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Sunday, April 11, 2010

Boy Sent Back To Homeland ALONE, USA Mom Couldn't Handle Him.

Being a mother is a number one priority in my life. Especially being that my three children are children that the "medical professionals" said I would never have. I had birth defects that if I tried to carry a baby, my body would have gone against me so-to-speak and abort the baby. Plus, I have had a severe case of Ovarian Cystitis since I was a teenager. That too was a factor, being that even then, the cysts that have ravaged my ovaries were scarring them, making it less possible to be fertile.

But, apparently, like in the years before, I defied the odds and surprised the medical community by getting pregnant with my first baby. Sadly, that was an Ectopic, caught in the ovary (of all things). A year later, I had my first born, who is now ten. Seventeen months later, followed her little brother, who will be nine tomorrow.

In 2003, we were pregnant with what was to be our last baby. But it had died in the womb and never fully miscarried. But once more, a year later our youngest daughter was born. She is now five.

After losing two children, having almost lost one (the youngest at weeks eight and twelve of pregnancy, plus severe pre-term labor), I must say that I know that I'm extremely fortunate and blessed to have these three in my life. I would go to the ends of the earth for them....I would give my life for them. I am their best advocate and defender.

My middle son, as many of my readers know, is disabled with several mental disorders. I won't list them here, but you can find them in some of my previous posts. We have been through some tough times, he and I. Including me having to hospitalize him in a Pediatric Psychiatric Ward being that he was severely Manic, impulse-driven, running away to a dangerous area repeatedly and needed major medication adjustment. We have cried together as we both faced fears of knowing he just threatened to KILL ME over simple little things....Yes, it has gotten that severe in his last five years of dealing with Mental Illness.

So, with all of that said, I find it outrageously appalling to see an article about a single, adoptive mother, who adopted her seven-year-old son from Russia, out of one of the orphanages, only to SEND HIM BACK, alone! Yes folks, she sent him back ALONE on an overseas flight back to Russia, with a note attached to him stating (in part), "After giving my best to this child, I am sorry to say that for the safety of my family, friends, and myself, I no longer wish to parent this child."

Where did this woman give her "best" to her son? If she gave her best to him, then she would STILL have him, love him, and get him all of the possible psychological care available. She only got that for HERSELF to see what she could do for him and get advice. Not to truly help him. Not once did she get an evaluation for services done on her son. And she freely admitted to that!

Obviously, she has NO business being a "mother". Adoptive or biological. What mother in their right mind would throw away their child in that manner? She did not even try to get help for the boy.

Read the article here...

Sure, this woman saw a psychologist, but NEVER took him in to get evaluated and to receive help for his mental problems, that most likely stemmed from his living conditions and trauma in his life back in Russia.

It's certainly apparent that there was an extreme lack of common sense, patience and LOVE on this woman's part. If she REALLY wanted to be a mother, she would have not have sent that little boy back to his native homeland alone on a plane. She instead would have done EVERYTHING possible to help him first, before even fathoming the thought of washing her hands of him.

What my son has displayed over the last five years, I have noted that this little Russian boy has also done or attempted to do. He needs serious help and UNCONDITIONAL love.

I'm hoping that the adoption was finalized here in the States, and that this young man is a citizen of the USA. Then, she will have to get him back and make a difficult choice. One, take him back in and MOTHER him (as in get him HELP in the proper manner and LOVE him as a mother should). Or two, place her son in to a Foster Home situation, give up all parental rights to the child, and let a loving family who WILL help him adopt this troubled boy.

There are days where my nerves have been tested BEYOND their limits and frayed. I hate that my son (who is NOT a bad child) feels like the whole world is against him. That his own mind and body are against him. And he always tells me that he doesn't want to be bad. We are doing all we can in helping him in this fight for a "normal" life.

Yes, my son's mental disability affects the family as a whole. It impedes on his socialization and behavioral skills. He has very few friends. But they are ones that understand (yes kids in his age group CAN understand and do accept children that are not always "like them") that he is just "one of the guys".

I've had people stare at me and him as he has a Manic Episode or a Sensory Issue overload. He can be a real terror in those times. And yes, I have in the past, feared for my life, being that my small son threatened my life, with a HAMMER or a BUTCHER KNIFE in his hand, describing how he is going to kill me "until I'm dead". He has beaten his little sister in the past (mainly pushing her in to a piece of furniture, then slapping her). He has threatened to harm and even kill his big sister.

But never, EVER have I thought of kicking my son to the proverbial curb. Yes, I have thought of placing him in a group home in the past, temporarily. But never to just tell the state to take him and place him permanently somewhere else. I refuse to throw my child (or ANY of the three) away because life with them has becaome extremely difficult.

All I can hope is that this little boy from Russia, who only needed/wanted a LOVING home, with a LOVING family, will find a "forever family" that will take him in and get him all the help that he requires to work through the mental issues that plague him. No child (that has a disability of ANY kind) should be thrown away like a piece of bad meat. Yes, disabled children require more care and attention. But every one of those extra seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, and years is more than well worth it as their parent.

Too bad his "mother" didn't see it that way....


Unknown said...

What the heck? Please tell me she is going to be prosecuted... she needs to be ..

Missy said...

If the adoption was finalized here in the US, then he is legally her son completely. That would mean that she could be charged with abandonment and neglect.

Grandad said...

How do we get a ground swell going for this little AMERICAN boy...We must get him back and find a loving family that will love him to bits....To allow this sort of horrendos cruel treatment of this little boy to stand is unacceptable..I didn't fight in the service to allow this terrible affront to basic humanity.... Get that little boy back asap..

Missy said...

First off, you can write to the Legislators over in Tennessee where the ...uh (*ahem*) "mother" lives and let them know your feelings on the matter.

Then, find a way to write to the Russian Consulate Officials that would oversee the orphanages and Overseas Adoption.

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