CPS, or other wise known as Child Protective Services.
Can't stand them myself, in all honesty. And with good reason.
In the last nine years, I have dealt with them now at least three or four times. And all involving the same child. And in the end, every time, the reports of "abuse" are unfounded.
Why? Because my kids are KIDS. They get bumps and bruises. My son has a bleeding problem with his nose. And oh my goodness! THEY FALL DOWN and they get HURT.
Kids are no longer allowed to be children. Not when it comes to playing. And also, it's apparent you are no longer allowed to raise your voice, because that is "verbal abuse". And you can no longer spank them (with your hand) because well that's "physical abuse".
People, you all need to learn the DIFFERENCE between punishing or getting hurt and REAL ABUSE.
I got hurt MANY times as a kid. I got yelled at for doing something wrong or dangerous (that I KNEW that I should NOT be doing) and yep, I got SPANKED.
The horror! I had parents that did this thing called PARENTING.
One ER doctor called CPS on me for a "suspicious bruise" from a fall my son had at 18 months old. Guess what? CPS saw EXACTLY where he fell and how and knew then that hey, he GOT HURT.
Another time was after his "big accident" with the bedpost. But it wasn't for that, but for teeth marks left by a cousin. That too was "unfounded" seeing as we as parents did nothing wrong, but it still had to be reported.
Then there were two other times as well where a "suspicion of physical abuse" came to light, one being after my kid had a bloody nose that morning and oh no!! I MISSED a spot of blood on his arm as I was cleaning him up. His bus was JUST pulling up as I got it stopped and got him cleaned up.
So in a nutshell, these days a school, a child-based agency, a hospital or anyone for that matter can call CPS on you. You can LOOK at your kid in the "wrong" way and get called on.
Now a good friend of mine is being investigated for something that was SUPPOSEDLY 'said' by someone else. And this apparently took place a good while back when it was reported. The child in question was already talked to by the Social Worker (at school). The child FLAT OUT denied ANYTHING such as what was stated EVER took place.
Now, the home study portion of the case, where it's basically the "last leg" of investigating to wrap it up and bring forth the agent's findings has been "canceled" THREE or even FOUR times now.
There are kids that are REALLY being hurt and neglected. But you and I are ones that get picked on while the TRULY abused are the ones being neglected by an agency that is to PROTECT THEM.
Those that REALLY need CPS's help get it too late because by then, the children ARE dead.
Where is THEIR justice? I know. It's with the worker who was to HELP them, but instead were investigating and trying to stake the WRONGLY accused.
This "protection system" is so screwed up and ass-backwards, it truly is tragic to watch.
My work is ORIGINAL...Don't be a thief.
What is written in this blog, is of the author's own originality. It contains the sole views, thoughts, and stories of this blog's author.
Showing posts with label abuse. Show all posts
Showing posts with label abuse. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Monday, January 31, 2011
Being ABUSED? There IS hope and yes, a WAY OUT. (*Graphic/Explicit*)
**The reason that I am re-posting this blog entry is because my "integrity" was apparently called in to question in regards of assumption of another matter. So was the fact of my being "supportive" and "understanding" towards another's plight in light of them trying to leave an abusive situation.
I see it this way... If you don't TRULY know of the ordeal I went through as a {formerly} abused woman, TWICE over, then NO ONE has the right to "call me out" in such a manner. Especially in a place where I posted to MY personal area on another website.**
WARNING!! This is a very "straight to the point" blog post about abuse (of all kinds/types). There will be strong language and graphic descriptions of abuse that I had endured. This post is a teaching tool, as well as one to give support and let others know that there is hope. If this seems like too much for you, then I suggest you back out of it now. You have been warned...
Abuse. It can take it's shape in many forms. Verbal. Emotional. Mental. Sexual. Physical. And yes, even Financial.
For those that have their fortune go their way and have never been abused, they in many ways just "don't get it" when the woman (or the man) doesn't "walk away", being it's (to them) just simple as that.
For those that have been unlucky even just once to be abused, they know all-too-well that in the real world, it honestly is not "just that simple" to walk away and never look back.
Especially when the court tells you that the only good and decent thing that came from that relationship is a child, must go and see the non-custodial parent (that abused you)every other weekend.
Yes. I am one of the unlucky ones. Twice over. And in reality, the first relationship was FAR worse than the second. At least the latter one didn't have me almost dying that particular day.
Back in the summer of 1997, I was still living in Nevada. In the Reno-Carson area. My (then) best friend and I had an apartment. My (then) boyfriend was living with us as well. Before hand, he was just staying a night or two per week at a previous apartment,
At first, during the "honeymoon phase" all was well. We were happy and having fun. But not even a month in to the relationship, he got more demanding. I was more of a maid and waitress than his girlfriend. Then, the "joking" insults came. But they too got more frequent, and much more demeaning.
Finally, one night, he got mad because I told him I was through. I wanted him to pack his shit and leave. I got tired of being called a whore, a nagging, fucking bitch, being assaulted when he wanted sex (and I wasn't wanting it), of his having no job (and I paid the bills), and of being told I was a worthless piece of shit that he didn't really love.
Well, that's also I guess when his sanity left and his true, angry, abusive self came out in full force. He picked me up with one hand by the throat. I remember the searing sting as his nails dug in as his fingers got tighter. He literally was cutting off my airway. I couldn't get in a single breath. And his eyes were of nothing but pure evil. They were truly demonic. I can't say which scared me more. His grip, or the look in his eyes.
After releasing me, you could see the scratches and the instant prints from where his fingers had gripped me tightly. It was then that he left. The next day, as my BFF and I were at work, he came and not only got his stuff (some of it). But he took much of my things. Including the chest of drawers that were my mothers. Of course, he "didn't do it". And none of my friend's things were taken. Nor were much of his. But MOST of mine? Yeah okay....
After that relationship, I swore I wouldn't get in to that trap again. I came to Virginia in the Fall of 1997. In 1998 I had a May-December romance with my (now ex) husband. We married after only dating a few months. Boy was I STUPID. Because I did what I said I wouldn't do again. And that was to get in to another abusive relationship.
Like many others (and one other time before him) I fell for the charm and for how sweet he was. But once we got married, it all changed. Fast.
Suddenly he didn't "want to" work anymore because he "didn't like" the job. Yeah. Like I LOVED working for almost minimum wage and getting shit on by customers at the local Wal-Mart.
In 1999, my oldest child was born from that marriage. By then, he was working. Nights. But he didn't at times get home until about four in the morning. Even though he got off at two in the morning and it was only about a twenty-five minute ride home.
Plus he almost slammed my head in to the truck's dashboard when I was seven-months pregnant. But I wasn't smart enough at that time to leave. It was over my not choosing right then and there where to eat.
From that point, it had gotten to the come home late, then quit the job, telling me I was a nagging bitch (boy that one sounded too familiar), that I did nothing but sit on my ass (even though I worked, paid the bills and cleaned best I could EVERY night I came home).
Towards the end, it was primarily verbal and emotional abuse. But he also raised his hand to me a few times. But never struck me. By the time Hayley was almost five months old, I was "seeing" someone else. And I left my abusive husband. I took what I needed as he was not at home one day (in a black garbage bag) such as baby bottles, clothes for Hayley and myself, a few of her toys, money I had put up, diapers, and formula.
After that I never looked back, nor did I ever go back.
Today, I am HAPPILY married to the man who's sister literally saved my daughter's life (and mine). The two of them helped me find a way out. And my husband has been a wonderful father to Hayley in the ten years we have been together. And he treats her no different from the two children we have had together. And this October, we will celebrate eight years of marriage.
You CAN leave. You CAN be happy. Yes, it will be hard. No, there is NO easy ways out of an abusive relationship. But I can tell you, it IS POSSIBLE. You need to want to get out and find the courage within (which you DO have hidden inside your soul) to do so. And there are things you may have to do (such as restraining orders and court hearings) that will be greatly difficult.
Abuse is not a way to love someone. It's a way to CONTROL a person. To make the abuser feel worthy and important. But in the end, it makes the abused feel hopeless, worthless and like there is no way out. Which is the primary goal of the attacker.
Listen to the words in the following music video. Yes, it has the lyrics in it, but I'm going to post a copy of the lyrics as well. Read them carefully. And "be forever free to dream".
"Black Eyes, Blue Tears"
Black eyes, I don't need 'em
Blue tears, gimme freedom
Positively never goin' back
I won't live where things are so out of whack
No more rollin' with the punches
No more usin' or abusin'
I'd rather die standing
Than live on my knees
Begging please-no more
Black eyes-I don't need 'em
Blue tears-gimme freedom
Black eyes-all behind me
Blue tears'll never find me now
Definitley found my self esteem
Finally-I'm forever free to dream
No more cryin' in the corner
No excuses-no more bruises
I'd rather die standing
Than live on my knees
Begging please-no more
Black eyes-I don't need 'em
Blue tears-gimme freedom
Black eyes-all behind me
Blue tears'll never find me now
I'd rather die standing
Than live on my knees, begging please...
Black eyes-I don't need 'em
Blue tears-gimme freedom
Black eyes-all behind me
Blue tears'll never find me now
It's all behind me, they'll never find me now
Find your self-esteem and be forever free to dream
[ SHANIA TWAIN LYRICS at www.AZLyrics.com ]
Please, if you are in an abusive relationship, find it within yourself to leave and to live your life again. I promise you, it WILL get better.
Nat. Domestic Violence Hot Line (1−800−799−SAFE(7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224)
....I'm as green as the ring on my little, cold finger, I've
Never known the lovin' of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand, there's a
Boy here in town says he'll, love my forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by
The sharp knife of a short life,
...And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when your dead how people start listenin'
....Uh oh (uh, oh)
The ballad of a dove (uh, oh)
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when your really gonna need them, oh
I see it this way... If you don't TRULY know of the ordeal I went through as a {formerly} abused woman, TWICE over, then NO ONE has the right to "call me out" in such a manner. Especially in a place where I posted to MY personal area on another website.**
WARNING!! This is a very "straight to the point" blog post about abuse (of all kinds/types). There will be strong language and graphic descriptions of abuse that I had endured. This post is a teaching tool, as well as one to give support and let others know that there is hope. If this seems like too much for you, then I suggest you back out of it now. You have been warned...
Abuse. It can take it's shape in many forms. Verbal. Emotional. Mental. Sexual. Physical. And yes, even Financial.
For those that have their fortune go their way and have never been abused, they in many ways just "don't get it" when the woman (or the man) doesn't "walk away", being it's (to them) just simple as that.
For those that have been unlucky even just once to be abused, they know all-too-well that in the real world, it honestly is not "just that simple" to walk away and never look back.
Especially when the court tells you that the only good and decent thing that came from that relationship is a child, must go and see the non-custodial parent (that abused you)every other weekend.
Yes. I am one of the unlucky ones. Twice over. And in reality, the first relationship was FAR worse than the second. At least the latter one didn't have me almost dying that particular day.
Back in the summer of 1997, I was still living in Nevada. In the Reno-Carson area. My (then) best friend and I had an apartment. My (then) boyfriend was living with us as well. Before hand, he was just staying a night or two per week at a previous apartment,
At first, during the "honeymoon phase" all was well. We were happy and having fun. But not even a month in to the relationship, he got more demanding. I was more of a maid and waitress than his girlfriend. Then, the "joking" insults came. But they too got more frequent, and much more demeaning.
Finally, one night, he got mad because I told him I was through. I wanted him to pack his shit and leave. I got tired of being called a whore, a nagging, fucking bitch, being assaulted when he wanted sex (and I wasn't wanting it), of his having no job (and I paid the bills), and of being told I was a worthless piece of shit that he didn't really love.
Well, that's also I guess when his sanity left and his true, angry, abusive self came out in full force. He picked me up with one hand by the throat. I remember the searing sting as his nails dug in as his fingers got tighter. He literally was cutting off my airway. I couldn't get in a single breath. And his eyes were of nothing but pure evil. They were truly demonic. I can't say which scared me more. His grip, or the look in his eyes.
After releasing me, you could see the scratches and the instant prints from where his fingers had gripped me tightly. It was then that he left. The next day, as my BFF and I were at work, he came and not only got his stuff (some of it). But he took much of my things. Including the chest of drawers that were my mothers. Of course, he "didn't do it". And none of my friend's things were taken. Nor were much of his. But MOST of mine? Yeah okay....
After that relationship, I swore I wouldn't get in to that trap again. I came to Virginia in the Fall of 1997. In 1998 I had a May-December romance with my (now ex) husband. We married after only dating a few months. Boy was I STUPID. Because I did what I said I wouldn't do again. And that was to get in to another abusive relationship.
Like many others (and one other time before him) I fell for the charm and for how sweet he was. But once we got married, it all changed. Fast.
Suddenly he didn't "want to" work anymore because he "didn't like" the job. Yeah. Like I LOVED working for almost minimum wage and getting shit on by customers at the local Wal-Mart.
In 1999, my oldest child was born from that marriage. By then, he was working. Nights. But he didn't at times get home until about four in the morning. Even though he got off at two in the morning and it was only about a twenty-five minute ride home.
Plus he almost slammed my head in to the truck's dashboard when I was seven-months pregnant. But I wasn't smart enough at that time to leave. It was over my not choosing right then and there where to eat.
From that point, it had gotten to the come home late, then quit the job, telling me I was a nagging bitch (boy that one sounded too familiar), that I did nothing but sit on my ass (even though I worked, paid the bills and cleaned best I could EVERY night I came home).
Towards the end, it was primarily verbal and emotional abuse. But he also raised his hand to me a few times. But never struck me. By the time Hayley was almost five months old, I was "seeing" someone else. And I left my abusive husband. I took what I needed as he was not at home one day (in a black garbage bag) such as baby bottles, clothes for Hayley and myself, a few of her toys, money I had put up, diapers, and formula.
After that I never looked back, nor did I ever go back.
Today, I am HAPPILY married to the man who's sister literally saved my daughter's life (and mine). The two of them helped me find a way out. And my husband has been a wonderful father to Hayley in the ten years we have been together. And he treats her no different from the two children we have had together. And this October, we will celebrate eight years of marriage.
You CAN leave. You CAN be happy. Yes, it will be hard. No, there is NO easy ways out of an abusive relationship. But I can tell you, it IS POSSIBLE. You need to want to get out and find the courage within (which you DO have hidden inside your soul) to do so. And there are things you may have to do (such as restraining orders and court hearings) that will be greatly difficult.
Abuse is not a way to love someone. It's a way to CONTROL a person. To make the abuser feel worthy and important. But in the end, it makes the abused feel hopeless, worthless and like there is no way out. Which is the primary goal of the attacker.
Listen to the words in the following music video. Yes, it has the lyrics in it, but I'm going to post a copy of the lyrics as well. Read them carefully. And "be forever free to dream".
"Black Eyes, Blue Tears"
Black eyes, I don't need 'em
Blue tears, gimme freedom
Positively never goin' back
I won't live where things are so out of whack
No more rollin' with the punches
No more usin' or abusin'
I'd rather die standing
Than live on my knees
Begging please-no more
Black eyes-I don't need 'em
Blue tears-gimme freedom
Black eyes-all behind me
Blue tears'll never find me now
Definitley found my self esteem
Finally-I'm forever free to dream
No more cryin' in the corner
No excuses-no more bruises
I'd rather die standing
Than live on my knees
Begging please-no more
Black eyes-I don't need 'em
Blue tears-gimme freedom
Black eyes-all behind me
Blue tears'll never find me now
I'd rather die standing
Than live on my knees, begging please...
Black eyes-I don't need 'em
Blue tears-gimme freedom
Black eyes-all behind me
Blue tears'll never find me now
It's all behind me, they'll never find me now
Find your self-esteem and be forever free to dream
[ SHANIA TWAIN LYRICS at www.AZLyrics.com ]
Please, if you are in an abusive relationship, find it within yourself to leave and to live your life again. I promise you, it WILL get better.
Nat. Domestic Violence Hot Line (1−800−799−SAFE(7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224)
....I'm as green as the ring on my little, cold finger, I've
Never known the lovin' of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand, there's a
Boy here in town says he'll, love my forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by
The sharp knife of a short life,
...And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when your dead how people start listenin'
....Uh oh (uh, oh)
The ballad of a dove (uh, oh)
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when your really gonna need them, oh
Sunday, December 26, 2010
200 Posts!?.. And A "We Need To Talk" Moment.
Now that the blog series is over, I can move on to other topics. Aren't you just ecstatic?
One thing that has happened since starting the "25 Days Of Christmas" posts is that I have reached (and gone beyond at this point) writing 200 posts!!
Exciting, isn't it? I've so far posted about all kinds of things from my son who has many mental disorders, to my life as a Stay-At-Home Mom and Wife, and all kinds of other things in between.
Today though, I am once again going to touch upon a very sensitive topic. One that never takes a break and is a battle for millions around the world, not just in the United States every single day. It doesn't care if it's Christmas time or Summer time.
Abuse.
Not just one kind, but all forms of abuse. Child abuse. Domestic Violence. Sexual abuse. Verbal, emotional and mental abuse.
If you wish to read about my personal, first hand experience with being in an abusive relationship, then I urge you to READ HERE.
As of today, over on FaceBook, I have "re-started" a page that I had running under a different name. Seeing as the site's new format no longer allows for name changes, I had to start fresh and delete the old page.
It is called Bring REAL Awareness To Abuse.
You can either click on the page's title above, or click on the page's "Like" box above at the top of this blog's page.
There, you will find tips, facts, statistics and information for how to get help. It's still just starting out. And I am also relying on the page's members to be active and participate as well.
Abuse in any form is not a laughing matter. It never rests. So, bringing forth awareness and information in how to watch for signs of abuse and how to find help shouldn't take a back seat, either.
*Some pictures that might be posted could very well be GRAPHIC in nature as to "drive home" the realities of what REALLY happens when a child is abused.
*These pictures could either be posted by the page owner or via the page's members.
*VIEWER DISCRETION OF PHOTOS IS ADVISED! And admittance of MINORS below a certain age (13 years) will NOT be allowed.
Dedicated to all of those that "died young" at the hands of an abuser...
One thing that has happened since starting the "25 Days Of Christmas" posts is that I have reached (and gone beyond at this point) writing 200 posts!!
Exciting, isn't it? I've so far posted about all kinds of things from my son who has many mental disorders, to my life as a Stay-At-Home Mom and Wife, and all kinds of other things in between.
Today though, I am once again going to touch upon a very sensitive topic. One that never takes a break and is a battle for millions around the world, not just in the United States every single day. It doesn't care if it's Christmas time or Summer time.
Abuse.
Not just one kind, but all forms of abuse. Child abuse. Domestic Violence. Sexual abuse. Verbal, emotional and mental abuse.
If you wish to read about my personal, first hand experience with being in an abusive relationship, then I urge you to READ HERE.
As of today, over on FaceBook, I have "re-started" a page that I had running under a different name. Seeing as the site's new format no longer allows for name changes, I had to start fresh and delete the old page.
It is called Bring REAL Awareness To Abuse.
You can either click on the page's title above, or click on the page's "Like" box above at the top of this blog's page.
There, you will find tips, facts, statistics and information for how to get help. It's still just starting out. And I am also relying on the page's members to be active and participate as well.
Abuse in any form is not a laughing matter. It never rests. So, bringing forth awareness and information in how to watch for signs of abuse and how to find help shouldn't take a back seat, either.
But also please note (within the page)..
*Some pictures that might be posted could very well be GRAPHIC in nature as to "drive home" the realities of what REALLY happens when a child is abused.
*These pictures could either be posted by the page owner or via the page's members.
*VIEWER DISCRETION OF PHOTOS IS ADVISED! And admittance of MINORS below a certain age (13 years) will NOT be allowed.
Dedicated to all of those that "died young" at the hands of an abuser...
Friday, December 3, 2010
Blog Hop Linky Tool On My Page... BE SURE TO READ ME!!
I'm sorry, but I have closed up the current Linky Tool Blog Hop linking area. I started seeing that most of those that were linking up to my page were not even "reading" my stuff. Let alone following the blog, or even leaving a note of ANY kind.
And I did in fact give fair warning in a previous post (refer to Blog Hop Tool Rules) that in the event that something like this happened, what the consequences would be.
If that makes me a mean and/or bitchy blogger, then so be it. I am not a "tool" for others to gain by. I wouldn't allow this on any of my other sites, or in my life. So know it certainly won't be tolerated here.
I'd opened an on-going "Blog Hop" to HELP other bloggers. Not to be taken advantage of.
So, from here on out, at my discretion, and *WITHOUT* prior notice, I will open the Hopping Tool again as I feel ready to do so.
And I did in fact give fair warning in a previous post (refer to Blog Hop Tool Rules) that in the event that something like this happened, what the consequences would be.
If that makes me a mean and/or bitchy blogger, then so be it. I am not a "tool" for others to gain by. I wouldn't allow this on any of my other sites, or in my life. So know it certainly won't be tolerated here.
I'd opened an on-going "Blog Hop" to HELP other bloggers. Not to be taken advantage of.
So, from here on out, at my discretion, and *WITHOUT* prior notice, I will open the Hopping Tool again as I feel ready to do so.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
RE: My New Linky Tool (rules)
Yes! I finally figured it out. I now have a "Blog Hopping" link-up capability for both my blogs.
Now, readers can leave their blog link-ups on my page when they stop by. But!!..Yes, another 'but'. Sorry, gotta do this though.
There WILL be some ground rules for linking with my blog. This way it's fair for everyone.
1)*I don't want my page to be "used" and "abused".* In other words if you link your blog to my page, then be sure to leave a comment on the post you had read.
2)*Be sure to leave a comment on any others you read as well.* I'm doing this to not only make more traffic for my blog, but to also help out my fellow bloggers as well.
3)*For respectfulness among the masses, do *not* say "Please follow me back".* Personally, I find it tacky and disrespectful. If readers like your content, they WILL follow without your "begging". In fact, I did touch on this last week. Blog Hop Do's/Don'ts...
If there is apparent "abuse" of the link (as in link up, but don't say anything about reading my work), then I MAY REMOVE IT. And then, I may only let others link up say on my Sunday Sunrise meme/carnival posts.
Now, with all of that said, be on the lookout for another post later today of a memory brought back by a kid on the radio and a "kids say the darnedest things/chew it over with Twix moment".
Now, readers can leave their blog link-ups on my page when they stop by. But!!..Yes, another 'but'. Sorry, gotta do this though.
There WILL be some ground rules for linking with my blog. This way it's fair for everyone.
1)*I don't want my page to be "used" and "abused".* In other words if you link your blog to my page, then be sure to leave a comment on the post you had read.
2)*Be sure to leave a comment on any others you read as well.* I'm doing this to not only make more traffic for my blog, but to also help out my fellow bloggers as well.
3)*For respectfulness among the masses, do *not* say "Please follow me back".* Personally, I find it tacky and disrespectful. If readers like your content, they WILL follow without your "begging". In fact, I did touch on this last week. Blog Hop Do's/Don'ts...
If there is apparent "abuse" of the link (as in link up, but don't say anything about reading my work), then I MAY REMOVE IT. And then, I may only let others link up say on my Sunday Sunrise meme/carnival posts.
Now, with all of that said, be on the lookout for another post later today of a memory brought back by a kid on the radio and a "kids say the darnedest things/chew it over with Twix moment".
Friday, October 22, 2010
"If I Die Young"..
Sadly, many women do around the world. Thanks to Domestic Violence and Domestic Abuse. Most times, it is far too late to get the help that they so desperately need to get away from their abuser/attacker. And by the time anything is truly done in regards to the abuser, the woman is already forever gone.
Domestic Violence and Domestic Abuse can take place within anyone's home. And it is NOT always the man that is the abuser. There are women who have been known to abuse their boyfriend/husband or their girlfriend/wife. Men are just better known to be an abuser.
And I am a survivor of Domestic Abuse/Violence. The worst case of it being when I was in my early twenties. I was at the time living with my former BFF and my former (abusive) boyfriend.
At first, it was just little things. Basically, he was just a lazy bastard that suddenly felt that I needed to 'cater' to him and HIS needs. Then, as time went on, in came the isolation and the constant "checking up" on me to see about my whereabouts and who I was with (if he and I weren't together).
One day though, near the very end of the relationship, he finally snapped like the proverbial twig. I made a remark and basically told him that it was time for HIM to move out. Suddenly, rage had filled his eyes. It's as if a demon entered his body and took it over. All in the course of a split second.
Next thing I know, I feel the palm of his hand on my throat, and his fingers wrapped around. I could feel my pulse pulsating his fingers. And I felt the blood trying to pump and supply my brain with needed oxygen.
My airway was cut off completely, and I struggled as his hand lifted my feet off the ground as he was choking me literally to death. There was not an ounce of air entering my body. I could feel myself fighting off passing out.
And as quickly as it happened, it stopped. But not before he squeezed my throat so tight, that I turned red, and then bluish purple in the lips (by my friend's account, who witnessed this), and that I had felt the searing pain of his nails digging in to my neck.
After he let go, he tried to apologize and started crying. "Boo-fucking-hoo" was my thought, and I opened the door and told him to get out, and to not come back. I threw most of his shit out to the curb, but he broke in to MY home and stole things that were mine (and of course claimed it was NOT him, though none of HIS things were missing that were left behind).
In a moment, my life was almost gone. He either could have choked me to death, or could have snapped my neck and then he would have broken it, causing instant death. But he let me go in time.
I'm one of the lucky ones. I am a survivor. I am NOT a victim. Victims sadly are those that had died at the hands of someone that they loved and trusted. Or they are the ones that are too scared to leave their attacker/abuser, in fear of what may happen in the aftermath.
I'm here to say to those of you reading this, and are in an abusive relationship...YOU CAN GET OUT! No, it will not be easy. And yes, he/she will make their threats and scare you in to staying. And you will have to learn once again how to live and to take YOUR life back.
Abusers are all about power and control. They want to have all of it, and for their victims to relinquish it all to them. It's a power trip. So, they will use anything and everything against you to get what THEY feel that is "rightfully" theirs. Hitting, name-calling, isolation tactics, talking down towards the victim. It's all used to get the upper hand.
But I can tell you that you CAN get the upper hand back. It just takes the courage deep within that yes, YOU DO HAVE inside, and the willingness to leave. And their ARE organizations that can and will help you.
The police. The hospital. Social Services. And the National Domestic Violence Hot Line. Family and friends, too can help you. Don't be scared. There is a better life out there for you. Much better than the life you are forced to live now. NO ONE should be a caged bird, with its wings clipped. That is NOT living life. That is living a slow death.
Please, if you are in an abusive relationship, find it within yourself to leave and to live your life again. I promise you, it WILL get better.
Nat. Domestic Violence Hot Line (1−800−799−SAFE(7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224)
....I'm as green as the ring on my little, cold finger, I've
Never known the lovin' of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand, there's a
Boy here in town says he'll, love my forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by
The sharp knife of a short life,
...And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when your dead how people start listenin'
....Uh oh (uh, oh)
The ballad of a dove (uh, oh)
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when your really gonna need them, oh
Domestic Violence and Domestic Abuse can take place within anyone's home. And it is NOT always the man that is the abuser. There are women who have been known to abuse their boyfriend/husband or their girlfriend/wife. Men are just better known to be an abuser.
And I am a survivor of Domestic Abuse/Violence. The worst case of it being when I was in my early twenties. I was at the time living with my former BFF and my former (abusive) boyfriend.
At first, it was just little things. Basically, he was just a lazy bastard that suddenly felt that I needed to 'cater' to him and HIS needs. Then, as time went on, in came the isolation and the constant "checking up" on me to see about my whereabouts and who I was with (if he and I weren't together).
One day though, near the very end of the relationship, he finally snapped like the proverbial twig. I made a remark and basically told him that it was time for HIM to move out. Suddenly, rage had filled his eyes. It's as if a demon entered his body and took it over. All in the course of a split second.
Next thing I know, I feel the palm of his hand on my throat, and his fingers wrapped around. I could feel my pulse pulsating his fingers. And I felt the blood trying to pump and supply my brain with needed oxygen.
My airway was cut off completely, and I struggled as his hand lifted my feet off the ground as he was choking me literally to death. There was not an ounce of air entering my body. I could feel myself fighting off passing out.
And as quickly as it happened, it stopped. But not before he squeezed my throat so tight, that I turned red, and then bluish purple in the lips (by my friend's account, who witnessed this), and that I had felt the searing pain of his nails digging in to my neck.
After he let go, he tried to apologize and started crying. "Boo-fucking-hoo" was my thought, and I opened the door and told him to get out, and to not come back. I threw most of his shit out to the curb, but he broke in to MY home and stole things that were mine (and of course claimed it was NOT him, though none of HIS things were missing that were left behind).
In a moment, my life was almost gone. He either could have choked me to death, or could have snapped my neck and then he would have broken it, causing instant death. But he let me go in time.
I'm one of the lucky ones. I am a survivor. I am NOT a victim. Victims sadly are those that had died at the hands of someone that they loved and trusted. Or they are the ones that are too scared to leave their attacker/abuser, in fear of what may happen in the aftermath.
I'm here to say to those of you reading this, and are in an abusive relationship...YOU CAN GET OUT! No, it will not be easy. And yes, he/she will make their threats and scare you in to staying. And you will have to learn once again how to live and to take YOUR life back.
Abusers are all about power and control. They want to have all of it, and for their victims to relinquish it all to them. It's a power trip. So, they will use anything and everything against you to get what THEY feel that is "rightfully" theirs. Hitting, name-calling, isolation tactics, talking down towards the victim. It's all used to get the upper hand.
But I can tell you that you CAN get the upper hand back. It just takes the courage deep within that yes, YOU DO HAVE inside, and the willingness to leave. And their ARE organizations that can and will help you.
The police. The hospital. Social Services. And the National Domestic Violence Hot Line. Family and friends, too can help you. Don't be scared. There is a better life out there for you. Much better than the life you are forced to live now. NO ONE should be a caged bird, with its wings clipped. That is NOT living life. That is living a slow death.
Please, if you are in an abusive relationship, find it within yourself to leave and to live your life again. I promise you, it WILL get better.
Nat. Domestic Violence Hot Line (1−800−799−SAFE(7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224)
....I'm as green as the ring on my little, cold finger, I've
Never known the lovin' of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand, there's a
Boy here in town says he'll, love my forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by
The sharp knife of a short life,
...And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when your dead how people start listenin'
....Uh oh (uh, oh)
The ballad of a dove (uh, oh)
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when your really gonna need them, oh
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
I'm in a Musical Way,today!Join me & hear what I want to say to certain peeps!!
This first one is for my husband Scott. Let's just say that I'm sure we are BOTH in withdrawal thanks to my UTI problem. And for me, this following song states exactly how I'm feeling about him.
This next one is to my kids. They have been *almost* the death of me during Summer Vacation. Sadly, I can vouch that I have said EVERY SINGLE thing in this "mom song" at least a hundred times, plus another million...
The eating song goes out to my PMS and knowing that I have gained two pounds from water-weight gain. And another two will be added from stuffing my face for the next week or so...
Every once in a while, including very recently, I have thought about the old days of my youth. And I swear, Tim got this right!
There is a way out! You just need to find the courage to pick yourself up and leave. It WILL be difficult and extremely scary to do so, at first. But to escape and taste the freedom of what life REALLY has to offer is more than worth it..I should know.
Last but not least, this one goes to all my gal-pal readers! No matter if you are 9 or 99. We really ARE the same inside...
This next one is to my kids. They have been *almost* the death of me during Summer Vacation. Sadly, I can vouch that I have said EVERY SINGLE thing in this "mom song" at least a hundred times, plus another million...
The eating song goes out to my PMS and knowing that I have gained two pounds from water-weight gain. And another two will be added from stuffing my face for the next week or so...
Every once in a while, including very recently, I have thought about the old days of my youth. And I swear, Tim got this right!
There is a way out! You just need to find the courage to pick yourself up and leave. It WILL be difficult and extremely scary to do so, at first. But to escape and taste the freedom of what life REALLY has to offer is more than worth it..I should know.
Last but not least, this one goes to all my gal-pal readers! No matter if you are 9 or 99. We really ARE the same inside...
Friday, July 23, 2010
My thoughts, feelings and life in song. Video maven day!
Whenever I listen/sing this one, it makes me think (and even hear) my mom and her BEAUTIFUL voice that has been silenced for almost 21 years. Larry Gatlin was one of her faves...
Apparently, since day one, I have lived in this way...Nope. I won't back down. I have stood at the gates of personal hell on several occasions. I know more fires are coming. Still, I'll stand my ground and not back down.
I`m gonna follow my heart
Wherever it leads oooh
I`m not afraid of my destiny - oooh
...There`s another point of view
It takes me back to you
I wanna dream my dreams
And live them too - oooh
Do a million things before I`m though - oooh
There`s another side of me
That only you can see
Us girls gotta stick together, ya know! This one IS for the girls...of ALL ages! WE ROCK, LADIES!
I so miss the country life! I was born a City Slicker, but never felt like I fit in. This is ME all the way!!
Once was pretty bad. Twice, I was a sucker. There has NEVER been a third time, and will NEVER be! I'm forever free to dream.
I think we are STILL in a Land Of Confusion. Just look at our world today. Not a whole lot has changed since this video.
Our marriage/relationship is far from perfect. But it's perfect enough for me and for us...
For my children...
May the good lord be with you down every road you roam
And may sunshine and happiness surround you when you're far from home
And may you grow to be proud, dignified, and true
And do unto others as you'd have done to you
Be courageous and be brave
And when you finally fly away, I'll be hoping that I served you well
For all the wisdom of a lifetime, no one can ever tell
But whatever road you choose
I'm right behind you
Win or lose
Apparently, since day one, I have lived in this way...Nope. I won't back down. I have stood at the gates of personal hell on several occasions. I know more fires are coming. Still, I'll stand my ground and not back down.
I`m gonna follow my heart
Wherever it leads oooh
I`m not afraid of my destiny - oooh
...There`s another point of view
It takes me back to you
I wanna dream my dreams
And live them too - oooh
Do a million things before I`m though - oooh
There`s another side of me
That only you can see
Us girls gotta stick together, ya know! This one IS for the girls...of ALL ages! WE ROCK, LADIES!
I so miss the country life! I was born a City Slicker, but never felt like I fit in. This is ME all the way!!
Once was pretty bad. Twice, I was a sucker. There has NEVER been a third time, and will NEVER be! I'm forever free to dream.
I think we are STILL in a Land Of Confusion. Just look at our world today. Not a whole lot has changed since this video.
Our marriage/relationship is far from perfect. But it's perfect enough for me and for us...
For my children...
May the good lord be with you down every road you roam
And may sunshine and happiness surround you when you're far from home
And may you grow to be proud, dignified, and true
And do unto others as you'd have done to you
Be courageous and be brave
And when you finally fly away, I'll be hoping that I served you well
For all the wisdom of a lifetime, no one can ever tell
But whatever road you choose
I'm right behind you
Win or lose
Monday, June 21, 2010
Black Eyes (I almost got them). Blue Tears (gave me freedom).
WARNING!! This is a very "straight to the point" blog post about abuse (of all kinds/types). There will be strong language and graphic descriptions of abuse that I had endured. This post is a teaching tool, as well as one to give support and let others know that there is hope. If this seems like too much for you, then I suggest you back out of it now. You have been warned...
Abuse. It can take it's shape in many forms. Verbal. Emotional. Mental. Sexual. Physical. And yes, even Financial.
For those that have their fortune go their way and have never been abused, they in many ways just "don't get it" when the woman (or the man) doesn't "walk away", being it's (to them) just simple as that.
For those that have been unlucky even just once to be abused, they know all-too-well that in the real world, it honestly is not "just that simple" to walk away and never look back.
Especially when the court tells you that the only good and decent thing that came from that relationship is a child, must go and see the non-custodial parent (that abused you)every other weekend.
Yes. I am one of the unlucky ones. Twice over. And in reality, the first relationship was FAR worse than the second. At least the latter one didn't have me almost dying that particular day.
Back in the summer of 1997, I was still living in Nevada. In the Reno-Carson area. My (then) best friend and I had an apartment. My (then) boyfriend was living with us as well. Before hand, he was just staying a night or two per week at a previous apartment,
At first, during the "honeymoon phase" all was well. We were happy and having fun. But not even a month in to the relationship, he got more demanding. I was more of a maid and waitress than his girlfriend. Then, the "joking" insults came. But they too got more frequent, and much more demeaning.
Finally, one night, he got mad because I told him I was through. I wanted him to pack his shit and leave. I got tired of being called a whore, a nagging, fucking bitch, being assaulted when he wanted sex (and I wasn't wanting it), of his having no job (and I paid the bills), and of being told I was a worthless piece of shit that he didn't really love.
Well, that's also I guess when his sanity left and his true, angry, abusive self came out in full force. He picked me up with one hand by the throat. I remember the searing sting as his nails dug in as his fingers got tighter. He literally was cutting off my airway. I couldn't get in a single breath. And his eyes were of nothing but pure evil. They were truly demonic. I can't say which scared me more. His grip, or the look in his eyes.
After releasing me, you could see the scratches and the instant prints from where his fingers had gripped me tightly. It was then that he left. The next day, as my BFF and I were at work, he came and not only got his stuff (some of it). But he took much of my things. Including the chest of drawers that were my mothers. Of course, he "didn't do it". And none of my friend's things were taken. Nor were much of his. But MOST of mine? Yeah okay....
After that relationship, I swore I wouldn't get in to that trap again. I came to Virginia in the Fall of 1997. In 1998 I had a May-December romance with my (now ex) husband. We married after only dating a few months. Boy was I STUPID. Because I did what I said I wouldn't do again. And that was to get in to another abusive relationship.
Like many others (and one other time before him) I fell for the charm and for how sweet he was. But once we got married, it all changed. Fast.
Suddenly he didn't "want to" work anymore because he "didn't like" the job. Yeah. Like I LOVED working for almost minimum wage and getting shit on by customers at the local Wal-Mart.
In 1999, my oldest child was born from that marriage. By then, he was working. Nights. But he didn't at times get home until about four in the morning. Even though he got off at two in the morning and it was only about a twenty-five minute ride home.
Plus he almost slammed my head in to the truck's dashboard when I was seven-months pregnant. But I wasn't smart enough at that time to leave. It was over my not choosing right then and there where to eat.
From that point, it had gotten to the come home late, then quit the job, telling me I was a nagging bitch (boy that one sounded too familiar), that I did nothing but sit on my ass (even though I worked, paid the bills and cleaned best I could EVERY night I came home).
Towards the end, it was primarily verbal and emotional abuse. But he also raised his hand to me a few times. But never struck me. By the time Hayley was almost five months old, I was "seeing" someone else. And I left my abusive husband. I took what I needed as he was not at home one day (in a black garbage bag) such as baby bottles, clothes for Hayley and myself, a few of her toys, money I had put up, diapers, and formula.
After that I never looked back, nor did I ever go back.
Today, I am HAPPILY married to the man who's sister literally saved my daughter's life (and mine). The two of them helped me find a way out. And my husband has been a wonderful father to Hayley in the ten years we have been together. And he treats her no different from the two children we have had together. And this October, we will celebrate eight years of marriage.
You CAN leave. You CAN be happy. Yes, it will be hard. No, there is NO easy ways out of an abusive relationship. But I can tell you, it IS POSSIBLE. You need to want to get out and find the courage within (which you DO have hidden inside your soul) to do so. And there are things you may have to do (such as restraining orders and court hearings) that will be greatly difficult.
Abuse is not a way to love someone. It's a way to CONTROL a person. To make the abuser feel worthy and important. But in the end, it makes the abused feel hopeless, worthless and like there is no way out. Which is the primary goal of the attacker.
Listen to the words in the following music video. Yes, it has the lyrics in it, but I'm going to post a copy of the lyrics as well. Read them carefully. And "be forever free to dream".
"Black Eyes, Blue Tears"
Black eyes, I don't need 'em
Blue tears, gimme freedom
Positively never goin' back
I won't live where things are so out of whack
No more rollin' with the punches
No more usin' or abusin'
I'd rather die standing
Than live on my knees
Begging please-no more
Black eyes-I don't need 'em
Blue tears-gimme freedom
Black eyes-all behind me
Blue tears'll never find me now
Definitley found my self esteem
Finally-I'm forever free to dream
No more cryin' in the corner
No excuses-no more bruises
I'd rather die standing
Than live on my knees
Begging please-no more
Black eyes-I don't need 'em
Blue tears-gimme freedom
Black eyes-all behind me
Blue tears'll never find me now
I'd rather die standing
Than live on my knees, begging please...
Black eyes-I don't need 'em
Blue tears-gimme freedom
Black eyes-all behind me
Blue tears'll never find me now
It's all behind me, they'll never find me now
Find your self-esteem and be forever free to dream
[ SHANIA TWAIN LYRICS at www.AZLyrics.com ]
Abuse. It can take it's shape in many forms. Verbal. Emotional. Mental. Sexual. Physical. And yes, even Financial.
For those that have their fortune go their way and have never been abused, they in many ways just "don't get it" when the woman (or the man) doesn't "walk away", being it's (to them) just simple as that.
For those that have been unlucky even just once to be abused, they know all-too-well that in the real world, it honestly is not "just that simple" to walk away and never look back.
Especially when the court tells you that the only good and decent thing that came from that relationship is a child, must go and see the non-custodial parent (that abused you)every other weekend.
Yes. I am one of the unlucky ones. Twice over. And in reality, the first relationship was FAR worse than the second. At least the latter one didn't have me almost dying that particular day.
Back in the summer of 1997, I was still living in Nevada. In the Reno-Carson area. My (then) best friend and I had an apartment. My (then) boyfriend was living with us as well. Before hand, he was just staying a night or two per week at a previous apartment,
At first, during the "honeymoon phase" all was well. We were happy and having fun. But not even a month in to the relationship, he got more demanding. I was more of a maid and waitress than his girlfriend. Then, the "joking" insults came. But they too got more frequent, and much more demeaning.
Finally, one night, he got mad because I told him I was through. I wanted him to pack his shit and leave. I got tired of being called a whore, a nagging, fucking bitch, being assaulted when he wanted sex (and I wasn't wanting it), of his having no job (and I paid the bills), and of being told I was a worthless piece of shit that he didn't really love.
Well, that's also I guess when his sanity left and his true, angry, abusive self came out in full force. He picked me up with one hand by the throat. I remember the searing sting as his nails dug in as his fingers got tighter. He literally was cutting off my airway. I couldn't get in a single breath. And his eyes were of nothing but pure evil. They were truly demonic. I can't say which scared me more. His grip, or the look in his eyes.
After releasing me, you could see the scratches and the instant prints from where his fingers had gripped me tightly. It was then that he left. The next day, as my BFF and I were at work, he came and not only got his stuff (some of it). But he took much of my things. Including the chest of drawers that were my mothers. Of course, he "didn't do it". And none of my friend's things were taken. Nor were much of his. But MOST of mine? Yeah okay....
After that relationship, I swore I wouldn't get in to that trap again. I came to Virginia in the Fall of 1997. In 1998 I had a May-December romance with my (now ex) husband. We married after only dating a few months. Boy was I STUPID. Because I did what I said I wouldn't do again. And that was to get in to another abusive relationship.
Like many others (and one other time before him) I fell for the charm and for how sweet he was. But once we got married, it all changed. Fast.
Suddenly he didn't "want to" work anymore because he "didn't like" the job. Yeah. Like I LOVED working for almost minimum wage and getting shit on by customers at the local Wal-Mart.
In 1999, my oldest child was born from that marriage. By then, he was working. Nights. But he didn't at times get home until about four in the morning. Even though he got off at two in the morning and it was only about a twenty-five minute ride home.
Plus he almost slammed my head in to the truck's dashboard when I was seven-months pregnant. But I wasn't smart enough at that time to leave. It was over my not choosing right then and there where to eat.
From that point, it had gotten to the come home late, then quit the job, telling me I was a nagging bitch (boy that one sounded too familiar), that I did nothing but sit on my ass (even though I worked, paid the bills and cleaned best I could EVERY night I came home).
Towards the end, it was primarily verbal and emotional abuse. But he also raised his hand to me a few times. But never struck me. By the time Hayley was almost five months old, I was "seeing" someone else. And I left my abusive husband. I took what I needed as he was not at home one day (in a black garbage bag) such as baby bottles, clothes for Hayley and myself, a few of her toys, money I had put up, diapers, and formula.
After that I never looked back, nor did I ever go back.
Today, I am HAPPILY married to the man who's sister literally saved my daughter's life (and mine). The two of them helped me find a way out. And my husband has been a wonderful father to Hayley in the ten years we have been together. And he treats her no different from the two children we have had together. And this October, we will celebrate eight years of marriage.
You CAN leave. You CAN be happy. Yes, it will be hard. No, there is NO easy ways out of an abusive relationship. But I can tell you, it IS POSSIBLE. You need to want to get out and find the courage within (which you DO have hidden inside your soul) to do so. And there are things you may have to do (such as restraining orders and court hearings) that will be greatly difficult.
Abuse is not a way to love someone. It's a way to CONTROL a person. To make the abuser feel worthy and important. But in the end, it makes the abused feel hopeless, worthless and like there is no way out. Which is the primary goal of the attacker.
Listen to the words in the following music video. Yes, it has the lyrics in it, but I'm going to post a copy of the lyrics as well. Read them carefully. And "be forever free to dream".
"Black Eyes, Blue Tears"
Black eyes, I don't need 'em
Blue tears, gimme freedom
Positively never goin' back
I won't live where things are so out of whack
No more rollin' with the punches
No more usin' or abusin'
I'd rather die standing
Than live on my knees
Begging please-no more
Black eyes-I don't need 'em
Blue tears-gimme freedom
Black eyes-all behind me
Blue tears'll never find me now
Definitley found my self esteem
Finally-I'm forever free to dream
No more cryin' in the corner
No excuses-no more bruises
I'd rather die standing
Than live on my knees
Begging please-no more
Black eyes-I don't need 'em
Blue tears-gimme freedom
Black eyes-all behind me
Blue tears'll never find me now
I'd rather die standing
Than live on my knees, begging please...
Black eyes-I don't need 'em
Blue tears-gimme freedom
Black eyes-all behind me
Blue tears'll never find me now
It's all behind me, they'll never find me now
Find your self-esteem and be forever free to dream
[ SHANIA TWAIN LYRICS at www.AZLyrics.com ]
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