I'm all for airing out things if need be on your blog. And yeah, I do believe in "your blog, your decisions on what to write about".
But I feel that even in the world of blogging, there is and NEEDS TO BE a line of how much of your PERSONAL life should be divulged to the masses.
For one thing, I really do NOT wish to know about the hanky-panky you and your partner have in your bedroom (or anywhere else in the home). Your personal sex life should be left where it belongs..in YOUR home, behind CLOSED doors. Be it with your hubby/partner or with another man/woman. I really don't want to know in explicit detail of your "hot and wild night" between the sheets (or hanging from the rafters).
If you are losing followers/readers, then it may be for good reason. I don't like going to someone's blog I have gone to for quite some time, knowing that while they can get a bit crazy (in a good way), they won't go ALL out there. Plus showing ANY kind of "private" body part is a HUGE turnoff for many readers, including myself. I'll go to Playboy/girl to see some skin and raunchiness, thanks.
Though I must say, that MOST of those bloggers that DO write about way more than I and many others care to know about the writer's real (and private) life do have their pages set to "Adult Content Warning"...But when it is up for EVERY single page, be it "adult-like" or not, it's hard to avoid what you wish to NOT read about, and instead, you are too late and are "suckered" in to it. For me personally, I REFUSE to comment on such "open" posts and just hit the back button.
This past week, I had also taken the liberty of "un-following" some blogs. Mainly because of this very problem and because some just no longer held my interest or the content just wasn't up my alley. Like I had said, if I want to see skin, read about sexual innuendo and what someone did in their own home and life, I'll seek out Playboy/girl or rent me a porn movie.
I'm sorry if this angers anyone. But you are honestly hurting yourself and your readership, as well as your comment rating as a writer/blogger by posting things that I don't even tell my own father. And we tell one another everything. I just don't go in to THAT part of my life. I don't want anyone to know about my sex life. And I sure as hell don't wish to know about yours.
My work is ORIGINAL...Don't be a thief.
What is written in this blog, is of the author's own originality. It contains the sole views, thoughts, and stories of this blog's author.
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Monday, June 21, 2010
Black Eyes (I almost got them). Blue Tears (gave me freedom).
WARNING!! This is a very "straight to the point" blog post about abuse (of all kinds/types). There will be strong language and graphic descriptions of abuse that I had endured. This post is a teaching tool, as well as one to give support and let others know that there is hope. If this seems like too much for you, then I suggest you back out of it now. You have been warned...
Abuse. It can take it's shape in many forms. Verbal. Emotional. Mental. Sexual. Physical. And yes, even Financial.
For those that have their fortune go their way and have never been abused, they in many ways just "don't get it" when the woman (or the man) doesn't "walk away", being it's (to them) just simple as that.
For those that have been unlucky even just once to be abused, they know all-too-well that in the real world, it honestly is not "just that simple" to walk away and never look back.
Especially when the court tells you that the only good and decent thing that came from that relationship is a child, must go and see the non-custodial parent (that abused you)every other weekend.
Yes. I am one of the unlucky ones. Twice over. And in reality, the first relationship was FAR worse than the second. At least the latter one didn't have me almost dying that particular day.
Back in the summer of 1997, I was still living in Nevada. In the Reno-Carson area. My (then) best friend and I had an apartment. My (then) boyfriend was living with us as well. Before hand, he was just staying a night or two per week at a previous apartment,
At first, during the "honeymoon phase" all was well. We were happy and having fun. But not even a month in to the relationship, he got more demanding. I was more of a maid and waitress than his girlfriend. Then, the "joking" insults came. But they too got more frequent, and much more demeaning.
Finally, one night, he got mad because I told him I was through. I wanted him to pack his shit and leave. I got tired of being called a whore, a nagging, fucking bitch, being assaulted when he wanted sex (and I wasn't wanting it), of his having no job (and I paid the bills), and of being told I was a worthless piece of shit that he didn't really love.
Well, that's also I guess when his sanity left and his true, angry, abusive self came out in full force. He picked me up with one hand by the throat. I remember the searing sting as his nails dug in as his fingers got tighter. He literally was cutting off my airway. I couldn't get in a single breath. And his eyes were of nothing but pure evil. They were truly demonic. I can't say which scared me more. His grip, or the look in his eyes.
After releasing me, you could see the scratches and the instant prints from where his fingers had gripped me tightly. It was then that he left. The next day, as my BFF and I were at work, he came and not only got his stuff (some of it). But he took much of my things. Including the chest of drawers that were my mothers. Of course, he "didn't do it". And none of my friend's things were taken. Nor were much of his. But MOST of mine? Yeah okay....
After that relationship, I swore I wouldn't get in to that trap again. I came to Virginia in the Fall of 1997. In 1998 I had a May-December romance with my (now ex) husband. We married after only dating a few months. Boy was I STUPID. Because I did what I said I wouldn't do again. And that was to get in to another abusive relationship.
Like many others (and one other time before him) I fell for the charm and for how sweet he was. But once we got married, it all changed. Fast.
Suddenly he didn't "want to" work anymore because he "didn't like" the job. Yeah. Like I LOVED working for almost minimum wage and getting shit on by customers at the local Wal-Mart.
In 1999, my oldest child was born from that marriage. By then, he was working. Nights. But he didn't at times get home until about four in the morning. Even though he got off at two in the morning and it was only about a twenty-five minute ride home.
Plus he almost slammed my head in to the truck's dashboard when I was seven-months pregnant. But I wasn't smart enough at that time to leave. It was over my not choosing right then and there where to eat.
From that point, it had gotten to the come home late, then quit the job, telling me I was a nagging bitch (boy that one sounded too familiar), that I did nothing but sit on my ass (even though I worked, paid the bills and cleaned best I could EVERY night I came home).
Towards the end, it was primarily verbal and emotional abuse. But he also raised his hand to me a few times. But never struck me. By the time Hayley was almost five months old, I was "seeing" someone else. And I left my abusive husband. I took what I needed as he was not at home one day (in a black garbage bag) such as baby bottles, clothes for Hayley and myself, a few of her toys, money I had put up, diapers, and formula.
After that I never looked back, nor did I ever go back.
Today, I am HAPPILY married to the man who's sister literally saved my daughter's life (and mine). The two of them helped me find a way out. And my husband has been a wonderful father to Hayley in the ten years we have been together. And he treats her no different from the two children we have had together. And this October, we will celebrate eight years of marriage.
You CAN leave. You CAN be happy. Yes, it will be hard. No, there is NO easy ways out of an abusive relationship. But I can tell you, it IS POSSIBLE. You need to want to get out and find the courage within (which you DO have hidden inside your soul) to do so. And there are things you may have to do (such as restraining orders and court hearings) that will be greatly difficult.
Abuse is not a way to love someone. It's a way to CONTROL a person. To make the abuser feel worthy and important. But in the end, it makes the abused feel hopeless, worthless and like there is no way out. Which is the primary goal of the attacker.
Listen to the words in the following music video. Yes, it has the lyrics in it, but I'm going to post a copy of the lyrics as well. Read them carefully. And "be forever free to dream".
"Black Eyes, Blue Tears"
Black eyes, I don't need 'em
Blue tears, gimme freedom
Positively never goin' back
I won't live where things are so out of whack
No more rollin' with the punches
No more usin' or abusin'
I'd rather die standing
Than live on my knees
Begging please-no more
Black eyes-I don't need 'em
Blue tears-gimme freedom
Black eyes-all behind me
Blue tears'll never find me now
Definitley found my self esteem
Finally-I'm forever free to dream
No more cryin' in the corner
No excuses-no more bruises
I'd rather die standing
Than live on my knees
Begging please-no more
Black eyes-I don't need 'em
Blue tears-gimme freedom
Black eyes-all behind me
Blue tears'll never find me now
I'd rather die standing
Than live on my knees, begging please...
Black eyes-I don't need 'em
Blue tears-gimme freedom
Black eyes-all behind me
Blue tears'll never find me now
It's all behind me, they'll never find me now
Find your self-esteem and be forever free to dream
[ SHANIA TWAIN LYRICS at www.AZLyrics.com ]
Abuse. It can take it's shape in many forms. Verbal. Emotional. Mental. Sexual. Physical. And yes, even Financial.
For those that have their fortune go their way and have never been abused, they in many ways just "don't get it" when the woman (or the man) doesn't "walk away", being it's (to them) just simple as that.
For those that have been unlucky even just once to be abused, they know all-too-well that in the real world, it honestly is not "just that simple" to walk away and never look back.
Especially when the court tells you that the only good and decent thing that came from that relationship is a child, must go and see the non-custodial parent (that abused you)every other weekend.
Yes. I am one of the unlucky ones. Twice over. And in reality, the first relationship was FAR worse than the second. At least the latter one didn't have me almost dying that particular day.
Back in the summer of 1997, I was still living in Nevada. In the Reno-Carson area. My (then) best friend and I had an apartment. My (then) boyfriend was living with us as well. Before hand, he was just staying a night or two per week at a previous apartment,
At first, during the "honeymoon phase" all was well. We were happy and having fun. But not even a month in to the relationship, he got more demanding. I was more of a maid and waitress than his girlfriend. Then, the "joking" insults came. But they too got more frequent, and much more demeaning.
Finally, one night, he got mad because I told him I was through. I wanted him to pack his shit and leave. I got tired of being called a whore, a nagging, fucking bitch, being assaulted when he wanted sex (and I wasn't wanting it), of his having no job (and I paid the bills), and of being told I was a worthless piece of shit that he didn't really love.
Well, that's also I guess when his sanity left and his true, angry, abusive self came out in full force. He picked me up with one hand by the throat. I remember the searing sting as his nails dug in as his fingers got tighter. He literally was cutting off my airway. I couldn't get in a single breath. And his eyes were of nothing but pure evil. They were truly demonic. I can't say which scared me more. His grip, or the look in his eyes.
After releasing me, you could see the scratches and the instant prints from where his fingers had gripped me tightly. It was then that he left. The next day, as my BFF and I were at work, he came and not only got his stuff (some of it). But he took much of my things. Including the chest of drawers that were my mothers. Of course, he "didn't do it". And none of my friend's things were taken. Nor were much of his. But MOST of mine? Yeah okay....
After that relationship, I swore I wouldn't get in to that trap again. I came to Virginia in the Fall of 1997. In 1998 I had a May-December romance with my (now ex) husband. We married after only dating a few months. Boy was I STUPID. Because I did what I said I wouldn't do again. And that was to get in to another abusive relationship.
Like many others (and one other time before him) I fell for the charm and for how sweet he was. But once we got married, it all changed. Fast.
Suddenly he didn't "want to" work anymore because he "didn't like" the job. Yeah. Like I LOVED working for almost minimum wage and getting shit on by customers at the local Wal-Mart.
In 1999, my oldest child was born from that marriage. By then, he was working. Nights. But he didn't at times get home until about four in the morning. Even though he got off at two in the morning and it was only about a twenty-five minute ride home.
Plus he almost slammed my head in to the truck's dashboard when I was seven-months pregnant. But I wasn't smart enough at that time to leave. It was over my not choosing right then and there where to eat.
From that point, it had gotten to the come home late, then quit the job, telling me I was a nagging bitch (boy that one sounded too familiar), that I did nothing but sit on my ass (even though I worked, paid the bills and cleaned best I could EVERY night I came home).
Towards the end, it was primarily verbal and emotional abuse. But he also raised his hand to me a few times. But never struck me. By the time Hayley was almost five months old, I was "seeing" someone else. And I left my abusive husband. I took what I needed as he was not at home one day (in a black garbage bag) such as baby bottles, clothes for Hayley and myself, a few of her toys, money I had put up, diapers, and formula.
After that I never looked back, nor did I ever go back.
Today, I am HAPPILY married to the man who's sister literally saved my daughter's life (and mine). The two of them helped me find a way out. And my husband has been a wonderful father to Hayley in the ten years we have been together. And he treats her no different from the two children we have had together. And this October, we will celebrate eight years of marriage.
You CAN leave. You CAN be happy. Yes, it will be hard. No, there is NO easy ways out of an abusive relationship. But I can tell you, it IS POSSIBLE. You need to want to get out and find the courage within (which you DO have hidden inside your soul) to do so. And there are things you may have to do (such as restraining orders and court hearings) that will be greatly difficult.
Abuse is not a way to love someone. It's a way to CONTROL a person. To make the abuser feel worthy and important. But in the end, it makes the abused feel hopeless, worthless and like there is no way out. Which is the primary goal of the attacker.
Listen to the words in the following music video. Yes, it has the lyrics in it, but I'm going to post a copy of the lyrics as well. Read them carefully. And "be forever free to dream".
"Black Eyes, Blue Tears"
Black eyes, I don't need 'em
Blue tears, gimme freedom
Positively never goin' back
I won't live where things are so out of whack
No more rollin' with the punches
No more usin' or abusin'
I'd rather die standing
Than live on my knees
Begging please-no more
Black eyes-I don't need 'em
Blue tears-gimme freedom
Black eyes-all behind me
Blue tears'll never find me now
Definitley found my self esteem
Finally-I'm forever free to dream
No more cryin' in the corner
No excuses-no more bruises
I'd rather die standing
Than live on my knees
Begging please-no more
Black eyes-I don't need 'em
Blue tears-gimme freedom
Black eyes-all behind me
Blue tears'll never find me now
I'd rather die standing
Than live on my knees, begging please...
Black eyes-I don't need 'em
Blue tears-gimme freedom
Black eyes-all behind me
Blue tears'll never find me now
It's all behind me, they'll never find me now
Find your self-esteem and be forever free to dream
[ SHANIA TWAIN LYRICS at www.AZLyrics.com ]
Friday, May 28, 2010
Going out on a limb. And I may be getting kicked off. Shock may be found today. (ADULTS ONLY post!!)
I'm straight. I have been since I can remember what 1+1 equates to. I'm a Christian. But not a "die hard, Bible wielding, know every verse in the Good Book" kind. I'm a mother of three great kids. I'm married to the ultimate love of my life. And I at times have bisexual thoughts.
Does that last sentence turn you off? Does it turn you away? Or am I human? I have had these thoughts, fantasies and the curiosity for many, upon many years.
Now that you know this about me, am I "less of a Christian"? No. Am I "lost"? No. Do I feel that this is just a phase? No. Am I less of a friend before today's post? No. Are you? Maybe.
I am in a fan page site over on Facebook where a self-proclaimed "Christian", high school graduate, and college student is just not seeing the forest for the trees.
I'm very sorry, but like with ANY relationship (that is healthy and consensual), a gay/lesbian/bisexual's relationship(s) with their partner(s) is NOT completely and totally revolved around sex and having children. And I am so VERY tired of hearing that "argument", just as I am about the saying of "if we condone marriages of gays, then what's next....marrying ANIMALS?".
Last time I have checked, we humans ARE animals. We are of the mammalian variety. And we are listed as the highest animal species on the food chain, as well as intellect chain. And we have "animalistic" sex with our own species.
Also, it has been scientifically proven that thousands of animal species have homosexual sex amongst themselves. So, is God TOTALLY against homosexuality? Guess not, being He did create the animals. And they have no knowledge of Him, social viewpoints, nor of right from wrong in the sexual world.
Let's get down to the nitty gritty. And from this point, it's really an ADULT topic. And I don't plan to hide anything. If this changes how you think of me, or on how you view me, and you wish to no longer be my friend, then so be it. If you can't handle the REAL me, at it's fullest, then you have not the ability to be my TRUE friend.
On some occasions of love making with my husband, especially when we like it to be a little more rough and kinky, we pull out "THE" toy (rubber dick) and talk dirty (actually dirtier) with one another. As soon as he sets the mental scene of some three-some, and some girl-on-girl action, it totally sets my head spinning, driving me up the wall. Needless to say, between the physical aspects and the mental imagery, it makes me even hornier and gets me off even more so than "basic" sex.
Ever since I was a teenager, I have had fantasies about being with a girl/woman. And I have had the fantasies of being with both a man and another woman at the same time. But due to self-image and self-esteem issues, and now with having young children, to try out and fulfill those fantasies (that my husband and I share in) seems like a lost ship in the vast ocean.
I can't help who I am. I can't help the thoughts and feelings that I have. I can't be anyone else but me. And I refuse to hide that part of myself any longer. I have kept it tucked away, only being something that myself and my husband know. But not any longer.
And for those of you that are thinking this...No, I am NOT writing this for "shock value", to gain readers or comments. I am writing this because I felt it was FINALLY time to. I felt that I needed to be completely honest with myself, and those around me.
Like I stated earlier in the post, if this causes me to lose friends, then so be it. If they choose to NOT accept me for who I am, how I believe, how I view things and for not being the "Christian" that THEY feel I am not, then they were NEVER TRULY my 'friend' in the first place.
Does that last sentence turn you off? Does it turn you away? Or am I human? I have had these thoughts, fantasies and the curiosity for many, upon many years.
Now that you know this about me, am I "less of a Christian"? No. Am I "lost"? No. Do I feel that this is just a phase? No. Am I less of a friend before today's post? No. Are you? Maybe.
I am in a fan page site over on Facebook where a self-proclaimed "Christian", high school graduate, and college student is just not seeing the forest for the trees.
I'm very sorry, but like with ANY relationship (that is healthy and consensual), a gay/lesbian/bisexual's relationship(s) with their partner(s) is NOT completely and totally revolved around sex and having children. And I am so VERY tired of hearing that "argument", just as I am about the saying of "if we condone marriages of gays, then what's next....marrying ANIMALS?".
Last time I have checked, we humans ARE animals. We are of the mammalian variety. And we are listed as the highest animal species on the food chain, as well as intellect chain. And we have "animalistic" sex with our own species.
Also, it has been scientifically proven that thousands of animal species have homosexual sex amongst themselves. So, is God TOTALLY against homosexuality? Guess not, being He did create the animals. And they have no knowledge of Him, social viewpoints, nor of right from wrong in the sexual world.
Let's get down to the nitty gritty. And from this point, it's really an ADULT topic. And I don't plan to hide anything. If this changes how you think of me, or on how you view me, and you wish to no longer be my friend, then so be it. If you can't handle the REAL me, at it's fullest, then you have not the ability to be my TRUE friend.
On some occasions of love making with my husband, especially when we like it to be a little more rough and kinky, we pull out "THE" toy (rubber dick) and talk dirty (actually dirtier) with one another. As soon as he sets the mental scene of some three-some, and some girl-on-girl action, it totally sets my head spinning, driving me up the wall. Needless to say, between the physical aspects and the mental imagery, it makes me even hornier and gets me off even more so than "basic" sex.
Ever since I was a teenager, I have had fantasies about being with a girl/woman. And I have had the fantasies of being with both a man and another woman at the same time. But due to self-image and self-esteem issues, and now with having young children, to try out and fulfill those fantasies (that my husband and I share in) seems like a lost ship in the vast ocean.
I can't help who I am. I can't help the thoughts and feelings that I have. I can't be anyone else but me. And I refuse to hide that part of myself any longer. I have kept it tucked away, only being something that myself and my husband know. But not any longer.
And for those of you that are thinking this...No, I am NOT writing this for "shock value", to gain readers or comments. I am writing this because I felt it was FINALLY time to. I felt that I needed to be completely honest with myself, and those around me.
Like I stated earlier in the post, if this causes me to lose friends, then so be it. If they choose to NOT accept me for who I am, how I believe, how I view things and for not being the "Christian" that THEY feel I am not, then they were NEVER TRULY my 'friend' in the first place.
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