When you see my son, what do you see? Do you see the happiness he can have most of the time? Do you see that he can be sly at any given moment? Do you see how much he loves his family?
Can you see that my son is Bipolar, with OCD, ADHD, Asperger's Tendensies, Anxiety Disorder and Behavior Disorder?
When our children with these 'problems' have an 'off" day of lashing out and being 'abnormal', it is OUR normal. We have gotten used to the stares and whispers out in the public eye. Especially when an episode from the Mania he experiences just suddenly pops up during a shopping trip or other outting.
Sure all is fine and good with the world around us....Until it happens. Bryce's eyes glaze over in a "haze" and get a more sharp tone. His voice is quiet. His movement almost at a stand still. Then it happens. OUTBURST!
Next thing I know, I am having to take Bryce off to the side to talk him down, maybe even bear hug him from behind. Otherwise he is going to try and knock things over, run off, or hit someone (mainly me or his sisters).
And this is where the world's judges come in. They gawk and stare at the "evil" little boy and the parents that obviously can't "control" their kid. They see that as one of us is dealing with Bryce, the other is trying to maintain calmness with Hayley and Skyler, as to not have them feel upset or embarrassed.
Once everything is said and done, the calm comes as the storm passes. And everything is as it once was before the Episode hit. And yes, these can occur at ANY given moment at ANY time of day, in ANY place (even in the home).
What you see as an "outsider" looking in though is NOT what I see. I don't see the "evil" little child that is unruly and needs his "ass whipped more often".
What I personally see as Bryce's mother, and Scott sees in his son as the boy's father is the potential that our son has to become a normal and productive member of society.
Bryce is in mainstream classes at school. And in ADVANCED Math and Reading classes.
He has friends and a 'social life'.
Bryce loves to play games on the computer and his sister's DS.
My boy is a Spongebob junkie.
He has a wonderful talent for knowing about Astronomy.
But Bryce also requires monthly Psychiatric sessions because to help curb MOST of the symptoms of all of his disabilities, he needs medication. And to be sure that the medicines are working properly, there are no adverse affects, and that he is overall doing well, he must see a "Shrink".
Okay, yes I said that I "drug" my kid. But, there are SO MANY misconceptions about the medications that are given to Psychiatric patients. Especially those given to children.
My son is not a "zombie'. He is not "foaming at the mouth" or listless. He is functioning at a better rate for his age THANKS TO those drugs. And it helps curb the ideals for him to go and get a hammer or knife and hold it up at me, all the while saying he is GOING TO KILL ME.
Yep, that's actually happened a few times over the years. Why do you think I have to keep the tool room locked? Mainly with the hammer. I don't remember him ever trying it with a knife.
What this is all boiling down to is that for parents such as myself, we are tired of "professionals" telling us what we do or do not know. No one knows our children better than us. And when we cry out for help, we EXPECT someone to be there, listen and do RIGHT by our kids. Not pass us off and think that they 'know' our children. When that happens, dangerous or even fatal errors can occur.
Same goes for society as well. When you see a parent dealing with an "evil little brat", don't assume that the kid is just a 'bad seed' and the parent is just not "parenting right". Look at the scene a little closer. Try for a second to put yourself in their shoes. Because their child might be Special too.
Hidden Disabilities get the most "heat" in this nation and passed off by the general public more than it should be. It's time to stand back and get to know the person before judging them. They are human too and all they ask for, like anyone else is some compassion, understanding, and caring.
6 comments:
Melissa,
I work very hard in my life to not judge anyone. I think judging or labeling is wrong (I wrote blogs on it a while ago). I sympathize with the things you have to deal with in your daily life. I'm always willing to listen if you just need someone to be there for you.
People can be cruel that's why I always ask people to come from a place of love first...then they can try & be compassionate to everyone who enters their life. The movement alone would make the world a better place.
Hugs,
Bill
I also "medicate" my child and he told me that he likes his medicine because it helps him think better. He is also in counseling to teach him skills to deal with his OCD, so eventually he won't have to take medicine anymore. I know some people who really resist the idea of having their child "doped" but I think they should at least give it a shot - you can always wean him/her off the meds if you feel that they aren't working.
I have only had one episode where someone gave me the "Hey lady, you better watch it with how you handle your kid ...." speech. My head seriously spun on my neck and I said a lot of really bad words to the person who spouted off. I was upset and "in the moment." Looking back on it, I should have just ignored and kept doing what I was doing. Oh well.
I appreciate the professionals that we work with, but when I boils down to it, I know my child better than they do. Thank you very much.
I can't even imagine going through what you do as a parent with a child like that. I have certainly curbed any tendency I have had in the past to judge a parent based on how their kids behave in public.
However, that's only when it's obvious the parent is trying to do something (like how you describe having to try and control him while your husband, or vice versa, tries to calm down your other children so they're not embarrassed).
If the parent(s) just sit there, going on as if nothing is wrong while the kids are running wild (and I have seen this happen as well), then I have to admit I do wonder about the parenting in that case.
You are a credit to mothers everywhere.
Yep once again I hit my soapbox lol.. Doug is 17, what he wants is normal or some semblance of it... We have an appointment with teh doctor on Tuesday for medication. I have been the ultimate in not "doping" him but even I am fully aware that something has to give. I am not doping him to make my life easier but to make his easier...
Its very hard when are kids appear "neurotypical" and they are not. I've had stares for my son still being in diapers and throwing fits in public. Your boy is so handsome he's gonna get stares anyways, so the tantrum is added attention. It's rough enough as mothers dealing with a tantrum but to have people look down on you in the process is the worst. What makes me feel really bad was I was once an eye rolling mom before I had a kid with Special Needs.
oh and thanks for linking up to weekend warriors.. hope to see you next week! I post Friday afternoon and run it through Monday... Have a great Week so good to meet you!
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