Leaves are turning to vibrant and almost magical-like colors. Hues of orange, yellow and red are all popping up around on the hill and mountainsides of the Appalachians. I love Autumn here in Virginia.
It's also time to break out hand-me-down costumes, or purchase new ones for the kids that have outgrown them all. And not to mention, buying the goodies that you will be passing out to the little fairies, ghosts, superheros and goblins.
And for me personally, it will be my 2-year-anniversary post-transplant for my eye. It's strange to know that already two years has just flown right past me. I still wonder about my donor and their life. And I often think about the donor's family, that I will seemingly never have the pleasure of meeting. I even throw around the idea of maybe even writing them an update letter.
Also, it will mark 22 years since my mother passed away, on the same day that I celebrate my anniversary date. Wow!! 22 years. How is even possible? It certainly to me, does NOT feel like that much time has gone by. But it has.
As you can see, I haven't even posted on to ANY of my three blogs in well over a month. I pretty much have given up writing on them. For various reasons. And honestly, for the most part, I do NOT miss this. I felt freed up, truthfully. I don't feel mentally pressured to crank out posts. I have never been in to blogging as to be popular or get mega numbers in followers/readers. I did it/do it as a release for my mind and to just talk about things that interest me, and maybe bring awareness to topics (like Pregnancy & Infant Loss month, which coincides with Breast Cancer Awareness month...but is overshadowed by BCA).
So, consider this my update, but don't be too surprised if I don't jot in this area again for another good while. I really don't feel the "love" for blogging like I had once had. And I'm okay with that. If I lose followers/readers, I'm not going to cry over it, or lose any sleep. But it's nice to know that there are a FEW people that follow/read me that genuinely care about what I have to say on here. To them, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. And I thank you for still sticking with me, though you know it may be like forever before I write again.
Later taters!!
My work is ORIGINAL...Don't be a thief.
What is written in this blog, is of the author's own originality. It contains the sole views, thoughts, and stories of this blog's author.
Showing posts with label loss. Show all posts
Showing posts with label loss. Show all posts
Monday, October 10, 2011
Saturday, September 3, 2011
The "Pregnancy Game" Statuses On FaceBook
I'm pretty certain that those of you reading this, have a FaceBook page. And I'll bet you two to one, that at least once, within your News Feed, you have seen the now infamous "cravings game". The status goes like this...
""I'm _weeks and craving _"
It is inboxed to LADIES ONLY on FaceBook, and specifically in the email, like the bra and purse games, you are not to NOT tell the men about it, and to keep them guessing what it's all about. All the while, it is SUPPOSED TO be promoting Breast Cancer Awareness.
Here's one little flaw. BC Awareness is NEXT month, people! In October. Not in September. And it sure as hell is not in August (when it started to circulate)!
And here is flaw number two. Do you all know what other Awareness time it is, in OCTOBER, that coincides with Breast Cancer Awareness Month? Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.
Personally, I see it as being insensitive to Breast Cancer survivors and those that sadly lost the battle, to use pregnancy "jokes" as a means to raise awareness. Being that it, as well as the bra thing is NOTHING in relation to the subject of Breast Cancer. And yes, to me, it is also in a way, distasteful to make it a "game" when there are many women (and men) that have lost a baby during pregnancy.
If you (general use, not to any specific person) are going to try and raise awareness for something or a cause you believe in, then it's best to "shoot from the hip" and state specifically what the nature of the subject is. Not to make others wonder (especially saying WOMEN ONLY CAN KNOW WHAT IT REALLY MEANS). That does not a thing to raise awareness for the ACTUAL cause/subject.
Plus think about this...men are MEN. They aren't going to sit and think "oh look, I think that these ladies are trying to make us aware of a deadly disease that can even strike men". They are just sitting there, wondering "WTH is this crap with weeks and cravings for all these candies?". Sad, but true. Even my husband has said it's not doing a single thing to "raise awareness".
As a mom that has lost 2 angel babies, and as a daughter-in-law that has a MIL who has survived BC twice and other cancers as well, I'm sorry, but yes I am a bit offended, and I have strong oppositions to "games" like this that don't do a thing for the "root point" of awareness.
*Wander with me over at FOR THE LOVE OF BLOGS and join in the fun!*
""I'm _weeks and craving _"
It is inboxed to LADIES ONLY on FaceBook, and specifically in the email, like the bra and purse games, you are not to NOT tell the men about it, and to keep them guessing what it's all about. All the while, it is SUPPOSED TO be promoting Breast Cancer Awareness.
Here's one little flaw. BC Awareness is NEXT month, people! In October. Not in September. And it sure as hell is not in August (when it started to circulate)!
And here is flaw number two. Do you all know what other Awareness time it is, in OCTOBER, that coincides with Breast Cancer Awareness Month? Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.
Personally, I see it as being insensitive to Breast Cancer survivors and those that sadly lost the battle, to use pregnancy "jokes" as a means to raise awareness. Being that it, as well as the bra thing is NOTHING in relation to the subject of Breast Cancer. And yes, to me, it is also in a way, distasteful to make it a "game" when there are many women (and men) that have lost a baby during pregnancy.
If you (general use, not to any specific person) are going to try and raise awareness for something or a cause you believe in, then it's best to "shoot from the hip" and state specifically what the nature of the subject is. Not to make others wonder (especially saying WOMEN ONLY CAN KNOW WHAT IT REALLY MEANS). That does not a thing to raise awareness for the ACTUAL cause/subject.
Plus think about this...men are MEN. They aren't going to sit and think "oh look, I think that these ladies are trying to make us aware of a deadly disease that can even strike men". They are just sitting there, wondering "WTH is this crap with weeks and cravings for all these candies?". Sad, but true. Even my husband has said it's not doing a single thing to "raise awareness".
As a mom that has lost 2 angel babies, and as a daughter-in-law that has a MIL who has survived BC twice and other cancers as well, I'm sorry, but yes I am a bit offended, and I have strong oppositions to "games" like this that don't do a thing for the "root point" of awareness.
*Wander with me over at FOR THE LOVE OF BLOGS and join in the fun!*
Friday, August 19, 2011
Memories Of The Past, Memories In The Making
I'm eight years old, and it is officially the first day of school. I'm off to First Grade in Mrs. Bartley's class. I'm all ready to go in my white, ruffle-neck dress shirt, my purple overalls with the yellow tulip on the front, and my pigtails upon my head.
Being it's no more than a seven-minute walk to school, and back then, my area was pretty darn safe, my parents started out on the journey to my new school along side me, with Sarah, our Corgi. They stopped at the corner of the next street over from us and let me finish the walk on my own. As a big girl.
I remember vaguely, as I turned my head to see my parents still standing there at the corner, after I crossed the street, then crossed to the opposite corner at the end of the block. They waved to me, my dog looking sad and in wonderment of where her "sister" is going off to without her. My mom, I saw wiping tears from her eyes, trying not to fall apart, as most of us mothers do when their babies start trying out their wings.
After waving good-bye and walking out of their sight, I can only imagine how Mom fell apart, and how Dad had to console her on that "lonely" walk back to the house after I made the rest of my way off to school that beautifully warm and sunny morning.
But that would also be the last time she would ever see me take that "big leap" in growing up. Ever. Because the year before I was to start Junior High/Middle School, my mother had passed away after having suffered from a massive stroke and pneumonia.
Yesterday (Thursday, August 18th) my oldest had her Middle School orientation to take a dry run at finding her classes, knowing how to get in to her locker, meet her teachers and to learn the rules.
She has to get on the bus now, about an hour earlier than before, when she attended Elementary School. And she is fine with that. Because she also now gets out about an hour earlier than her siblings.
As my daughter waited outside at the bus stop (which for her, is now across the street) I had the flashbacks. I saw her as a tiny girl again, just starting Preschool. She and I waited for the bus at the top of the hill near our former home. She was SO excited. And I watched as she clomped up each step with her short, stubby little legs, and her huge backpack on her back, as she boarded the bus. It took all that I had to not just lose it right then and there.
Yesterday, it hit me. Not only am I seeing my little girl, my first born, grow up before my very eyes into what will be a stunningly beautiful young woman, but I am witnessing something my mother never was able to have the chance to, and never will. Not with myself, and not with her grandchildren.
I was VERY close to my oldest daughter's age when I lost my mother. And I am only about eight and a half years younger than my mother's age when she died. It pains me to know that my mother has had to miss out on SO much. My marriage. My kids. How I have grown and matured. My overcoming of many medical obstacles.
While I feel blessed and fortunate to be here to see and experience the wonders of my children as they each make their own headway in the world and leave their own marks on the world, it still saddens me that I didn't get the chance to have my mom see all that I can.
So, I guess in a way, I am living life and experiencing these things for the both of us. And I often times wonder what Mom would say, think or do. What would she say about how my life has turned out? What would she say about the man that I married or how I am raising and rearing my children?
Sadly, those are questions that will forever haunt me and be left unanswered. And to this day, it is still hard for me to come to terms with that fact.
Being it's no more than a seven-minute walk to school, and back then, my area was pretty darn safe, my parents started out on the journey to my new school along side me, with Sarah, our Corgi. They stopped at the corner of the next street over from us and let me finish the walk on my own. As a big girl.
I remember vaguely, as I turned my head to see my parents still standing there at the corner, after I crossed the street, then crossed to the opposite corner at the end of the block. They waved to me, my dog looking sad and in wonderment of where her "sister" is going off to without her. My mom, I saw wiping tears from her eyes, trying not to fall apart, as most of us mothers do when their babies start trying out their wings.
After waving good-bye and walking out of their sight, I can only imagine how Mom fell apart, and how Dad had to console her on that "lonely" walk back to the house after I made the rest of my way off to school that beautifully warm and sunny morning.
But that would also be the last time she would ever see me take that "big leap" in growing up. Ever. Because the year before I was to start Junior High/Middle School, my mother had passed away after having suffered from a massive stroke and pneumonia.
Yesterday (Thursday, August 18th) my oldest had her Middle School orientation to take a dry run at finding her classes, knowing how to get in to her locker, meet her teachers and to learn the rules.
She has to get on the bus now, about an hour earlier than before, when she attended Elementary School. And she is fine with that. Because she also now gets out about an hour earlier than her siblings.
As my daughter waited outside at the bus stop (which for her, is now across the street) I had the flashbacks. I saw her as a tiny girl again, just starting Preschool. She and I waited for the bus at the top of the hill near our former home. She was SO excited. And I watched as she clomped up each step with her short, stubby little legs, and her huge backpack on her back, as she boarded the bus. It took all that I had to not just lose it right then and there.
Yesterday, it hit me. Not only am I seeing my little girl, my first born, grow up before my very eyes into what will be a stunningly beautiful young woman, but I am witnessing something my mother never was able to have the chance to, and never will. Not with myself, and not with her grandchildren.
I was VERY close to my oldest daughter's age when I lost my mother. And I am only about eight and a half years younger than my mother's age when she died. It pains me to know that my mother has had to miss out on SO much. My marriage. My kids. How I have grown and matured. My overcoming of many medical obstacles.
While I feel blessed and fortunate to be here to see and experience the wonders of my children as they each make their own headway in the world and leave their own marks on the world, it still saddens me that I didn't get the chance to have my mom see all that I can.
So, I guess in a way, I am living life and experiencing these things for the both of us. And I often times wonder what Mom would say, think or do. What would she say about how my life has turned out? What would she say about the man that I married or how I am raising and rearing my children?
Sadly, those are questions that will forever haunt me and be left unanswered. And to this day, it is still hard for me to come to terms with that fact.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
This May Piss You People Off.
I love my ABC Daytime. A LOT. I don't want to see "All My Children" and "One Life To Live" go off the air. It's two hours of my day, if I'm home that is, to sit and have TV time for ME. Not a time to argue over who gets what channel. MY time.
I'd love to see them spared and kept on ABC, or even have them moved to another network. I don't want to see Tad "the cad" Martin, or Bo (the "do gooder") Buchanan leave my life. But, that's what it is..Life.
So many fans are pouring their hearts and souls in to saving these two DECADES-long-running soap operas. And I say FIGHT!
But...
I think it's sad that people are putting MORE of their time, energy, efforts, hearts, souls and even MONEY in to "Save Our Soaps" protests, Tweets and blog/FaceBook postings.
Why? Because HELLO! *REAL* life is happening all around you, people. In the last almost 72 hours, OVER 200 people in three states have been killed. Their homes destroyed. Entire towns demolished.
States of Emergency are being phoned in. People are being rescued, or sadddr yet, "recovered" from the rubble which was once their home or business.
Where are all of you "soap-ers" now? I don't see you Tweeting or adding posts to your blogs or other sites in support of REAL LIFE people who REALLY need YOUR help.
I don't see you "Re-Tweeting" news reports, weather reports. All you *seem to* care about is saving television shows that just lost another about 150 of 200 fans, thanks to ravaging and KILLER storms.
Read the following captions from a CNN article, where yes, now even MY state has reported casualties... (From Breaking News via CNN)
"Entire neighborhoods were leveled and hundreds of thousands of people were without power. As of 4 a.m. Thursday, Alabama Power said 363,511 customers were without power, and as of 8 a.m. Georgia Power said 52,000 customers were without power. Bentley estimated as many as half a million to a million people were without power statewide."
""This could be one of the most devastating tornado outbreaks in the nation's history by the time it's over," CNN Meteorologist Sean Morris said."
"President Barack Obama announced late Wednesday he had approved Bentley's request for emergency federal assistance, including search and rescue support."
"While we may not know the extent of the damage for days, we will continue to monitor these severe storms across the country and stand ready to continue to help the people of Alabama and all citizens affected by these storms," Obama said in a statement."
""It literally obliterated blocks and blocks of the city," Maddox said. He told CNN Thursday morning the devastation was "unparalleled ... the city's infrastructure has been absolutely decimated.""
Get the idea now? I suggest you read the article in its entirety and get the full view of this tragic event. Maybe then, television and soap operas won't be AS important. Real people with REAL problems will open your eyes and give you a new perspective on what is REALLY important...
For me, it's not about television shows.
I'd love to see them spared and kept on ABC, or even have them moved to another network. I don't want to see Tad "the cad" Martin, or Bo (the "do gooder") Buchanan leave my life. But, that's what it is..Life.
So many fans are pouring their hearts and souls in to saving these two DECADES-long-running soap operas. And I say FIGHT!
But...
I think it's sad that people are putting MORE of their time, energy, efforts, hearts, souls and even MONEY in to "Save Our Soaps" protests, Tweets and blog/FaceBook postings.
Why? Because HELLO! *REAL* life is happening all around you, people. In the last almost 72 hours, OVER 200 people in three states have been killed. Their homes destroyed. Entire towns demolished.
States of Emergency are being phoned in. People are being rescued, or sadddr yet, "recovered" from the rubble which was once their home or business.
Where are all of you "soap-ers" now? I don't see you Tweeting or adding posts to your blogs or other sites in support of REAL LIFE people who REALLY need YOUR help.
I don't see you "Re-Tweeting" news reports, weather reports. All you *seem to* care about is saving television shows that just lost another about 150 of 200 fans, thanks to ravaging and KILLER storms.
Read the following captions from a CNN article, where yes, now even MY state has reported casualties... (From Breaking News via CNN)
"Entire neighborhoods were leveled and hundreds of thousands of people were without power. As of 4 a.m. Thursday, Alabama Power said 363,511 customers were without power, and as of 8 a.m. Georgia Power said 52,000 customers were without power. Bentley estimated as many as half a million to a million people were without power statewide."
""This could be one of the most devastating tornado outbreaks in the nation's history by the time it's over," CNN Meteorologist Sean Morris said."
"President Barack Obama announced late Wednesday he had approved Bentley's request for emergency federal assistance, including search and rescue support."
"While we may not know the extent of the damage for days, we will continue to monitor these severe storms across the country and stand ready to continue to help the people of Alabama and all citizens affected by these storms," Obama said in a statement."
""It literally obliterated blocks and blocks of the city," Maddox said. He told CNN Thursday morning the devastation was "unparalleled ... the city's infrastructure has been absolutely decimated.""
Get the idea now? I suggest you read the article in its entirety and get the full view of this tragic event. Maybe then, television and soap operas won't be AS important. Real people with REAL problems will open your eyes and give you a new perspective on what is REALLY important...
For me, it's not about television shows.
Friday, February 4, 2011
TGIF!! Join me & my FAB FRIENDS.
As a child, I had to struggle with being "different". Never mind the buck teeth or the (boy like) short hair cut (thanks MOM!). My kind of "different" was well..different.
My outward, physical appearance made me "look" different. I was at the time (legally) deemed handicapped, due to the nature of the medical problems I had as a kid, and the fact that I had to carry specialized medical equipment with me for emergency basis.
What was my "difference"? I had a tracheostomy from the time of my birth, up until almost the age of thirteen. It looked like the following graphic (or at least pretty close to this one)..
Now I'm sure as you can tell, with the way elementary school children CAN be, that I wasn't the most "popular" kid on the playground. I took it all in stride. But what friends I did in fact have, they were REAL as well as TRUE friends.
They looked beyond the trache and had seen just another kid. Just another girl. Just another tom-boy. I liked to do many of the same things as they did. Imaginative play. Riding bikes. Coloring, swinging, and all the other cool, crazy, fun things that all the other kids liked to do.
While I have ALWAYS valued my childhood friends and their friendships, one always has, and most certainly always will stand out in my mind.
Danielle. Though we all called her "Dolly". She and I were like peas and carrots (thanks "Forest Gump"!). Pretty much, we were inseparable. We did EVERYTHING together. At home, at school.
But she too was "disabled". But unlike me, her disability was hidden. Dolly had a Congenital Heart Defect, and a hole in her heart at birth, that they did patch. But in later years, her heart began to go in to Congestive Heart Failure. We were about six and seven years old at the time.
Eventually, Dolly had to be placed on the National Transplant List. And like now, of course, children's organs, especially hearts and lungs were hard to come by. But finally, her waiting was over and she was able to receive a new heart.
The transplant its self was a success. And yes, I knew, even at the tender age of six, that my BFF was really sick and had to get a new heart. My parents didn't hide it from me.
But, within a few hours of the transplant, her heart was starting to be rejected by her body. And the doctors did EVERYTHING in their power to get her heart to settle and stabilize, even going as far as getting her right back on the list.
Sadly within the first twenty-four hours post-op, Dolly's body couldn't take anymore of the beating that the rejection was placing on her and her heart. She died at the tender and innocent age of seven years old.
For three years, we were like peas and carrots. Side by side. But this is one thing I could not do with her. I couldn't walk her to the Gates. When my mom told me she passed, at first I didn't believe it. I ran out of the house, next door to Dolly's house. As soon as I walked in and had seen all the sad faces and the crying, I knew then that really my friend was gone.
To this day, I still think of her from time to time, and the friendship we had shared. And all the crazy things we would do. And tucked away, up in a box within my attic, I have the last picture that we had taken together, not too long before her death.
So, take my advice...VALUE your friends and your friendships every single day. Don't take for granted what there is in your life. Because one day, they could suddenly be snatched from your life. You never, EVER know what life is going to throw at you or at them at any given moment.
Now, first of all, add your link to my Linky Tool down below and share your blogs with us. And then, head on over to meet some more of my Fab Friends over at For The Love Of Blogs by clicking on the "Fab Friends Friday" button.
My outward, physical appearance made me "look" different. I was at the time (legally) deemed handicapped, due to the nature of the medical problems I had as a kid, and the fact that I had to carry specialized medical equipment with me for emergency basis.
What was my "difference"? I had a tracheostomy from the time of my birth, up until almost the age of thirteen. It looked like the following graphic (or at least pretty close to this one)..
Now I'm sure as you can tell, with the way elementary school children CAN be, that I wasn't the most "popular" kid on the playground. I took it all in stride. But what friends I did in fact have, they were REAL as well as TRUE friends.
They looked beyond the trache and had seen just another kid. Just another girl. Just another tom-boy. I liked to do many of the same things as they did. Imaginative play. Riding bikes. Coloring, swinging, and all the other cool, crazy, fun things that all the other kids liked to do.
While I have ALWAYS valued my childhood friends and their friendships, one always has, and most certainly always will stand out in my mind.
Danielle. Though we all called her "Dolly". She and I were like peas and carrots (thanks "Forest Gump"!). Pretty much, we were inseparable. We did EVERYTHING together. At home, at school.
But she too was "disabled". But unlike me, her disability was hidden. Dolly had a Congenital Heart Defect, and a hole in her heart at birth, that they did patch. But in later years, her heart began to go in to Congestive Heart Failure. We were about six and seven years old at the time.
Eventually, Dolly had to be placed on the National Transplant List. And like now, of course, children's organs, especially hearts and lungs were hard to come by. But finally, her waiting was over and she was able to receive a new heart.
The transplant its self was a success. And yes, I knew, even at the tender age of six, that my BFF was really sick and had to get a new heart. My parents didn't hide it from me.
But, within a few hours of the transplant, her heart was starting to be rejected by her body. And the doctors did EVERYTHING in their power to get her heart to settle and stabilize, even going as far as getting her right back on the list.
Sadly within the first twenty-four hours post-op, Dolly's body couldn't take anymore of the beating that the rejection was placing on her and her heart. She died at the tender and innocent age of seven years old.
For three years, we were like peas and carrots. Side by side. But this is one thing I could not do with her. I couldn't walk her to the Gates. When my mom told me she passed, at first I didn't believe it. I ran out of the house, next door to Dolly's house. As soon as I walked in and had seen all the sad faces and the crying, I knew then that really my friend was gone.
To this day, I still think of her from time to time, and the friendship we had shared. And all the crazy things we would do. And tucked away, up in a box within my attic, I have the last picture that we had taken together, not too long before her death.
So, take my advice...VALUE your friends and your friendships every single day. Don't take for granted what there is in your life. Because one day, they could suddenly be snatched from your life. You never, EVER know what life is going to throw at you or at them at any given moment.
Now, first of all, add your link to my Linky Tool down below and share your blogs with us. And then, head on over to meet some more of my Fab Friends over at For The Love Of Blogs by clicking on the "Fab Friends Friday" button.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Dec. 1st is World AIDS Day
Will you join me? I urge you, if you are on TWITTER, MySpace, or on FaceBook, to RIGHT CLICK, then copy the picture above of the Red Ribbon and use it as your profile picture for today in support of bringing awareness to AIDS and to support in finding a cure.
My cousin Raymond (who I have blogged about before many moons ago) was a victim of HIV/AIDS. He died when I was fourteen years old (almost TWENTY years ago). I was there, along with my grandmother, his mother, and his sister and her husband as Ray drew on his last breaths.
To see him struggle and fight on that last day was beyond heart breaking. As a "child" to be witness to such a horrific scene, it was unimaginable to see death in it's raw form. And in one of it's worst ways. I held his hand and told him it was okay to let go.
He was more than my cousin. He was my "brother". He loved me as if I was almost his. We went places all the time together. Hung out listening to Madonna and Prince. We watched movies.
And I even ate off his fork and took sips from his glass of drink. And I hugged him and kissed him (on the lips) all of the time.
Unlike his own REAL siblings and mother, I did *not* live in fear of his disease...Or of him. So he was "sick" with HIV/AIDS. He was still a human being. And I treated him the same AFTER he became sick, just as I did BEFORE he started showing the signs of full-blown AIDS.
Yes, Raymond was Gay. All out, too. He had the "walk", the "talk", and the "mannerisms" of a truly "Gay" man. That to me, made him even more lovable. Don't ask me why, because to this day, I can't pinpoint the reason.
When he died, it forever left an aching hole within my heart. I didn't lose my cousin. I lost my brother. And for a "technically" only child, that was a loss almost to great for me to bear.
Sadly at the end, I noticed relief in his mother and sister. And for the wrong reasons. It seemed like they were "relieved" to be rid of the "eye sore" of the family. The "problem child" that supposedly brought shame upon their family name. As well as humiliation. And that in its self SICKENED me.
NO ONE should have to "hide" their disease and live in fear of those that are SUPPOSED TO love them UNCONDITIONALLY, no matter HOW the disease was spread to them, be it through unprotected sex, an open wound, or tainted bags of blood from a donation.
I'm a straight, married mother of three beautiful children. I could be in a serious car accident today and require a blood transfusion. And it could POSSIBLY be tainted with the HIV/AIDS infection. Yes, screening has gotten much better since their testing abilities of the 1980's. But science and medicine are NOT perfect and could miss that one bag of blood.
A friend and I could both get cut and they accidentally taint my blood with the infection.
If I contracted AIDS, how would YOU view me? Would I be a Leper? Would you (especially if you don't know me from Eve) ASSUME that I am in a homosexual (Lesbian) relationship?
Or would you extend your hand and your heart to me and my family? Would you shake my hand and hug me? Maybe even playfully take a sip from my glass.
What would you do? After all, those with HIV/AIDS have a right to be treated as human beings, too.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
I won't remember for a day,or for the month.This 'rememberance' will be with me until I die.
See the ribbon above? I have chosen personally to not only remember this important day of awareness on just October fifteenth of every year. But, to remember it for the entire month of October.
Nor will I ever be allowed to forget for the rest of my days.
October fifteenth is known nationally (in the USA) as "Pregnancy And Infant Loss Remembrance Day". And for many mothers such as myself, as well as the millions around the world, we will never be able to forget our babies. Some of us were lucky enough to hold them for a few hours, a few days, or a few months. Then again, some of us (such is my case) never got to hold, touch or even see our baby.
On Halloween Day of 2003, I was in the sixteenth week of pregnancy. All was going fine (as so I thought, seeing as I had no complications to that point, and it was my third pregnancy). That day, I was scheduled for a vaginal ultrasound being I was a high-risk pregnancy for health reasons.
I knew, the second I had seen the little peanut on the screen, something was very off. After having so many ultrasounds in the past, I knew what to look for. And the one thing that none of us had seen was the heart fluttering.
After the doctor's tone changed to the ever-so-famous "cautiously optimistic" tone, I knew that it was confirming what I already knew thanks to my "Mommy gut".
To get a better look and to indeed confirm what all of us already knew, I got placed on the big ultrasound. And then and there, I had the worst nightmare for a pregnant mother to go through. My baby was dead.
After getting the shocking news, my mother-in-law called my husband to get to the doctor's office. All he knew was that something was wrong with the baby. After we both got over the shock of all that happened, I called where we both worked at the time and let them know. For some stupid reason I kept on apologizing for not making it back to work from my extended lunch time.
A few days later, seeing as the baby did not miscarry on it's own, I was forced to have a D & C (Dilation and Curettage) to help expel my twelve to fourteen-week-old baby. I was nearing toxic levels in my system from the baby being dead inside for up to approximately four weeks. It was the worst and the most horrific surgerical procedure that I have ever had to endure.
All I knew was this was NOT supposed to be happening. I was not to be having to abort my baby. I was supposed to be having a normal pregnancy and readying for the new addition to our hearts. And instead, I was being forced to let him or her go.
To this day, especially when Halloween Day is upon us, and when November third (the day that my baby was "officially" gone from me), I still grieve. And I often wonder what would have become of our Michael Gregory, if he had survived.
Sure, some will read this and say to themselves that I need to "get over it already". But they cannot EVER know the lasting pain and the hole that is forever etched in to your heart and in to your soul from a loss as deeply profound as losing your baby (or a child in general).
I may not have ever been able to have held and caressed my child in my arms. But he is forever within a special place of my heart, and is deep within my soul, right along with his two sisters and his brother. For they too had lost out on having another brother to love.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
9/11/2001...We remember. In songs and pictures.
Like Pearl Harbor, September 11, 2001, also known as 9/11, has gone down in infamy.
Feel free to watch the following videos. I have no words, really for today, being that I had said all that I could the other day ABOUT 9-11.
I'm asking you, my readers, that if you wish to comment on this post, that you DO NOT make comments or start debates in regards to *politics*, *conspiracy theories*, or make any *anti-religion* (namely Islam/Muslim) remarks.
Thank you for respecting my blog, this post, and this day's meaning by refraining from the above.
Feel free to watch the following videos. I have no words, really for today, being that I had said all that I could the other day ABOUT 9-11.
I'm asking you, my readers, that if you wish to comment on this post, that you DO NOT make comments or start debates in regards to *politics*, *conspiracy theories*, or make any *anti-religion* (namely Islam/Muslim) remarks.
Thank you for respecting my blog, this post, and this day's meaning by refraining from the above.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
"Where Were You On That September Day?"
If you recognize that line that I used for the title of this post, then you know which song it is from and what it symbolizes. September 11, 2001 will remain in many a heart and memory for generations to come.
Not for it's year in music or the Emmy that Television shows had won. Or the hot Summer Flicks that Hollywood spun out that year.
It will be remembered as one of the most prolific tragedies of our time. Of our generation, and of the Twentieth Century. September 11th is forever known as '9-11'.
That was the day that it did indeed seem that the world had stopped turning. Millions in America, and billions around the world had frozen in place as they had witnessed first hand, or had seen the first taped images of the root cause of the first Trade Center Tower being on fire, seeing as the second plane crashed in to the other tower as the first was being filmed on live TV, as it was on fire and had people JUMPING OFF the building, as to escape being burned alive.
Do you remember what you were doing at that moment in time? Be it in pieces, or in minute detail. I certainly do. All the way down to calling my husband at work, and listening to his description of how the customers and his co-workers reacted to the news.
When the news started breaking, they had said in past-tense that a plane hit the WTC Tower. As Diane Sawyer and Charlie Gibson from Good Morning America (back in those days) were trying to get more on the story, thinking a bomb (not a plane) had gone off, right behind them, on the back screen, in a live shot, the other plane came in at what seemed to be an odd angle.
Suddenly, as I sat there, engrossed and waiting for a more defined answer to what happened, the answer became horrifically known to me and millions of others in the nation as to what REALLY happened.
Sitting there, holding Bryce in my arms (he was three months old then, and Hayley was at school for her (then) developmental delays), I watched as the other plane hit and just blew up before my very eyes.
Suddenly, I began to cry and I notably held Bryce a little tighter as he sat upon my lap, oblivious to what was unfolding before him. Then the thought swept in to my mind, and I could hear myself say "What kind of world have I truly brought my children in to? Is this what they have to look forward to in their future? What did we as a nation do, to deserve this kind of terroristic-type act (not knowing yet that it INDEED WAS a terrorist attack upon out nation)?".
I'd sat there, frozen and silent. It wasn't until I came out of the 'trance' that I realized that I just witnessed a plane full of people, and people within that tower being murdered. The shock to see what I had, left me dazed.
After I got myself together, I called my husband at work (then, we didn't have cells, so I had to call the store) and I asked if they had heard. He'd said yes, as did all of the customers and fellow employees, being that they announced it, and then had a moment of silence...Customers left in droves to get home, or were on frantic calls right in the aisles, Scott said, making sure their loved ones in NY and that were to be on flights that morning were okay.
Just think, one week prior, I was flying home from Reno, Nevada, after a week's stay due to my grandmother (Nana, who's ashes I wrote about finally getting) had passed away. Even then, on the flight home, something seemed...'off'. But I could never place what it was. I just felt very uneasy. And I had never felt that way before when it came to flying.
Maybe I was sensing the tragedy that was about to unfold. But I just didn't "get it". The entire trip home felt 'weird'. Who knows.
Maybe there were a couple of those terrorists on board with me, getting "practice flights" or going to their final destination via my route to go home. This I will never, ever know for sure. All I know is that I knew that there was something big coming. I could feel it. But I couldn't pinpoint what it was. That feeling stayed with me...
All the way home on my flight upon American Airlines.
*The following has real footage from news tapes included in to this song's video.*
May we never forget.
Not for it's year in music or the Emmy that Television shows had won. Or the hot Summer Flicks that Hollywood spun out that year.
It will be remembered as one of the most prolific tragedies of our time. Of our generation, and of the Twentieth Century. September 11th is forever known as '9-11'.
That was the day that it did indeed seem that the world had stopped turning. Millions in America, and billions around the world had frozen in place as they had witnessed first hand, or had seen the first taped images of the root cause of the first Trade Center Tower being on fire, seeing as the second plane crashed in to the other tower as the first was being filmed on live TV, as it was on fire and had people JUMPING OFF the building, as to escape being burned alive.
Do you remember what you were doing at that moment in time? Be it in pieces, or in minute detail. I certainly do. All the way down to calling my husband at work, and listening to his description of how the customers and his co-workers reacted to the news.
When the news started breaking, they had said in past-tense that a plane hit the WTC Tower. As Diane Sawyer and Charlie Gibson from Good Morning America (back in those days) were trying to get more on the story, thinking a bomb (not a plane) had gone off, right behind them, on the back screen, in a live shot, the other plane came in at what seemed to be an odd angle.
Suddenly, as I sat there, engrossed and waiting for a more defined answer to what happened, the answer became horrifically known to me and millions of others in the nation as to what REALLY happened.
Sitting there, holding Bryce in my arms (he was three months old then, and Hayley was at school for her (then) developmental delays), I watched as the other plane hit and just blew up before my very eyes.
Suddenly, I began to cry and I notably held Bryce a little tighter as he sat upon my lap, oblivious to what was unfolding before him. Then the thought swept in to my mind, and I could hear myself say "What kind of world have I truly brought my children in to? Is this what they have to look forward to in their future? What did we as a nation do, to deserve this kind of terroristic-type act (not knowing yet that it INDEED WAS a terrorist attack upon out nation)?".
I'd sat there, frozen and silent. It wasn't until I came out of the 'trance' that I realized that I just witnessed a plane full of people, and people within that tower being murdered. The shock to see what I had, left me dazed.
After I got myself together, I called my husband at work (then, we didn't have cells, so I had to call the store) and I asked if they had heard. He'd said yes, as did all of the customers and fellow employees, being that they announced it, and then had a moment of silence...Customers left in droves to get home, or were on frantic calls right in the aisles, Scott said, making sure their loved ones in NY and that were to be on flights that morning were okay.
Just think, one week prior, I was flying home from Reno, Nevada, after a week's stay due to my grandmother (Nana, who's ashes I wrote about finally getting) had passed away. Even then, on the flight home, something seemed...'off'. But I could never place what it was. I just felt very uneasy. And I had never felt that way before when it came to flying.
Maybe I was sensing the tragedy that was about to unfold. But I just didn't "get it". The entire trip home felt 'weird'. Who knows.
Maybe there were a couple of those terrorists on board with me, getting "practice flights" or going to their final destination via my route to go home. This I will never, ever know for sure. All I know is that I knew that there was something big coming. I could feel it. But I couldn't pinpoint what it was. That feeling stayed with me...
All the way home on my flight upon American Airlines.
*The following has real footage from news tapes included in to this song's video.*
May we never forget.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Gone, but was never forgotten. Eight years later...
I'm not going to rant, spout off on anything, or joke around. Today is a solemn day. Because reality had set in. With a look at one piece of paper and a package.
Sure, over on Facebook, I was all jokes and laughs. I think it was my way of dealing with what was about to come to my door, and back in to my life. Now, it is here. And the jokes have since stopped. Reflection has taken its place.
I finally got my grandmother's ashes. Eight years after her passing. She arrived here from Nevada on her birthday (8/26) & I missed her.
Then, they tried to deliver her on her Death Anniversary (8/27). I finally got her from the USPO yesterday.
After getting the box open, and pulling her cremains box out, Scott found an envelope with a copy of her Transport-Burial certificate (also served partially as a death cert.).
It was then, as I had seen the DOD, and the place she died, that I finally broke down, as I carried her to the place I want her to be (for now). I had the flash of those last 2 days before her death hit me. And I was mourning her all over again. Even if it was just for a brief moment.
To see this finally over, after almost a decade, for it to come to a close, it the end of longing for me. At least where my Nana is concerned.
She never placed on the papers of whom she wanted to have her cremains sent (family wise) when she filled out the paperwork to donate her body to University of Nevada, Reno.
It looked like the Medical School had her for just under a year. The signature date for cremation was 4-4-2003, which placed it at almost nine months after her date of death.
Holding Nana in my arms, after all of these years was bitter-sweet for me. I wish it was her in the flesh. Even just for a moment, to REALLY hold her, hug on her and tell her how much I love her still...Even though we had our battles as she helped raise me after my mom died. It was more of a generational battle than anything.
At least she is home, with her family, where she belongs. No longer is she encased within a Nitch for those that have gone unclaimed. To them she was 'just a number'. To me, and to my dad, she is much more than that. And now, her death has come full circle.
In fact, there is now a little running joke that was started by one of Scott's Aunts. She said that she bets that Nana got to go to more places in death, than she did in life. She's right! Nana really got around in life. But she REALLY got around in death.
Sure, over on Facebook, I was all jokes and laughs. I think it was my way of dealing with what was about to come to my door, and back in to my life. Now, it is here. And the jokes have since stopped. Reflection has taken its place.
I finally got my grandmother's ashes. Eight years after her passing. She arrived here from Nevada on her birthday (8/26) & I missed her.
Then, they tried to deliver her on her Death Anniversary (8/27). I finally got her from the USPO yesterday.
After getting the box open, and pulling her cremains box out, Scott found an envelope with a copy of her Transport-Burial certificate (also served partially as a death cert.).
It was then, as I had seen the DOD, and the place she died, that I finally broke down, as I carried her to the place I want her to be (for now). I had the flash of those last 2 days before her death hit me. And I was mourning her all over again. Even if it was just for a brief moment.
To see this finally over, after almost a decade, for it to come to a close, it the end of longing for me. At least where my Nana is concerned.
She never placed on the papers of whom she wanted to have her cremains sent (family wise) when she filled out the paperwork to donate her body to University of Nevada, Reno.
It looked like the Medical School had her for just under a year. The signature date for cremation was 4-4-2003, which placed it at almost nine months after her date of death.
Holding Nana in my arms, after all of these years was bitter-sweet for me. I wish it was her in the flesh. Even just for a moment, to REALLY hold her, hug on her and tell her how much I love her still...Even though we had our battles as she helped raise me after my mom died. It was more of a generational battle than anything.
At least she is home, with her family, where she belongs. No longer is she encased within a Nitch for those that have gone unclaimed. To them she was 'just a number'. To me, and to my dad, she is much more than that. And now, her death has come full circle.
In fact, there is now a little running joke that was started by one of Scott's Aunts. She said that she bets that Nana got to go to more places in death, than she did in life. She's right! Nana really got around in life. But she REALLY got around in death.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Letting Go...Not That Easy (get out the tissues)
Over at FaceBook, I do this one application called "On This Day,God Wants You To Know". While I am a Christian, I am not very devout. I believe, and I do read the Bible. I pray for others as needed and felt led to.
With these "messages" from God, it gives you these little encouraging tidbits on how to improve your life, or of someone around you, and lets you know that you aren't alone.
Today's read for me as follows...
"On this day, God wants you to know... that it's time you let go. Yes, of course, you want to control so everything happens in just the way you want it. But at the end of the day, we control nothing, - it's all in God's hands, - has always been, and will always be. So, do what you can, and then let go, and let God handle the rest."
Above this, I had stated in the status area... (my words)
"It's not so much for me, but someone else that this is going to be hard to do. A lifetime can't be let go of that easily. Although, I DID get a lifetime of what I lacked in just one decade. For that I'm forever grateful."
You see, I had grown up since infancy with only my two grandmothers. Both of my grandfathers were dead. One passed a year or around there before my birth. The other died in Germany, during World War II when MY dad was only six months old.
The only 'grandfather' I had was my Great-Grandfather. But he passed away when I was six years old. And I don't have much memory of him or our time together, sadly.
For years and years, I often wondered what having a grandfather in my life would be like. I wondered what my grandfathers would have done with me activity-wise. Fishing, walks, talks about yesteryear. Even throwing a ball around would have been nice (being I was a tomboy).
After Scott and I had gotten together, I started meeting his folks. Good, southern, country-hospitality type of people. Love of family, country and God. Then one day, it was time for my first experience meeting the WHOLE side of Scott's dad's kin. WOW!! Think about this, his grandparents, their SEVEN kids, and THEIR other halves. Then add in all of THEIR kids. And even some more kids after that. LOTS of people.
Almost instantaneously, his grandparents took me under their wing and called me "just another of their grandkids". I have since then had a surprising and unexpectedly unique place in my heart for those two. Especially Scott's grandfather. He is a man of a few words. He has hands of steel. But also full of love. Even now, in his frailty. He has ALWAYS been good and kind to my oldest child and daughter, Hayley, who is from my first marriage. He (as well as Scott's grandma and the rest of the crew) treats her like she has ALWAYS been a Cowart. Nothing less.
For him and his family to take my daughter and I in to their hearts as they have, I will ALWAYS be grateful, thankful and filled with pride.
This past Saturday, we had the annual family picnic/reunion. This year though, everyone (except an aunt, Scott and a nephew, due to work schedule conflicts mainly) was there. It was great to see. Everyone was smiling, laughing, reminiscing, and just sharing of themselves.
This is also most likely the last one with the patriarch of the family. Big Papa (Scott's grandfather) has been steadily declining over the last year. At this time last year, he was hospitalized, and we thought he was not going to make it. He did. And they gave him six more months to live...Just over six months ago.
We all know that the inevitable is coming. It's no longer a matter of if, but of when. And with only ten percent of Big Papa's heart working, we know that time is most certainly precious for each day that we all still have him in our lives.
I've suffered some of the worst loss imaginable as a child. I lost my mother when I was twelve years old. Scott has lost a couple of uncles that I know of, and his Maternal Grandparents (one before birth and one at eight years old).
Losing a cousin or an aunt or uncle is one thing. But to lose a parent at a young age is just in a way fatefully cruel. Losing a grandparent so far in to adulthood yourself, can deal a huge blow to your heart.
Scott's going to take this hard. He is quite close with Big Papa and Big Grandma. It will really be his first major loss that he will understand. And it's already killing both of us inside.
I was actually not going to go. I had my reasons. But then I changed my mind. Now, I am glad I did. And I even got a few pictures of the kids with their great-grandparents.
After getting home and staring at the one of the girls with Big Papa, Skyler sitting on his lap, and him looking SO happy, it hit me. This was quite possibly THE last time I myself will see him alive, being I don't get to personally see them that much. Nor do the kids.
Thanks to that man, he gave me in ten years, what I yearned for, for practically my entire life. To know what it's like to have a grandfather in your life. And I was fortunate enough to receive this BEAUTIFUL gift from him.
It's going to be hard for me when his journey here is over. But I know it will be much, MUCH harder for Scott. And I can only hope and pray now, that when the time comes, I will be the rock he needs me to be. To be the comfort he needs. To have the right words when he asks "why" and "how".
Yes, we all must let go. Of past hurts, of anger and of sadness. But at times, knowing you must let go makes you want to hold on even tighter due to the fear of the loss. Letting go of those that are most important in your life in ANY means can be difficult. But there are those very special someone's that it seems IMPOSSIBLE that you have to let them go.
And Big Papa is going to be one of them.
With these "messages" from God, it gives you these little encouraging tidbits on how to improve your life, or of someone around you, and lets you know that you aren't alone.
Today's read for me as follows...
"On this day, God wants you to know... that it's time you let go. Yes, of course, you want to control so everything happens in just the way you want it. But at the end of the day, we control nothing, - it's all in God's hands, - has always been, and will always be. So, do what you can, and then let go, and let God handle the rest."
Above this, I had stated in the status area... (my words)
"It's not so much for me, but someone else that this is going to be hard to do. A lifetime can't be let go of that easily. Although, I DID get a lifetime of what I lacked in just one decade. For that I'm forever grateful."
You see, I had grown up since infancy with only my two grandmothers. Both of my grandfathers were dead. One passed a year or around there before my birth. The other died in Germany, during World War II when MY dad was only six months old.
The only 'grandfather' I had was my Great-Grandfather. But he passed away when I was six years old. And I don't have much memory of him or our time together, sadly.
For years and years, I often wondered what having a grandfather in my life would be like. I wondered what my grandfathers would have done with me activity-wise. Fishing, walks, talks about yesteryear. Even throwing a ball around would have been nice (being I was a tomboy).
After Scott and I had gotten together, I started meeting his folks. Good, southern, country-hospitality type of people. Love of family, country and God. Then one day, it was time for my first experience meeting the WHOLE side of Scott's dad's kin. WOW!! Think about this, his grandparents, their SEVEN kids, and THEIR other halves. Then add in all of THEIR kids. And even some more kids after that. LOTS of people.
Almost instantaneously, his grandparents took me under their wing and called me "just another of their grandkids". I have since then had a surprising and unexpectedly unique place in my heart for those two. Especially Scott's grandfather. He is a man of a few words. He has hands of steel. But also full of love. Even now, in his frailty. He has ALWAYS been good and kind to my oldest child and daughter, Hayley, who is from my first marriage. He (as well as Scott's grandma and the rest of the crew) treats her like she has ALWAYS been a Cowart. Nothing less.
For him and his family to take my daughter and I in to their hearts as they have, I will ALWAYS be grateful, thankful and filled with pride.
This past Saturday, we had the annual family picnic/reunion. This year though, everyone (except an aunt, Scott and a nephew, due to work schedule conflicts mainly) was there. It was great to see. Everyone was smiling, laughing, reminiscing, and just sharing of themselves.
This is also most likely the last one with the patriarch of the family. Big Papa (Scott's grandfather) has been steadily declining over the last year. At this time last year, he was hospitalized, and we thought he was not going to make it. He did. And they gave him six more months to live...Just over six months ago.
We all know that the inevitable is coming. It's no longer a matter of if, but of when. And with only ten percent of Big Papa's heart working, we know that time is most certainly precious for each day that we all still have him in our lives.
I've suffered some of the worst loss imaginable as a child. I lost my mother when I was twelve years old. Scott has lost a couple of uncles that I know of, and his Maternal Grandparents (one before birth and one at eight years old).
Losing a cousin or an aunt or uncle is one thing. But to lose a parent at a young age is just in a way fatefully cruel. Losing a grandparent so far in to adulthood yourself, can deal a huge blow to your heart.
Scott's going to take this hard. He is quite close with Big Papa and Big Grandma. It will really be his first major loss that he will understand. And it's already killing both of us inside.
I was actually not going to go. I had my reasons. But then I changed my mind. Now, I am glad I did. And I even got a few pictures of the kids with their great-grandparents.
After getting home and staring at the one of the girls with Big Papa, Skyler sitting on his lap, and him looking SO happy, it hit me. This was quite possibly THE last time I myself will see him alive, being I don't get to personally see them that much. Nor do the kids.
Thanks to that man, he gave me in ten years, what I yearned for, for practically my entire life. To know what it's like to have a grandfather in your life. And I was fortunate enough to receive this BEAUTIFUL gift from him.
It's going to be hard for me when his journey here is over. But I know it will be much, MUCH harder for Scott. And I can only hope and pray now, that when the time comes, I will be the rock he needs me to be. To be the comfort he needs. To have the right words when he asks "why" and "how".
Yes, we all must let go. Of past hurts, of anger and of sadness. But at times, knowing you must let go makes you want to hold on even tighter due to the fear of the loss. Letting go of those that are most important in your life in ANY means can be difficult. But there are those very special someone's that it seems IMPOSSIBLE that you have to let them go.
And Big Papa is going to be one of them.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Friends. Are they "real" to you? They are to me.
I've stated many times, in many places, that I take my friendships to heart. Both in real life, and on the internet. None of my friends are "fake" to me. When they hurt, I hurt. When they rejoice, I rejoice. When they are angry, I try my best to ease the anger and help them triumph over it.
All that I am asking is the same kindness, love, and respect in return.
Yesterday, myself, Facebook, the internet, People With Disabilities, a Fiance, and five children and a host of friends (both IRL and on the net), and extended family lost a true gem.
Marta Wolf passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. She was a unique soul. She too carried her friendships in to her heart. And she too lent a hand, a word, a smile, and her heart to you when you needed it.
I have lost a good friend. We only got to speak on the phone one time. But we had a wonderful conversation. Laughs were a-plenty that day. That is one memory I will truly treasure. And in turn, it will help me to keep her in my memory.
Also, this goes to show just how powerful a tool that the internet CAN BE. And it shows the POSITIVE side that more often than not, happens. Friendships are not to be taken lightly. Even through the computer screen. THERE ARE REAL PEOPLE on the other side of a website. They have feelings. And they have a heart.
When used correctly, for what a social media site is intended for, the web can be a BEAUTIFUL place to be. But when used in a manner only to hurt and maim another HUMAN BEING, then it is a tool of hurt and violence.
So, Marta, rest in peace, my friend. You were, and always will be a treasured soul to the many lives that you have touched. We love you, and will greatly miss your humor, your love, and your smile.
"Shout To The Lord"
Shout to the Lord, all the earth,
Let us sing
Power and majesty, praise to the King;
Mountains bow down and the seas will roar
At the sound of Your name.
I sing for joy at the work of Your hands,
Forever I'll love You, forever I'll stand,
Nothing compares to the promise I have in You.
My Jesus, My Savior,
Lord, there is none like You;
All of my days
I want to praise
The wonders of Your mighty love.
My comfort, my shelter,
Tower of refuge and strength;
Let every breath, all that I am
Never cease to worship You.
Shout to the Lord, all the earth,
Let us sing
Power and majesty, praise to the King;
Mountains bow down and the seas will roar
At the sound of Your name.
I sing for joy at the work of Your hands,
Forever I'll love You, forever I'll stand,
Nothing compares to the promise I have in You.
Shout to the Lord, all the earth,
Let us sing
Power and majesty, praise to the King;
Mountains bow down and the seas will roar
At the sound of Your name.
I sing for joy at the work of Your hands,
Forever I'll love You, forever I'll stand,
Nothing compares to the promise I have in You.
Nothing compares to the promise I have
Nothing compares to the promise I have in you
All that I am asking is the same kindness, love, and respect in return.
Yesterday, myself, Facebook, the internet, People With Disabilities, a Fiance, and five children and a host of friends (both IRL and on the net), and extended family lost a true gem.
Marta Wolf passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. She was a unique soul. She too carried her friendships in to her heart. And she too lent a hand, a word, a smile, and her heart to you when you needed it.
I have lost a good friend. We only got to speak on the phone one time. But we had a wonderful conversation. Laughs were a-plenty that day. That is one memory I will truly treasure. And in turn, it will help me to keep her in my memory.
Also, this goes to show just how powerful a tool that the internet CAN BE. And it shows the POSITIVE side that more often than not, happens. Friendships are not to be taken lightly. Even through the computer screen. THERE ARE REAL PEOPLE on the other side of a website. They have feelings. And they have a heart.
When used correctly, for what a social media site is intended for, the web can be a BEAUTIFUL place to be. But when used in a manner only to hurt and maim another HUMAN BEING, then it is a tool of hurt and violence.
So, Marta, rest in peace, my friend. You were, and always will be a treasured soul to the many lives that you have touched. We love you, and will greatly miss your humor, your love, and your smile.
"Shout To The Lord"
Shout to the Lord, all the earth,
Let us sing
Power and majesty, praise to the King;
Mountains bow down and the seas will roar
At the sound of Your name.
I sing for joy at the work of Your hands,
Forever I'll love You, forever I'll stand,
Nothing compares to the promise I have in You.
My Jesus, My Savior,
Lord, there is none like You;
All of my days
I want to praise
The wonders of Your mighty love.
My comfort, my shelter,
Tower of refuge and strength;
Let every breath, all that I am
Never cease to worship You.
Shout to the Lord, all the earth,
Let us sing
Power and majesty, praise to the King;
Mountains bow down and the seas will roar
At the sound of Your name.
I sing for joy at the work of Your hands,
Forever I'll love You, forever I'll stand,
Nothing compares to the promise I have in You.
Shout to the Lord, all the earth,
Let us sing
Power and majesty, praise to the King;
Mountains bow down and the seas will roar
At the sound of Your name.
I sing for joy at the work of Your hands,
Forever I'll love You, forever I'll stand,
Nothing compares to the promise I have in You.
Nothing compares to the promise I have
Nothing compares to the promise I have in you
Monday, March 29, 2010
Friendship 101.... The right way and the wrong way to DROP a friend.
Friendships. I take them seriously. Never with a "grain of salt". I've personally been known to cry with someone. I'll laugh with them. I will rejoice with them. I will be an ear for them, as well as a shoulder to cry on.
For friends that are here in my life for real, as well as for my "internet family" of friends. There are REAL people on the other side of this computer screen.
People with REAL feelings. Real emotions. Real hearts. And all of those can be easily shattered when you are not thinking of the REAL person on the other side.
I've had it happen to me all too many times. People saying hateful things, either to me or to friends/family. Judging my character, my choices, my parenting styles.
They might just be words to those that spew them. Or actions (even REACTIONS). But to the one that they are being aimed at, it can wound them. Deeply. On many levels.
Case in point...
There is a person I have "known" via the internet for a few years now. We hit it off pretty instantaneously. I've never judged the person for how they live their life and "run" the family. And this person afforded me the same courtesy. All was good. At least I thought it was.
Now, I guess that the "magic" in the friendship is gone. And it's apparently gone with a number of us. Because just like that, this person that I have been friends with, "dumped" me, along with some of my other wonderful friends that we (at one time) shared.
No explanation. No warning. No rhyme or reason. The person started deleting and BLOCKING people. None of us can figure out why. We don't know, nor can we think of ANYTHING that we did to offend or hurt this person (supposedly).
Must be nice to be able to just throw years of friendship and love away as if it NEVER meant a thing...Especially since it was "only" an 'internet friend'. Would this person have done this to us if it was on a more personal, face-to-face level? Maybe. Maybe not. At least face-to-face, we have a better chance of knowing what we "did wrong".
Friends come and go out of our lives. It's just a fact of life. And that's okay with me. But there is a 'right' way, as well as a 'wrong' way to do so. Especially if this 'friendship' has spanned OVER a year's time.
Several of us are hurt and bewildered. We wish to know WHAT WE DID/SAID and try to rectify the situation. If the person wishes to no longer have friendship with us, we are okay. But we as a group that have been tossed to the wayside (at least that's how we feel) and feel that we are at the very least owed an explanation for the sudden change of heart.
But hey, you can lead a horse to water. But you certainly can't force it to drink. Am I not right? If they feel that jilted by us, even though we have never shown anything but love, acceptance and respect for them, then that's on them. I don't have to live with the guilt of how I treated three people that were nothing but kind and loving. At least I would have GIVEN AN EXPLANATION as to why I am "giving them the boot".
Like they say, what goes around that you send out, will come back and bite you ten times harder.
For friends that are here in my life for real, as well as for my "internet family" of friends. There are REAL people on the other side of this computer screen.
People with REAL feelings. Real emotions. Real hearts. And all of those can be easily shattered when you are not thinking of the REAL person on the other side.
I've had it happen to me all too many times. People saying hateful things, either to me or to friends/family. Judging my character, my choices, my parenting styles.
They might just be words to those that spew them. Or actions (even REACTIONS). But to the one that they are being aimed at, it can wound them. Deeply. On many levels.
Case in point...
There is a person I have "known" via the internet for a few years now. We hit it off pretty instantaneously. I've never judged the person for how they live their life and "run" the family. And this person afforded me the same courtesy. All was good. At least I thought it was.
Now, I guess that the "magic" in the friendship is gone. And it's apparently gone with a number of us. Because just like that, this person that I have been friends with, "dumped" me, along with some of my other wonderful friends that we (at one time) shared.
No explanation. No warning. No rhyme or reason. The person started deleting and BLOCKING people. None of us can figure out why. We don't know, nor can we think of ANYTHING that we did to offend or hurt this person (supposedly).
Must be nice to be able to just throw years of friendship and love away as if it NEVER meant a thing...Especially since it was "only" an 'internet friend'. Would this person have done this to us if it was on a more personal, face-to-face level? Maybe. Maybe not. At least face-to-face, we have a better chance of knowing what we "did wrong".
Friends come and go out of our lives. It's just a fact of life. And that's okay with me. But there is a 'right' way, as well as a 'wrong' way to do so. Especially if this 'friendship' has spanned OVER a year's time.
Several of us are hurt and bewildered. We wish to know WHAT WE DID/SAID and try to rectify the situation. If the person wishes to no longer have friendship with us, we are okay. But we as a group that have been tossed to the wayside (at least that's how we feel) and feel that we are at the very least owed an explanation for the sudden change of heart.
But hey, you can lead a horse to water. But you certainly can't force it to drink. Am I not right? If they feel that jilted by us, even though we have never shown anything but love, acceptance and respect for them, then that's on them. I don't have to live with the guilt of how I treated three people that were nothing but kind and loving. At least I would have GIVEN AN EXPLANATION as to why I am "giving them the boot".
Like they say, what goes around that you send out, will come back and bite you ten times harder.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Copy of letter to DONATE LIFE AMERICA re: my story of being a Cornea Recipient
For much of my adult life, I have been battling what I thought to be "teen acne". That was until the morning of October 21,2009. That's when I perforated my Cornea after poking it with my finger knuckle as I scratched an itch on my eyebrow, and my finger slipped.
On October 24th, I was sent to Duke University Medical Center and learned that I in fact had the skin condition, Rosacea. This is called Ocular Rosacea. It was in my eyes as well. And as a result, the Cornea thinned with each flare-up.
On October 29th, I was rushed back to Duke for an emergency Corneal Transplant. The Gluing procedure that was used to wait out the infection didn't work.
Thanks to my Donor, their courageous gift, and his/her family, I was able to regain my sight. At least a tiny bit. It's going to take a great amount of time (about a year or so) for all of my vision to return.
But this married, Stay-At-Home Mom of three children (ages 10 years to 5 years) is forever grateful to the doctors, her Donor, Donor Family and the North Carolina Eye Bank for the gift of sight. Without them and my family's support, I very well could be blind for the rest of my life (or even without an actual eye).
That Cornea Donation saved my Cornea, the eye it's self, and my life as I've come to "know" it.
Please give to others. Be a Donor and give someone the chance at a better, healthier, and happier life.
I myself am an Organ/Tissue/Eye Donor. If you are going to "take", it's always a good thing to also "give".
Melissa, State of Virginia
On October 24th, I was sent to Duke University Medical Center and learned that I in fact had the skin condition, Rosacea. This is called Ocular Rosacea. It was in my eyes as well. And as a result, the Cornea thinned with each flare-up.
On October 29th, I was rushed back to Duke for an emergency Corneal Transplant. The Gluing procedure that was used to wait out the infection didn't work.
Thanks to my Donor, their courageous gift, and his/her family, I was able to regain my sight. At least a tiny bit. It's going to take a great amount of time (about a year or so) for all of my vision to return.
But this married, Stay-At-Home Mom of three children (ages 10 years to 5 years) is forever grateful to the doctors, her Donor, Donor Family and the North Carolina Eye Bank for the gift of sight. Without them and my family's support, I very well could be blind for the rest of my life (or even without an actual eye).
That Cornea Donation saved my Cornea, the eye it's self, and my life as I've come to "know" it.
Please give to others. Be a Donor and give someone the chance at a better, healthier, and happier life.
I myself am an Organ/Tissue/Eye Donor. If you are going to "take", it's always a good thing to also "give".
Melissa, State of Virginia
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Testimony Sunday (1 Peter 1:6-7...Grief, Loss & Suffering)
This week's verse...
6In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.
I know of this passage quite well within my life. Within my thirty-three years on this earth, I have already lost my Maternal Grandparents, never knew my Grandfather's (but have 'felt them' near), my Mother, my Paternal Grandmother and two pregnancies, and my Paternal Great-Grandfather.
With the exception of my Grandfathers, my Maternal Grandmother (too young) and my Great-Grandfather (again, too young to understand), my Christian faith was rocked to the core from these losses. Especially the loss of my mother and my last miscarriage in 2003.
For years after my mom's passing I despised God, His love, and anything else to do with Him. I wanted nothing of Christ. He had nothing to offer me. Except pain, grief and internal agony within my spirit and my heart.
The Lord made me suffer within some very deep Valleys. I saw the Mountain tops. Every time I would get halfway back up that Mountain, it seemed that the Lord would push me off a cliff, back down to the Valley floor.
It took a few years worth of soul searching, internal 'tug-of-wars' and finally seeing God's Truths behind Satan's snares and lies that the demon fed me.
You know the kinds..."If God really loved you, He would not have taken all those people away. Especially you mother and baby". "God is punishing you for being a bratty child, so he took your mother for all the lies you told her". Those are just a couple of the thoughts that I had...The 'gem' of them all came when I lost my second pregnancy. "The Lord has taken away your child because you are not worthy of His love. An eye for an eye. You rejected Him, now He has given the ultimate punishment....Your child for His".
It took much prayer, much Scripture reading and much one-on-one with my Heavenly Father to finally realize that none of the above was true.
What is true now, as it was back then is that He will test you. He will put you through "trials by fire" and He knows that you indeed will suffer. Loss, grief, anger due to the loss, and walk through some pretty deep Valleys in order to climb to the top of that Mountain.
But never once will He forsake you. He is with you every step. Even when it seems that you are alone. Jesus Christ is there. And in the end, when your grief and suffering are over, He will be there waiting to take you in His arms and let you know that He never leaves His children to ever fully fend for themselves. And that the Mountain Top is always attainable for all.
6In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.
I know of this passage quite well within my life. Within my thirty-three years on this earth, I have already lost my Maternal Grandparents, never knew my Grandfather's (but have 'felt them' near), my Mother, my Paternal Grandmother and two pregnancies, and my Paternal Great-Grandfather.
With the exception of my Grandfathers, my Maternal Grandmother (too young) and my Great-Grandfather (again, too young to understand), my Christian faith was rocked to the core from these losses. Especially the loss of my mother and my last miscarriage in 2003.
For years after my mom's passing I despised God, His love, and anything else to do with Him. I wanted nothing of Christ. He had nothing to offer me. Except pain, grief and internal agony within my spirit and my heart.
The Lord made me suffer within some very deep Valleys. I saw the Mountain tops. Every time I would get halfway back up that Mountain, it seemed that the Lord would push me off a cliff, back down to the Valley floor.
It took a few years worth of soul searching, internal 'tug-of-wars' and finally seeing God's Truths behind Satan's snares and lies that the demon fed me.
You know the kinds..."If God really loved you, He would not have taken all those people away. Especially you mother and baby". "God is punishing you for being a bratty child, so he took your mother for all the lies you told her". Those are just a couple of the thoughts that I had...The 'gem' of them all came when I lost my second pregnancy. "The Lord has taken away your child because you are not worthy of His love. An eye for an eye. You rejected Him, now He has given the ultimate punishment....Your child for His".
It took much prayer, much Scripture reading and much one-on-one with my Heavenly Father to finally realize that none of the above was true.
What is true now, as it was back then is that He will test you. He will put you through "trials by fire" and He knows that you indeed will suffer. Loss, grief, anger due to the loss, and walk through some pretty deep Valleys in order to climb to the top of that Mountain.
But never once will He forsake you. He is with you every step. Even when it seems that you are alone. Jesus Christ is there. And in the end, when your grief and suffering are over, He will be there waiting to take you in His arms and let you know that He never leaves His children to ever fully fend for themselves. And that the Mountain Top is always attainable for all.
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