead, I was being forced to let him or her go.

To this day, especially when Halloween Day is upon us, and when November third (the day that my baby was "officially" gone from me), I still grieve. And I often wonder what would have become of our Michael Gregory, if he had survived.

Sure, some will read this and say to themselves that I need to "get over it already". But they cannot EVER know the lasting pain and the hole that is forever etched in to your heart and in to your soul from a loss as deeply profound as losing your baby (or a child in general).

I may not have ever been able to have held and caressed my child in my arms. But he is forever within a special place of my heart, and is deep within my soul, right along with his two sisters and his brother. For they too had lost out on having another brother to love.

A Public Service Announcement to ANONYMOUS Commentators...

My friend, Angel over at Angel Believes has already covered these kinds of comments in a Vlog. Now, it's my turn.

WARNING!! This will most likely be "adult-like" language laced, due to being pretty mad. Consider yourself warned.

I'm open to all points of view. And I am receptive to other's opinions. As long as they are of the subject at hand.

What I have a MAJOR problem with is ANONYMOUS comments. Especially when you are SPAMMING my page with bull shit that doesn't even belong to what the blog topic is all about.

I really don't give a shit about penile enhancers, or any other sexually enhancing products. I may not always be a happy homemaker. But I sure as hell am one helluva happy wife in the bedroom department.

If you are going to leave comments on *MY* page, you better damn well put your name to it. Unless it's a topic such as abuse or the paranormal, being that those are two areas that some people are too scared to admit that they are interested in, or that they are being hurt by someone that SHOULD BE loving them.

Especially when you wish to spam my pages with *YOUR* blog invitation, or stupid ads. It makes YOU look like a gutless piece of crap.

And a word of warning... Don't you EVER let me catch you spamming a post about my children with shit like penile enhancers or anything else to do with sex. Anonymous or not. Because I *will* hunt your ass down and you *will* be mine to deal with.

Not only me, but I know of at least one or two of my BFF blogging buddies that you really don't want to piss off and catch you doing your spamming, either. If you think I'm bad, then you REALLY don't want to piss Angel off. The Devil himself cries and cowers when he hears that woman's feet hit the floor each morning.

So, Anonymous, consider this both your first, and especially your LAST warning. Because next time I catch you on my page, spamming with your shit, it's on. Got it? Good.

Now put your name to it, or don't post it. Have a nice day.

Oops! I did it again (and all cuz of Angel).

I said I wouldn't go back. I didn't really care for it. It was too "plain" and boring to me. Maybe because I threw myself in to the lion's den (as usually is the case). And after not going there for MONTHS now, I have reverted and retracted.

Yes people, I am once again a part of the BlogFrog blogging site community. And I have now prettied up my page, added it's FIRST discussion post (go answer damn it! I'm lost).

I've gotten now, eight followers (stalkers), and I am following nine (being watched over scrupulously).

So far, I am doing okay, just trying to get the old sea legs up and moving over there. I did place up two widgets here on my page. One for joining my community, and one to track the stalkers..er, I mean visitors.

So, now that Angel convinced me (twisted my arm) to rejoin BlogFrog, I am trying to get people to join me there as well. Like I don't do enough on the interwebz already!

If you wish to willingly (as in I won't drag you with me kicking and screaming...unless you LIKE that kind of thing) come see me over at BlogFrog, then CLICK THIS BIOTCH and say hi and join in the fun.

So, I hope to see you there. Seeing as I am now officially bored and want to converse with peeps.

Pour Your Heart Out Wednesday w/Shell (Get out the tissues! It's a tear-jerker.)

It's Wednesday, and it's anything that YOU consider pouring your heart out about today, as well. There isn't ever a theme or topic that you have to blog about- it's completely a personal thing. If you wish to participate, please feel free to click on the POUR YOUR HEART OUT button above and you will get all the info on this carnival that you need.

Seeing what Angel is going through, with her mom having a heart attack and Angel's sheer will to be "the rock", had me going back through time. To twenty years ago in to my past (will be 21 in October).

To this day, I remember waking up to my dad yelling at my mom to "wake up" over and over at six in the morning, along with that loud banging noise he kept making on the coffee table beside her.

When I had gotten up and went to the living room, I saw my mother sitting there. But it wasn't her. By that time that damage was done and it was too late. She sat in the chair of her's for HOURS before the discovery by my father. She was in and out of conscientious, you had to yell at her for her to hear you, she wasn't able to speak or move one side of her body. Hours later, after she was taken to the hospital, I sat in her chair to get ready for the day, only to realized she lost her ability to hold urine, being I sat in pee that SOAKED the chair.

Later on in the day, I found out that my forty-three-year-old mother suffered a massive stroke and survived it.

To have to see her in the hospital, and then the Rehab/Nursing Home Center crushed me. I was only twelve years old at the time. Later in life, I did find out she tried to starve herself to death, being she didn't want to live that way. She felt like she was a burden to both myself and my father. Near the end she had to be trached (a tube placed in her throat to help her breath) thanks to the paralysis harming her lungs, as well as STILL near the end, battling lung infections.

For all the times that I went to see her, before leaving I always told her "see you later". And she was in the hospital for twenty-eight days (Rehab Center, actually).

But on that last Saturday, which was her last, full day of life, I told her, with no one else around that it was "okay to go home". I gave her the RIGHT to die. I gave her the PERMISSION she seeked from my father. When I did, I let her know we (Dad and I) would be okay and that I understood.

Under that, though, in my mind I could hear myself getting angry. I did NOT want her to leave me. Not yet. And I resented my father, who must not have cared (in my mind) enough to let her go and be in peace. Why ME? I was only twelve. A child. And I had to do some VERY grown-up things at that time of my life. Both with her in the hospitals and after her death.

What did she do to deserve her fate? And what did I do to have to live my life without my mother, and see her slowly rot away for a month, and could do NOTHING for her, but release her.

As I have gotten older, I have learned some valuable lessons. Starting back twenty years ago, as I loved my mother the best that I could for that last month, before I actually of all the times, on her last day of life said "good-bye, Mom", instead of "see you later".

1) Life will NEVER be fair to you.

2) We all will lose those that we love and cherish in this life. No way around that.

3) Be strong. But learn to let it go and stop being other's rocks, to take time for YOU.

4) We will always have "WHY?" moments. And not all of them will have an answer.

5) Yes, the pain of loss does go away. But NEVER, EVER completely. A piece of your heart will ALWAYS hurt and yearn.

6) Timing is not always on our side. Feel blessed when it is, and ask for courage and strength to walk through the fire when it isn't.

7) It's okay to be angry and/or sad. Even twenty years later.

8) Doctors are not God. They can only do so much. After that it's up to the patient and up to God what happens from there. There is nothing you can do about it.

9) Life's lemmons sometimes stay sour, no matter how much sugar you add. You still have to drink it.

10) Trials by fire don't ALWAYS leave you burned at the stake. Good can come from tragedy. Like a new lease on your life and three kids, with a wonderful husband to boot.

Extreme Blog Makeover....Thanks to Angel and to Tamara.

First off, I need to thank my sweet friend, Angel over at Angel Believes (http://singedwingangel.blogspot.com/). She had apparently won a contest that gave her a new blog button and header from Tamara (Cheapskatemom over at http://proudtobecheap.blogspot.com/). And knowing she was already getting a set up from someone else, she decided to let me have the new blog button and header.

After Tamara and I had communicated (A LOT), she got to work. Not only did I get fitted with a new header and Blog Button, but a COMPLETE overhaul. Button, header, a feed, a counter and a whole new overall look (background and all). She decided that with the color schemes, and the way I was already set up, along with what I lacked (and really wanted, but didn't know how to get them), that she would entirely redo my page for me.

I've gone semi-retro, brighter and with more attractive colors, a "happy" looking header that is inviting (as is the blog button). And at the bottom of the posts, it says, "__ People Have Made Me Happy".

I LOVE IT!

Tamara is a true artist when it comes to blog page set-ups. She has a true gift. And I cannot thank her, or Angel enough for the opportunity to receive such a BEAUTIFUL page.,,,Again, thank you to BOTH LADIES! A million to infinity times over.

She truly is an ANGEL!...And I *highly* recommend you read her!

WOW! Two posts in ONE day from me?! That is just insane, huh? Who knew I was such a wild child. Well, okay, I'm a closet wild child.

The main reason for my writing yet another post this morning is becauuuuusssse....

I'm looking to start doing GUEST SPOTS with various Blogging Buddies. And to start out with, I'm promoting and crossing with one of my closest BFF's (on here and in REAL life).

Her name is Angel. And her mama could not have truly given her a better name. Because peeps, this woman lives up to the name (most of the time, that is). She has three kids. All boys! I think I would already be in my grave with all three of my kids being of the male species. One of them is a Special Needs person with many of the same disorders that *my* son suffers from.

She is also a very devout Christian. But not a Bible-wielding, flame-throwing kind that you may think she would be. But she can quote Scripture like you wouldn't believe!

When you get down to it, Angel is more of a lover than a fighter. But when she is angry, even the devil goes and hides. She is funny, caring, loving, and takes REAL interest in you, your blog, and takes her friendships (on and off the net) SERIOUSLY.

Sound like your kind of gal to hang with and read about? Then go on over and give her a howdy!

http://singedwingangel.blogspot.com/

Book Review : 'Angels In The ER'

I'm not one that is extremely religious by any means. I have my beliefs and I'm a 'live and let live' kind of girl. Basically, in my "beliefs world", I don't judge you on whom you choose to love (be it a man/woman coupling or a same sex coupling), what belief system you choose to have (be it Christianity or Pagan...to name a couple), how you raise your kids (as long as they are happy, healthy and well adjusted...not abused, neglected or taught to hate others).

I'm a believer in angels as well. I think that they are all around us. You just don't realize this. It may be the poor homeless person on the street, a child at school, or a church member. Or just a kind stranger who is seeing your struggle and wishes to help.

'Angels In The ER' is a book penned by Dr. Robert Lesslie, whom is a Doctor of Emergency Medicine at a hospital in South Carolina. In all his many years at this hospital, he has witnessed many "angelic moments" within the ER. From fellow staff, to patients, to even Security Guards.

Dr. Lesslie tells tales of recovery, life's little lessons learned, lessons on God's miracles and more.

I'm not one that enjoys Christian reading that is inundated with an over-usage of Biblical passages/Scripture. I like small tidbits. And this book offers just enough to "taste" the Scripture. He (Dr. Lesslie) begins each chapter with a verse to show in "real time" it's meaning through his stories of life, death, and lessons learned about human nature.

If you are a Christian novel reader, I gladly suggest that you pick up this book. You can get it at any retail store.

An Angel In Disguise. (I have this friend...)

And she "gets" me. To a tee.

True, we are about ten years apart in age. She has all boys. I have two girls, and a boy in the middle (poor kid!). Her marriage to her husband has been longer than mine. And only one of her kids happen to be around the same age of my oldest two.

But we do have some things in common. One of them being that we both have sons with Special Needs. They are both deemed Bipolar (although due to my son's age, its aptly called 'Mood Disorder'). Plus my son has Tourette's tendencies (primarily the severe tics, pulling/twirling of hair, but no foul language spewing), OCD, ADHD, Anxiety Disorder and Manic Depression.

There are days where either one of us or even both of us are having one of those "crap-tastic" days with our boys. Add in the other two kids and it's a six-ring circus (because three rings wouldn't even BEGIN to cover it!). And we will end up venting to one another via the phone or on Instant Message on Facebook (though I do wish she would YIM instead...FB IM sucks!).

She is a Christian, but not overly Conservative. I myself am a Spiritual-Christian. She and I have many of the same thoughts and views on the subject. We do see differently on a few Christian subjects. But, that's what makes our conversations about it so nice.

We also both know how it is having to deal with the Manic Episodes, the nights where the boys get barely to no sleep because their brains just can't seem to unwind, even WITH their medicine (which they are both on the same nighttime medicine), the anger flare-ups, the high's and low's of emotional state when the Mania is taking over...The list is long and seemingly never ending.

Funny how angels just swoop down in to your life in the most surprising of ways. There were times that I utterly felt alone and isolated from the world. That no one will understand me, my struggles...or my son.

Then along came that angel. We "met" via a website for moms. And we instantly clicked. Since that day, we have been tighter than two over-grown sardines stuffed in a can.

What can I say? She is truly one of a kind. She knows me. She knows how I feel, what I am thinking and why. She is the jelly to my PB&J.

She is truly....my angel.

Post It Not Tuesdays w/Supah...1st edition!