I guess I can let this secret out. Even though a few "choice" friends may already know. Then again, maybe they don't.
No, it's not about my stalker like fascination with Nicolas Cage. That's already out in the open to the entire world most everyone.
But it is nearly along the same lines. See, I have been watching a Soap Opera of one kind or another since I was about nine years old. I would come in after school, my mom would be sitting there in the living room, watching Days Of Our Lives. Man! That was a great one back in the day (1980's).
After Mom died, I stopped watching Daytime Television (Soaps) for a good two or three years. Then, I started watching All My Children one summer, while off from school.
That show got REALLY good, and the characters were great! Especially three main guys. Edmund Grey. Trevor Dillon. And of course, Tad (The Cad) Martin.
At the same time, I was also getting in to the show One Life To Live. And there was one main character I had been "in to". That was Bo Buchanan.
Now you are probably sitting there, doing the math. Yes, I was an early to late-aged teenager back in the 1990's. And all these guys from AMC and from OLTL are AT LEAST oh, twenty years or more my senior.
And you are probably asking yourself why I didn't go for the teen guys or even the ones in their twenties (at that time).
The answer is simple. They did not appeal to me. Sure, I'm like any other girl. I love a hot, muscular body. But I want the personality, sensitivity and maturity to go with it. And none of those studs youngsters did it for me.
Even now, when I am approaching 34 29 years old, I will take Tad and Bo over Robert Ford and Ryan Lavery any day of the week.
Bo has the good guy quality. He is a hero and a stand-up guy. He is honest and forthright. He loves who he does with everything that he has and shows it.
Tad possesses uninhibited humor, loyalty to his friends and family and is the go-to guy when the chips are down.
If you put the qualities of those two men together, can you imagine the kind of man you could end up having? All I can say is WOW!
My ex-husband (Hayley's father) is sixteen years my senior. And after that train wreck, I decided to not have an "older gentleman" as a husband or a boyfriend again. Been there, done that, got burned.
Now, I am *not* saying that being in a relationship with an older man of more than five or six years than your age is ALWAYS asking for trouble. But I couldn't see myself if something happened (God forbid) to Scott (my current sucker husband) being with an older man like I was with my ex, again.
That is, unless it was Tad Martin or Bo Buchanan.
(*No copyright infringement intended. For entertainment purposes only.*)
Sadly, many women do around the world. Thanks to Domestic Violence and Domestic Abuse. Most times, it is far too late to get the help that they so desperately need to get away from their abuser/attacker. And by the time anything is truly done in regards to the abuser, the woman is already forever gone.
Domestic Violence and Domestic Abuse can take place within anyone's home. And it is NOT always the man that is the abuser. There are women who have been known to abuse their boyfriend/husband or their girlfriend/wife. Men are just better known to be an abuser.
And I am a survivor of Domestic Abuse/Violence. The worst case of it being when I was in my early twenties. I was at the time living with my former BFF and my former (abusive) boyfriend.
At first, it was just little things. Basically, he was just a lazy bastard that suddenly felt that I needed to 'cater' to him and HIS needs. Then, as time went on, in came the isolation and the constant "checking up" on me to see about my whereabouts and who I was with (if he and I weren't together).
One day though, near the very end of the relationship, he finally snapped like the proverbial twig. I made a remark and basically told him that it was time for HIM to move out. Suddenly, rage had filled his eyes. It's as if a demon entered his body and took it over. All in the course of a split second.
Next thing I know, I feel the palm of his hand on my throat, and his fingers wrapped around. I could feel my pulse pulsating his fingers. And I felt the blood trying to pump and supply my brain with needed oxygen.
My airway was cut off completely, and I struggled as his hand lifted my feet off the ground as he was choking me literally to death. There was not an ounce of air entering my body. I could feel myself fighting off passing out.
And as quickly as it happened, it stopped. But not before he squeezed my throat so tight, that I turned red, and then bluish purple in the lips (by my friend's account, who witnessed this), and that I had felt the searing pain of his nails digging in to my neck.
After he let go, he tried to apologize and started crying. "Boo-fucking-hoo" was my thought, and I opened the door and told him to get out, and to not come back. I threw most of his shit out to the curb, but he broke in to MY home and stole things that were mine (and of course claimed it was NOT him, though none of HIS things were missing that were left behind).
In a moment, my life was almost gone. He either could have choked me to death, or could have snapped my neck and then he would have broken it, causing instant death. But he let me go in time.
I'm one of the lucky ones. I am a survivor. I am NOT a victim. Victims sadly are those that had died at the hands of someone that they loved and trusted. Or they are the ones that are too scared to leave their attacker/abuser, in fear of what may happen in the aftermath.
I'm here to say to those of you reading this, and are in an abusive relationship...YOU CAN GET OUT! No, it will not be easy. And yes, he/she will make their threats and scare you in to staying. And you will have to learn once again how to live and to take YOUR life back.
Abusers are all about power and control. They want to have all of it, and for their victims to relinquish it all to them. It's a power trip. So, they will use anything and everything against you to get what THEY feel that is "rightfully" theirs. Hitting, name-calling, isolation tactics, talking down towards the victim. It's all used to get the upper hand.
But I can tell you that you CAN get the upper hand back. It just takes the courage deep within that yes, YOU DO HAVE inside, and the willingness to leave. And their ARE organizations that can and will help you.
The police. The hospital. Social Services. And the National Domestic Violence Hot Line. Family and friends, too can help you. Don't be scared. There is a better life out there for you. Much better than the life you are forced to live now. NO ONE should be a caged bird, with its wings clipped. That is NOT living life. That is living a slow death.
Please, if you are in an abusive relationship, find it within yourself to leave and to live your life again. I promise you, it WILL get better.
....I'm as green as the ring on my little, cold finger, I've
Never known the lovin' of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand, there's a
Boy here in town says he'll, love my forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by
The sharp knife of a short life,
...And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when your dead how people start listenin'
....Uh oh (uh, oh)
The ballad of a dove (uh, oh)
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when your really gonna need them, oh
