Handicap Parking & The "Not So" Disabled

I know a while back somewhere along the line, I had touched on this subject. But seeing as I hate "recycling" posts and honestly, I really don't wish to go through my previous 192 posts to find the sucker, I shall write about Handicap Parking Spaces...again.

Thanks to someone I follow on Twitter, who shall remain nameless (and genderless) as to protect their identity, the subject has once more come to me, especially with Christmas shopping in full swing and the fact that some shoppers can be real humbugs about parking lots and parking spaces.

My Mother and Father-In-Law both have poor health. Primarily my Mother-In-Law. She has Systemic Lupus. Systemic Lupus affects all the main organs (including lungs and heart), as well as muscles throughout the body. She literally is drained even after a short shopping trip for groceries. It doesn't take much for her to tire out or to bruise, or get sore throughout her body.

When she goes to public places, she parks in Handicap stalls. She looks fine. She walks fine. She sees and hears just fine. She walks (for the most part) fine. But indeed, she IS legally disabled.

No one can see (unless you REALLY know her, or of her condition) her internal handicap. Her illness that is tucked within her own body.

So, when she climbs out of her van and starts walking "normally" in to the store, I have been witness to a few stares and sneers. People in general think that she is just being lazy.

Yes, she is heavy set (not fat), but that is NOT due to being "lazy" or over eating, seeing as she has to watch her intake, due to her Colostomy Bag (that she craps in to, having only two INCHES of her colon, thanks to cancer). The Lupus plays with your weight as well.

And it can mess up her breathing. After a while, you can hear her breaths get heavier, as she tires. Hence why her trips to the store are as minimal as she can make them.

When I was little (as in a toddler), I was allowed to be on "Day Trips" from the hospital (for new readers, I didn't go home until I was almost 3 YEARS old, due to many medical problems at birth). My parents had a Handicap Sticker to use when I was with them, seeing as I had to have my medical equipment close by in the car in case I had a breathing situation (a suctioning machine for my trache).

An elderly lady called the police on my parents (I know I spoke of this last time lol) because she didn't see where any of us were handicapped and "required" a spot for those that were REALLY handicapped.

Needless to say, my parents were caught off guard when a Police Officer side stepped them inside the store and let them know what was transpiring. After hearing this, my mother took me (in the cart) and walked off to "cool down" after eying the lady that made the report.

My poor dad. He had to take the officer outside and SHOW HIM the equipment, sitting there on the floorboard of the back seat area of the car. The Police Officer thanked him and apologized for the intrusion and the trouble (as well as the embarrassment) that the situation caused.

After going back inside, the officer pulled the lady aside and let her have it for being a nosy old bag. He even took HER to see that INDEED I was LEGALLY afforded that spot and why. Also, she got a better look at ME, sitting in the cart and started to cry (by my understanding of what my dad said), all the while apologizing to my parents.

My mother walked off without accepting the apology, due to the humiliation and the rudeness of the woman in the first place. Plus, it kept Mom from wanting to punch the old woman (by what was told).

So, the next time you see someone parking in a designated Handicap spot, don't be so quick to judge by their outward appearance. You don't know their full medical history and what may be going on internally.

Believe me when I say that there are days when I really wish I had a sticker/plate due to my son and his "outbursts" (due to his mental disorders that LEGALLY make him 'disabled' by our state) that he has. I'd be able to get him out of where we are and out to the car MUCH quicker when an episode hits. Most of the time, we are parked most of the way towards the end of the lot area. Just my luck I guess.

Pouring Your Heart Out w/Shell...Back To School Time.

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In our school, they teach (elementary level) Pre-K, through 5th. Last year was THE day for my youngest. She was almost 5 then (will be 6 in a few months). I, like many, counted down the days, made everything sound right in the world to her in regards to going to "big kid" school. And I made it like it was block-party time because Miss Skyler was *GOING TO SCHOOL!*.

When the day was FINALLY here, we got her in her uniform (yes, we are a uniform school..blech!), her big sissy and bro-bro helped her pack her back pack and then all of us (incl. dad who went in late to see this) waited for the inevitable. The first bus ride "alone" as a fully independent child. Not the dependent baby I raised to get to this stage of life.

As we stood there, I had flashbacks of all three kids run through my head. Of when they were babies and toddlers. And then I saw before my eyes, the wonderful children that they (at this point in their lives) have thus far grown up to be.


Sure, I smiled, laughed, made it all-out exciting and positive. But I was dying a little inside. It hurt to see my last baby go off. And seeing Skyler get on that bus did me in. Yes, I kept that slapped-on smile upon my face, and I waved to her as they started to pull off. But, as soon as they were out of eyesight, I lost it.

No longer could I hold back the hurt that my heart felt. The tears in their dam were no longer able to be kept at bay. Reality hit me square in the face, and in the heart.

Walking back in to the house, it was eerily quiet. I was so used to hearing Nick Jr. on the television and seeing Skyler munching on a morning goody (cereal mainly).

But on that day, it was just me and the cats. No "Mama!! I'm thirsty.", or "Mama! Where we go today?". Because, she was at "big kid" school.

This year, it will be a bit better. And Skyler is SO very excited to be going back to school. So is Bryce. Hayley on the other hand? She is 50/50 on the subject.

I get to do this again NEXT year with my oldest, who will be in Middle/Junior High School. It will (I'm sure) be riddled with many of the same fears as I had with them going off to Kindergarten (or Pre-K in Skyler's case) for the first time. Only this time, with MUCH more peer pressure and other "really big kid" things.

Even now, I can see Hayley (and yes, Bryce, too) as they were in the days of where Skyler is now. And all I can wonder at this point is...

God, where does the time fly off to? It all happens so quickly.

Memoir Monday w/Travis...The Parent Edition.

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Kids. They bring joy to your life. They let you live on, even after you are gone, being that you are a part of them. They give you unconditional love.

But they can be your worst nightmare as well. Attitudes, lying to your face, getting in to the junk food at all hours, waking you up at an ungodly hour of the morning to watch Saturday Morning Cartoons..Oh wait! That was me. My bad. Sorry, Dad.

My life BEFORE kids was much calmer. Sure I dealt with some real assholes in my time, being I have worked retail for most of my adult life (until the last kiddie came along). But having kids and dealing with them 24/7 makes you realize that dealing with the assholes of retail-society pales NOTHING in comparison, then having to deal with your own kids.

Back before my brood, I was able to stay up until four-AM, sleep in until noon, eat and cook whenever I wanted to. I would get drunk with my friends.

I even remember back in the day, out-drinking a MALE buddy with Jose Cuervo shots. Seven of them to be precise. He puked over the banister railing of the apartment complex I lived in. My poor neighbors. Talk about a surprise present.

Myself? Let's just say I got off easy. No! Not THAT kind of "got off". Get your minds out the ditch, would ya?? I meant that I had basically NO hangover, what-so-EVER! Just a slight belly ache. Otherwise, no pounding, blinding headache. No barfing on the bathroom floor, because I missed the toilet in a blinding haze of post-party rapture. Just a need for a couple Alkaseltzers, and I was good to go.

These days, I rarely get to go anywhere without AT LEAST one to two of three kids in tow. I don't get "mommy time" even while I sit my ass on the toilet! Plus, if I drink, it's ONE beer. And that is AFTER the kids are asleep. My hair now has more gray in it than a bird has feathers. My sanity is only now somewhat in tact...It doesn't help that the creatures I call my children are still on Summer Vacation.

But that changes in THREE WEEKS! Yes, I am actually counting down the weeks. And that last week, I'm gonna be counting down the days, as to remind the kiddies that I will regain my sanity the moment that I shove them under...er, I mean shove them ON TO the school bus.

Ah! What a life!! Both pre-kid, and today. I wouldn't trade them for anything. But I do miss my old, pre-kid life of pure independence.

The Tween Scene (per my experiences)

I've been the mother 'officially' of a Tween (ages nine, through twelve) for the past year and a half. Believe me when I say, it certainly is no picnic. Especially when your experience is from having the oldest of the three going through this is a girl, no less. Figures. God had to get the good laughs from me.

My oldest is now a ten-year-old she-devil (at times). Not to mention, Hayley is just about as tall as I am. AT THE AGE OF TEN, people!!...I'm only a mere five-foot-tall, petite lady. And here, my daughter is (literally) right under my nose.

She is also already having bouts of PMS (putting up with Mom's shit). So, if we happen to be hormonal at the same time, it's game on in my house. And it ain't pretty! We have been known to almost claw one another's eyes out. And that's on a GOOD day, mind you.

Add in the fact that Hayley is already "budding", and it makes my anguish fueled even more. Why? Because I know that once those puppies start to really...*ahem* sprout, that she is going to be beating her mother in that department. And that's when I drag out my husband, Scott's old Softball METAL bat from the attic. It's gonna be my "beat a boy" bat for those that want to take advantage of my little girl.

Yep. I have this all mapped out. I'm ready to roll with the big punches.

As for my son, Bryce, he JUST entered the world of Tweenhood. So far, so good. Then again, those hormones have yet to even hit him. But I can say for sure, that knowing him, when they do, it's going to be World War Three in my home. And I already told Scott that being he laid the girls (BOTH of them mind you) on me to 'handle', that it is HIS job to strictly deal with the boy when he starts to uh....mature in more ways than one (not including the voice thing).

To me, these days, raising tween is like raising a pack of rabid wolves. You never, ever know from day to day, much less, from hour to hour, what the members of your pack are going to say, do, or think. My daughter changes her mind faster than I can change a battery in my remote. Not to mention the emotional part of the package....That alone can drive you insane faster than a Nascar race car going over 200 MPH.

But, then again, my daughter is truly dishing out what I know I gave to my poor Dad, who pretty much single-handedly raised me on his own, after mom died. For those first couple of years, I know I was hell on wheels. My Nana made matters worse when she "moved" (more like snuck) her way in to our 'happy home'.

Talk about hell on wheels! I made it my life's mission to make her life MISERABLE while she was with us. And I actually succeeded. And her own paranoia even got the best of her. She was sure that I was a druggie (Pot). Why? Because I wanted my PRIVACY. So, I kept my door to my room closed most of the time. That made her madder than anything else.

These days, I've taken what I did as a 'tween' (there was no such thing in my day), think on WHY I did/said what I had, and I apply reason and independence, as well as boundaries based on my past experiences.

*My* 'tween' can close her door (and sometimes lock it) for privacy. She is allowed to say how she feels (as long as it's constructive communication) without worry of getting a 'tongue lashing' for having her own views. Hayley is allowed to talk to her friends on the phone, in private. She can cook for herself (some things...Dad is teaching her how to cook, being that they share in that).

Most of all, I'm letting her grow up and see the world for herself. She will one day be on her own, and she will need to see that life isn't always fun, games, rainbows and puppies. I let her know in honest terms of what her body is doing and why. I'm letting her know now, snippets of why her biological father and I are no longer together (and why I married 'Dad'). She is also learning the TRUTH about certain family members in her bio-dad's family, being he (as I had found out by her) has been LYING about them.

Some days, Hayley and I do not see eye-to-eye on a single thing. Most days, we are like two peas in a pod. But she knows that our relationship has boundaries. I am NOT her "friend" or her "buddy". Not yet. Those days will come along soon enough, after she is grown and on her own. I am first and foremost (and will ALWAYS BE) her mother and a part of her 'parenting team'.

After all, it certainly takes a village to raise a tween...or two.

Lil Miss Independent

Mile Stones. As parents, we all look for them around every corner. We get excited with their first words, their first steps, their first day of school. Then comes having their first kiss, and their first time behind the wheel of a car.

During all of those major points of "firsts" in their lives, you sit back and wonder where time had flown past to. The first child in a multi-child household leaves you the most at awe. Being that everything your child is experiencing as their journey is fresh and new, so is watching him or her doing it, being that your journey as a parent is also fresh and new (and that NEVER changes as time goes on).

In my home, there are three children. My oldest, Hayley is ten years old. My middle, Bryce is eight. And the youngest, Skyler is five years old. All of them have very different and unique personalities. And each of them are more "close" to me and my husband, Scott than the others. In fact I have a "mix" when it comes to that matter.

Bryce is a "Mama's Boy" all the way. Skyler, being the baby is "Daddy's Girl". And depending on the situation and what she wants, Hayley can go either way.

Back to childrens' independence. As I said, the first child is hard to watch accomplish those huge "life goals". But, so is watching the "baby" of the family. If not a bit harder than the first, or even the second (or more, depending on the number of kids in your home). But like everything else, it is a part of life. And they must learn to do things on their own, and to communicate to let us know their needs, to walk so that they can at some point get from A to B on their own (like walking to school).

Yes, it is Saturday. At least that is what I am thinking. Skyler has decided that she will pack lunch for SCHOOL today, to have it ready for school on Tuesday (no school Monday due to MLK Day). I had asked if she needed help....Her reply?

Nope! She is a "big girl" and can do it herself. And she made sure I knew this fact. True, it's more like some bagged snacks, not a real lunch (which Mama will fix up right on Tuesday morning). After already seeing her take her first steps, speaking her first word, going potty on her own, and even going off to school for the first time, I think that THIS MOMENT has actually "hurt" the most. Why?

Because not once did she need me to help her in ANY way. Not to get any of the foods for her. Not to help her open the sandwich baggie to place the foods in, or even seal the bags. And she placed everything in her lunchbox on her own.

Now, as of today, my Skyler-Boo is officially being deemed "Lil Miss Independent". And I couldn't be more proud. Because this is exactly what I am aiming for with all three of my kids. To be independent, honest, caring individuals. And so far, they have all proven (for the most part) to be such children.

Being independent is a key ingredient for a child. One day, they will have to be on their own. So, we must teach them now so that when they are grown individuals out in society, they will have the needed tools to thrive.