For My Dear "Sister-Friend", Angel...

In 1989, my mother had a massive stroke. Amazingly, it didn't kill her right then and there. Nor did the hours-long lack of treatment (it struck overnight as my dad and I slept).

That was on October 1st, 1989, when my father had found my mother in her favorite chair, not able to speak, barely could hear, and was blind in one eye. Also, her entire right side was paralyzed.

For 28 days, my mother suffered. Unbearable for her to endure. Unbearable for me to watch. Especially when she and I had more in common than I had ever thought that we could. Before her move to a so-called rehabilitation center, she had to have a trache placed in, due to the muscles in her lungs spasming and filling with fluid due to pneumonia.

So many times, with her good hand (her left side), she succeeded in pulling out her nasal-gastric feeding tube.It was so bad, they finally had to restrain her arm as to keep the tube in to nourish her.

But I knew then, even at the age 12, that mother wanted out. She didn't want to live like that. She didn't want US to live with her being like that. She wanted to let nature take it's course and release her. I think she KNEW that no matter what, the affects of the stroke were going to kill her in the end.

On that 28th and final day, after all of the denials of my father of her not getting better, and saying she WILL, I think something inside of ME gave me the wisdom of timing and of knowing what was the RIGHT thing to do.

As Dad went off to get a soda or some coffee, and waiting for him to be out of earshot, being you had to yell at the top of your lungs for her to hear you, I told my mother something that I NEVER in my young mind or heart would ever think I'd have to...

"It's okay Mom. WE will be okay. I'll be alright. I know you don't want to do this anymore, and you want to go home. If that IS what you want, then it's okay to let go and be with Grandma and Grandpa".

Within not even a 24 hour time frame, after I had said those words to her, Dad got that dreaded call from the Rehab Center. Something happened and she stopped breathing. He and his mom rushed to the receiving hospital that she was taken to by ambulance.

All in all, between the center, the ambulance and the ER, they all worked to save my mother for about an hour.

They called her death just about a mere five minutes before Dad and Nana had arrived.

She went Home. Just as she wanted to. No longer to suffer or to lay there, not LIVING what was to had become her "life.

Now, my friend Angel and her sisters have been faced with a similar scenario that scarcely mimics mine. Only, I am an only child. And I didn't deny to myself what "home" truly meant.

Like I had told Angel on her blog post, and in a comment within one of her FaceBook status posts, it is NOT a weak thing to finally realize the realities of the end of someone's life, and wish to not prolong their suffering. It is not a decision that is EVER made lightly, and often times, not made sooner because WE don't wish to be without the person that we will be losing to death.

It takes an insurmountable amount of strength, courage, and most of all, UNCONDITIONAL love to make an end-of-life decision to let your loved one die with dignity and the least amount of medical restraint as possible.

The clues are there, being provided by the one that is suffering. But sometimes, because of our emotions and the need to NOT want to let go, we don't always see them. Or we do, but refuse to admit that they are there. And that's normal. And it's OKAY.

Please, I implore ALL that read this post, to MAKE KNOWN your final wishes. Have a Living Will drawn up and let your family and close friends know what YOUR wishes are. My mother, and Angel's mother did NOT do this.

In the end, we were the ones to have to carry that horrendous weight upon our shoulders to make that life ending, and life altering decision. To let go. To let our mothers find peace and rest. NO child, young, old or in between should have to endure as we had to.

Angel, my dear, sweet sister who literally wears her name on her sleeve...

Know that while heartbreaking, difficult and emotionally-draining, what you and your sisters decided to do, had taken A LOT of courage and strength. What you did was a wonderful showing of UNCONDITIONAL love, and a heart-felt final gift of that love. Never (any of you) feel that you were weak in mind, or in heart of coming to that conclusion. Because it is the farthest thing from the truth, my dear sister.

SIDE NOTE;

As of this post being completed, I went to Angel's FaceBook page, to sadly find that her mother has had her sedation scaled back and letting her breath more on her own. It's just now a matter of time to see where things will go from there. It's in her mother's hands, and most importantly, in God's will.. May the family find comfort in the Lord Jesus through this sad and difficult time.

Friend In Need Of Support...And A Gripe On Behalf Of Hubby

First of all, a dear friend of mine that I have known since the CafeMom days (like 3 YEARS now!) is in need of some mondo support, prayers and good thoughts/vibes.

Her name is Angel and she also blogs. Feel free to check her out over at Angel Believes.

This morning, I had read a post that she made last night. It is speaking about one of her sisters. Apparently, doctors had found a suspicious mass within her head, that has been causing severe migraines. Now, the sister must undergo a battery of tests to see if it has entered the brain cavity and if it's the dreaded "C-word",from there, then do what is needed.

So, I am asking you all to PLEASE go over and give her some words of encouragement and support.

Now (!!*WARNING*!! Strong Language Ahead!)...

Over on FaceBook, I am a 'fan' of Kroger. For one thing, I am a *former* employee. Two, my husband is still an employee. Three, thanks to his hard work and dedication, we get a discount on ALL Kroger products along with the current sale price. Four, I just love shopping there.

Lately, I have seen some real Scrooges over on the Wall and within the Kroger page's Discussion Board. Some "now former" and disgruntled "current" shoppers of the retail chain have been real assholes. No lie!

I'm tired of seeing one post over there after another blaming Management and the employees for every single damn thing that goes wrong. Including product weight changes, Gift Card Policy, other Return Policy rules and even store remodeling.

Come on, people!!! THINK before you start jabbering your jaws (more like fingers if on the computer) and bitching about things in the WRONG manner. Honestly it will get you NOWHERE with Management or Sale Floor/Department employees. It just makes you look like a jackass.

When it comes to what is sent, versus what is left out, that is NOT Management or employee fault...That is WAREHOUSE idiots. And when it is NATIONAL Brand, please, do NOT complain and bitch out the STORE employees. That has to be taken up with the National Product Vendor for THAT item!

Remodels...NOT IN EMPLOYEE/MANAGEMENT control, either. That is CORPORATE level.

Return/GIFT CARD Policy...Corporate's rules. NOT store-level things.

Also, I can personally tell you, as a *former* employee of Kroger and of other retail chains in my years, if you bitch, nag, gripe, cuss out and yell at the employees or Management Team, you will get NOWHERE. They will tell you that they will contact Corporate and whatever else needed to as to shut you the hell up.

Why? Because you were RUDE. And we are HUMAN just like those that come in the store. And like YOU, us "lackeys" have feelings and they CAN and often DO get hurt because some asswipe decided that acting like a spoiled little brat would get them what they want.

WRONG!

When you as a customer talk calmly, civilly and in an adult-like manner, we (employees and Management alike) are MORE than willing to listen, be attentive, and are more able to HELP resolve your issue.

Even with Product Vendors. We can RELAY messages or even CALL THEM personally right then and there to see what can be done with the problem at hand.

It's all in how the CUSTOMER chooses to interact with the store's employees.

In a nutshell, the moral of the story is...

Retail employees and their Management Team have NO control with what CORPORATE level says (that includes Zone Managers). And they EXPECT to be treated with RESPECT and with KINDNESS. Just like you, the CUSTOMER expects to be treated.

After all, my husband is a hard working family man in retail who is only like everyone else in this country, trying to provide for his family, has feelings and is a hard worker who is only doing what he is told to do.

The End.

I'm doing a Plog...About my son. (=

As some of you know, my poor little guy, Bryce has broken his arm. In the two main areas of the arm at that!

He decided to STAND on his little sister's RIDING toy and use it like a scooter. His uncle was downstairs with him when this happened.

Apparently, the toy went backwards, slipping from under Bryce. Needless to say, Bryce "flew" the opposite direction and landed primarily on his right hand (and his "strong" arm). The force of the fall and landing severely broke both the Ulna and Radius bones that are in the forearm. They are the two that connect at both ends of the lower arm and have a spacing between them in the middle (think of a Wishbone).

This was taken the night of the accident, after we got him home and resting a comfy as we could...

Little Sister, Skyler was making sure that her big "Bro-Bro" was okay and keeping him company.


Yesterday, it was "cast changing day". We spent THREE HOURS in that office, mainly waiting to go back. He got new x-ray's taken. Needless to say, there is a SMALL setback. The one that was broken the worse (I want to say the Radius), which was a hair-pin from requiring surgery that night, has dislodged out of place.

When the accident initially happened, Bryce had to have BOTH bones reset. He got NOTHING to help with the pain. But he took it like a trooper! And again, as the doctor had to mold the new cast to the arm, he reset that bone (without Bryce knowing). My boy let out a small whimper. But otherwise did a WONDERFUL job.

Here are some pictures of Bryce getting his old cast removed....

 

 

Bryce has some sensory issues, and the loudness of the cast saw was kind of unbearable for him. I learned the hard way I need to clean the wax out of his ears...It was GROSS when I stuck my finger in the ear he can't reach. EEEEEW!

 

One last little "snip" with the cast saw and she was able to "crack it open" and free Bryce's arm.

Here is his new cast, that now fits to a T and he is happy as a clam....

Bryce had chosen "Duke University Blue" because he knows that the hospital there, Duke Univ. Medical Center was the place that saved his mom's eye, as well as her sight. Plus, it really helped that his Orthopeadist is an avide Blue Devils fan!

My son is no different from your kid (THANKS ANGEL FOR THE INSPIRATION)

When you see my son, what do you see? Do you see the happiness he can have most of the time? Do you see that he can be sly at any given moment? Do you see how much he loves his family?

Can you see that my son is Bipolar, with OCD, ADHD, Asperger's Tendensies, Anxiety Disorder and Behavior Disorder?

When our children with these 'problems' have an 'off" day of lashing out and being 'abnormal', it is OUR normal. We have gotten used to the stares and whispers out in the public eye. Especially when an episode from the Mania he experiences just suddenly pops up during a shopping trip or other outting.

Sure all is fine and good with the world around us....Until it happens. Bryce's eyes glaze over in a "haze" and get a more sharp tone. His voice is quiet. His movement almost at a stand still. Then it happens. OUTBURST!

Next thing I know, I am having to take Bryce off to the side to talk him down, maybe even bear hug him from behind. Otherwise he is going to try and knock things over, run off, or hit someone (mainly me or his sisters).

And this is where the world's judges come in. They gawk and stare at the "evil" little boy and the parents that obviously can't "control" their kid. They see that as one of us is dealing with Bryce, the other is trying to maintain calmness with Hayley and Skyler, as to not have them feel upset or embarrassed.

Once everything is said and done, the calm comes as the storm passes. And everything is as it once was before the Episode hit. And yes, these can occur at ANY given moment at ANY time of day, in ANY place (even in the home).

What you see as an "outsider" looking in though is NOT what I see. I don't see the "evil" little child that is unruly and needs his "ass whipped more often".

What I personally see as Bryce's mother, and Scott sees in his son as the boy's father is the potential that our son has to become a normal and productive member of society.

Bryce is in mainstream classes at school. And in ADVANCED Math and Reading classes.

He has friends and a 'social life'.

Bryce loves to play games on the computer and his sister's DS.

My boy is a Spongebob junkie.

He has a wonderful talent for knowing about Astronomy.

But Bryce also requires monthly Psychiatric sessions because to help curb MOST of the symptoms of all of his disabilities, he needs medication. And to be sure that the medicines are working properly, there are no adverse affects, and that he is overall doing well, he must see a "Shrink".

Okay, yes I said that I "drug" my kid. But, there are SO MANY misconceptions about the medications that are given to Psychiatric patients. Especially those given to children.

My son is not a "zombie'. He is not "foaming at the mouth" or listless. He is functioning at a better rate for his age THANKS TO those drugs. And it helps curb the ideals for him to go and get a hammer or knife and hold it up at me, all the while saying he is GOING TO KILL ME.

Yep, that's actually happened a few times over the years. Why do you think I have to keep the tool room locked? Mainly with the hammer. I don't remember him ever trying it with a knife.

What this is all boiling down to is that for parents such as myself, we are tired of "professionals" telling us what we do or do not know. No one knows our children better than us. And when we cry out for help, we EXPECT someone to be there, listen and do RIGHT by our kids. Not pass us off and think that they 'know' our children. When that happens, dangerous or even fatal errors can occur.

Same goes for society as well. When you see a parent dealing with an "evil little brat", don't assume that the kid is just a 'bad seed' and the parent is just not "parenting right". Look at the scene a little closer. Try for a second to put yourself in their shoes. Because their child might be Special too.

Hidden Disabilities get the most "heat" in this nation and passed off by the general public more than it should be. It's time to stand back and get to know the person before judging them. They are human too and all they ask for, like anyone else is some compassion, understanding, and caring.

It was a great evening! That is until....

As I had stated in a previous post, my son suffers from ADHD. But he also has a Mood Disorder, Axiety Disorder, and OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder).

Due to all of these mental problems, he is also mentally immature. Let's just say that I have two four-year olds in my house. Only, one is really eight in chronological and biological aspects.

Today was my oldest daughter's birthday. She is now ten years old. That's right! The big 1-0!! And we took her out to a buffet restaurant named Golden Corral Buffet, which was her choice.

Her "big gift" from us was a Nintendo DS. I got the original version as a "test run" to see how responsible she will be with such a "grown up" piece of private property. She about knocked me out of the chair after opening it.

When we were coming home, Scott, my husband and I knew what would soon happen. And sure enough, like clock work, it did. Bryce had a meltdown because Hayley got "special stuff" and he didn't.

He was fussing, crying, carrying on. As if he was a toddler not getting his way. He kept on saying he doesn't get anything today, but Hayley did, so it's not fair.

We have been constantly letting him know that he will be getting a "special thing" at Christmas. Plus, on his birthday, only HE will get presents. No one else.

As of now, he has calmed down a bit. But he is still pretty upset that the world has revolved around someone other than him. And I think that to Bryce, that is worse than not getting things on Hayley's special day.