Daydreaming, ADHD & Team Building

It's been a strange start to the week. Monday wasn't too bad as far as Monday's go. Tuesday was Election Day for Mid-Terms. I even voted for Tazmanian Devil to get City Court Clerk. Instead some idiot I have no clue about got the spot. I think Taz would have done a fine job myself. And last night was also the monthly appointment for Bryce, my Special Needs child.

It's becoming increasingly apparent that the medications that he is on for the ADHD are helping. But not to the extent that we would care to see. He is on the maximum dose of Vyvanse. And we are upping his Intuniv to three mgs. to see if that may help a bit more.

But also, the teachers MUST be willing to work more with him. And with us. In a COMPLETE team effort. They have yet to realize that NOT EVERYTHING he does is within HIS control. A lot of it has to do with the ADHD and its severity taking control and causing him to wander, be completely distracted, blurting out, cutting in to conversations or instruction. He even said one of the teachers mainly lectures for the entire time, every single day. An ADHD kid CANNOT handle more than five to ten minute increments of "lecturing".

These people are expecting him to pull off the impossible. To stay on task, focus completely and listen 100% of the time, during the entire day. While us "normal" people CAN do that, a child with severe ADHD cannot. They do not have the control over their brains to obtain such feats.

Even the doctor had agreed with me when I stated that basically my child is in a constant daydream. His brain NEVER slows down enough to tackle one specific thing at a time. His mind is a jumbled mess twenty-four hours a day, unless people are willing to re-direct him, work with him and help ensure that he is keeping on track with the task at hand.

For the last several years, myself and Bryce's Case Manager have hit one stumbling block after another. Even though Bryce is listed BY THE STATE, as well as by FEDERAL GOVERNMENT (seeing as he DOES collect SSDI) as being "disabled", my child has been turned down time and time again for in-school services. This means he cannot get an IEP, a 504 Plan, most accommodations. Why? Because he is SO damn smart and "making the grade", that his disability isn't "showing" enough through his grades to "mandate needs" for Specialized Services through the school system.

Excuse me??? So in a nut shell, they are stating that being my child does not have a severe intellectual impediment, he isn't deaf or blind, can walk and talk just like any other "normal" person, that he does NOT qualify for a damn thing, seeing as he DOES have behavioral issues that severely impact social skills and daily living skills. Just getting him to do a five minute task can take easily twenty minutes or more.

At school, about three weeks ago, he was SUPPOSED TO go to the bathroom that sits kitty-corner from the classroom. But about ten minutes later, he was found to be down the hall at the Second Grade area, just standing there, watching in to one of the classrooms. And he honestly cannot say why, or how he "got there".

He is ALWAYS "forgetting" his FINISHED homework. No matter how much I have tried, the boy is incessantly disorganized with his binder.

All he does is get in to trouble in school for wandering the room, not staying on task, speaking out of turn, bugging the other students in class, not following (multiple) directions (which is EXTREMELY hard for Bryce to accomplish), wandering the halls and being a "behavioral nuisance".

Now, someone PLEASE DO tell me, how are these "problems" that the teachers are always complaining of NOT being addressed in their correct manner? As in, with Specialized Services being readily available and in use with and for my child? How bad does it honestly have to get with his behavior and "daydreaming" for them to FINALLY take a hard look and actually GIVE HIM the services Bryce is RIGHTFULLY due?

Honestly, sometimes Public Education amazes me. And *not* in a good way, mind you. So, if I seem angry in this post, and in general, you can bet your ass I am! I'm tired of the run-arounds, the blind-eyes and the refusal to HELP my child live up to his full potential and get the best educational opportunity available.

Just Because My Son Is Mentally Disabled, It Does *NOT* Give Him A "Free Pass".

For the most part, my son is a perfectly abled child, physically. Mentally, he is slow in maturity, behavior and socialization. As a plus though, he is highly advanced educationally. He can be funny and VERY loving, and sweet. But he can have severe mood swings and violent tendencies...Especially during a trigger moment. Like being told (much more than once in a ten-minute period) to do something, such as clean his room or put something he used away.

I'd been reading a discussion in a group I am a member of about a child with ADD/ADHD and the mom was wondering if the punishment had fit the crime. Some said that (basically because of the child's disorder) the child should get a second chance...

For me, this is a no-brainer. I'd say let my son suffer the consequences. And he has, several times in the past for different things. Mainly for disorganization and forgetfulness, although was REPEATEDLY told to be sure he had all that he needed for whatever it was.

Plus, I have done the same with his two sisters. Even the five-year-old. If they don't have everything they need to be prepared or to be able to do what they want to do (like trips or other outings), then that is on them.

Just because my son has been legally deemed disabled, it does not deem me to give him specialized treatment, or to let him slide when his sisters cannot. I treat all three of my kids just the same. They may get punished a bit differently, being I know what works on each INDIVIDUAL child. But otherwise, they are treated fairly and equally.

I'm tired of hearing, "Johnny can't do that because he has ____", or "Mary should be given another chance because most likely it's her ____ making her forget".

Stop using a child's disability as a CRUTCH. Not just for them to get away with what neurotypical (mentally up to date) children cannot. But, also not to excuse a child's behavior, especially when you know that they can do MUCH better.

Yes, this may be making me sound harsh, and even like I'm a bitch. But I grew up "legally disabled" and my own mother put MANY limitations on me because of my problems, although I was physically (for the most part) and mentally capable of doing MOST of what any other kid could do. And it made for my childhood to be pretty boring and lacking...And I will never get a do-over. Why PUNISH my child in the same fashion?

Special Needs children (especially those with mental disorders and behavior disorders) NEED to be treated "like anyone else" and need a "normal child's" structure. That includes clear and set rules and consequences. If you treat him or her differently from their peers and/or siblings, they WILL know and be resentful. They want to be 'normal' like any other kid. And this includes punishment.