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Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Double Dipping Again.. Pouring My Heart & Cleaning Out The Closet

I'm extremely choosy of what blog carnivals/Blog Hops/Memes I choose to participate in. And honestly, I only participate in a couple. Here they are...

For The Love Of Blogs'

and Shell's

**Before we proceed further... Let it be known upfront that with BOTH of these blog hop's rules, NO NEGATIVITY is allowed in the comments of the post. So go by the cardinal rule. "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all". Leave it at the door and post negativity on YOUR OWN posts/blogs.**

I love my family. I really do. I love being a wife and a mother. I love to volunteer at the school that my children attend. I love watching movies as a family. And doing things as a family.

But a fellow Blogger (Tough Cookie Mommy) and her post REALLY got me thinking.. When is it MY turn for ME? She is going through the same "crisis".

I'd grown up as an only child. After my medical catastrophe at birth, my mom didn't want to chance having another baby "like me". After my mom died my paternal grandmother moved herself in against my dad's wishes and "parented" me. That's where my life of "privacy" waned and went to the wind.

Ever since then, be it under my father's roof, living with roommates or with my former or current husbands and our children, I have never really gotten the chance to do for ME. All my decisions and what I do are intricately centered (rimarily) around the kids and my husband.

I can't shower (most of the time) without at least one person busting in to use the bathroom. Using the toilet even can be a non-singular chore.

Television? I have to try and watch my ABC Soaps in the afternoon (nothing is really appealing to me in the morning hours) before my kids are home. Then no more TV for me until 9:00 at night if I'm lucky and/or not too tired.

Naps...Can't take them in the middle of the day. It's "unnatural" to me. I take them in the evening, after dinner, if I feel that I need one. My husband sleeps for a while after coming home from work in the afternoon. When he sleeps (past when the kids get home from school) NO ONE disturbs him for anything. IF I take one, then all three kids (most times) come in one after another to ask me something...HELLO! You DO have a dad to ask to. Ya know?

There are days that I honestly ask myself the age-old question of many mothers/wives, especially of those of us (like myself) thanks to Reba McEntire, "Is There Life Out There"?

I KNOW I am *more* than JUST a "wife". I am *more* than just a "mother". I am STILL a person. A human being. One who STILL likes to have ME time to figure MYSELF out. Be it during a nap. Or during an uninterrupted shower. Or even having the ability to say MY turn for what I wish to watch on the Television or on DVD.

It's bad enough that my husband and I NEVER, EVER (or shall we say quite rarely do we) get an entire evening alone. Be it to go out or just hang out quietly at home. It's worse to know that you are ONLY being seen as a "wife" or as a "mom".


Shell said...

Being a mom and a wife are my most important roles at this point in my life. Maybe even forever, though adding in grandma someday.

BUT!!!! That can't be all there is. We can't lose ourselves. I think a lot of us feel this way.

We need to find something that is just ours, time that is ours, and do something that is US.

John and Allie Fields said...

I can totally relate to this. My PYHO post today is even about how I've lost myself. I figure it's just least I hope it is. I really need to re-find myself and the things I once loved and dreamed of.

mich said...

visiting from PYHO - i totally relate to needing time to myself, its sad that even showers usually involve a child or 2 now. i love my kids and my husband but i need a break once and awhile and thankfully my husband is great about realizing that. i go to the gym or out to dinner with friends and feel refreshed and ready to be the best mama i can be!

Kim said...

I too love motherhood and family life but there are some days when I just need to get away by myself even if it's for an hour to a thrift store. Joined up to follow your site.

The No Wonder Mom said...

I tried having this same conversation with Hubby a while ago and he just didn't get it. He seemed a little offended. He totally misunderstood. That's why I started my blog...because there HAD to be people out there that I could connect with even if it's via the internet. When I get to write and read what others have written, that is my "me" time. Lord knows I'm not gettin' a day at the spa any day soon! :)

Annie said...

I am currently in therapy for my relationship with my mom but it is turning into therapy for my parenting. I am going through this same crisis right now!

My counselor said, "Just take a shower every morning. Do this for you." I told my husband and we are going to try and hire someone to help me with the kids for like 2 hours once a week. I need MY time. If you don't take care of yourself first and your needs, how will you be able to care for others?

I know what you mean, I am experiencing all these emotions right now too.

~Annie of

Vic said...

gosh i love you! this post was perfect and i couldn't stop laughing at the damn shower interuptions! it's the same way here...if no one pops in while i'm in there i think someone's holding the place up! i hope someday we can feel us being us and not just have everyone expect things of us just because we are mom/wife! we deserve a me moment every now and then! xoxo

Mich said...

First, I LOVE that song and video. It's been SO long since I've seen it. Thanks for reminding me of it.

Second, Shell's PYHO is the only blog hop I do. I like being able to say what I want to say and get it off my chest. I'm so glad I started doing it, even if it's only been a few weeks for me.

I do think as a Mom, we lose sight of ME. My whole life I feel like I've never been me. I went from being Mike and Eileen's daughter, to Scott's sister, to Ryan's wife, to Jason, Andrew and Sarah's Mom. What about ME? Where is Michelle? (I see a whole new PYHO for next week)! ;)

I get so frustrated when my husband and I are still sleeping and the kids come in and wake me up. If you wake him up, he just rolls over and goes right back to sleep. But I can't do that. If you wake me up, even if it's 4 in the morning, I'm usually up for good. Why do they ALWAYS have to walk around to MY side of the bed? Why can't they ask him? He is their FATHER!!! I don't get it.

Oh yeah, I see a whole other post for next week's PYHO! ;)


Donna said...

I'm so not commenting much here, because honestly, I'm kinda feeling like a bad mom now. This has never really happened to me. Maybe it's the fact that my daughter sleeps as much as I do, always has, so there have never been morning wake ups. The only ones who bother me in the bathroom are the cats, and everyone in the house always relies on me to tell them what we're doing or watching or where we're going. Bleh. It's not supposed to be like that huh? Sigh.

I'm out of my element when I don't know what to say, but I think that all that makes you who you are, selfless, caring, responsible, loving, affectionate, mentoring, the list goes on and on.

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