Wordless Wednesday

I think that I should use Wordless Wednsday as to express myself, seeing as I am obviously having the week from hell. Between the school problem, my cooking problem (where I have ruined SOMETHING from the last two dinners) and a host of other "problems", the following pictures should help you "get" where I am this week...

(Yes, my husband has fallen victim this week. Even with medication in the bathroom.)

(My children LOVE a messed up, shitty looking home. God forbid we look like we live like clean, normal people that value our belongings.)

(Refer back to previous picture's explanations, seeing as I don't care to repeat myself twice. It's a "mom" thing.)

(Thanks to two major screw ups in the kitchen, two straight nights in a row, and not listening to my "gut instincts" of just going out to dinner, this will be my line tonight or I'll damn well get to go out to dinner as to avoid another catastrophe.)

(I say HELL YEAH! Bring it on, bitches.)

Because...

Want some FUNNY with your signs?

So This Stay-At-Home-Mom Isn't Perfect...

As a married mother of three kids that stays home as a "Homemaker" (honestly, I never got a Contractor's License so I cannot build homes, but oh well) I am in charge of overseeing all the operations of the home. I'm also a waitress at mealtimes.

I'm a cook (though not a very good one). I'm a maid (also not the best in the world, but I do try, seeing as I DO have THREE kids). I'm an accountant (though I suck at math). I'm a Secretary (who has to jot down names, numbers, and pay the bills and fight with the bank now and then).

I'm the dish washer and the seamstress (that doesn't sew, but can do a mean job of throwing laundry in the washer/dryer and fold it...but not big on putting it away). I'm an Assistant Teacher who helps their kids (the best I can) with their homework (having Advanced/Gifted Student children DOES NOT help).

In between all of that, I am also a wife, a lover, a best friend, a companion to my husband.

Also, I volunteer at the school as much as I can. But also with the Winter setting in, and being that I don't drive, that five-minute walk in severe cold (basically anything under 45 degrees for me) can be costly )financially and health-wise), that soon will take a back seat for a while.

And also, I am to be the Schedule Keeper. I make the appointments, see that we go to the appointments and try my best to juggle appointment times around everyone else's (hubby's work and kids' school) schedules. Last night, I failed. Ooopsies!!

It honestly slipped my mind about Bryce's appointment with his Psychiatrist. He sees him basically monthly for a medicine check and to see how school and family/social life are going, and see what modifications need changing or added.

Thankfully Bryce said that I needed to get Daddy up because he has to see Dr. K (only providing initial for privacy issues) at 5:00. As I looked at the clock, it was 4:23. I sprang in to action and started yelling "SOCKS AND SHOES...NOW!". And I had to scare Scott awake by almost pouncing on him like one of my cats to tell him to get up NOOOOOW.

Just think, it was a smooth-running Monday morning (for once, which is rare) for getting ready for school. Then this old Mom went and wrecked the rest of the afternoon (hence not making home-made tacos) thanks to her brain having a short.

Let this post make you see that while I know (yes, by experience) that being a Working Mom is no cake walk in the park, I can honestly say, being a Stay-At-Home Mom isn't all it's cracked up to be either.

A "Chew It Over With Twix" moment & A Special Memory.

You know kids. They are some of the most free-spirited, care-free people that you will ever meet in this old world.

And believe me when I say that I have three kids that certainly fit the bill. Primarily my youngest, Skyler, who will be turning six years old tomorrow *cries*.

Skyler had decided that last night, Dad's surprise trip to the McDonald's that has a play area was her "Birthday Dinner" (we each get to choose to eat where we wish to for our birthday). So be it. No biggie there.

As Skyler and I sat together in the two-person booth (by her request), while Bryce (her big brother) and Scott (my husband) sat at the table adjacent to us near the middle of the aisle, Skyler and I began a conversation that she started.

The very first thing out of my (soon to be) six year old's mouth is, "Mama, can I drive when I'm ten?". Quickly I replied that driving will not be a skill she will learn until she is sixteen, so she has another ten years to go. To which she stated that this time frame would take "forever".

But then without missing a beat, and with such a straight face, that she would be an awesome Poker player one day, Skyler suddenly blurts out, "Can I have a baby when I'm SIXTEEN?".

I swear that the crickets started chirping. And the look on my face I'm certain was beyond priceless. And in that brief moment, I honestly had the "chew it over with Twix" dude pop in my head with that freaking slogan.

After the shock of hearing that question, I (in what seemed like an eternity) suddenly shot back with, "No! Not until you are AT LEAST eighteen. That's the safety rule".

The gloomiest look came upon her face. And in the aftermath, I honestly had to bite my tongue as to be able to keep a straight face and not laugh manically at what just happened.

Well folks, it doesn't stop there, though. Later on after getting home, I decided to lay on the couch with my (old school) Walkman listening to all kinds of different tunes.

I'd turned to one station where the DJ was talking live to a little boy of maybe ten to twelve years old that had called in with embarrassing stories. And boy dandy was it a good one!

He said that one evening, his mom and he were out doing some Christmas shopping, and in the midst of it all, stopped and bought a couple of Chocolate Ice Cream cones. Afterward, they got back on road along the Interstate.

Suddenly, she felt the urge to go to the bathroom. And I'm not talking tinkling here, people. This woman had to G-O! So, she pulls off the Interstate and goes to (of all places) Kroger (my husband works for the grocery chain).

The little boy says that after getting to the parking lot, his mother jumps out and makes a beeline for Kroger's front doors, only to turn right back around and get back in.

All she says to her son is...

"Too late".

Yes. Your assumption is correct. The woman crapped her pants. So they get back on the freeway and head the rest of the way home.

After listening to this hilarious story unfold, it suddenly sprang to mind of the time when I was about fourteen or fifteen, riding in the car with my dad. We were in fact on the way home from doing some errands. Suddenly, he had the urge to pass gas.

But he knew that if he were to do so, then there would be one hell of a mess to clean up. So, needless to say, being a man in true form, he held it in with all of his might.

But all the holding in the world, even at no more than five minutes away from our house, was going to do. Nope.

Instead, he unwillingly let one rip. And that was all that she wrote. And of course it HAD to be on a cold day where you don't want to roll the windows down.

Next thing I know, my dad is sitting in the driver's seat, squirming like a baby in a car carrier. Then the odor hits me like a slap in the face. I literally must have turned in to Kermit the Frog, because man did I feel ill. And hence, I had to freeze my ass off thanks to needing FRESH air.

I asked my father if he felt better. When I heard the word "no" I about wanted to smack him. That's when he let me know that sadly he didn't make it (at the two minute mark of almost being home). Next thing I know, I'm sitting there almost having an Asthma attack from laughing so hard, that I start crying streams of tears and trying my best to breath.

Every time that my dad asked me to stop, I would only laugh harder. When we got home, he rushed in and showered. I was the lucky sucker (and as my "punishment" according to him for laughing)that got to take his crap-filled, streaked undies (they just HAD TO BE tighty-whities that day) and pants out to the garage and prep them for washing.

To this day, once in a blue moon that memory will hit me and I will just burst out in laughter. Or it comes to me from hearing some other poor soul's tale of incontinence, like it did for me last night.

When my father is long gone, that will be one of the happiest, funniest and most embarrassing moments that I will cherish for the rest of my days. Right next to Skyler's outrageous baby question.

Saturday Slapschtick

I have NO idea as to what I want to write about. And let's face it, the last couple of posts have been kind of a "Debbie Downer" so to speak.

So, instead, I feel like not saying a whole lot, and let the pictures and/or videos do all the talking for me.

WARNING!! Some of the materials below may not be suitable for little kids. So it's on you if you are still having them on your lap and you get asked some really off the hook questions.