Blog Carnivals, Being Me and Followers.

What I am about to say will most likely piss MANY of you readers off. And I'm sorry for that, but I will not sugar-coat, nor will I sit here silent. And I sure as hell won't fake being happy, when in reality, I am not.

If this means I lose any followers/readers, then so be it. I would rather have followers that REALLY DO read my postings, and even leave an occasional comment. Rather than having someone "following" me only to have my blog serve the purpose of placing another "I'm Following" blog under the belt loop as to make YOU look good.

There are many, upon many blogging carnivals. So many, it really is hard to keep up and even remember all of their names.

Pretty much all of my life, I have never been one to be in a clique or an "in" crowd. And I don't see myself doing so now at my age (almost 34).

There are a few carnivals that I DO participate in. But it's a sporadic involvement. Those would be Weekend Warriors, Post-It-Note Tuesday, and What I Meant To Say Wednesdays, as well as one or two others.

When I write, I do it from the heart. What you read/see, is what you get. The REAL me. I have NEVER, EVER claimed to be anything more or less than what you see me type.

As of late, with all the drama BS I have seen, read, and heard about lately, especially pertaining to certain carnivals, I am more happy now than EVER that I don't really participate in them.

Most of the carnivals only (in my mind and eyes) seem to instigate cliques, fights and anonymous postings by those that don't have the brass balls to put their name to their shame.

My mama taught me (before her death) that I am somebody. Me. And that is all I will need to be, for those that will want to, to like me. For who I AM. Not for who I am POSING to be.

So, while I may take part in carnivals from time to time, they are the type that let me be ME. Let me feel in control of my writing. I refuse to play the "you follow me, I'll follow you" bit. Either you follow, or you don't.

And if we follow one another, then it would be LOVELY to see you comment on *MY* page once in a while. Instead of seeing me making all the moves and commenting on *YOUR* posts. Where's the love? Not on my page, I can say that.

That's one of the main reasons as well that I do NOT partake in carnivals. Because I know for a fact, with everything going on around in my daily REAL life, that I would NEVER be able to go and comment back to those that I participated with. At least not *ALL* of them, anyways.

So, now that you know that I refuse to play childish games, be it here on the blogs or in the head and heart, you, my fine readers have a choice to make.

Either respect my thoughts and feelings, and see where I am coming from...Or click the back button and remove me as one of the blogs you follow.

True, I do NOT follow every one of my followers. Because I don't have ALL day long to commit to reading every single entry that those that I read, makes. But I do TRY and at least READ the entries to the blogs that I DO follow. Because they interest me for whatever reason, and I feel like I can BE ME and say what I need to or want to, without persecution.

But also know, that I won't do carnival after carnival to "fit in" or just to gain more readers.

Either you like my work, or you don't.

Smile

Sometimes it takes great difficulty to smile. Sure, it takes a less number of facial muscles to smile, than to frown. But there are days that you just really don't want to smile.

There are times in my life that have had to just "grin and bear it". Then there have been times where I use smiling and laughter to "kill the pain". And there have been times that no matter how someone has tried, they just cannot for the life of them, make me smile, being that my inner pain was too great.

After learning several years ago that Bryce indeed had mental problems that I fought hard to get recognized and dealt with, I had to do SOMETHING to ease the stress, anguish and even the bitterness that laid within myself.

So, I took it upon myself to commit to smiling and laughing at least once for every time my heart broke due to the horrid "mental diseases" that took my happy boy from me.

Today, I am still committed to doing so. Although sometimes, I admit, I do falter. After all, I am still human, ya know!

Especially in the last few months. It's almost four months now since my Corneal Transplant was done. And there have been some problems associated with my new "window". But for the most part, I've been doing unexpectedly well for this time table.

Now, I am fighting off early signs of rejection. We knew that although slight, it was a possibility. And it happened. Sure! I was mad. I was angry at myself (internally). I cried A LOT on Saturday.

But now, I am choosing to smile. I am choosing to look POSITIVELY at my plight...and the fight that lay ahead. I still have a decent sized road ahead of me. And I have all the backup I'm needing. My faith, my family, my friends who have been so supportive and my doctor who has fought along side me the whole step of the way.

So, no matter how bad your road is filled with snapped off tree limbs, rocks and pebbles, smile as you walk past each of them. Because in the end, you WILL get to your final destination...smiling.

Arm, eye and stomach...What a combination to deal with.

Germ invasion, broken arm and a failing eye. That is what I have been dealing with since last week. Let's just say it's kind of looking up.

The bright side? Bryce's arm and hand/finger swelling is going down and he is doing well in the cast.

Otherwise, there isn't much of a bright side. Other than the fact that the constant drops in the eye are helping to reverse possible irreversable damage to my Cornea.

After sitting in the Cornea Specialist's chair, he looked in to my eye and looked at results from a new test I had done last Friday. Then asked how long my eye has been red.

Come to find out...My Cornea is in the EARLY stages of Rejection. Not even in my fourth month yet and BOOM! Now I'm on my Pred Forte Drops several times a day. At least for the next three weeks.

Then, Friday night, Skyler got us up at around eleven from a nice slumber, only to let Scott and I know as she cried that she "puked" all over my living room carpet and couch. Let's just say, it is going to still require the Rug Shampooer to get the stains up.

Top it all off with last night, around midnight, Bryce got up and barely made it to the toilet and threw up. He also had some on the doorway area of his carpet. But otherwise, he did it full throttle all over the seat, inside, and the side of the potty.

At this point with my immune system already attacking my eye and having a lowered "defense", I can't afford to get sick. That would make my already failing eye a complete failure most likely. My body is already attacking the Cornea. To get sick leaves a wide-open shot like a dear being hunted in the clearing of the forest. It's sure to be killed.

One day soon, I will be able to hopefully put all of my worries behind me with my eye. But now that is is in rejection, my chances go up for it to happen again if I can save THIS Cornea.

Well, that's life. I have YET to be able to get Bryce's Vyvanse. Still working on fighting insurance and waiting to see if the Pre-Authorization went through. Plus, Bryce has an appointment Friday for his broken arm. Needless to say, Dr. Asshat who doesn't call back never let him get an earlier appointment so he won't miss TWO WEEKS of school. So, it looks like Monday of NEXT week is when he can go back. Bryce NEEDS TO BE IN SCHOOL! Not stuck at home...for a broken arm. Good lord!

This guy makes me wonder if he is a quack. Who the hell keeps a kid home for two weeks? Put Bryce in a sling, make sure he gets assistance from the other kids and the teacher to help write and carry heavy things and take extra precautions (like no P.E. or recess on the school yard).