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Sunday, August 29, 2010

Gone, but was never forgotten. Eight years later...

I'm not going to rant, spout off on anything, or joke around. Today is a solemn day. Because reality had set in. With a look at one piece of paper and a package.

Sure, over on Facebook, I was all jokes and laughs. I think it was my way of dealing with what was about to come to my door, and back in to my life. Now, it is here. And the jokes have since stopped. Reflection has taken its place.

I finally got my grandmother's ashes. Eight years after her passing. She arrived here from Nevada on her birthday (8/26) & I missed her.

Then, they tried to deliver her on her Death Anniversary (8/27). I finally got her from the USPO yesterday.

After getting the box open, and pulling her cremains box out, Scott found an envelope with a copy of her Transport-Burial certificate (also served partially as a death cert.).

It was then, as I had seen the DOD, and the place she died, that I finally broke down, as I carried her to the place I want her to be (for now). I had the flash of those last 2 days before her death hit me. And I was mourning her all over again. Even if it was just for a brief moment.

To see this finally over, after almost a decade, for it to come to a close, it the end of longing for me. At least where my Nana is concerned.

She never placed on the papers of whom she wanted to have her cremains sent (family wise) when she filled out the paperwork to donate her body to University of Nevada, Reno.

It looked like the Medical School had her for just under a year. The signature date for cremation was 4-4-2003, which placed it at almost nine months after her date of death.

Holding Nana in my arms, after all of these years was bitter-sweet for me. I wish it was her in the flesh. Even just for a moment, to REALLY hold her, hug on her and tell her how much I love her still...Even though we had our battles as she helped raise me after my mom died. It was more of a generational battle than anything.

At least she is home, with her family, where she belongs. No longer is she encased within a Nitch for those that have gone unclaimed. To them she was 'just a number'. To me, and to my dad, she is much more than that. And now, her death has come full circle.

In fact, there is now a little running joke that was started by one of Scott's Aunts. She said that she bets that Nana got to go to more places in death, than she did in life. She's right! Nana really got around in life. But she REALLY got around in death.


Unknown said...

AAW hun I am glad you finally got them.. and yeah it would be bittersweet..and understandable.

Anonymous said...

hey, I'm so happy for your family... My mom had quite an adventure after her death herself. Since noone could afford a proper service at the time of her passing, there was no funeral. She was cremated after autopsy & given to my step father. For my own closure, my father arranged a memorial service @ our local church but her remains were not there, nor my stepfather. See, my stepfather went on a downward spiral after my mom passed away. He took her ashes and put them in the trunk of his car for over a yr while he decided where he was going to put her. She always wanted to be scattered out in the ocean, but he apparently couldn't afford the trip. So for a yr, he partied, did drugs & fried his freakin brain all the while my mom remained in his trunk. One day he decided he would do what he thought was the next best thing to scattering her in the ocean. He went to one of the local creeks (where i live now) and scattered her ashes in Fall Creek where they used to go hang out & drink on the wknds. I didnt find any of this out til a few years ago, when I finally as an adult tracked down his crack head a$$. For over 3 yrs I begged him to take me to the place he scattered her so I could have a place to go & remember her, he didnt cooperrate w/ me, crack had changed him, though he was never really a good man to begin with, her death made him even worse. After yrs of trying, I had all but given up when I pleaded w/ some old friends of his to find out where she was. They showed my husband where it was and after almost 20yrs of her being gone, I was finally taken by my husband to the now mostly dry creek bed that is her final resting place... I got my closure, though bittersweet. Wishing I could have done more for her, but it was out of my control. When I say I understand how you feel, I hope you know, I truly do! Thanks for sharing your story, hope you found mine interesting too.

Cluttered Brain said...

And yes, i did read this post, i am just struggling with the words.
May your Nana rest in peace now!


God bless.

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