A while back, I had written a post about an experience that took myself and my husband by surprise. We knew that when the time was right, we were going to pass on the gift of giving to someone. We have since been on the lookout of who and how we were going to "Pay It Forward" to.
This is a concept I already had in mind for myself though, since I had turned the age of eighteen. Since then, I have been a Registered Donor to donate anything I can in the event of my death.
Who knew that at the age of thirty-two, just fourteen years after becoming a Donor, that I also would be seeing the whole topic of Organ/Tissue Donation from the other side of the fence. You can read my Corneal Transplant Recipient story HERE.
But also, I have been able to "pay it forward" monetarily. And thanks to the donations that were all pooled together, a record twenty-five children were able to purchase books at the Spring Book Fair at school.
Hayley had found a $100 bill in the school's soccer field a while back and brought it home. Sure I got on her for not turning it in right away. But then, I myself constantly forgot to take it with me to turn in as well.
So, seeing as so much time has passed, we (Scott and I collectively) decided to donate the $100 to the school's Library for the Book Fair's "Students in Need" box. After the totals were counted, there was close to $190.00 to split between the kids. Pre-K through Fist grade students were able to spend up to $5 and those in Second through Fifth grade were able to spend up to $10.
It felt wonderful to see the long list and know that so many children were being helped this year. I'm NOT happy that they had to be on it, because of such financial hardships in their families. But I AM happy that these kids were able to continue on the path to a wonderful love and enjoyment of reading.
Although, there is something else, along with the love of reading that is very close to my heart. That is Organ/Tissue Donation Awareness. Not just because I am a Registered Donor, as is my husband. But because we as a family have experienced firsthand the miracles of Tissue Donation. To be able to regain (most of) my sight back is an honest miracle. And as a mother, being down just ONE eye is hard to deal with. No matter how much you do to "adapt".
Did you know that you can be a LIVING Donor? Blood, a piece of your liver, a kidney, bone marrow, tendons and other tissues.
Then, you have Donors that donate skin, corneas, major organs such as your hearts and lungs. Plus cadaver (deceased) donors can give their tissues, bones, livers, kidneys, and intestines.
Right now, in the United States of America, the statistics for Recipients CURRENTLY awaiting their "gifts of LIFE" stands at (provided by Organ Procurement & Transplant Network)..
All Organs 110,484
Kidney 88,087
Liver 16,164
Pancreas 1,384
Heart 3,188
Lung 1,758
Intestine 265
As a Registered Donor, you can potentially save up to eight people's lives, and enrich and better about 50 lives.
Giving has always been a part of me and of who I am. I give what I can, where I can, when I can. So signing up to be an Organ/Eye/Tissue Donor was a no-brainer for me. If you are interested in becoming a Donor, please visit OrganDonor.Gov or United Network for Organ Sharing (UNOS) and find out more Organ Transplantation and becoming a HERO, and to find out how to register in your state or Provence.
Because to us, our Donors (living and deceased), and their families are indeed our HEROES!
My work is ORIGINAL...Don't be a thief.
What is written in this blog, is of the author's own originality. It contains the sole views, thoughts, and stories of this blog's author.
Showing posts with label money. Show all posts
Showing posts with label money. Show all posts
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Monday, January 31, 2011
Being ABUSED? There IS hope and yes, a WAY OUT. (*Graphic/Explicit*)
**The reason that I am re-posting this blog entry is because my "integrity" was apparently called in to question in regards of assumption of another matter. So was the fact of my being "supportive" and "understanding" towards another's plight in light of them trying to leave an abusive situation.
I see it this way... If you don't TRULY know of the ordeal I went through as a {formerly} abused woman, TWICE over, then NO ONE has the right to "call me out" in such a manner. Especially in a place where I posted to MY personal area on another website.**
WARNING!! This is a very "straight to the point" blog post about abuse (of all kinds/types). There will be strong language and graphic descriptions of abuse that I had endured. This post is a teaching tool, as well as one to give support and let others know that there is hope. If this seems like too much for you, then I suggest you back out of it now. You have been warned...
Abuse. It can take it's shape in many forms. Verbal. Emotional. Mental. Sexual. Physical. And yes, even Financial.
For those that have their fortune go their way and have never been abused, they in many ways just "don't get it" when the woman (or the man) doesn't "walk away", being it's (to them) just simple as that.
For those that have been unlucky even just once to be abused, they know all-too-well that in the real world, it honestly is not "just that simple" to walk away and never look back.
Especially when the court tells you that the only good and decent thing that came from that relationship is a child, must go and see the non-custodial parent (that abused you)every other weekend.
Yes. I am one of the unlucky ones. Twice over. And in reality, the first relationship was FAR worse than the second. At least the latter one didn't have me almost dying that particular day.
Back in the summer of 1997, I was still living in Nevada. In the Reno-Carson area. My (then) best friend and I had an apartment. My (then) boyfriend was living with us as well. Before hand, he was just staying a night or two per week at a previous apartment,
At first, during the "honeymoon phase" all was well. We were happy and having fun. But not even a month in to the relationship, he got more demanding. I was more of a maid and waitress than his girlfriend. Then, the "joking" insults came. But they too got more frequent, and much more demeaning.
Finally, one night, he got mad because I told him I was through. I wanted him to pack his shit and leave. I got tired of being called a whore, a nagging, fucking bitch, being assaulted when he wanted sex (and I wasn't wanting it), of his having no job (and I paid the bills), and of being told I was a worthless piece of shit that he didn't really love.
Well, that's also I guess when his sanity left and his true, angry, abusive self came out in full force. He picked me up with one hand by the throat. I remember the searing sting as his nails dug in as his fingers got tighter. He literally was cutting off my airway. I couldn't get in a single breath. And his eyes were of nothing but pure evil. They were truly demonic. I can't say which scared me more. His grip, or the look in his eyes.
After releasing me, you could see the scratches and the instant prints from where his fingers had gripped me tightly. It was then that he left. The next day, as my BFF and I were at work, he came and not only got his stuff (some of it). But he took much of my things. Including the chest of drawers that were my mothers. Of course, he "didn't do it". And none of my friend's things were taken. Nor were much of his. But MOST of mine? Yeah okay....
After that relationship, I swore I wouldn't get in to that trap again. I came to Virginia in the Fall of 1997. In 1998 I had a May-December romance with my (now ex) husband. We married after only dating a few months. Boy was I STUPID. Because I did what I said I wouldn't do again. And that was to get in to another abusive relationship.
Like many others (and one other time before him) I fell for the charm and for how sweet he was. But once we got married, it all changed. Fast.
Suddenly he didn't "want to" work anymore because he "didn't like" the job. Yeah. Like I LOVED working for almost minimum wage and getting shit on by customers at the local Wal-Mart.
In 1999, my oldest child was born from that marriage. By then, he was working. Nights. But he didn't at times get home until about four in the morning. Even though he got off at two in the morning and it was only about a twenty-five minute ride home.
Plus he almost slammed my head in to the truck's dashboard when I was seven-months pregnant. But I wasn't smart enough at that time to leave. It was over my not choosing right then and there where to eat.
From that point, it had gotten to the come home late, then quit the job, telling me I was a nagging bitch (boy that one sounded too familiar), that I did nothing but sit on my ass (even though I worked, paid the bills and cleaned best I could EVERY night I came home).
Towards the end, it was primarily verbal and emotional abuse. But he also raised his hand to me a few times. But never struck me. By the time Hayley was almost five months old, I was "seeing" someone else. And I left my abusive husband. I took what I needed as he was not at home one day (in a black garbage bag) such as baby bottles, clothes for Hayley and myself, a few of her toys, money I had put up, diapers, and formula.
After that I never looked back, nor did I ever go back.
Today, I am HAPPILY married to the man who's sister literally saved my daughter's life (and mine). The two of them helped me find a way out. And my husband has been a wonderful father to Hayley in the ten years we have been together. And he treats her no different from the two children we have had together. And this October, we will celebrate eight years of marriage.
You CAN leave. You CAN be happy. Yes, it will be hard. No, there is NO easy ways out of an abusive relationship. But I can tell you, it IS POSSIBLE. You need to want to get out and find the courage within (which you DO have hidden inside your soul) to do so. And there are things you may have to do (such as restraining orders and court hearings) that will be greatly difficult.
Abuse is not a way to love someone. It's a way to CONTROL a person. To make the abuser feel worthy and important. But in the end, it makes the abused feel hopeless, worthless and like there is no way out. Which is the primary goal of the attacker.
Listen to the words in the following music video. Yes, it has the lyrics in it, but I'm going to post a copy of the lyrics as well. Read them carefully. And "be forever free to dream".
"Black Eyes, Blue Tears"
Black eyes, I don't need 'em
Blue tears, gimme freedom
Positively never goin' back
I won't live where things are so out of whack
No more rollin' with the punches
No more usin' or abusin'
I'd rather die standing
Than live on my knees
Begging please-no more
Black eyes-I don't need 'em
Blue tears-gimme freedom
Black eyes-all behind me
Blue tears'll never find me now
Definitley found my self esteem
Finally-I'm forever free to dream
No more cryin' in the corner
No excuses-no more bruises
I'd rather die standing
Than live on my knees
Begging please-no more
Black eyes-I don't need 'em
Blue tears-gimme freedom
Black eyes-all behind me
Blue tears'll never find me now
I'd rather die standing
Than live on my knees, begging please...
Black eyes-I don't need 'em
Blue tears-gimme freedom
Black eyes-all behind me
Blue tears'll never find me now
It's all behind me, they'll never find me now
Find your self-esteem and be forever free to dream
[ SHANIA TWAIN LYRICS at www.AZLyrics.com ]
Please, if you are in an abusive relationship, find it within yourself to leave and to live your life again. I promise you, it WILL get better.
Nat. Domestic Violence Hot Line (1−800−799−SAFE(7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224)
....I'm as green as the ring on my little, cold finger, I've
Never known the lovin' of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand, there's a
Boy here in town says he'll, love my forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by
The sharp knife of a short life,
...And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when your dead how people start listenin'
....Uh oh (uh, oh)
The ballad of a dove (uh, oh)
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when your really gonna need them, oh
I see it this way... If you don't TRULY know of the ordeal I went through as a {formerly} abused woman, TWICE over, then NO ONE has the right to "call me out" in such a manner. Especially in a place where I posted to MY personal area on another website.**
WARNING!! This is a very "straight to the point" blog post about abuse (of all kinds/types). There will be strong language and graphic descriptions of abuse that I had endured. This post is a teaching tool, as well as one to give support and let others know that there is hope. If this seems like too much for you, then I suggest you back out of it now. You have been warned...
Abuse. It can take it's shape in many forms. Verbal. Emotional. Mental. Sexual. Physical. And yes, even Financial.
For those that have their fortune go their way and have never been abused, they in many ways just "don't get it" when the woman (or the man) doesn't "walk away", being it's (to them) just simple as that.
For those that have been unlucky even just once to be abused, they know all-too-well that in the real world, it honestly is not "just that simple" to walk away and never look back.
Especially when the court tells you that the only good and decent thing that came from that relationship is a child, must go and see the non-custodial parent (that abused you)every other weekend.
Yes. I am one of the unlucky ones. Twice over. And in reality, the first relationship was FAR worse than the second. At least the latter one didn't have me almost dying that particular day.
Back in the summer of 1997, I was still living in Nevada. In the Reno-Carson area. My (then) best friend and I had an apartment. My (then) boyfriend was living with us as well. Before hand, he was just staying a night or two per week at a previous apartment,
At first, during the "honeymoon phase" all was well. We were happy and having fun. But not even a month in to the relationship, he got more demanding. I was more of a maid and waitress than his girlfriend. Then, the "joking" insults came. But they too got more frequent, and much more demeaning.
Finally, one night, he got mad because I told him I was through. I wanted him to pack his shit and leave. I got tired of being called a whore, a nagging, fucking bitch, being assaulted when he wanted sex (and I wasn't wanting it), of his having no job (and I paid the bills), and of being told I was a worthless piece of shit that he didn't really love.
Well, that's also I guess when his sanity left and his true, angry, abusive self came out in full force. He picked me up with one hand by the throat. I remember the searing sting as his nails dug in as his fingers got tighter. He literally was cutting off my airway. I couldn't get in a single breath. And his eyes were of nothing but pure evil. They were truly demonic. I can't say which scared me more. His grip, or the look in his eyes.
After releasing me, you could see the scratches and the instant prints from where his fingers had gripped me tightly. It was then that he left. The next day, as my BFF and I were at work, he came and not only got his stuff (some of it). But he took much of my things. Including the chest of drawers that were my mothers. Of course, he "didn't do it". And none of my friend's things were taken. Nor were much of his. But MOST of mine? Yeah okay....
After that relationship, I swore I wouldn't get in to that trap again. I came to Virginia in the Fall of 1997. In 1998 I had a May-December romance with my (now ex) husband. We married after only dating a few months. Boy was I STUPID. Because I did what I said I wouldn't do again. And that was to get in to another abusive relationship.
Like many others (and one other time before him) I fell for the charm and for how sweet he was. But once we got married, it all changed. Fast.
Suddenly he didn't "want to" work anymore because he "didn't like" the job. Yeah. Like I LOVED working for almost minimum wage and getting shit on by customers at the local Wal-Mart.
In 1999, my oldest child was born from that marriage. By then, he was working. Nights. But he didn't at times get home until about four in the morning. Even though he got off at two in the morning and it was only about a twenty-five minute ride home.
Plus he almost slammed my head in to the truck's dashboard when I was seven-months pregnant. But I wasn't smart enough at that time to leave. It was over my not choosing right then and there where to eat.
From that point, it had gotten to the come home late, then quit the job, telling me I was a nagging bitch (boy that one sounded too familiar), that I did nothing but sit on my ass (even though I worked, paid the bills and cleaned best I could EVERY night I came home).
Towards the end, it was primarily verbal and emotional abuse. But he also raised his hand to me a few times. But never struck me. By the time Hayley was almost five months old, I was "seeing" someone else. And I left my abusive husband. I took what I needed as he was not at home one day (in a black garbage bag) such as baby bottles, clothes for Hayley and myself, a few of her toys, money I had put up, diapers, and formula.
After that I never looked back, nor did I ever go back.
Today, I am HAPPILY married to the man who's sister literally saved my daughter's life (and mine). The two of them helped me find a way out. And my husband has been a wonderful father to Hayley in the ten years we have been together. And he treats her no different from the two children we have had together. And this October, we will celebrate eight years of marriage.
You CAN leave. You CAN be happy. Yes, it will be hard. No, there is NO easy ways out of an abusive relationship. But I can tell you, it IS POSSIBLE. You need to want to get out and find the courage within (which you DO have hidden inside your soul) to do so. And there are things you may have to do (such as restraining orders and court hearings) that will be greatly difficult.
Abuse is not a way to love someone. It's a way to CONTROL a person. To make the abuser feel worthy and important. But in the end, it makes the abused feel hopeless, worthless and like there is no way out. Which is the primary goal of the attacker.
Listen to the words in the following music video. Yes, it has the lyrics in it, but I'm going to post a copy of the lyrics as well. Read them carefully. And "be forever free to dream".
"Black Eyes, Blue Tears"
Black eyes, I don't need 'em
Blue tears, gimme freedom
Positively never goin' back
I won't live where things are so out of whack
No more rollin' with the punches
No more usin' or abusin'
I'd rather die standing
Than live on my knees
Begging please-no more
Black eyes-I don't need 'em
Blue tears-gimme freedom
Black eyes-all behind me
Blue tears'll never find me now
Definitley found my self esteem
Finally-I'm forever free to dream
No more cryin' in the corner
No excuses-no more bruises
I'd rather die standing
Than live on my knees
Begging please-no more
Black eyes-I don't need 'em
Blue tears-gimme freedom
Black eyes-all behind me
Blue tears'll never find me now
I'd rather die standing
Than live on my knees, begging please...
Black eyes-I don't need 'em
Blue tears-gimme freedom
Black eyes-all behind me
Blue tears'll never find me now
It's all behind me, they'll never find me now
Find your self-esteem and be forever free to dream
[ SHANIA TWAIN LYRICS at www.AZLyrics.com ]
Please, if you are in an abusive relationship, find it within yourself to leave and to live your life again. I promise you, it WILL get better.
Nat. Domestic Violence Hot Line (1−800−799−SAFE(7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224)
....I'm as green as the ring on my little, cold finger, I've
Never known the lovin' of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand, there's a
Boy here in town says he'll, love my forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by
The sharp knife of a short life,
...And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when your dead how people start listenin'
....Uh oh (uh, oh)
The ballad of a dove (uh, oh)
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when your really gonna need them, oh
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
GLBT and Kroger...BOYCOTT? (getting on my soapbox!)
Over at Facebook, I belong to the "Fan Page" for the retail grocery chain, Kroger(KROGER FACEBOOK FAN PAGE). You can ask questions, find out what weekly deals and sales that they are having (or will be having the following week) and converse with fellow customers of the establishment.
The store has re-done their FB page and so I had to search a bit for the DISCUSSIONS tab (which happened to be under BOXES). I like to "talk" with others on the boards in that manner.
Yesterday, I came across one titled "I will not shop at Kroger because you denied sponsorship to the LGBT community.". Of course, it did pique my interest. So, I opened it up and read the initial post that opened the proverbial can of worms. It went like this..
"Removing your use of your logo for the Cincinnati LGBT pride festival is a poor decision.
I live in Columbus, have a Kroger across the street from my house, but your regressive ways have made me rethink going to any Kroger location. I will spend my families money where I am appreciated.
I have already switched to Giant Eagle and will actively spread the word for others to do the same. "
Now, if you know me, I am ALL for the rights and equality for the GLBT Community. Yes, even marriage. But I am also not one to go off on a tangent such as this over the fact that CORPORATE OFFICE made the decision to remove their logo from the Pride Festival.
Was it wrong for Kroger to do such a thing? YES! In *my* mind it was. Kroger spreads talk of community and unity, and wanting to help others. But talk is cheap these days. But to pull out of the Pride Festival, in fear of what their customers *might* think (and HELLO!! Kroger, you DO have customers that are gay, you idiot Heads!) of them.
But to punish a LOCAL store in your area over what the Corporate Office (in Cincinnati, Ohio, mind you!) did (I feel) makes YOU just as bad as the Head Office. When you refuse to shop there (or at any retailer) and take a bunch of friends with you, then yes, you ARE denying a basic, everyday, hard-working employee a paycheck.
Same with gas stations. I do NOT buy the BP gas (for obvious reasons!), but I will not *refuse* to shop inside the convenience store. That store has nothing to gain from BP, except a small percentage of earnings from BP for "featuring" their BP product. Most of their income is through the selling of IN-STORE products, being that the store it's self is of it's own entity. A franchise.
My husband, for the last ten years of his life, has worked at Kroger Food & Drug. And for eight of those ten years (started as, then promoted, then had to go back to it due to certain circumstances and is presently there) Scott has been Head Frozen Food Clerk. Do you HONESTLY think he ENJOYS freezing his ass off daily to provide YOU, the consumer with "quick and easy" meals? I can tell you a resounding NO! At least not ALL of the time.
He gets crap for pay, as he (sometimes) works up to a ten-hour shift, busting his ass to place products on his shelves, make sure orders that come in are stocked with what he needs to supply YOU with to grab off of those shelves and has to hear customers bitch and yell at him for what the WAREHOUSE scratched (did not send) on the order (which is NOT up to him).
When you refuse to shop, you are taking away pay from him, and his fellow employees. And in turn, you are taking it from my kids, and their (fellow employees) families. We rely on those paychecks (just like anyone else in any other employment position) to clothe, feed and house our children. And when you "boycott" a store for what is OUT OF THE *LOCAL STORE'S* control, you not only hurt that store and their employees, you hurt US, THE FAMILIES of those employees.
Everyone wants equal rights. Is it really and honestly fair to "boycott" a single store for what their Corporate Office did? What (Corporate Office) did was INDEED blatantly WRONG. Call THEM. Write to THEM. Email THEM. Don't make the "little guy" suffer. They get the shitty end of the stick. It's Corporate that needs to have a hole burned in their pockets. Not my husband (or my children).
The store has re-done their FB page and so I had to search a bit for the DISCUSSIONS tab (which happened to be under BOXES). I like to "talk" with others on the boards in that manner.
Yesterday, I came across one titled "I will not shop at Kroger because you denied sponsorship to the LGBT community.". Of course, it did pique my interest. So, I opened it up and read the initial post that opened the proverbial can of worms. It went like this..
"Removing your use of your logo for the Cincinnati LGBT pride festival is a poor decision.
I live in Columbus, have a Kroger across the street from my house, but your regressive ways have made me rethink going to any Kroger location. I will spend my families money where I am appreciated.
I have already switched to Giant Eagle and will actively spread the word for others to do the same. "
Now, if you know me, I am ALL for the rights and equality for the GLBT Community. Yes, even marriage. But I am also not one to go off on a tangent such as this over the fact that CORPORATE OFFICE made the decision to remove their logo from the Pride Festival.
Was it wrong for Kroger to do such a thing? YES! In *my* mind it was. Kroger spreads talk of community and unity, and wanting to help others. But talk is cheap these days. But to pull out of the Pride Festival, in fear of what their customers *might* think (and HELLO!! Kroger, you DO have customers that are gay, you idiot Heads!) of them.
But to punish a LOCAL store in your area over what the Corporate Office (in Cincinnati, Ohio, mind you!) did (I feel) makes YOU just as bad as the Head Office. When you refuse to shop there (or at any retailer) and take a bunch of friends with you, then yes, you ARE denying a basic, everyday, hard-working employee a paycheck.
Same with gas stations. I do NOT buy the BP gas (for obvious reasons!), but I will not *refuse* to shop inside the convenience store. That store has nothing to gain from BP, except a small percentage of earnings from BP for "featuring" their BP product. Most of their income is through the selling of IN-STORE products, being that the store it's self is of it's own entity. A franchise.
My husband, for the last ten years of his life, has worked at Kroger Food & Drug. And for eight of those ten years (started as, then promoted, then had to go back to it due to certain circumstances and is presently there) Scott has been Head Frozen Food Clerk. Do you HONESTLY think he ENJOYS freezing his ass off daily to provide YOU, the consumer with "quick and easy" meals? I can tell you a resounding NO! At least not ALL of the time.
He gets crap for pay, as he (sometimes) works up to a ten-hour shift, busting his ass to place products on his shelves, make sure orders that come in are stocked with what he needs to supply YOU with to grab off of those shelves and has to hear customers bitch and yell at him for what the WAREHOUSE scratched (did not send) on the order (which is NOT up to him).
When you refuse to shop, you are taking away pay from him, and his fellow employees. And in turn, you are taking it from my kids, and their (fellow employees) families. We rely on those paychecks (just like anyone else in any other employment position) to clothe, feed and house our children. And when you "boycott" a store for what is OUT OF THE *LOCAL STORE'S* control, you not only hurt that store and their employees, you hurt US, THE FAMILIES of those employees.
Everyone wants equal rights. Is it really and honestly fair to "boycott" a single store for what their Corporate Office did? What (Corporate Office) did was INDEED blatantly WRONG. Call THEM. Write to THEM. Email THEM. Don't make the "little guy" suffer. They get the shitty end of the stick. It's Corporate that needs to have a hole burned in their pockets. Not my husband (or my children).
Monday, June 21, 2010
Black Eyes (I almost got them). Blue Tears (gave me freedom).
WARNING!! This is a very "straight to the point" blog post about abuse (of all kinds/types). There will be strong language and graphic descriptions of abuse that I had endured. This post is a teaching tool, as well as one to give support and let others know that there is hope. If this seems like too much for you, then I suggest you back out of it now. You have been warned...
Abuse. It can take it's shape in many forms. Verbal. Emotional. Mental. Sexual. Physical. And yes, even Financial.
For those that have their fortune go their way and have never been abused, they in many ways just "don't get it" when the woman (or the man) doesn't "walk away", being it's (to them) just simple as that.
For those that have been unlucky even just once to be abused, they know all-too-well that in the real world, it honestly is not "just that simple" to walk away and never look back.
Especially when the court tells you that the only good and decent thing that came from that relationship is a child, must go and see the non-custodial parent (that abused you)every other weekend.
Yes. I am one of the unlucky ones. Twice over. And in reality, the first relationship was FAR worse than the second. At least the latter one didn't have me almost dying that particular day.
Back in the summer of 1997, I was still living in Nevada. In the Reno-Carson area. My (then) best friend and I had an apartment. My (then) boyfriend was living with us as well. Before hand, he was just staying a night or two per week at a previous apartment,
At first, during the "honeymoon phase" all was well. We were happy and having fun. But not even a month in to the relationship, he got more demanding. I was more of a maid and waitress than his girlfriend. Then, the "joking" insults came. But they too got more frequent, and much more demeaning.
Finally, one night, he got mad because I told him I was through. I wanted him to pack his shit and leave. I got tired of being called a whore, a nagging, fucking bitch, being assaulted when he wanted sex (and I wasn't wanting it), of his having no job (and I paid the bills), and of being told I was a worthless piece of shit that he didn't really love.
Well, that's also I guess when his sanity left and his true, angry, abusive self came out in full force. He picked me up with one hand by the throat. I remember the searing sting as his nails dug in as his fingers got tighter. He literally was cutting off my airway. I couldn't get in a single breath. And his eyes were of nothing but pure evil. They were truly demonic. I can't say which scared me more. His grip, or the look in his eyes.
After releasing me, you could see the scratches and the instant prints from where his fingers had gripped me tightly. It was then that he left. The next day, as my BFF and I were at work, he came and not only got his stuff (some of it). But he took much of my things. Including the chest of drawers that were my mothers. Of course, he "didn't do it". And none of my friend's things were taken. Nor were much of his. But MOST of mine? Yeah okay....
After that relationship, I swore I wouldn't get in to that trap again. I came to Virginia in the Fall of 1997. In 1998 I had a May-December romance with my (now ex) husband. We married after only dating a few months. Boy was I STUPID. Because I did what I said I wouldn't do again. And that was to get in to another abusive relationship.
Like many others (and one other time before him) I fell for the charm and for how sweet he was. But once we got married, it all changed. Fast.
Suddenly he didn't "want to" work anymore because he "didn't like" the job. Yeah. Like I LOVED working for almost minimum wage and getting shit on by customers at the local Wal-Mart.
In 1999, my oldest child was born from that marriage. By then, he was working. Nights. But he didn't at times get home until about four in the morning. Even though he got off at two in the morning and it was only about a twenty-five minute ride home.
Plus he almost slammed my head in to the truck's dashboard when I was seven-months pregnant. But I wasn't smart enough at that time to leave. It was over my not choosing right then and there where to eat.
From that point, it had gotten to the come home late, then quit the job, telling me I was a nagging bitch (boy that one sounded too familiar), that I did nothing but sit on my ass (even though I worked, paid the bills and cleaned best I could EVERY night I came home).
Towards the end, it was primarily verbal and emotional abuse. But he also raised his hand to me a few times. But never struck me. By the time Hayley was almost five months old, I was "seeing" someone else. And I left my abusive husband. I took what I needed as he was not at home one day (in a black garbage bag) such as baby bottles, clothes for Hayley and myself, a few of her toys, money I had put up, diapers, and formula.
After that I never looked back, nor did I ever go back.
Today, I am HAPPILY married to the man who's sister literally saved my daughter's life (and mine). The two of them helped me find a way out. And my husband has been a wonderful father to Hayley in the ten years we have been together. And he treats her no different from the two children we have had together. And this October, we will celebrate eight years of marriage.
You CAN leave. You CAN be happy. Yes, it will be hard. No, there is NO easy ways out of an abusive relationship. But I can tell you, it IS POSSIBLE. You need to want to get out and find the courage within (which you DO have hidden inside your soul) to do so. And there are things you may have to do (such as restraining orders and court hearings) that will be greatly difficult.
Abuse is not a way to love someone. It's a way to CONTROL a person. To make the abuser feel worthy and important. But in the end, it makes the abused feel hopeless, worthless and like there is no way out. Which is the primary goal of the attacker.
Listen to the words in the following music video. Yes, it has the lyrics in it, but I'm going to post a copy of the lyrics as well. Read them carefully. And "be forever free to dream".
"Black Eyes, Blue Tears"
Black eyes, I don't need 'em
Blue tears, gimme freedom
Positively never goin' back
I won't live where things are so out of whack
No more rollin' with the punches
No more usin' or abusin'
I'd rather die standing
Than live on my knees
Begging please-no more
Black eyes-I don't need 'em
Blue tears-gimme freedom
Black eyes-all behind me
Blue tears'll never find me now
Definitley found my self esteem
Finally-I'm forever free to dream
No more cryin' in the corner
No excuses-no more bruises
I'd rather die standing
Than live on my knees
Begging please-no more
Black eyes-I don't need 'em
Blue tears-gimme freedom
Black eyes-all behind me
Blue tears'll never find me now
I'd rather die standing
Than live on my knees, begging please...
Black eyes-I don't need 'em
Blue tears-gimme freedom
Black eyes-all behind me
Blue tears'll never find me now
It's all behind me, they'll never find me now
Find your self-esteem and be forever free to dream
[ SHANIA TWAIN LYRICS at www.AZLyrics.com ]
Abuse. It can take it's shape in many forms. Verbal. Emotional. Mental. Sexual. Physical. And yes, even Financial.
For those that have their fortune go their way and have never been abused, they in many ways just "don't get it" when the woman (or the man) doesn't "walk away", being it's (to them) just simple as that.
For those that have been unlucky even just once to be abused, they know all-too-well that in the real world, it honestly is not "just that simple" to walk away and never look back.
Especially when the court tells you that the only good and decent thing that came from that relationship is a child, must go and see the non-custodial parent (that abused you)every other weekend.
Yes. I am one of the unlucky ones. Twice over. And in reality, the first relationship was FAR worse than the second. At least the latter one didn't have me almost dying that particular day.
Back in the summer of 1997, I was still living in Nevada. In the Reno-Carson area. My (then) best friend and I had an apartment. My (then) boyfriend was living with us as well. Before hand, he was just staying a night or two per week at a previous apartment,
At first, during the "honeymoon phase" all was well. We were happy and having fun. But not even a month in to the relationship, he got more demanding. I was more of a maid and waitress than his girlfriend. Then, the "joking" insults came. But they too got more frequent, and much more demeaning.
Finally, one night, he got mad because I told him I was through. I wanted him to pack his shit and leave. I got tired of being called a whore, a nagging, fucking bitch, being assaulted when he wanted sex (and I wasn't wanting it), of his having no job (and I paid the bills), and of being told I was a worthless piece of shit that he didn't really love.
Well, that's also I guess when his sanity left and his true, angry, abusive self came out in full force. He picked me up with one hand by the throat. I remember the searing sting as his nails dug in as his fingers got tighter. He literally was cutting off my airway. I couldn't get in a single breath. And his eyes were of nothing but pure evil. They were truly demonic. I can't say which scared me more. His grip, or the look in his eyes.
After releasing me, you could see the scratches and the instant prints from where his fingers had gripped me tightly. It was then that he left. The next day, as my BFF and I were at work, he came and not only got his stuff (some of it). But he took much of my things. Including the chest of drawers that were my mothers. Of course, he "didn't do it". And none of my friend's things were taken. Nor were much of his. But MOST of mine? Yeah okay....
After that relationship, I swore I wouldn't get in to that trap again. I came to Virginia in the Fall of 1997. In 1998 I had a May-December romance with my (now ex) husband. We married after only dating a few months. Boy was I STUPID. Because I did what I said I wouldn't do again. And that was to get in to another abusive relationship.
Like many others (and one other time before him) I fell for the charm and for how sweet he was. But once we got married, it all changed. Fast.
Suddenly he didn't "want to" work anymore because he "didn't like" the job. Yeah. Like I LOVED working for almost minimum wage and getting shit on by customers at the local Wal-Mart.
In 1999, my oldest child was born from that marriage. By then, he was working. Nights. But he didn't at times get home until about four in the morning. Even though he got off at two in the morning and it was only about a twenty-five minute ride home.
Plus he almost slammed my head in to the truck's dashboard when I was seven-months pregnant. But I wasn't smart enough at that time to leave. It was over my not choosing right then and there where to eat.
From that point, it had gotten to the come home late, then quit the job, telling me I was a nagging bitch (boy that one sounded too familiar), that I did nothing but sit on my ass (even though I worked, paid the bills and cleaned best I could EVERY night I came home).
Towards the end, it was primarily verbal and emotional abuse. But he also raised his hand to me a few times. But never struck me. By the time Hayley was almost five months old, I was "seeing" someone else. And I left my abusive husband. I took what I needed as he was not at home one day (in a black garbage bag) such as baby bottles, clothes for Hayley and myself, a few of her toys, money I had put up, diapers, and formula.
After that I never looked back, nor did I ever go back.
Today, I am HAPPILY married to the man who's sister literally saved my daughter's life (and mine). The two of them helped me find a way out. And my husband has been a wonderful father to Hayley in the ten years we have been together. And he treats her no different from the two children we have had together. And this October, we will celebrate eight years of marriage.
You CAN leave. You CAN be happy. Yes, it will be hard. No, there is NO easy ways out of an abusive relationship. But I can tell you, it IS POSSIBLE. You need to want to get out and find the courage within (which you DO have hidden inside your soul) to do so. And there are things you may have to do (such as restraining orders and court hearings) that will be greatly difficult.
Abuse is not a way to love someone. It's a way to CONTROL a person. To make the abuser feel worthy and important. But in the end, it makes the abused feel hopeless, worthless and like there is no way out. Which is the primary goal of the attacker.
Listen to the words in the following music video. Yes, it has the lyrics in it, but I'm going to post a copy of the lyrics as well. Read them carefully. And "be forever free to dream".
"Black Eyes, Blue Tears"
Black eyes, I don't need 'em
Blue tears, gimme freedom
Positively never goin' back
I won't live where things are so out of whack
No more rollin' with the punches
No more usin' or abusin'
I'd rather die standing
Than live on my knees
Begging please-no more
Black eyes-I don't need 'em
Blue tears-gimme freedom
Black eyes-all behind me
Blue tears'll never find me now
Definitley found my self esteem
Finally-I'm forever free to dream
No more cryin' in the corner
No excuses-no more bruises
I'd rather die standing
Than live on my knees
Begging please-no more
Black eyes-I don't need 'em
Blue tears-gimme freedom
Black eyes-all behind me
Blue tears'll never find me now
I'd rather die standing
Than live on my knees, begging please...
Black eyes-I don't need 'em
Blue tears-gimme freedom
Black eyes-all behind me
Blue tears'll never find me now
It's all behind me, they'll never find me now
Find your self-esteem and be forever free to dream
[ SHANIA TWAIN LYRICS at www.AZLyrics.com ]
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Copy of a possible MONEY SCAM letter...and MY response to sender.
From: Gerald W***** <Gerald**************l>
Subject: +++++++++Served Email Notice+++++++++
To:
Date: Saturday, February 6, 2010, 7:38 PM
THIS IS FOR YOUR ATTENTION
We wish to notify you again that you were listed as a beneficiary to the total sum
of $11,300,000.00 (Eleven million One hundred thousand american dollars)in the codicil
and last testament of the deceased.(Name now withheld since this is our second letter to you).
I contacted you because you bear the surname identity and therefore can present you as the
beneficiary to the inheritance. I therefore reckoned that you can receive these funds as you
are qualified by your name identity.
To verify these funds in escrow, please call the Automated Number of the Bank and follow the prompt:
Call: +1 (646) 502 ****
Pass code: ****
Account Number: 022**********
Pin: ****
All the legal papers will be processed in your acceptance. In your acceptance of this deal,
I request that you kindly forward to me your letter of acceptance; your current telephone
and fax numbers and a forwarding address to enable us file necessary documents at our high
court probate division for the release of this sum of money.
Get back to me through the following contact mail address: **********@aol.com
Yours faithfully,
Gerald W*****
Now, for *MY* reply back that I sent just a few moments ago....
Mr. W*****,
I apologize, but this is not the "second notice" for me, being that I have never received any correspondence from you before.
Before stating any personal information about myself, my family, or my life in general, I wish to ask you for some information...
1) What is your office address and phone number?
2) Are you a Claims Attorney or Private Investigator?
3) What is the actual name of the Company that you own/are employed by that you are sending the email pertaining to this matter?
4) Are you Better Business Bureau Accredited/Affiliated?
5) Why did you not contact me via basic mail per the United States Postal Service?
6) Who is the person named as the deceased in which you are making reference to?
7) What is the name and location, as well as the address of the bank in which these "funds" are being held?
8) Where is the paperwork I am to fill out to send back as to start the claims process? I have yet to see anything upon my desk.
9) Why are you in your "office" sending out notices on a SATURDAY?
I've dealt with P.I.'s before on matters such as this. And it is NOT their norm to contact potential clients via email. Especially when it concerns claims in the amounts such as you are sending out that are "claimable".
I'm hoping you will respond quickly and proficiantiantly. This lady is not in to head games and "get rich" schemes/scams.
Subject: +++++++++Served Email Notice+++++++++
To:
Date: Saturday, February 6, 2010, 7:38 PM
THIS IS FOR YOUR ATTENTION
We wish to notify you again that you were listed as a beneficiary to the total sum
of $11,300,000.00 (Eleven million One hundred thousand american dollars)in the codicil
and last testament of the deceased.(Name now withheld since this is our second letter to you).
I contacted you because you bear the surname identity and therefore can present you as the
beneficiary to the inheritance. I therefore reckoned that you can receive these funds as you
are qualified by your name identity.
To verify these funds in escrow, please call the Automated Number of the Bank and follow the prompt:
Call: +1 (646) 502 ****
Pass code: ****
Account Number: 022**********
Pin: ****
All the legal papers will be processed in your acceptance. In your acceptance of this deal,
I request that you kindly forward to me your letter of acceptance; your current telephone
and fax numbers and a forwarding address to enable us file necessary documents at our high
court probate division for the release of this sum of money.
Get back to me through the following contact mail address: **********@aol.com
Yours faithfully,
Gerald W*****
Now, for *MY* reply back that I sent just a few moments ago....
Mr. W*****,
I apologize, but this is not the "second notice" for me, being that I have never received any correspondence from you before.
Before stating any personal information about myself, my family, or my life in general, I wish to ask you for some information...
1) What is your office address and phone number?
2) Are you a Claims Attorney or Private Investigator?
3) What is the actual name of the Company that you own/are employed by that you are sending the email pertaining to this matter?
4) Are you Better Business Bureau Accredited/Affiliated?
5) Why did you not contact me via basic mail per the United States Postal Service?
6) Who is the person named as the deceased in which you are making reference to?
7) What is the name and location, as well as the address of the bank in which these "funds" are being held?
8) Where is the paperwork I am to fill out to send back as to start the claims process? I have yet to see anything upon my desk.
9) Why are you in your "office" sending out notices on a SATURDAY?
I've dealt with P.I.'s before on matters such as this. And it is NOT their norm to contact potential clients via email. Especially when it concerns claims in the amounts such as you are sending out that are "claimable".
I'm hoping you will respond quickly and proficiantiantly. This lady is not in to head games and "get rich" schemes/scams.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Dear EBay
Dear EBay,
While you did rectify your poorly made decision, your company and it's "higher ups" still suck!
How can you sit there and pledge to WAIVE the fees to hold an auction to benefit a sick little boy and his family, which was amounting to around $450.00, only to get greedy and try to recend on YOUR promises?
EBay, you sicken me! Especially being that you TRIED to pull this little stunt right at Christmastime. That makes you the biggest SCROOGE of all to myself, many mommy-bloggers around the world, the family that the funds from the auction are helping, and many others from AROUND THE WORLD.
Are you people at the company happy with yourselves now? Or do you (and I hope you DO!) feel like a bunch of horse's asses? If the latter is true, then guess what? GOOD!!!! You don't deserve praise in my mind, even though you FINALLY did do the right thing.
But doing the right thing came a bit too late. It took multiple conversations with Supahmommy, many calls from angry mothers and fathers, and blog letters from us mothers who have been praying for and spreading awareness about Baby Jaden. Not to mention Tweets that went out WORLD WIDE, and Facebook users such as MYSELF who had spread the word about your selfishness and what crap you tried to pull to make a quick buck at the expence of a DYING BOY.
If you as a company that claims it cares and is a "community service" really in fact DID CARE, you wouldn't have gotten those dollar signs in your eyes and try to back out of a promise to waive those fees in the first place.
Instead, you had seen how successful the auction was and just HAD TO HAVE a cut of the profit that was meant to all be SOLELY FOR JADEN and his financially, emotionally, and physically hurting family.
I'm hoping that you the people of EBay have learned an extremely valuable and endearing lesson from all of this....
That is to KEEP YOUR WORD when you make A PROMISE to a DYING CHILD and their family!!!
Sincerely,
Melissa C.
While you did rectify your poorly made decision, your company and it's "higher ups" still suck!
How can you sit there and pledge to WAIVE the fees to hold an auction to benefit a sick little boy and his family, which was amounting to around $450.00, only to get greedy and try to recend on YOUR promises?
EBay, you sicken me! Especially being that you TRIED to pull this little stunt right at Christmastime. That makes you the biggest SCROOGE of all to myself, many mommy-bloggers around the world, the family that the funds from the auction are helping, and many others from AROUND THE WORLD.
Are you people at the company happy with yourselves now? Or do you (and I hope you DO!) feel like a bunch of horse's asses? If the latter is true, then guess what? GOOD!!!! You don't deserve praise in my mind, even though you FINALLY did do the right thing.
But doing the right thing came a bit too late. It took multiple conversations with Supahmommy, many calls from angry mothers and fathers, and blog letters from us mothers who have been praying for and spreading awareness about Baby Jaden. Not to mention Tweets that went out WORLD WIDE, and Facebook users such as MYSELF who had spread the word about your selfishness and what crap you tried to pull to make a quick buck at the expence of a DYING BOY.
If you as a company that claims it cares and is a "community service" really in fact DID CARE, you wouldn't have gotten those dollar signs in your eyes and try to back out of a promise to waive those fees in the first place.
Instead, you had seen how successful the auction was and just HAD TO HAVE a cut of the profit that was meant to all be SOLELY FOR JADEN and his financially, emotionally, and physically hurting family.
I'm hoping that you the people of EBay have learned an extremely valuable and endearing lesson from all of this....
That is to KEEP YOUR WORD when you make A PROMISE to a DYING CHILD and their family!!!
Sincerely,
Melissa C.
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