Gone, but was never forgotten. Eight years later...

I'm not going to rant, spout off on anything, or joke around. Today is a solemn day. Because reality had set in. With a look at one piece of paper and a package.

Sure, over on Facebook, I was all jokes and laughs. I think it was my way of dealing with what was about to come to my door, and back in to my life. Now, it is here. And the jokes have since stopped. Reflection has taken its place.

I finally got my grandmother's ashes. Eight years after her passing. She arrived here from Nevada on her birthday (8/26) & I missed her.

Then, they tried to deliver her on her Death Anniversary (8/27). I finally got her from the USPO yesterday.

After getting the box open, and pulling her cremains box out, Scott found an envelope with a copy of her Transport-Burial certificate (also served partially as a death cert.).

It was then, as I had seen the DOD, and the place she died, that I finally broke down, as I carried her to the place I want her to be (for now). I had the flash of those last 2 days before her death hit me. And I was mourning her all over again. Even if it was just for a brief moment.

To see this finally over, after almost a decade, for it to come to a close, it the end of longing for me. At least where my Nana is concerned.

She never placed on the papers of whom she wanted to have her cremains sent (family wise) when she filled out the paperwork to donate her body to University of Nevada, Reno.

It looked like the Medical School had her for just under a year. The signature date for cremation was 4-4-2003, which placed it at almost nine months after her date of death.

Holding Nana in my arms, after all of these years was bitter-sweet for me. I wish it was her in the flesh. Even just for a moment, to REALLY hold her, hug on her and tell her how much I love her still...Even though we had our battles as she helped raise me after my mom died. It was more of a generational battle than anything.

At least she is home, with her family, where she belongs. No longer is she encased within a Nitch for those that have gone unclaimed. To them she was 'just a number'. To me, and to my dad, she is much more than that. And now, her death has come full circle.

In fact, there is now a little running joke that was started by one of Scott's Aunts. She said that she bets that Nana got to go to more places in death, than she did in life. She's right! Nana really got around in life. But she REALLY got around in death.

Since You Left

Since the time you left, we still wonder what could have been

We wonder who you would take after, who you would more like be within

The years stroll by with barely a care

But in that time, within our hearts, you are still there

We miss you, we love you

Not too far off may you be

But deep down it seems that its eternity before we once again meet

So until that day, you stay safe and warm

For within Grandma's arms are you adorned

She has you for now until the day that we will finally meet face-to-face

Daddy and I had so many plans

But for now we just hold your heart in our hands

May you have joy this Christmas Season with the Savior that we celebrate

One day soon my dear, we too will meet you at the Pearly Gates

Then forever more, we shall rejoice together, with our Lord

*Dedicated to Michael Gregory C....May you be resting and playing with the other Angel Babies this Christmas Season*

"He who hath not commited sin, shall cast the first stone."

Normally, I am not one to quote Biblical Scripture. But, for some reason, this one happened to pop in to my brain. And ultimately, I felt led to write about this passage. Although, I can't for the life of me remember what Book and verse it stems from.

As a child, I was "forced" in to submission. I had to submit to attending church with my Paternal Grandmother, who was an extremely devout Roman Catholic.

Throughout my childhood, she would quote Scripture to me. Especially when I was being punished. She would tell me that I made God sad and hurt His feelings.

She was also a devout hypocrite. Because many years later, after her death, I had learned of the not-so-Christian-like things that she had in her life's history.

Several divorces. One of her two sons was concieved and ultimately born out of wedlock. And that is to just name a couple of things. In fact I think that the only one that wasn't on her list of "Broken Commandments" was Adultry.

While still alive, she knew of some of my unChristianly partakings of the flesh. And she let me know how in the wrong I was. And for me, yes this DID include Adultry. While I know why I commited that sinful act, no excuse will hold up for my transgression of the flesh.

I'm far from an innocent Christian. I have made many, many mistakes in this lifetime. And I know that there are countless more coming in the years to come.

But I know that my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ will still love me. No matter how much I may hurt His feelings, or may break His heart. And as long as I ask, and truly mean it within my being, I will be forgiven.

This is why I do not judge others. Not for their "sinful acts", such as adultry, lying, stealing. Not even for loving someone else of the same gender.

In my heart, and in my mind, how can I sit in judgement of another human being, when I myself have failed at keeping the Lord's Commandments?

That question would race through my veins every time that my Grandmother would sit in judgement of me and my mistakes. When all along, she herself had her own glass house to throw stones at.

This is why I go by "Remove the plank from thy own eye thus you remove the plank from another's". As well as "He who hath not commited sin, shall cast the first stone". Because I know that my sins, while may not be as big as my neighbor's, are just as great a deal to God, as the neighbor's is.

There is only one true Judge. And I am not it. Nor are you. Only the Lord God can judge. He is my judge, and mine alone in the end.