Being ABUSED? There IS hope and yes, a WAY OUT. (*Graphic/Explicit*)

**The reason that I am re-posting this blog entry is because my "integrity" was apparently called in to question in regards of assumption of another matter. So was the fact of my being "supportive" and "understanding" towards another's plight in light of them trying to leave an abusive situation.


I see it this way... If you don't TRULY know of the ordeal I went through as a {formerly} abused woman, TWICE over, then NO ONE has the right to "call me out" in such a manner. Especially in a place where I posted to MY personal area on another website.**

WARNING!! This is a very "straight to the point" blog post about abuse (of all kinds/types). There will be strong language and graphic descriptions of abuse that I had endured. This post is a teaching tool, as well as one to give support and let others know that there is hope. If this seems like too much for you, then I suggest you back out of it now. You have been warned...


Abuse. It can take it's shape in many forms. Verbal. Emotional. Mental. Sexual. Physical. And yes, even Financial.

For those that have their fortune go their way and have never been abused, they in many ways just "don't get it" when the woman (or the man) doesn't "walk away", being it's (to them) just simple as that.

For those that have been unlucky even just once to be abused, they know all-too-well that in the real world, it honestly is not "just that simple" to walk away and never look back.

Especially when the court tells you that the only good and decent thing that came from that relationship is a child, must go and see the non-custodial parent (that abused you)every other weekend.

Yes. I am one of the unlucky ones. Twice over. And in reality, the first relationship was FAR worse than the second. At least the latter one didn't have me almost dying that particular day.

Back in the summer of 1997, I was still living in Nevada. In the Reno-Carson area. My (then) best friend and I had an apartment. My (then) boyfriend was living with us as well. Before hand, he was just staying a night or two per week at a previous apartment,

At first, during the "honeymoon phase" all was well. We were happy and having fun. But not even a month in to the relationship, he got more demanding. I was more of a maid and waitress than his girlfriend. Then, the "joking" insults came. But they too got more frequent, and much more demeaning.

Finally, one night, he got mad because I told him I was through. I wanted him to pack his shit and leave. I got tired of being called a whore, a nagging, fucking bitch, being assaulted when he wanted sex (and I wasn't wanting it), of his having no job (and I paid the bills), and of being told I was a worthless piece of shit that he didn't really love.

Well, that's also I guess when his sanity left and his true, angry, abusive self came out in full force. He picked me up with one hand by the throat. I remember the searing sting as his nails dug in as his fingers got tighter. He literally was cutting off my airway. I couldn't get in a single breath. And his eyes were of nothing but pure evil. They were truly demonic. I can't say which scared me more. His grip, or the look in his eyes.

After releasing me, you could see the scratches and the instant prints from where his fingers had gripped me tightly. It was then that he left. The next day, as my BFF and I were at work, he came and not only got his stuff (some of it). But he took much of my things. Including the chest of drawers that were my mothers. Of course, he "didn't do it". And none of my friend's things were taken. Nor were much of his. But MOST of mine? Yeah okay....

After that relationship, I swore I wouldn't get in to that trap again. I came to Virginia in the Fall of 1997. In 1998 I had a May-December romance with my (now ex) husband. We married after only dating a few months. Boy was I STUPID. Because I did what I said I wouldn't do again. And that was to get in to another abusive relationship.

Like many others (and one other time before him) I fell for the charm and for how sweet he was. But once we got married, it all changed. Fast.

Suddenly he didn't "want to" work anymore because he "didn't like" the job. Yeah. Like I LOVED working for almost minimum wage and getting shit on by customers at the local Wal-Mart.

In 1999, my oldest child was born from that marriage. By then, he was working. Nights. But he didn't at times get home until about four in the morning. Even though he got off at two in the morning and it was only about a twenty-five minute ride home.

Plus he almost slammed my head in to the truck's dashboard when I was seven-months pregnant. But I wasn't smart enough at that time to leave. It was over my not choosing right then and there where to eat.

From that point, it had gotten to the come home late, then quit the job, telling me I was a nagging bitch (boy that one sounded too familiar), that I did nothing but sit on my ass (even though I worked, paid the bills and cleaned best I could EVERY night I came home).

Towards the end, it was primarily verbal and emotional abuse. But he also raised his hand to me a few times. But never struck me. By the time Hayley was almost five months old, I was "seeing" someone else. And I left my abusive husband. I took what I needed as he was not at home one day (in a black garbage bag) such as baby bottles, clothes for Hayley and myself, a few of her toys, money I had put up, diapers, and formula.

After that I never looked back, nor did I ever go back.

Today, I am HAPPILY married to the man who's sister literally saved my daughter's life (and mine). The two of them helped me find a way out. And my husband has been a wonderful father to Hayley in the ten years we have been together. And he treats her no different from the two children we have had together. And this October, we will celebrate eight years of marriage.

You CAN leave. You CAN be happy. Yes, it will be hard. No, there is NO easy ways out of an abusive relationship. But I can tell you, it IS POSSIBLE. You need to want to get out and find the courage within (which you DO have hidden inside your soul) to do so. And there are things you may have to do (such as restraining orders and court hearings) that will be greatly difficult.

Abuse is not a way to love someone. It's a way to CONTROL a person. To make the abuser feel worthy and important. But in the end, it makes the abused feel hopeless, worthless and like there is no way out. Which is the primary goal of the attacker.

Listen to the words in the following music video. Yes, it has the lyrics in it, but I'm going to post a copy of the lyrics as well. Read them carefully. And "be forever free to dream".



"Black Eyes, Blue Tears"

Black eyes, I don't need 'em
Blue tears, gimme freedom
Positively never goin' back
I won't live where things are so out of whack
No more rollin' with the punches
No more usin' or abusin'

I'd rather die standing
Than live on my knees
Begging please-no more

Black eyes-I don't need 'em
Blue tears-gimme freedom
Black eyes-all behind me
Blue tears'll never find me now

Definitley found my self esteem
Finally-I'm forever free to dream
No more cryin' in the corner
No excuses-no more bruises

I'd rather die standing
Than live on my knees
Begging please-no more

Black eyes-I don't need 'em
Blue tears-gimme freedom
Black eyes-all behind me
Blue tears'll never find me now

I'd rather die standing
Than live on my knees, begging please...

Black eyes-I don't need 'em
Blue tears-gimme freedom
Black eyes-all behind me
Blue tears'll never find me now

It's all behind me, they'll never find me now

Find your self-esteem and be forever free to dream

[ SHANIA TWAIN LYRICS at www.AZLyrics.com ]

Please, if you are in an abusive relationship, find it within yourself to leave and to live your life again. I promise you, it WILL get better.

Nat. Domestic Violence Hot Line  (1−800−799−SAFE(7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224)

....I'm as green as the ring on my little, cold finger, I've
Never known the lovin' of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand, there's a
Boy here in town says he'll, love my forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by
The sharp knife of a short life,

...And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when your dead how people start listenin'

....Uh oh (uh, oh)
The ballad of a dove (uh, oh)
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when your really gonna need them, oh

Stupid Ex! Try Playing Me Again, Fool.

I swear, there are days that I wish the man would fall in to a fiery pit.

This is definitely one of those days, too.

We've been separated for almost eleven years and divorced for ten (papers arrived in my hands via mail on my birthday of 2000). My oldest child is the child from our marriage. And the ONLY good and positive thing that came from our hellish bond of matrimony.

This morning, my cell was on our night stand in my bedroom. After two calls that were about fifteen minutes apart, my husband brought my phone to me and I called back, thinking that Hayley needed me for something.

So, I called, and her father picks up. I asked if everything was okay, and this is when he proceeds to claim that our daughter wanted to ask me something. I was already prepared to say no, seeing as she has now had four straight weekends, plus two of them being connected by a full week over at his home,it was time for her to come home and stay home.

The only reason she is there this weekend is that for technical and legal reasons, this is his visitation weekend.

After getting her on the phone, I asked her what the question she wanted to ask me was, being that her dad said SHE wanted to ask me "something". Then a pause came and she then says she doesn't know what I'm speaking of and wanted to ask me nothing. So, I told her to put her dad on the line.

I told him that she had NO idea what I was talking about and that if HE has something to ask me, then do so HIMSELF.

Sure enough it was to see if she could stay a "few extra days". NOPE! Right off the bat. I told him she has to come home and spend time with her brother and sister.

It seems the more he realizes I see through his manipulations, the using of my kid that we share and his schemes, the more slick he tries to become.

And honestly, I think this is the lowest form of manipulation. The intentional placement of your child in the middle of their two parents as to hopefully gain what YOU want, not what the CHILD wants.

First it was automatically (without notice or permission) showing up at MY home to pick up or drop Hayley off (which is AGAINST court order, seeing as BOTH parties did NOT agree).

Then, it was wanting to get her "here and there" to take her to the movies. That now started becoming an every-other-week thing (on his 'off' weekends). I stopped letting it be a habit a few weeks ago.

Now, he is going to use our daughter as a scape goat and bold face LIE to me, as he uses her? I do not think so! That ends right here, right NOW.

He's playing with fire. And I can bet you 100%, the man WILL get burned. I know the crap he can be possible of. He can try to screw with me all he wants to.

But I REFUSE, flat out, to let him use my daughter and force her in to the middle.

Then again, I'm sure in her own way, she is starting to see what her "Sperm Donor" is REALLY like.

One Year and Counting

Yesterday was filled with a lot of laughter, smiles and fun. But deep down, I knew exactly what the day was all about. Some of it, sad. While, for the most part, good.

I'd spent the entire school day in my youngest daughter's Kindergarten class. We carved real pumpkins in "teams". Then we did a ton of different crafts. Including my 'Jack-O-Lantern Jug' that they have an option to use as a candy collection jug for Trick-Or-Treating.

After trying to think of something to do to commemorate the special meaning of October 29th as being the Transplant Anniversary since having my new Cornea placed in, helping me to once more see, and even be able to keep the whole eye that at this time last year was ravaged with infection to the point is nearly impossible to save it, I think I found my way of honoring my Donor, their family and the significance of the day.

I had fun. I smiled. I played with the wonderful children I help every week in the classroom. I even danced with the kids at the Halloween Dance that was put on for them after school. I lived life as I always have. As a survivor of the hurdles I have had to face, and as the mother I was before my sight in the left eye was robbed, thanks to infection and an accident.

As I sit here and think back about the past week, I honestly cannot think of a better way to thank and honor such a gift, or the Donor that gave of themselves. To live my life. Be happy. To be the mother that I was meant to be to my children. To be the wife I have striven to be for my husband for the past eight years of our marriage. To be the friend that I have always been or have to tried to have been to others.

My donor gave me what was robbed of me in a matter of seconds. Even though apparently, the damage was already severely done over the prior months before. But it took just one accidental poke with my own knuckle to complete what the infection set out to do. To take away my sight completely from my left eye.

Almost a month later, my Donor gave me their cornea, thanks to their loving gift at the end of their life, and to sheer luck that one was readily available to fit my needs.

At first, it killed me inside to know that I had to have someone die to let me live my life as I have always known. I had "Survivor's Guilt". Especially when Thanksgiving and Christmas came around. I knew that as I sat down to dinner and opening gifts, another family was sitting around grieving and wishing that their loved one was still here to enjoy life and the holidays with.

Now that the year has come along, and I am pretty much back to normal like before all of this had happened, I no longer try to think about things in a "sad way". I know deep within my heart, my Donor is happy with my getting back on with life and enjoying being a wife and a mother.

They gave me my life back. And for that, I will FOREVER be grateful. To them, and to their family. And I have realized, at least for me personally, the best way to honor them, not just on October 29th, but EVERY single day of the year, is to just live my life to the fullest capacity, smile as much as I can, and know that THEY TO know just how thankful that I am of the gift that they bravely and heroically gave to me.

Being a Mother (Or Wife) *Really Is* A 'Thankless' Job!

I honestly DO love being my children's mother. They bring smiles to my face in one way or another, almost on a daily basis.

I've laughed with them. I've cried with them. I've laughed at their actions or words. I've cried for them.

All in all, I would die for them, if need be. I would do almost anything for them. Almost.

When you hear women say that motherhood is a 'thankless' job, they aren't kidding! It truly is a 'thankless' job, indeed. No pay (as in no monetary gain), no vacation (even when you ARE on vacation, away from the kids), no sick days (being you still most of the time, end up caring for them, even when feeling your worst), and no promotion (being that you have the highest job in the "company").

You cook. You clean. You ensure that they have all that they need, basics-wise. You make sure that they are up, ready, and prepared for school each morning. And never once (or so rare, that we often forget it has been said) do you get a "thanks for all that you do, Mom" comment from them.

Lately, I have gotten really tired. Tired of being the (Not Very) Merry Maid around the house. No matter what I threaten my kids with, be it loss of TV or computer time, or any other interests that I can take away, it doesn't seem to sink in.

It's a CONSTANT battle to get, let alone KEEP the house (especially their rooms and the play/family room) decently clean for more than twenty-four hours at a time. And instead of THEM HELPING to clean up around the house (mainly their own messes), I end up having to. Or else I have "consequences" to pay. Such as hearing my husband bitch and moan.

In fact, I also have to clean up after him. It's little things. But even then, I feel it is a bit...hypocritical of him to get on the kids about not cleaning up after themselves, but he leaves band-aid wrappers laying around, or a glass on the table.

It must be nice to go to your job, work your ass off, and when you do something that is "above and beyond", you get a compliment. Praise is a nice "payment" or "reward" for a job well done.

Sadly though, many a mother and/or wife that stays home all day doesn't hear those simple, few words that can and does make her day. What are they, you ask?

"The house looks really good. You did a good job".

Honestly, how hard IS this for any man to say? Must be almost impossible. I get "dumped on" with his daily work happenings. I also get told of the GOOD points of his day as well. The same with the kids.

The minute I try to talk about my "roses and thorns" though, I get deaf ears and practically ignored. Or at times even told "I don't want to hear it"...Nice, huh?

I know for a fact, that I am far from being the ONLY wife/mother with these thoughts, and these "situations". But just once in a while, I want to be seen as more than that. I want more than JUST the respect of being 'just' a wife to my husband, and 'just' the mother to my children.

For so many years, I have been struggling to keep MY identity. My pre-wife and my pre-motherhood identities. Thus far, I think I have failed in still trying to be the ME that I was before husbands and kids. I know that I am more than these two things. But apparently, I am not viewed in any other manner. At least not in my own home.

This may be far from the truth. I'm sure that my husband would tell me otherwise. But then again, 'actions speak louder than words'.

Death Penalty. YOUR thoughts.

We all have to die at some point. It is a given. Some will be old and have lived a good life. Some will fall gravely ill and pass young. Those of any age can be killed in a vehicle accident. And there are some that will be murdered. And some will be put to death as punishment for taking another human's life.

Today, we are going to talk about the latter. Executions and Death Row. Now, before you go off on a tangent and yell at me that God commands us to not kill and that executions are wrong and/or immoral, I urge you to READ THIS FIRST before commenting right off the bat.

Also, be sure to read PART 2 OF THIS WHOLE STORY.

This woman put a hit out for someone that she was supposed to have loved and his son, who of course thought she loved him like he was her own flesh and blood.

Instead, she loved the impending Life Insurance Policy payout more and had two men break in to their home and kill the son, first. Then, as her husband was BEGGING for mercy, they then shot him, too.

The reason that Teresa Lewis is sitting on Death Row, awaiting her fate, twenty days from now is because she put this whole ordeal in motion. She was as guilty as those that pulled the trigger.

True, those two men received life sentences. But her part was much more heinous. She PAID to have her husband and his boy killed. Not because she was in harm's way, was being abused or anything of the like. But for the money.

Now she is begging that her life be spared, as are her attorneys and anti-death penalty activists, and they all are asking the judge show this woman 'mercy'?? WHAT?!?!

Where was 'mercy' when her step-son and her husband pleaded and begged to not be hurt or killed, and said that the men could have ANYTHING they wanted? It wasn't there that day. Mercy for those two men were nowhere in sight.

She has had to have been segregated from the common prison population for seven YEARS. WHY? And with that said, how will she be of "help" to the other female inmates, as to use her faith to help others? You cannot do that when you are NOT AROUND other inmates!! Duh.

Yes, I do support the Death Penalty. Many who are there, deserve it. If it is indeed proven that they had the means, the motive and the forethought to take a fellow human's life, as to gain from it monetarily (or any other means of ganing something materialistic in nature), or even just to kill someone, then yes, serve them death. On a silver platter.

If it was purely for self-defense and/or to protect your children, then that is a different matter. At least you are not killing someone just for the sake of killing and getting a rush (or something materialistic).

And yes, this woman, Teresa Lewis, deserves the ultimate punishment. If she wasn't so callous, money-hungry and devious, then maybe, just MAYBE, Julian and CJ Lewis would still be alive and well today.

Those that know her closely have even stated that she is a con-artist and has even fooled a couple of pastors (in months/years before this tragedy) in to thinking that she was an upstanding citizen of the community, and a good Christian woman.

Come to realize later, many that knew her, feel that she had a hand in the car wreck that took her husband's other son, almost to the day of his death, a year before. That son had apparently had a good sized Life Insurance Policy as well.

Seven years is a long time. A long time of being away from the main prison populous, sitting in Segregation. And a long time of my husband's and my tax dollars going to that prison to house, feed and clothe a murderess, who is a classic example of a Black Widow wife.

Not all killings deserve the Death Penalty. But, ones like this do. An eye for an eye. A tooth for a tooth. She reaped what she sowed. And for her, it ended with a hefty price.

True, killing her will not bring back two men that were dearly loved by their daughter and sister. But it will bring justice to two men that still deserved better than to be wasted for money.

I'm in a Musical Way,today!Join me & hear what I want to say to certain peeps!!

This first one is for my husband Scott. Let's just say that I'm sure we are BOTH in withdrawal thanks to my UTI problem. And for me, this following song states exactly how I'm feeling about him.




This next one is to my kids. They have been *almost* the death of me during Summer Vacation. Sadly, I can vouch that I have said EVERY SINGLE thing in this "mom song" at least a hundred times, plus another million...




The eating song goes out to my PMS and knowing that I have gained two pounds from water-weight gain. And another two will be added from stuffing my face for the next week or so...




Every once in a while, including very recently, I have thought about the old days of my youth. And I swear, Tim got this right!




There is a way out! You just need to find the courage to pick yourself up and leave. It WILL be difficult and extremely scary to do so, at first. But to escape and taste the freedom of what life REALLY has to offer is more than worth it..I should know.




Last but not least, this one goes to all my gal-pal readers! No matter if you are 9 or 99. We really ARE the same inside...

Black Eyes (I almost got them). Blue Tears (gave me freedom).

WARNING!! This is a very "straight to the point" blog post about abuse (of all kinds/types). There will be strong language and graphic descriptions of abuse that I had endured. This post is a teaching tool, as well as one to give support and let others know that there is hope. If this seems like too much for you, then I suggest you back out of it now. You have been warned...


Abuse. It can take it's shape in many forms. Verbal. Emotional. Mental. Sexual. Physical. And yes, even Financial.

For those that have their fortune go their way and have never been abused, they in many ways just "don't get it" when the woman (or the man) doesn't "walk away", being it's (to them) just simple as that.

For those that have been unlucky even just once to be abused, they know all-too-well that in the real world, it honestly is not "just that simple" to walk away and never look back.

Especially when the court tells you that the only good and decent thing that came from that relationship is a child, must go and see the non-custodial parent (that abused you)every other weekend.

Yes. I am one of the unlucky ones. Twice over. And in reality, the first relationship was FAR worse than the second. At least the latter one didn't have me almost dying that particular day.

Back in the summer of 1997, I was still living in Nevada. In the Reno-Carson area. My (then) best friend and I had an apartment. My (then) boyfriend was living with us as well. Before hand, he was just staying a night or two per week at a previous apartment,

At first, during the "honeymoon phase" all was well. We were happy and having fun. But not even a month in to the relationship, he got more demanding. I was more of a maid and waitress than his girlfriend. Then, the "joking" insults came. But they too got more frequent, and much more demeaning.

Finally, one night, he got mad because I told him I was through. I wanted him to pack his shit and leave. I got tired of being called a whore, a nagging, fucking bitch, being assaulted when he wanted sex (and I wasn't wanting it), of his having no job (and I paid the bills), and of being told I was a worthless piece of shit that he didn't really love.

Well, that's also I guess when his sanity left and his true, angry, abusive self came out in full force. He picked me up with one hand by the throat. I remember the searing sting as his nails dug in as his fingers got tighter. He literally was cutting off my airway. I couldn't get in a single breath. And his eyes were of nothing but pure evil. They were truly demonic. I can't say which scared me more. His grip, or the look in his eyes.

After releasing me, you could see the scratches and the instant prints from where his fingers had gripped me tightly. It was then that he left. The next day, as my BFF and I were at work, he came and not only got his stuff (some of it). But he took much of my things. Including the chest of drawers that were my mothers. Of course, he "didn't do it". And none of my friend's things were taken. Nor were much of his. But MOST of mine? Yeah okay....

After that relationship, I swore I wouldn't get in to that trap again. I came to Virginia in the Fall of 1997. In 1998 I had a May-December romance with my (now ex) husband. We married after only dating a few months. Boy was I STUPID. Because I did what I said I wouldn't do again. And that was to get in to another abusive relationship.

Like many others (and one other time before him) I fell for the charm and for how sweet he was. But once we got married, it all changed. Fast.

Suddenly he didn't "want to" work anymore because he "didn't like" the job. Yeah. Like I LOVED working for almost minimum wage and getting shit on by customers at the local Wal-Mart.

In 1999, my oldest child was born from that marriage. By then, he was working. Nights. But he didn't at times get home until about four in the morning. Even though he got off at two in the morning and it was only about a twenty-five minute ride home.

Plus he almost slammed my head in to the truck's dashboard when I was seven-months pregnant. But I wasn't smart enough at that time to leave. It was over my not choosing right then and there where to eat.

From that point, it had gotten to the come home late, then quit the job, telling me I was a nagging bitch (boy that one sounded too familiar), that I did nothing but sit on my ass (even though I worked, paid the bills and cleaned best I could EVERY night I came home).

Towards the end, it was primarily verbal and emotional abuse. But he also raised his hand to me a few times. But never struck me. By the time Hayley was almost five months old, I was "seeing" someone else. And I left my abusive husband. I took what I needed as he was not at home one day (in a black garbage bag) such as baby bottles, clothes for Hayley and myself, a few of her toys, money I had put up, diapers, and formula.

After that I never looked back, nor did I ever go back.

Today, I am HAPPILY married to the man who's sister literally saved my daughter's life (and mine). The two of them helped me find a way out. And my husband has been a wonderful father to Hayley in the ten years we have been together. And he treats her no different from the two children we have had together. And this October, we will celebrate eight years of marriage.

You CAN leave. You CAN be happy. Yes, it will be hard. No, there is NO easy ways out of an abusive relationship. But I can tell you, it IS POSSIBLE. You need to want to get out and find the courage within (which you DO have hidden inside your soul) to do so. And there are things you may have to do (such as restraining orders and court hearings) that will be greatly difficult.

Abuse is not a way to love someone. It's a way to CONTROL a person. To make the abuser feel worthy and important. But in the end, it makes the abused feel hopeless, worthless and like there is no way out. Which is the primary goal of the attacker.

Listen to the words in the following music video. Yes, it has the lyrics in it, but I'm going to post a copy of the lyrics as well. Read them carefully. And "be forever free to dream".





"Black Eyes, Blue Tears"

Black eyes, I don't need 'em
Blue tears, gimme freedom
Positively never goin' back
I won't live where things are so out of whack
No more rollin' with the punches
No more usin' or abusin'

I'd rather die standing
Than live on my knees
Begging please-no more

Black eyes-I don't need 'em
Blue tears-gimme freedom
Black eyes-all behind me
Blue tears'll never find me now

Definitley found my self esteem
Finally-I'm forever free to dream
No more cryin' in the corner
No excuses-no more bruises

I'd rather die standing
Than live on my knees
Begging please-no more

Black eyes-I don't need 'em
Blue tears-gimme freedom
Black eyes-all behind me
Blue tears'll never find me now

I'd rather die standing
Than live on my knees, begging please...

Black eyes-I don't need 'em
Blue tears-gimme freedom
Black eyes-all behind me
Blue tears'll never find me now

It's all behind me, they'll never find me now

Find your self-esteem and be forever free to dream




[ SHANIA TWAIN LYRICS at www.AZLyrics.com ]

Look To The Sunny Side Of Life...

Honestly, I do my best to try and follow that old saying. I really do. Even in the worst of situations. But there are days where it seems just impossible.

Including this morning. It seems almost like what CAN go wrong, HAS gone wrong.Dryer is kaput (though Scott and his brother are going to TRY and fix it this evening). My left Sinus Cavity is ready to just explode. Which in turn is making my "worked on" eye (that had the Cornea Transplant) get red, irritated, and tear like the Hoover Dam.

Add in the mix that the kids have recently been just buck wild, not listening, complaining about one another and having arguments ensue about every ten minutes on average.

Makes for a hectic life, and a hectic household.

It's not easy being a housewife, a stay-at-home-mom, and the accountant, the cook, the referee, the waitress, the maid, the laundress, the nurse, the doctor and all of the other "hats of expectation" that us SAHM's wear on a daily basis.

All the while, you are TRYING to take care of yourself, your needs. In the end, apparently, you have to take care of YOU and make sure yourself that YOU are getting the care you need and deserve. Because everyone else is too self-centered to see that once in a while YOU need to be "catered" to.

Some ask me how I stay so positive through it all...My son's mental disabilities/delays, taking care of the house and the kids, being my husband's "right hand girl" and trying to tackle getting better after saving my sight with a transplant surgery.

Really, I think you need to tell me. Because I honestly do not know. Sure I have my days of feeling "worthless", or like I am nothing but a maid to everyone. Yes, I admit it, some days I feel "used" by my kids and my hubsband. I know I am valued and loved. But they don't always show it.

And I also admit, that on some days I can be much the same way. I don't always show how much I value, love, and appreciate my family. But I do with all of my heart and all of my soul.

So, even though today I feel like I need a chisel to open up my nostril, that I feel like someone is holding a lit candle to my eye, my nerves are frayed and I am desperately seeking my dryer back in to working order, I shall try my best to "look on the sunny side of what life has to offer".

Friday Fluff

It hit me like a ton of bricks. Literally out of the blue. Why, I have no idea.

When did my life start to speed up?! It's as if it is going a thousand miles an hour. And before long, my road will be ending.

Was it after my mom died and it was just me and Dad? That's when I had to "grow up" at the age of twelve and do many of the house chores that my mom would do. Including cooking and the laundry (which I still hate doing to this day!).

Maybe it was after having a first boyfriend. After all, all us girls think that we are the shnitz when we land a "man" in our teen years.

Or was it after a failed marriage? Boy was a I stupid then! I was so blind, Stevie Wonder could have seen what came, coming along like a train wreck waiting to happen....Oh wait! It WAS a train wreck!!

Holy smokes! I think I got it. I started to get old after having my kids. After all, they are always telling me I'm ancient and that Grandma is REAAAALY old.

In all honesty, it seems that once I hit twenty five, my age started to skyrocket. Every birthday now seems to come faster and faster. 

Hell, the last ten years have gone by so fast, it hit me in the face twice. Once with my oldest turning ten. Then, with my mind just racing about how my birthday has once again snuck up on me.

So, with all that in mind, I shall leave you all with the following....