Daydreaming, ADHD & Team Building

It's been a strange start to the week. Monday wasn't too bad as far as Monday's go. Tuesday was Election Day for Mid-Terms. I even voted for Tazmanian Devil to get City Court Clerk. Instead some idiot I have no clue about got the spot. I think Taz would have done a fine job myself. And last night was also the monthly appointment for Bryce, my Special Needs child.

It's becoming increasingly apparent that the medications that he is on for the ADHD are helping. But not to the extent that we would care to see. He is on the maximum dose of Vyvanse. And we are upping his Intuniv to three mgs. to see if that may help a bit more.

But also, the teachers MUST be willing to work more with him. And with us. In a COMPLETE team effort. They have yet to realize that NOT EVERYTHING he does is within HIS control. A lot of it has to do with the ADHD and its severity taking control and causing him to wander, be completely distracted, blurting out, cutting in to conversations or instruction. He even said one of the teachers mainly lectures for the entire time, every single day. An ADHD kid CANNOT handle more than five to ten minute increments of "lecturing".

These people are expecting him to pull off the impossible. To stay on task, focus completely and listen 100% of the time, during the entire day. While us "normal" people CAN do that, a child with severe ADHD cannot. They do not have the control over their brains to obtain such feats.

Even the doctor had agreed with me when I stated that basically my child is in a constant daydream. His brain NEVER slows down enough to tackle one specific thing at a time. His mind is a jumbled mess twenty-four hours a day, unless people are willing to re-direct him, work with him and help ensure that he is keeping on track with the task at hand.

For the last several years, myself and Bryce's Case Manager have hit one stumbling block after another. Even though Bryce is listed BY THE STATE, as well as by FEDERAL GOVERNMENT (seeing as he DOES collect SSDI) as being "disabled", my child has been turned down time and time again for in-school services. This means he cannot get an IEP, a 504 Plan, most accommodations. Why? Because he is SO damn smart and "making the grade", that his disability isn't "showing" enough through his grades to "mandate needs" for Specialized Services through the school system.

Excuse me??? So in a nut shell, they are stating that being my child does not have a severe intellectual impediment, he isn't deaf or blind, can walk and talk just like any other "normal" person, that he does NOT qualify for a damn thing, seeing as he DOES have behavioral issues that severely impact social skills and daily living skills. Just getting him to do a five minute task can take easily twenty minutes or more.

At school, about three weeks ago, he was SUPPOSED TO go to the bathroom that sits kitty-corner from the classroom. But about ten minutes later, he was found to be down the hall at the Second Grade area, just standing there, watching in to one of the classrooms. And he honestly cannot say why, or how he "got there".

He is ALWAYS "forgetting" his FINISHED homework. No matter how much I have tried, the boy is incessantly disorganized with his binder.

All he does is get in to trouble in school for wandering the room, not staying on task, speaking out of turn, bugging the other students in class, not following (multiple) directions (which is EXTREMELY hard for Bryce to accomplish), wandering the halls and being a "behavioral nuisance".

Now, someone PLEASE DO tell me, how are these "problems" that the teachers are always complaining of NOT being addressed in their correct manner? As in, with Specialized Services being readily available and in use with and for my child? How bad does it honestly have to get with his behavior and "daydreaming" for them to FINALLY take a hard look and actually GIVE HIM the services Bryce is RIGHTFULLY due?

Honestly, sometimes Public Education amazes me. And *not* in a good way, mind you. So, if I seem angry in this post, and in general, you can bet your ass I am! I'm tired of the run-arounds, the blind-eyes and the refusal to HELP my child live up to his full potential and get the best educational opportunity available.

Just Because My Son Is Mentally Disabled, It Does *NOT* Give Him A "Free Pass".

For the most part, my son is a perfectly abled child, physically. Mentally, he is slow in maturity, behavior and socialization. As a plus though, he is highly advanced educationally. He can be funny and VERY loving, and sweet. But he can have severe mood swings and violent tendencies...Especially during a trigger moment. Like being told (much more than once in a ten-minute period) to do something, such as clean his room or put something he used away.

I'd been reading a discussion in a group I am a member of about a child with ADD/ADHD and the mom was wondering if the punishment had fit the crime. Some said that (basically because of the child's disorder) the child should get a second chance...

For me, this is a no-brainer. I'd say let my son suffer the consequences. And he has, several times in the past for different things. Mainly for disorganization and forgetfulness, although was REPEATEDLY told to be sure he had all that he needed for whatever it was.

Plus, I have done the same with his two sisters. Even the five-year-old. If they don't have everything they need to be prepared or to be able to do what they want to do (like trips or other outings), then that is on them.

Just because my son has been legally deemed disabled, it does not deem me to give him specialized treatment, or to let him slide when his sisters cannot. I treat all three of my kids just the same. They may get punished a bit differently, being I know what works on each INDIVIDUAL child. But otherwise, they are treated fairly and equally.

I'm tired of hearing, "Johnny can't do that because he has ____", or "Mary should be given another chance because most likely it's her ____ making her forget".

Stop using a child's disability as a CRUTCH. Not just for them to get away with what neurotypical (mentally up to date) children cannot. But, also not to excuse a child's behavior, especially when you know that they can do MUCH better.

Yes, this may be making me sound harsh, and even like I'm a bitch. But I grew up "legally disabled" and my own mother put MANY limitations on me because of my problems, although I was physically (for the most part) and mentally capable of doing MOST of what any other kid could do. And it made for my childhood to be pretty boring and lacking...And I will never get a do-over. Why PUNISH my child in the same fashion?

Special Needs children (especially those with mental disorders and behavior disorders) NEED to be treated "like anyone else" and need a "normal child's" structure. That includes clear and set rules and consequences. If you treat him or her differently from their peers and/or siblings, they WILL know and be resentful. They want to be 'normal' like any other kid. And this includes punishment.

Blog Blast From The Past...Boy Was I *Mad*!

WOW! This blog is from LAST SUMMER where I posted it on my blog page at MySpace. These days now are NOT AS bad, but we still have times where I have the same problems.

Read on, if you wish. But be mindful, at this point in time last year, I was struggling. So was Bryce, and the rest of the family. So in the end, I was (unintentionally) biting heads off. But with good reasons. Both Bryce and I were in a dark place where his problems are concerned.

It's filled with some adult language, and much anger. I am the type that I don't mind advice. But I refuse to be EXPECTED to take it (and use it). Especially from someone that CLEARLY knows NOTHING about my son's conditions, our our life of dealing with them.....



June 28, 2009 - Sunday

Blog Title : Let me give YOU a lesson on what it's like for kids like mine and our families...

Category: Life

As a mother of 3 and a mom of a child with ADHD and a host of other mental disorders I can say that yes, we DO tell these kids "no". And at times have to PHYSICALLY redirect them.

Doesn't always work. Sorry.

They can be VERY manipulative and obviously sneaky.

Thanks for your *ahem* advice anyways to those who love to give it when not even asked for their opinions on the subject matter.

**I love how those that DON'T live with kids like ours thinks that they know all there is in how to *control* them to be PERFECT.**

I have our tool room locked, thanks to my son threatening to KILL ME more than once by bludgeoning me with a hammer.

And my attic door is locked, thanks to him constantly going up there, where it is a dangerous area to be and getting in to things after being told REPEATEDLY to not go up there.

If things don't change soon, we MIGHT have to PAD LOCK all my doors to leave my home due to his running off, jumping off my balcony and running up under a bridge where trains go through SEVERAL times a day.

Anyone that thinks that they can do better with MY child, I extend an invitation to let you keep my kid for ONE MONTH and see just how much progress you make with YOUR way of "straightening" him out and be able to have self-control, less aggression and not be so defiant and have more attention span.

Sound like a deal?

By around 4 PM, my son's Vyvanse wears off. It only works for a set number of hours. And it isn't meant to be taken more than once a day. In the morning, when you need them to focus and be attentive during the daytime.

Vyvanse can make a child lose their appetite for the most part. And instead of eating when they are SUPPOSED to, even with constant coaxing, they will at most times sneak in the middle of the night to the kitchen and get out food and eat when THEY feel hungry enough to eat.

That is one of the huge drawbacks with this and other ADHD medicines. They can severely affect the hunger center of the brain while helping the area that controls impulsivity and attention. It really is a Catch-22.

Where meal time is concerned and the fact that my son more times than not, refuses to eat because he is "not hungry" at meal time (knowing he had NOTHINGin between meals but a few drinks of water, milk or low sugar juice), no matter what was fixed, in my house, if you cook it, then they must eat at least SOME of it. I'm not cooking to cater to suit each individual taste. I am cooking for the family as a WHOLE.

For kids like ours speaking of mine, that are on a medicine that acutly decreases the appetite center of the brain, we must "force" them to eat their meals. And also, they thrive on incentives.

So, if they eat at least 1/2 their meal at dinner, then they get a HEALTHY snack later that evening. That may contain (like for MY family) a small juice box and a granola bar, fruit cereal bar or a small bag of BAKED chips.

Some kids like ours will try to manipulate and "run the show" to ensure that they are getting what THEY (the CHILD) wants.

So, as their parent, we have to have the upper hand and enforce stricter than normal rules upon our child.If that means no extra food (a TREAT) for not complying with OUR rules about eating meals, then so be it.

Don't just assume that our kids get junk food. Because in about 90% of the cases where they are sneaking and hoarding (and hiding) their food, the parents are trying their best and their HARDEST to maintain a HEALTHY lifestyle of eating and portioning.

NO CHILD should have to feel like they aren't "being fed" well enough. And parents of children like ours (mine and the OP) are doing ALL that we can to ensure that our children have the best nutrition and that their nutritional needs ARE being met.It's nowhere near an easy job for us.

And it is especially hard on our kids. Because they honestly CANNOT help how they are or how their brain functions. But not only do their disorder severely affect them, they affect the family as a WHOLE.

Honestly, I have lost count as to how many times my son has (almost severely) hurt either of my two girls. One is 17 months older, the other 3 YEARS younger than him. My son is 8.

Much of the time it's because his impulses say he "needs" a certain toy or other item that they have, so if he doesn't get what "his brain tells him to get", then he acts out violently and basically makes the sister give up the said item. By causing them pain to make them let go and so he can snatch it and take it away.

Right now, my son is is in Intensive In-Home Therapy. And at it's highest level of services. Crisis Intervention. Because he is half a hair away from being placed in a specialized facility to house him and help him more than what we as his parents and the IIHT can do.

Believe me. we have tried everything possible. Yes, from spanking down to time-outs, to taking things away, and grounding.As of this time, we are trying a points system. He has to earn a set amount in five areas of compliance.

If he gets the minimum goal, my son gets ONE privilege of his choice. If he gets a little higher, he gets TWO of them of his choosing. If he makes the full amount of points, then my son can have ALL of his privileges if he chooses so.

But, if he falls BELOW the minimum allowance, then he gets NOTHING. No privileges at all.

So far, even though he is trying to butt heads with me and testing me to see if I will break, the system has thus far been working. I think his seeing his progress and knowing what the deal is, it's finally making some headway. But, it's still early in the game.

Try being up constantly to tell your kid to go back to sleep (knowing he has YET to close the peepers) from 11 PM til around 4 AM.

All because he didn't get his Trazodone for the night. His brain is CONSTANTLY active. It can't "go to sleep" and rest without medical intervention. How he does it, I have no idea.

And being that his brain is so active, losing physical sleep does NOT affect his ability to learn. It primarily affects his moods and compliance with authority figures. Mainly of the FEMALE variety.

Well, now that you have been informed of what I and MANY other parents go through on a DAILY basis with our Special Needs kids with mental disorders, does it honestly sound easy or like that there is a "quick fix" to all of the problems that the kids and us as their parents have to endure?

If you still say YES, then I will let you have my son, WITHOUT his medications and see how easy it is for you to "tame" him and break him as if he is a wild animal.

Some people really amaze me and other moms and dads like myself as to how they view our kids, us as parents and show how IGNORANT of the facts that they really are. It's sad, really.

If anyone should be pitied, it's those types of people. Not us.

SPD (sensory processing disorder) ....Weekend Warriors w/Adoption of Jane

This week's question from Tracie is...

Do you, your child, or family member have SPD (sensory processing disorder) issues?
What is a day in your life like?

As a matter of fact, yes Bryce does indeed have SPD. Though I don't normally talk about that part of his problems. Why, I can't say.

It has to primarily do with sounds for him. He gets 'overloaded' easily with audio environments.

The sounds he cannot stand, we can deal with. Such as a vacuum. Or a siren from a fire engine or police car. Or it could be one of his sisters screaming and yelling (with their high-pitched voices). Even at times, the TOILET seems to be too much.

Also, especially as of late, I have noticed Bryce having problems with certain food textures. He isn't in to things that have even a mild amount of lumps. And things that are too 'gooey' like puddings.

There are days where it seems like I can't go anywhere without Bryce complaining about noises. Especially decently loud ones. I can't take him to concerts, or to where there is a largely loud crowd. He gets too over stimulated.

When over-stimulation happens, be it loud noises, too many foods he can't stand (due to the textures aspect) or even a combination, Bryce can start having a severe fit because he can't control his environment, or he just shuts down and "hides away" from himself and everyone around him.

For me, as his mother, it can be quite troubling to watch and have to help him deal. But also, I am trying to teach him that not everything and everyone can, let alone WILL revolve around his world. At times, he MUST revolve around other people's world and the world at large.

There are times people (strangers) will see this unfold, and of course I get the stares, the head shakes and once in a while, someone will be bold enough to TELL ME that I need to better correct "the boy" and "be the parent, not the friend", being that he just seems to be displaying a spoiled, childish 'act for attention and to get his way'.

Most, if not ALL of Bryce's disabilities can be, and are mistaken for (at times) normal, childish, bratty attention-seeking misbehavior. What I can say is that yes, SOMETIMES, that is exactly what it is. But when he gets that bad, I can honestly say that it is NOT the case. That my son CANNOT help it. And that it is the SPD displaying its self.

There are times that I wish I could tie people to a chair, that think that they know *MY* child better than I do, and feel that they are the EXPERT in parenting a special needs child, and FORCE them to listen to loud things like the consistent thumping of loud music, sirens that don't seem to stop, loud horns honking left and right, and shove food in their mouth that tastes like they are eating half-dried mud cake....

And listening to everything AT ONE TIME as they are forced to chew on stuff that they can't stand having in their mouth.