While I relish in participating normally, I had contemplated for most of this week as to whether I should even write this post or not, seeing as so much in my family's life is going on. But here it goes..
There's a friend of mine from a good while back that has seemed to have distanced themselves from me and a few of our mutual friends. We met about three years ago via an internet website. From there, we were practically inseparable, going and joining other sites together as we found them and figured the other would enjoy being there as well.
But in the recent weeks of past, if not about a month or even longer, seeing as I'm really not keeping count this person has strayed and basically "dropped" our friendship off on the wayside.
Yes, both of us have a lot going on. But I have tried to get "something" from the person to acknowledge that I indeed exist in their world. We both are on FaceBook together. But alas, my words fell on "deaf eyes".
I'd noticed the change after this person started writing in their blog of things that NORMALLY, I'd never see from this person, seeing as in all honesty, was very highly out of context for the blog's "theme of writing" that I had come to know and even respect.
But now, this person does nothing but writing prompts and blog carnivals at least 95% of the time. No longer do I see REAL substance in the writing. So I had decided after somethings that were written of a "personal" nature and more than my eye's fair share of writing prompts, to un-follow their blog.
And then I finally stopped following the person on Twitter as well, thanks to never being "spoken" to anymore over there in any way, shape or form. Between both places, this "friend" has yet to even acknowledge that I am no longer on either of their lists as a follower. Or realized we are no longer even "speaking" with one another.
This past week has apparently been REALLY hard on both of us. But unlike them, I made it no "secret" as to what has happened within my family. Not on here, Twitter or FaceBook.
The ONE person that I thought that I could count on, the one I was SURE would be there for me, my husband and our children was nowhere. Not to say sorry to my kids for their loss or to my husband who lost his beloved grandfather.
Yes, I did write something on their wall. But to no avail. And because I didn't know until after the fact of what they are going through, what I had written in some ways I wish I didn't. But then again...
Needless to say, even that post I made on their wall went unnoticed and/or just ignored of acknowledgment.
This person KNOWS I don't do the "one-sided, one-way-street, all give-and-no get" type of friendship.
This person talks with a certain other friend on all these sites ALL of the time. Acknowledging their posts on their page, and converses on their own page when said friend posts there.
If that's how it's going to be, then I think that this person just needs to tell me that our friendship is over. Because obviously I'm not running with the right "clique" or the "cool crowd" of bloggers. Or on Twitter for that matter.
We all knew that this was coming. For the last six months or so. But after losing other family members in the past that you "prepared" for losing, when the time comes, you are NEVER truly "prepared".
Last night we were told to get to Big Papa if we could because Hospice gave him just hours. So Scott and I placed the kids with some friends of ours and rushed over. He was ashen, pale and gray. His breathing was rattly and hard, thanks to the fluid on his lungs. He was sedated and given pain medications for comfort and so he wouldn't fight himself.
We stayed there a good hour or just a bit longer. All the while talking with Scott's Grandma and his Aunt, who was staying the night. As we left, we told Big Papa we loved him and to just rest and that everything was okay.
After leaving to get the kids, two of our nieces (sisters) apparently arrived not long after us. We missed one another by mere minutes.
We left at about 8:10 last night. Scott got the "call" at about 9:05, about ten minutes after we walked in the door for the night.
He died as the oldest niece was brushing his military-style cut hair. That was something ALL the grandkids and great-grandkids did. He paid them a dollar if they did a "good job", which of course they all did. *hehe*
This past Summer was the last TRUE family reunion with EVERYONE together. This year, it will be drastically different. And more morose and somber as we gather with one less person joining in watching the kids catch lizards and snakes in the backyard, eating up a storm and just having a fun time talking and being together.
*Big Papa with my girls, Skyler and Hayley (oldest of the three kids)*
*Big Papa with my son, Bryce and our oldest niece*
I can only imagine the reception Big Papa received as he entered the Pearly Gates. I know his sister and youngest brother were happy to be reunited with their big brother, as I am certain that it was a welcoming experience to see his parents again.
Big Papa was an extremely hard working man in his time, as he was the manager of a strong insurance company. And he served in the military in his youth. When he met his wife of 62 years, she had three children from a previous marriage. One of them being my Father-In-Law, whom he adopted all three after the couple had married. Then along came four other children that they had after that. So needless to say, he left behind many upon many hearts to grieve his passing. Between their seven children multiple grandchildren, and several great-grandkids and even a great-great-grandchild.
I think that the following song is extremely appropriate to say how I feel about a man that gave me a good taste of what life is like with having a Grandfather in your life, seeing as my granddads were dead before I was born. And thanks to Big Papa and his inclusion of me in to his family as "one of my granddaughters", I can never thank him (or Grandma) enough for the last eleven wonderful years of having a great man in my life such as him...Even if he was a Washington Redskins fan. I looked past that atrocity and still loved him anyways. (=
*I apologize, but VEVO just had to put a freaking commercial in this one..which is inappropriate for a song like this in my opinion.*
Go Rest High On That Mountain lyrics
Songwriters: Gill, Vince;
I know your life on earth was troubled
And only you could know the pain
You weren't afraid to face the Devil
You were no stranger to the rain
Go rest high on that mountain
Son your work on earth is done
Go to Heaven a shoutin'
Love for the Father and the Son
Oh, how we cried the day you left us
We gathered round your grave to grieve
Wish I could see the angels' faces
When they hear your sweet voice sing
So go rest high on that mountain
Son, your work on earth is done
Go to Heaven a shoutin'
Love for the Father and the Son
So go rest high on that mountain
Son, your work on earth is done
Go to Heaven a shoutin'
Love for the Father and the Son
Go to Heaven a shoutin'
Love for the Father and the Son
I'm all for airing out things if need be on your blog. And yeah, I do believe in "your blog, your decisions on what to write about".
But I feel that even in the world of blogging, there is and NEEDS TO BE a line of how much of your PERSONAL life should be divulged to the masses.
For one thing, I really do NOT wish to know about the hanky-panky you and your partner have in your bedroom (or anywhere else in the home). Your personal sex life should be left where it belongs..in YOUR home, behind CLOSED doors. Be it with your hubby/partner or with another man/woman. I really don't want to know in explicit detail of your "hot and wild night" between the sheets (or hanging from the rafters).
If you are losing followers/readers, then it may be for good reason. I don't like going to someone's blog I have gone to for quite some time, knowing that while they can get a bit crazy (in a good way), they won't go ALL out there. Plus showing ANY kind of "private" body part is a HUGE turnoff for many readers, including myself. I'll go to Playboy/girl to see some skin and raunchiness, thanks.
Though I must say, that MOST of those bloggers that DO write about way more than I and many others care to know about the writer's real (and private) life do have their pages set to "Adult Content Warning"...But when it is up for EVERY single page, be it "adult-like" or not, it's hard to avoid what you wish to NOT read about, and instead, you are too late and are "suckered" in to it. For me personally, I REFUSE to comment on such "open" posts and just hit the back button.
This past week, I had also taken the liberty of "un-following" some blogs. Mainly because of this very problem and because some just no longer held my interest or the content just wasn't up my alley. Like I had said, if I want to see skin, read about sexual innuendo and what someone did in their own home and life, I'll seek out Playboy/girl or rent me a porn movie.
I'm sorry if this angers anyone. But you are honestly hurting yourself and your readership, as well as your comment rating as a writer/blogger by posting things that I don't even tell my own father. And we tell one another everything. I just don't go in to THAT part of my life. I don't want anyone to know about my sex life. And I sure as hell don't wish to know about yours.
First, I got to correct a HUGE mistake that could have potentially harmed my son, thanks to a major screw up at our Pharmacy. To read all about that, CLICK HERE.
Then, go and throw in the ex-husband to the mix, and it's an all-out "stressed nerves" fiesta.
I'm making good on my promise to myself. And that is to no longer let him push me around and take advantage of me.
While I have no problem of letting Hayley go with him more often than the "scheduled" time per the court's visitation order, I do not wish to send her on EVERY single "off" Saturday.
And I'm tired of every scheduled weekend of his calling me (like clock work) to see about coming to MY home and getting her BEFORE the allotted time because he "needs to come in to town and do a few things".
The one right above with his wanting to get her early is what broke the camel's back yesterday for me. I finally put my foot down on the subject and said enough is ENOUGH with getting her early every single weekend he is supposed to get her.
Basically, I said from now on it's at the SCHEDULED time, and at the SCHEDULED (and court appointed) place. No sooner. And I admitted that it was a habit that no longer will be tolerated. That is unless there is an EMERGENCY. I rarely ever pick her up or drop her off at HIS home. But he thinks I'll let him do it every single visitation weekend.
Needless to say. he wasn't too happy. And I told Hayley that if he brings it up and the fact that her mom is a "bitch" and hateful, to stop him dead in his tracks and that to no longer talk to HER about it because it's NONE of her business.
Yes, it concerns our daughter. But it doesn't mean that it concerns HER personally. And he has no right to drag her in to the middle. Let him be mad at me. But he has no right and no business to vent to her about it. She's only eleven.
Next weekend, if he calls to see about getting her to go to dinner or a movie on Saturday, I'll be okay with it. But again, I'll be pissing him off. Why? Because, it will then be known to him that I will only give him ONE extra Saturday a month.
Why? Because again, he tries to take advantage. He will and has been known to call me EVERY single "off schedule" Saturday to see about taking her out. Apparently I don't want to spend quality time on the weekends with her, too? Especially when all three kids are together.
I know that I may sound harsh, or even mean. But I wasn't given SOLE full, physical custody of our daughter for no particular reason. And with that, I'm the one that makes the FINAL decisions in regards to her care, safety and well being.
And to consistently call me every single weekend to either get her early because he is putting HIS wants and/or needs before his own child to constitutes to being very selfish, inconsiderate and honestly, immature.
I'm not trying to keep him away from her, or vice versa. But I too like having time to spend with her on the weekends as well. And especially now that on some weekends that she is with me, she spends the night at a friend's house, and is starting to not be as "clingy" to me as she was at the younger ages (like her six-year-old sister still is "needy" of Mama). Plus add in the school hours every week. So if wishing to spend time with ALL THREE of my children makes me a "bitch" or "hateful" in his eyes, then so be it.
Now that you have heard my rant, go over to FOR THE LOVE OF BLOGS and "wander" around. You will surely find other blogs of interest. It's a WONDERFUL community. And they also now have GROUPS, as well as CHAT ROOM access for MEMBERS to join.
**The reason that I am re-posting this blog entry is because my "integrity" was apparently called in to question in regards of assumption of another matter. So was the fact of my being "supportive" and "understanding" towards another's plight in light of them trying to leave an abusive situation.
I see it this way... If you don't TRULY know of the ordeal I went through as a {formerly} abused woman, TWICE over, then NO ONE has the right to "call me out" in such a manner. Especially in a place where I posted to MY personal area on another website.**
WARNING!!This is a very "straight to the point" blog post about abuse (of all kinds/types). There will be strong language and graphic descriptions of abuse that I had endured. This post is a teaching tool, as well as one to give support and let others know that there is hope. If this seems like too much for you, then I suggest you back out of it now. You have been warned...
Abuse. It can take it's shape in many forms. Verbal. Emotional. Mental. Sexual. Physical. And yes, even Financial.
For those that have their fortune go their way and have never been abused, they in many ways just "don't get it" when the woman (or the man) doesn't "walk away", being it's (to them) just simple as that.
For those that have been unlucky even just once to be abused, they know all-too-well that in the real world, it honestly is not "just that simple" to walk away and never look back.
Especially when the court tells you that the only good and decent thing that came from that relationship is a child, must go and see the non-custodial parent (that abused you)every other weekend.
Yes. I am one of the unlucky ones. Twice over. And in reality, the first relationship was FAR worse than the second. At least the latter one didn't have me almost dying that particular day.
Back in the summer of 1997, I was still living in Nevada. In the Reno-Carson area. My (then) best friend and I had an apartment. My (then) boyfriend was living with us as well. Before hand, he was just staying a night or two per week at a previous apartment,
At first, during the "honeymoon phase" all was well. We were happy and having fun. But not even a month in to the relationship, he got more demanding. I was more of a maid and waitress than his girlfriend. Then, the "joking" insults came. But they too got more frequent, and much more demeaning.
Finally, one night, he got mad because I told him I was through. I wanted him to pack his shit and leave. I got tired of being called a whore, a nagging, fucking bitch, being assaulted when he wanted sex (and I wasn't wanting it), of his having no job (and I paid the bills), and of being told I was a worthless piece of shit that he didn't really love.
Well, that's also I guess when his sanity left and his true, angry, abusive self came out in full force. He picked me up with one hand by the throat. I remember the searing sting as his nails dug in as his fingers got tighter. He literally was cutting off my airway. I couldn't get in a single breath. And his eyes were of nothing but pure evil. They were truly demonic. I can't say which scared me more. His grip, or the look in his eyes.
After releasing me, you could see the scratches and the instant prints from where his fingers had gripped me tightly. It was then that he left. The next day, as my BFF and I were at work, he came and not only got his stuff (some of it). But he took much of my things. Including the chest of drawers that were my mothers. Of course, he "didn't do it". And none of my friend's things were taken. Nor were much of his. But MOST of mine? Yeah okay....
After that relationship, I swore I wouldn't get in to that trap again. I came to Virginia in the Fall of 1997. In 1998 I had a May-December romance with my (now ex) husband. We married after only dating a few months. Boy was I STUPID. Because I did what I said I wouldn't do again. And that was to get in to another abusive relationship.
Like many others (and one other time before him) I fell for the charm and for how sweet he was. But once we got married, it all changed. Fast.
Suddenly he didn't "want to" work anymore because he "didn't like" the job. Yeah. Like I LOVED working for almost minimum wage and getting shit on by customers at the local Wal-Mart.
In 1999, my oldest child was born from that marriage. By then, he was working. Nights. But he didn't at times get home until about four in the morning. Even though he got off at two in the morning and it was only about a twenty-five minute ride home.
Plus he almost slammed my head in to the truck's dashboard when I was seven-months pregnant. But I wasn't smart enough at that time to leave. It was over my not choosing right then and there where to eat.
From that point, it had gotten to the come home late, then quit the job, telling me I was a nagging bitch (boy that one sounded too familiar), that I did nothing but sit on my ass (even though I worked, paid the bills and cleaned best I could EVERY night I came home).
Towards the end, it was primarily verbal and emotional abuse. But he also raised his hand to me a few times. But never struck me. By the time Hayley was almost five months old, I was "seeing" someone else. And I left my abusive husband. I took what I needed as he was not at home one day (in a black garbage bag) such as baby bottles, clothes for Hayley and myself, a few of her toys, money I had put up, diapers, and formula.
After that I never looked back, nor did I ever go back.
Today, I am HAPPILY married to the man who's sister literally saved my daughter's life (and mine). The two of them helped me find a way out. And my husband has been a wonderful father to Hayley in the ten years we have been together. And he treats her no different from the two children we have had together. And this October, we will celebrate eight years of marriage.
You CAN leave. You CAN be happy. Yes, it will be hard. No, there is NO easy ways out of an abusive relationship. But I can tell you, it IS POSSIBLE. You need to want to get out and find the courage within (which you DO have hidden inside your soul) to do so. And there are things you may have to do (such as restraining orders and court hearings) that will be greatly difficult.
Abuse is not a way to love someone. It's a way to CONTROL a person. To make the abuser feel worthy and important. But in the end, it makes the abused feel hopeless, worthless and like there is no way out. Which is the primary goal of the attacker.
Listen to the words in the following music video. Yes, it has the lyrics in it, but I'm going to post a copy of the lyrics as well. Read them carefully. And "be forever free to dream".
"Black Eyes, Blue Tears"
Black eyes, I don't need 'em
Blue tears, gimme freedom
Positively never goin' back
I won't live where things are so out of whack No more rollin' with the punches
No more usin' or abusin'
I'd rather die standing
Than live on my knees
Begging please-no more
Black eyes-I don't need 'em
Blue tears-gimme freedom
Black eyes-all behind me
Blue tears'll never find me now
Definitley found my self esteem
Finally-I'm forever free to dream
No more cryin' in the corner
No excuses-no more bruises
I'd rather die standing
Than live on my knees
Begging please-no more
Black eyes-I don't need 'em
Blue tears-gimme freedom
Black eyes-all behind me
Blue tears'll never find me now
I'd rather die standing
Than live on my knees, begging please...
Black eyes-I don't need 'em
Blue tears-gimme freedom
Black eyes-all behind me
Blue tears'll never find me now
It's all behind me, they'll never find me now
Find your self-esteem and be forever free to dream
[ SHANIA TWAIN LYRICS at www.AZLyrics.com ]
Please, if you are in an abusive relationship, find it within yourself to leave and to live your life again. I promise you, it WILL get better.
....I'm as green as the ring on my little, cold finger, I've
Never known the lovin' of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand, there's a
Boy here in town says he'll, love my forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by
The sharp knife of a short life,
...And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when your dead how people start listenin'
....Uh oh (uh, oh)
The ballad of a dove (uh, oh)
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when your really gonna need them, oh
It was as if I was in another world completely. Kinda eerie, if you ask me.
When the now former teacher for my daughter's Kindergarten class left, she apparently took a lot with her. Including the alphabet, color pictures (of crayons with their name) and even the Calendar for them to do their days of the week and dates/weather report.
As I was helping the Substitute to help "corral" the kids, knowing what would work, I mentioned "Treasure Box" rewards for Friday Folder passing if they got all greens on their Behavior sheets for the week.
Well, forget that! The Treasure Box was taken, too.
Now, the teacher that's been hired has really NOTHING to speak of to start working in the classroom with. Including what was found to be a wonderful reward system tool.
Lucky for me, I know the incoming teacher, seeing as she has been working as a Teacher's Assistant since last school year, as she awaited a full-time position to open up. She really is a nice lady, works a lot with the Special Needs kids, and I think will do very well teaching the class for the remainder of the year.
I'm telling you though, the poor woman is walking in to a holy hell mess! The situation isn't pretty. And I saw the kids act like wild animals for a good part of the day while I was there volunteering on Friday.
And I saw one kid that we FINALLY got in a better place behaviorally and socially going back in to his old habits.
None of the kids (yes including my own little angel) really listened to the Sub, were talking when told NOT to be talking and some were intentionally getting out of their seats as to run around the room.
"Bathroom, hands and water" was never done. Nor was "bathroom and hands" for lunch.
Their entire routine is entirely shot. It was pretty sad to see their whole world being turned upside down like this, classroom-wise and acting out.
I'll be there on Friday next week, when the new teacher officially starts for her first day of being a Kindergarten teacher. She can't start before then due to red tape jargon.
And I've already said that I am more than willing to come in for extra hours/days in the following one, two or three weeks, as to help her get them used to her, help her by showing and guiding her through their behavior modifications and rewards that have proven to INDEED work with *THIS* class of kids.
Plus I can easily tell her which kids are sensory-sensitive, who's got behavior/social problems, who are "shadows" (those that try and mimic others to get out of doing stuff if one of the other kids is TRULY sick-feeling), and also I know who are the famous trouble-starters (who usually get the entire table group to join in the "fun").
So in a nutshell, it seems that both the new teacher and myself have a wild ride ahead of us. There's been so many changes within the last six months in this one classroom, it's really not shocking to see the extreme changes in these kids. Both at home and within the classroom.
First, their Student Teacher left right before Thanksgiving because she finished her internship and was graduating. Then, their regular teacher that they've had since day one had to leave for medical reasons at Christmas time. Now, the Sub will leave after two week, to be replaced by their new regular teacher.
How much are these five and six year olds supposed to take? This is probably the MOST crucial time of their educational career. And for the last six months, they have really been put through some crap. Sad..
Monkey In The Middle is a game that my husband and I play with our youngest, Skyler, who is six years old. If he and I are sitting on the couch or the floor, or laying in the bed and she wants to "snuggle-buggle", then she always says she is the "monkey in the middle". Skyler sometimes is, and other times is not the proverbial monkey. Sometimes, just to get her goat Scott or myself would be the monkey.
Sadly, I have had my oldest playing this game as well. She is the monkey in the middle that must go between her two parent's homes. I have full physical cusody, and always have. Her father gets visitations every other weekend and we alternate (major) holidays. Plus I personally set out three week blocks where she stays with him in one-week increments during the summer while school is out.
Plus, I give extra time even on their "off" weekends where I can and feel it's appropriate (to go to the movies, park, etc.).
No matter how bad he has been known to talk about me, cuss me and even go as far as calling me a slave driver (because in MY home she has chores, rules and consequences, whereas in HIS home, they don't exist), I still bend over backwards to give him more time with our daughter. Even when it is NOT stipulated to do so in our still-standing court order.
How Hayley has grown in to the young lady she has thus far, without resentment towards either of us has just blown me away.
For one thing, I NEVER talk ill of her father in front of her or to her.
Two, I don't make her go on those "off" days unless SHE wants to (at 11, she can now make her own mind up about extended stays and other 'extra' days to spend time with him).
Thirdly, she knows clearly what her expectations are in MY home.
Fourth, I don't pick fights with her father (in person or over the phone) over trivial things (i.e. the having/not having a TV in the bedroom debacle over the phone..I do *not* allow one in my kids' rooms, he says she has one there and that I am a bitchy, mean mom {in so many words} for not letting the kids, including HIS "kid" to have one in their rooms in *MY* home).
Fifth, I do my very best (most of the time) to be civil towards her father. Especially when Hayley is present.
Children of divorce are fragile on some levels. But are much more thick-skinned than most people realize and give these kids credit for. Look at all that THEY must put up with. Especially if the parents, for whatever reason cannot seem to get along on ANY level.
She's been going between myself and my ex-husband like this (for the most part over the years) since she was about two years old (was one-day visits from infancy until two years due to some legal issues and other things I cannot get in to here; maybe a later post).
We split (as in I walked out with a few things we needed in hand and never looked back) when she was five months old. By then I had a "friend" in my life that treated me RIGHT, the way I should have been treated all along and this person cared enough about me and my daughter that the sister even helped me get out and let me and my then-five-month old daughter stay with her and her family.
Yes, there are times that Hayley does the "I want to live with my daddy!" routine. As soon as I say that I know it's because he is the "no-rules-do whatever you want-without consequences" parent, she hushes up and walks off.
I guess he has yet to learn, especially now that she is a preteen (or shall we say Tween, seeing that's the 'norm' these days), he cannot be her friend. Not now. She needs PARENTS that will lay down the law and set those morals and values to solidly cement within before it's too late.
Sure! She will at some point (more than likely) try to experiment with drugs and alcohol, or even cigarettes. And (God forbid) seriously think of having sex. But all I can do now is try my best up until those years NOW to lay the foundation to keep away from those types of things and avoid problems down the road with them.
But then again, when you are the "Monkey In The Middle" with two parenting styles within two different home environments, it can get confusing of which way to turn. So I am planning to just keep doing what I'm doing and hope for the best down the road.
No one said being the parent of a "divorce" child was easy!
If you have yet to do so, I highly suggest you hop on over to For The Love Of Blogs. It is a (beyond) wonderful community of fellow bloggers from around the world, where we can come together and support one another, read one another's work, make new friends and get exposure for ourselves as well.
Better yet? You do *NOT* have to be a blogger to join their site! You can join just to be able to read other's pages, add them to your list of reads and join in communicating with others.
So, I encourage you to go and check out the...
But first, please feel free to add YOUR blog link here to this link-up tool (below) before you leave me.
The *ONLY* stipulation I have is to please LEAVE A*GENUINE*COMMENT here on my page to show that you have read it. Not a copy/paste thing or a "I followed you/follow me back" comment... I am okay with people stating if they came from another blog hop and found me. But I don't play the "followed you/follow me back" game.
**If you cannot abide by that one simple rule for linking on my page, I wish for you to NOT link it at all. I hope you understand. Thanks...
As a married mother of three kids that stays home as a "Homemaker" (honestly, I never got a Contractor's License so I cannot build homes, but oh well) I am in charge of overseeing all the operations of the home. I'm also a waitress at mealtimes.
I'm a cook (though not a very good one). I'm a maid (also not the best in the world, but I do try, seeing as I DO have THREE kids). I'm an accountant (though I suck at math). I'm a Secretary (who has to jot down names, numbers, and pay the bills and fight with the bank now and then).
I'm the dish washer and the seamstress (that doesn't sew, but can do a mean job of throwing laundry in the washer/dryer and fold it...but not big on putting it away). I'm an Assistant Teacher who helps their kids (the best I can) with their homework (having Advanced/Gifted Student children DOES NOT help).
In between all of that, I am also a wife, a lover, a best friend, a companion to my husband.
Also, I volunteer at the school as much as I can. But also with the Winter setting in, and being that I don't drive, that five-minute walk in severe cold (basically anything under 45 degrees for me) can be costly )financially and health-wise), that soon will take a back seat for a while.
And also, I am to be the Schedule Keeper. I make the appointments, see that we go to the appointments and try my best to juggle appointment times around everyone else's (hubby's work and kids' school) schedules. Last night, I failed. Ooopsies!!
It honestly slipped my mind about Bryce's appointment with his Psychiatrist. He sees him basically monthly for a medicine check and to see how school and family/social life are going, and see what modifications need changing or added.
Thankfully Bryce said that I needed to get Daddy up because he has to see Dr. K (only providing initial for privacy issues) at 5:00. As I looked at the clock, it was 4:23. I sprang in to action and started yelling "SOCKS AND SHOES...NOW!". And I had to scare Scott awake by almost pouncing on him like one of my cats to tell him to get up NOOOOOW.
Just think, it was a smooth-running Monday morning (for once, which is rare) for getting ready for school. Then this old Mom went and wrecked the rest of the afternoon (hence not making home-made tacos) thanks to her brain having a short.
Let this post make you see that while I know (yes, by experience) that being a Working Mom is no cake walk in the park, I can honestly say, being a Stay-At-Home Mom isn't all it's cracked up to be either.
I guess I can let this secret out. Even though a few "choice" friends may already know. Then again, maybe they don't.
No, it's not about my stalker like fascination with Nicolas Cage. That's already out in the open to the entire world most everyone.
But it is nearly along the same lines. See, I have been watching a Soap Opera of one kind or another since I was about nine years old. I would come in after school, my mom would be sitting there in the living room, watching Days Of Our Lives. Man! That was a great one back in the day (1980's).
After Mom died, I stopped watching Daytime Television (Soaps) for a good two or three years. Then, I started watching All My Children one summer, while off from school.
That show got REALLY good, and the characters were great! Especially three main guys. Edmund Grey. Trevor Dillon. And of course, Tad (The Cad) Martin.
At the same time, I was also getting in to the show One Life To Live. And there was one main character I had been "in to". That was Bo Buchanan.
Now you are probably sitting there, doing the math. Yes, I was an early to late-aged teenager back in the 1990's. And all these guys from AMC and from OLTL are AT LEAST oh, twenty years or more my senior.
And you are probably asking yourself why I didn't go for the teen guys or even the ones in their twenties (at that time).
The answer is simple. They did not appeal to me. Sure, I'm like any other girl. I love a hot, muscular body. But I want the personality, sensitivity and maturity to go with it. And none of those studs youngsters did it for me.
Even now, when I am approaching 34 29 years old, I will take Tad and Bo over Robert Ford and Ryan Lavery any day of the week.
Bo has the good guy quality. He is a hero and a stand-up guy. He is honest and forthright. He loves who he does with everything that he has and shows it.
Tad possesses uninhibited humor, loyalty to his friends and family and is the go-to guy when the chips are down.
If you put the qualities of those two men together, can you imagine the kind of man you could end up having? All I can say is WOW!
My ex-husband (Hayley's father) is sixteen years my senior. And after that train wreck, I decided to not have an "older gentleman" as a husband or a boyfriend again. Been there, done that, got burned.
Now, I am *not* saying that being in a relationship with an older man of more than five or six years than your age is ALWAYS asking for trouble. But I couldn't see myself if something happened (God forbid) to Scott (my current sucker husband) being with an older man like I was with my ex, again.
That is, unless it was Tad Martin or Bo Buchanan.
(*No copyright infringement intended. For entertainment purposes only.*)
That time for them has finally come to pass. No longer are they small, helpless, needy children. Now they are increasingly independent, strong, knowledgeable 'tweens'.
In one fail swoop, I'm being forced to not only start letting go of one of the three, but TWO of them at one time. And it will only get more difficult to do so as the next few years fly by.
Hayley started walking the five minutes to school last week, but still coming home on the bus. Now, her brother who is seventeen months her junior is starting to walk to school as well. And again, come home on the bus.
Which in turn has forced my (soon to be) six year old to be a "big girl" and ride the school bus on her own. But starting last week, she started riding ONE day a week after school to come home, being that both Hayley and Bryce are now in the after school program of Art Club.
This coming Thursday, Hayley, who is my oldest, will be eleven. Lord how these years have just flown on past. It's been a ride thus far. And with her mature attitude being more of a fourteen year old, her wings are spreading faster than I had hoped.
The week after, Skyler, who is the "baby" of the family will be six! So, soon, she will no longer officially be a "baby" of sorts to the world. She will no longer be a toddler or a preschooler. She will be an adolescent. Again, I am at a loss of where all the years have gone. Like a wind, they blew past with nary a care of what a mother's heart feels.
When I watched (through the closed front door's glass) Hayley and Bryce cross the street and head down the block towards school, I had them flash in my head as they were when they were little. I saw them as they used to be. Suddenly, I got back in to the reality of what I was witnessing, and for a brief moment, longed for those days once more.
Then, watching Skyler cross from about half way at the bus stop on her own (I walked her half way in to the street) to get on to it alone for the first time, my heart sank and I had to fight my wanting to walk her the rest of the way, it hurt to know that she too has stepped one closer away from me and becoming her own individual.
In these two brief moments of one morning, I wished to God I could stop time. Just for a few seconds. I wanted to turn back the clock to the times where they inherently needed me to the fullest extent. I have witnessed this morning the anxiety of a mother "losing" their children to the world. All at once. Each one making their own individual paths in the world.
How many ways can a mother's heart ache and break? Many. Including watching them all take their own paths in society and forming their own identities.
It's one thing to watch them do this one at a time. But to see all three of your children do this on different levels at once is completely overwhelming. Gone are the days of cooing, learning to walk and talk, being dependent even on me for the simplest of things and asking silly questions such as why the sky is one color and the ground another.
These are the days where you are extremely proud of who you are raising your children to be. But it sucks also, because in the same thought, you wish you could do it all over again with them and keep time as it is.
Words. They are probably the most powerful tool that we possess as human beings. They can be used to encourage, relate with and help in the healing process. They can also cut like a knife, aggravate and maim another to their very core.
Some words, while spelled the same, can have two very differential meanings. Take the word "ship". One is a boat that floats on the water, carrying people abroad from one piece of land to another. The other "ship" means to carry items from one location to another for people through a mailing service.
But the word that we will be focusing on that has become ever so quite popular to use in various context is "retard/retarded".
1.characterized by retardation: a retarded child.
–noun
2.( used with a plural verb ) mentally retarded persons collectively (usually prec. by the ): new schools for the retarded.
Origin:
1800–10; retard + -ed2
—Related forms
non·re·tard·ed, adjective
un·re·tard·ed, adjective
—Synonyms
backward, disabled, handicapped.
"re·tard"
[ri-tahrd, for 1–3, 5; ree-tahrd for 4]
–verb (used with object)
1.to make slow; delay the development or progress of (an action, process, etc.); hinder or impede.
–verb (used without object)
2.to be delayed.
–noun
3.a slowing down, diminution, or hindrance, as in a machine.
4.Slang: Disparaging .
a.a mentally retarded person.
b.a person who is stupid, obtuse, or ineffective in some way: a hopeless social retard.
5.Automotive, Machinery . an adjustment made in the setting of the distributor of an internal-combustion engine so that the spark for ignition in each cylinder is generated later in the cycle.
[End of definitions]
Now, in all the years that I have gone with my father, my husband or on my own to the Mechanic to get my vehicle checked have I ever heard the word "retarded" come out of their mouths to describe the setting of my car's distributor.
I have though, heard of those with mentally debilitating handicaps being referred to as being "retarded" or being a "retard". Both by the medical community, and through society's "common man". And honestly, I literally cringe when I hear those words. No matter their context.
My daughter has a friend who's younger sister is severely handicapped. She cannot walk. She cannot talk. She cannot eat normally like you and I do. But she is sharp. She can bounce around her home with ease upon her knees. She can speak through a "voice box" communications computer, or uses sign language. And she must eat through a bottle, seeing as her "food" has to be in almost a completely liquid consistency.
She has Cerebral Palsy. She is what people would call "retarded". But after you see all that she CAN do, she can place most of us "normal" people to shame. My children play with her at school and within their home. She and I have fun talking and she is ALWAYS giving me hugs and when she sees me in passing at school, the biggest smile comes to her face and she is about to bounce out of her wheelchair to get to me and wants to high-five me.
My biggest pet peeve though, with the words "retard" and "retarded" is when they are used in a non-medical, derogatory manner. Saying to someone, "You are such a retard!" is not only insulting towards the person you are referring to, but to those that REALLY DO have mentally challenging handicaps.
And when you say, "That's retarded.", you are insinuating that something is "slow, stupid, obtuse or ineffective". But listen to yourself as you say it. It's on the same level as stating "That is so gay!". So something is having a relationship with it's own kind? That made no sense. And it insults those in your community that ARE in fact, Gay.
How would people like to hear something along the lines of "It's so nigger."? Sounds great, doesn't it? *insert eye roll here*
Or how about "Stop being such a Jew!"?
My son has several mental disorders that have in the end, deemed him disabled by the state and by the Federal Government. He is NOT stupid, slow, defective, a socially inept being, or a hindrance. He is my son, who is bright-minded with some quirks. He is disabled emotionally, socially, maturely and mentally (to an extent).
What are his disorders, you ask (for those that are new to my blog, or just don't know)? He has ADHD, OCD, ODD, Mood Disorder (basically, he has Bipolar, but due to age, is Dx'd with the Mood Disorder until later in age), and Asperger's Syndrome 'tendencies' (he does not have full-blown Asperger's, but is borderline).
He can be violent, abusive and easily short tempered. He cannot handle change well (especially sudden or massive changes at one time). He has Manic-type mood swings with outward evidences of 'highs' and 'lows' (extreme hyperness or extreme sadness) at any given moment of each day.
But on the flip side, my child is one of the most loving, caring, affectionate, brightest children you would ever meet. With even his bad days, it's hard to NOT love him or want to do your best by him. No matter the cost.
The one thing my son is *NOT* is "retarded". By ANY meaning of the word. I certainly would NEVER let a medical professional refer to him as being such, let alone anyone within "general society". He is handicapped or "challenged". Nothing more. Nothing less.
So, before you (generalizing the word 'you', not pointing fingers to any specific person) go and state that someone is a "retard" for any reason, or say that something is "retarded", think BEFORE you speak those words from your lips. Because once you say them, you can NEVER take them back.
Even those within the medical community have started the change from using the words "retard" and "retarded", seeing the hurt and anguish those two 'simple' words bring to those that ARE affected by mental and physical disabilities, as well as their families and friends.
That alone should tell you something. That wording and context are EVERYTHING. So yes, while sticks and stones may break bones, names (and misuse of words) *CAN* hurt. Especially those that know of someone, or they themselves are personally affected with being handicapped.
Please if you wish to help stop the spreading of the "R-Word" in it's wrong verbiage, join me at...
I have taken the pledge. Will you?
Also, while I am NO fan of severe Right-Wing Conservatism, nor am I NOWHERE near a 'fan' of Sarah Palin, I WILL agree with her anger and I WILL side with Palin in regards to Rush Limbaugh's uses of "retard" and "retarded". Even as he referred to those that REALLY ARE cognitively and developmentally disabled persons.
Apparently, in most cases, the PARENTS seemingly are no better. And you wonder why I have a MAJOR beef with "fanatical" right-wing Christians and organized religion.
Over on my BFF, Angel's blog she posted a Vlog in regards to a fellow blogger, and one of her bloggy friends, who's son was bullied. To read that post, please feel free to CLICK HERE.
The reason so many of us are up in arms, is due to the fact, that the person in the second link had their SON dressing up as "Daphne" from "Scooby Doo". She made sure several times before ordering that indeed that is what her 5-YEAR-OLD son wanted to be. And he was quite adamant mind you, seeing as his BFF (a GIRL) was dressing as Scooby and wanted to pair up.
Now mind you, this all had taken place in a CHRISTIAN Preschool setting. Where they are taught Pre-Kindergarten concepts and that Jesus says we are to love one another no matter what and to treat others like how we wish to be treated. With love and respect.
Now, if you know me AT ALL, you know for a fact, I'm not one to post Biblical verses. I am a Christian, but not a Bible wielding one that will thump you over the head with the Good Book like bonking you with a ball bat. But just for today, I feel like quoting some Scripture.
37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’[a] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[b] 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
In other words, if YOU wish to NOT be torn down and demand to be accepted and respected, you damn well better be willing to reciprocate in return.
Wow! The verses I found for you HYPOCRITE Christians out there!! Ready?
Psalm 26:4 (New International Version)-4 "I do not sit with the deceitful, nor do I associate with hypocrites."
Matthew 7:5-"You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye."
Matthew 23:13-[Seven Woes on the Teachers of the Law and the Pharisees ] “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the door of the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to."
Who can claim the name "Christian" when they are hypocrites to the tenth degree? And against a CHILD no less. Who has ANY right to judge another being? For ANY reason due to being different and "out of the box" where the "normalcy of society" is of any concern? Not myself. Not you. Not anyone. I should only judge my own misdeeds, and the misdeeds of my children. But all others should be left to the Lord God Almighty to judge for Himself. For HE is the ONLY true Judge of any one of us.
Luke 6:37-“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven."
As a child, and for the majority of it, I was judged and ridiculed. By both children and adults alike. Of course, I felt that it was both parties' faults. It wasn't until later in years, say in my teens, that I had come to an eye-opening conclusion. I should NEVER have blamed the children. But the parents that had raised them.
Children are NOT born to hate and ridicule others in the world. They were TAUGHT to do so. By example and the leading of their parents. I remember COUNTLESS times where I had walked in the door from school, sullen, sometimes tears streaming down my cheeks and being quiet and reserved. All because again, I was picked on for looking different from the other children. And many of them that did this to me were fellow members of our church that I had attended as a child.
My parents had the cops called on them due to the fact that they parked in a Handicapped Zone LEGALLY. But to the old lady, I didn't "look handicapped enough" to need such a spot.
My father almost got in to a fist brawl in a grocery store checkout lane thanks to some idiot ADULT stating that "if I had a kid that LOOKED like that, I wouldn't let it out the house" (thanks to the trache, tubes and monitor wires I required to be hooked up to for day trips from the hospital).
How in the hell can ADULTS, let alone human beings, be so damned cruel? Especially towards CHILDREN? It's so beyond my comprehension, it scares me.
So, this poor mother and her child had to endure horrid comments about HIS choice of costume for this past Halloween. And she got it for "letting him wear THAT". So obviously (and quite sadly) those "mothers" pegged the kid as being Gay. So what, if he is?? He is OBVIOUSLY quite comfortable in his own skin. His mother is proud of him for being HIMSELF. Not some "image" of what or who OTHERS "think" he should "be like".
Parents and people in general such as these "Christian" hypocrites outright DISGUST me. Yep, I said it! They D-I-S-G-U-S-T me. They are a very small fraction of the type of people that just chap my hide. They are two-faced, corners-of-the-mouth speaking snakes in my eyes.
So remember everyone, do *not* blame the children who speak ill of others, for they know not fully what they are doing is wrong. Blame their parents and any other adult-centered influences within their lives. Because it's the ADULTS that are "bringing up" these children to be, act and think how they are doing so. All we can do as REAL Christians is love them and gently correct them and the errors of their words and/or ways.
For the children we are bringing up today will be our future that will bring up tomorrow.
Judgment. We all do it at some point in our lives. We may judge a person just by their looks or behavior. We might judge a place, just by secondhand "word of mouth" and decide to NOT go and look for ourselves. Or we judge a book, article or post by it's title, and refuse to read it because we automatically assume it's viewpoints are of a disgusting nature. And in turn, we once again base our opinion of not only the subject within the post, but we tend to judge the author as well.
This very thing happened with the previous post here on Homemaker Diary. Because someone had misread and in turn, misinterpreted the title to the post, taking it that I TRULY do believe in the nature as what the title "sounded like", I was made out to be a racist, controversy-seeking moron. When in fact, I am FAR from that "truth". And the post was named what I chose as to drive home a point. NOT to state what I truly felt.
If I honestly believed in the fashion that I had chosen for the title of my previous blog entry, then the "..." would not have surrounded the title's name. Hence I would have stated that I did indeed think/feel in that manner. But, I used the "..." to show the audacity of such a statement and show what I was about to write about.
Sadly, someone misconstrued the title with the ".." around it to mean that it was the title to the blog it's self and the statement that I really do think in the fashion of the title. And this person was only half right. And being that they flat out decided to not read the post in it's entirety, they missed out on the TRUE meaning and reflection of the post at hand. If anything, my post was speaking AGAINST such a statement. Towards ANY race/color.
If this person had swallowed their pride and not gone off half cocked, then maybe, just MAYBE they would have in the end agreed with me. Even after posting the main points from the blog its self, they still refused to read it. All because they decided blindly on the title's name.
If you wish to check out the post in reference, CLICK HERE.
This is what is wrong with the world today, in my opinion. And no, I am not innocent. Not by any means. To say otherwise would be stating an all out lie. ALL OF US are too quick to judge in this world. From skin color, to people with disabilities, to literally judging books (or in this case, blog posts) by their covers.
I lived my life with judgment all around me. Because of something I could not help. I looked different from my peers. I was not mentally challenged in any form of the word. But because I slightly looked different, with a trache in my throat, it left me open to automatic judging. Even by adults!
This is why I cannot stand ANY KIND of intolerance of any kind.Be it racial, ethnic, physically or mentally challenged, and a host of others. When you automatically "ASS"ume (which makes an ass out of U & ME) about a person, place or even an article BEFORE getting to know them or read the material, it doesn't make the offended look bad. It makes the offender look closed-minded and depending on the case, looking like a bigot and a hypocrite.
Personally, I would much rather read the article/post or get to know the person or place for MYSELF, **BEFORE** passing judgment upon it/them or making my opinion known. To do so leaves you looking less like a jackass.
This is for ANYONE, not just my "regular readers" for future reference...If you have nothing nice to say, being you are too closed-minded and/or scared to read something, be it here or on any other blogs, then here is a suggestion for you (and you the guilty, know who you are)...DO NOT SAY A WORD. Being you wish to predict what the post/article is about BEFORE reading it (if you choose to do so at all), and in turn closing yourself off to other's points of view, only to stay within your comfort zone I call Fantasy Island and not possibly gain a different perspective about the world around you.
In one month and two days from today, it will be a milestone. And a lot of different meanings.
For one, my childhood friend, Lisa's birthday is on October 29th. We just recently reconnected, thanks to FaceBook, after almost 25 years of dropping off the earth to one another. Then, soon followed by her three sisters, Neva, Dana and Rena.
Then, add in the fact that it will be 21 years since my mother's passing. Over the years it has gotten much better to take in and deal with. I know she will always be with me in my heart and in my memories (what few I have left of her and our time together).
The biggest milestone to come on October 29th though is...
It will be my one-year anniversary since my Cornea Transplant. While I'm happy to have the sight that I DO have in it now, compared to before the surgery (and the fact that I have a cornea), it will also be a day of mourning.
Yes, we recipients DO mourn the passing of those which have given us our second chances. We never (in most cases) were able to meet them in life. And a rare few of us get to meet the families that are mourning the loss of their loved one that donated to us. But we are very thankful and grateful, none the less. And it hurts us to know that another family is out there, somewhere, hurting and are not able to have the time with their family any longer, as we recipients share in the joys, trials and tribulations of our families.
It's on days like this, where it's damp, chilly and rainy, that I sit and wonder. What if my mother were still alive? How would she have felt of my moving across to the other side of the states? How would she think of my husband? What nicknames would she have given her grandchildren?...Would I have still had that stupid trache until I turned 18?
I also wonder who my donor was. What is their gender? How old were they? What were their likes and dislikes? Was their family life filled with love and laughter?
So many thoughts to ponder as I sit here, sipping my coffee and listening to the stillness of the house, as the rain beats down and the cars are passing by on slick roads.
I honestly DO love being my children's mother. They bring smiles to my face in one way or another, almost on a daily basis.
I've laughed with them. I've cried with them. I've laughed at their actions or words. I've cried for them.
All in all, I would die for them, if need be. I would do almost anything for them. Almost.
When you hear women say that motherhood is a 'thankless' job, they aren't kidding! It truly is a 'thankless' job, indeed. No pay (as in no monetary gain), no vacation (even when you ARE on vacation, away from the kids), no sick days (being you still most of the time, end up caring for them, even when feeling your worst), and no promotion (being that you have the highest job in the "company").
You cook. You clean. You ensure that they have all that they need, basics-wise. You make sure that they are up, ready, and prepared for school each morning. And never once (or so rare, that we often forget it has been said) do you get a "thanks for all that you do, Mom" comment from them.
Lately, I have gotten really tired. Tired of being the (Not Very) Merry Maid around the house. No matter what I threaten my kids with, be it loss of TV or computer time, or any other interests that I can take away, it doesn't seem to sink in.
It's a CONSTANT battle to get, let alone KEEP the house (especially their rooms and the play/family room) decently clean for more than twenty-four hours at a time. And instead of THEM HELPING to clean up around the house (mainly their own messes), I end up having to. Or else I have "consequences" to pay. Such as hearing my husband bitch and moan.
In fact, I also have to clean up after him. It's little things. But even then, I feel it is a bit...hypocritical of him to get on the kids about not cleaning up after themselves, but he leaves band-aid wrappers laying around, or a glass on the table.
It must be nice to go to your job, work your ass off, and when you do something that is "above and beyond", you get a compliment. Praise is a nice "payment" or "reward" for a job well done.
Sadly though, many a mother and/or wife that stays home all day doesn't hear those simple, few words that can and does make her day. What are they, you ask?
"The house looks really good. You did a good job".
Honestly, how hard IS this for any man to say? Must be almost impossible. I get "dumped on" with his daily work happenings. I also get told of the GOOD points of his day as well. The same with the kids.
The minute I try to talk about my "roses and thorns" though, I get deaf ears and practically ignored. Or at times even told "I don't want to hear it"...Nice, huh?
I know for a fact, that I am far from being the ONLY wife/mother with these thoughts, and these "situations". But just once in a while, I want to be seen as more than that. I want more than JUST the respect of being 'just' a wife to my husband, and 'just' the mother to my children.
For so many years, I have been struggling to keep MY identity. My pre-wife and my pre-motherhood identities. Thus far, I think I have failed in still trying to be the ME that I was before husbands and kids. I know that I am more than these two things. But apparently, I am not viewed in any other manner. At least not in my own home.
This may be far from the truth. I'm sure that my husband would tell me otherwise. But then again, 'actions speak louder than words'.
You probably read that title and thought to yourself that I have officially gone off the deep end. Admit it! Yeah, that's what I thought.
Some of us have personalities that are very open and we know everything about ourselves. What am I saying, you ask? Basically, you know yourself and how much you observe in your world and your life. You know of every single one of your likes, as well as all of your dislikes. People, places, music, literature. You name it, you know of it, all the way down to your very core.
If you are not a FaceBook crackhead, then you are probably quite confused. Let me break it down to it's very simplicity... When you update your interests, you are automatically linked with a "Like" page for that person, place or thing. And/or you can search for said PPT and "Like" it's page.
Some people only "like" a few things. Some people "like" A LOT of things. I have some friends on FaceBook that fall within that first category. I though, fall in to the latter one. And after really looking at all of my interests and "likes" across the board, I think I honestly shocked myself.
Recently, FB had added a new feature. You can see how many "Likes" your friends have, and how many total are on your page as well. For some it's no more than 20. Some, up to 50 or 100...Then there are those such as myself with 200 or more!
After seeing with my own eyes just how many interests and "likes" that I have, my jaw about hit my hardwood floor. It really gave me a great ideal of who I REALLY AM.
I'm more than a wife or a mother. I am more than just a Volunteer at my children's school. I'm more than a daughter or sister-in-law. I am uniquely varied in taste and perception. I am from one extreme to another. I'm a little bit country, and a little bit rock n' roll. I'm a tad bit drama, and a whole lot of laughter.
Life overall has never been all roses, rainbows, puppies and lollipops. I have had more than my fair share of downs that, when looking back, outweighed the ups. But I rolled with the punches and came out the better person in the end, in this thing we call "life".
After seeing everything that I "like", that I take interest in, what my relationships are and weave it all together, I see the entire package now, that makes ME who *I* am.
Now, I can see what so many see in me. I can go with Adam Sandler one minute, laughing until I cry and my sides hurt, to being wrapped up in a love story that stars Sandra Bullock and cry my happy and sad tears all of the way through the movie's entirety.
Or, one moment, I'm listening to Reba McEntire singing "His Name Was John" on the local country station, only to tune in to Lady Gaga on the Rock/Pop station as she sings "Bad Romance".
So much variation is within my life. And I *LIKE* it that way.
How do your FaceBook "likes" cast you and your personality? Do they show the TRUE, FULL and the REAL you? Take a look and see if you "find" yourself today.
I'm not going to rant, spout off on anything, or joke around. Today is a solemn day. Because reality had set in. With a look at one piece of paper and a package.
Sure, over on Facebook, I was all jokes and laughs. I think it was my way of dealing with what was about to come to my door, and back in to my life. Now, it is here. And the jokes have since stopped. Reflection has taken its place.
I finally got my grandmother's ashes. Eight years after her passing. She arrived here from Nevada on her birthday (8/26) & I missed her.
Then, they tried to deliver her on her Death Anniversary (8/27). I finally got her from the USPO yesterday.
After getting the box open, and pulling her cremains box out, Scott found an envelope with a copy of her Transport-Burial certificate (also served partially as a death cert.).
It was then, as I had seen the DOD, and the place she died, that I finally broke down, as I carried her to the place I want her to be (for now). I had the flash of those last 2 days before her death hit me. And I was mourning her all over again. Even if it was just for a brief moment.
To see this finally over, after almost a decade, for it to come to a close, it the end of longing for me. At least where my Nana is concerned.
She never placed on the papers of whom she wanted to have her cremains sent (family wise) when she filled out the paperwork to donate her body to University of Nevada, Reno.
It looked like the Medical School had her for just under a year. The signature date for cremation was 4-4-2003, which placed it at almost nine months after her date of death.
Holding Nana in my arms, after all of these years was bitter-sweet for me. I wish it was her in the flesh. Even just for a moment, to REALLY hold her, hug on her and tell her how much I love her still...Even though we had our battles as she helped raise me after my mom died. It was more of a generational battle than anything.
At least she is home, with her family, where she belongs. No longer is she encased within a Nitch for those that have gone unclaimed. To them she was 'just a number'. To me, and to my dad, she is much more than that. And now, her death has come full circle.
In fact, there is now a little running joke that was started by one of Scott's Aunts. She said that she bets that Nana got to go to more places in death, than she did in life. She's right! Nana really got around in life. But she REALLY got around in death.
This is going to be pretty much, a picture-filled post. So, be prepared, and don't say that I didn't warn you! (=
Yesterday it was the first day back to school for most of my area. Including the city, as well as one county next to us. Another county above us started back LAST week (had to make up for time lost from last year's Winter Storm).
I'd been waiting for the day to come for a good part of the Summer. Now, don't get me wrong here. I love my kids. I love spending time with them. What I don't love was the CONSTANT bickering, fighting, not cleaning up after themselves, eating me out of house and home, and thinking that I could take them places EVERY single day.
So, as their vacation ended, with having to board the bus for school, my vacation started, and I am now slowly getting my sanity back once more.
Here's some pictures from the start of the day...
As you can see, Hayley is not very happy. Why? Because I was *all* smiles as I took this picture as I hummed "Aud Lang Syne" (the 'Happy New Year' song).
Weebles was making the wait for the school bus a tab bit less excruciating.
"Where in the heck is that danged school bus? I'm ready to get them out of here FINALLY and get some peace and quiet!"... Don't worry Weebles, Mommy was thinking the exact same thing.
Weebles gave Bryce one last "kiss and hug" before the bus started up to the house.
This mom's a happy camper now! The bus is just about to start up from the corner street behind me. I saw the kids getting on, and knew we were next in less than a minute.
Here it comes! Skyler I think was the ONLY one out of the bunch to be THAT excited.
Run on to the bus my children!!...I even yelled out 'Happy New (School) Year!!' as they were boarding the bus. Not a tear shed, either. I was more than ready and happy to see them go.
...And off they go! On their two-minute ride up the street to school.
Then right after, I had to walk up to the school and take care of some minor business concerning a couple of the kids. While there, I was able to get a few pictures of my nephew, who is also, along with Skyler, starting Kindergarten.
Isn't he just handsome?? In his white polo shirt, khaki pants, and holding on tight to the bag, and having his big-boy back-pack on his shoulders.
All in all, the first day of school went quiet well for most of the students and the staff. I'm glad that they are back in class. And now, old friends can reconnect, and new friendships and bonds can be formed. I so can't wait to start volunteering. I'm looking forward to this being a great school year!
Have you ever done it? Volunteering, I mean. In your child's school.
Did you know that as a Volunteer, you do NOT have to work at the school its self? You can do some things as a Volunteer in the privacy and comfort of your own home, as well.
And another bonus? You do not have to have a child at the school to be a volunteer! You can be a grandparent, an aunt or uncle. Or just a local neighbor that wishes to lend a helping hand.
Some of the things that you can do at home as a Volunteer would be...
Cutting out soup labels or boxtops.
Make phone calls to get others to supply things such as snacks and juices for events.
Cut out letters, numbers, shapes and other needed decorations for classrooms or other areas of the school you choose to help.
There are also many things you can help with within the school's setting. And you do NOT have to be with your child's class, either.
You can...
Be a Room Parent that coordinates and heads class parties as per the school's allotment.
Help in the Library.
Help with Reading Classes.
Assist at the school's Book Fair(s) that are held once or even twice a year.
Help with After School Activities (such as dances).
There is something for EVERYONE to do. Talents and knowledge within all types of areas are needed and encouraged to be filled.
You just do not know how even (what seems to be) the simplest of "jobs" you do, be it from home, or within the school, can affect the children you serve, and the staff.
Kids and the staff need outside help and resources to let the kids benefit the best that they can while in their instructional setting.
Plus, it gives you an up-close, upfront, and personal view of what REALLY does go on in the school environment and classrooms.
This year, I'm looking to add a couple more hats to being a Volunteer. The Principal and I had talked while I was at Orientation with Skyler, who is going in to Kindergarten this year.
We are going to look at me getting a "promotion" to Co-Volunteer-Coordinator, for one thing. The Volunteer Coordinator is dealing with a lot of health issues and having to travel much due to a family member being ill. She was gone a good portion of last school year, and I took over. So, I know what the entire job entails. And I gladly welcome the challenge.
And then, I will be sitting on not just one, but two Parent Advisory Boards. One for the school it's self, and the other where parents from ALL of the schools in each school zone come together and state (as a representative of your school and your zone/ward)in front of the School Board what WE as parents, and as reps, would like to see done differently, added, or taken away from 'policy'.
At the school-level, I would bring back to the meetings, what was discussed and decided upon at the School Board level, we would let the Principal know what we want to see for our individual school, and we would help decide on certain things of what to change, add, or remove.
So, it seems that overall, I'm going to be a busy bee where school is concerned, more so than last year. And I do plan on doing my three-days-per-week volunteering in the classrooms and wherever else I am needed.
I'm honestly at my happiest points after I have done a few hours at the school. It's so very rewarding. Not just for the kids and the staff. But for myself as well. I get to walk away each time, knowing I made a difference in a child's life. Even if it's just a scratch upon the surface.
Once the kids (that don't) get to know me, and I them, there is a very special bond. And yes, I may even collect a few favorites. It's really not hard to do. And the kids that know me from last year will come up and see me. I look forward to those that will do so, to come running up to me and give me my 'daily' hug. I'll be asked if I could lunch with one here or there. And knowing me, I won't be able to resist the puppy dog eyes and cave in.
Really, when I think of it, I don't know who gets more out of volunteering. Us, the Volunteers, or the kids that come to know us and look for us to be darting down the halls, maybe to their classrooms.
Please, if you have never done so, or think you cannot, do try to volunteer at least once within a local school. It's a gift that keeps on giving every time you do something to make a difference in a child's world. I wouldn't trade this gift in for anything.
