Today is D-Day for millions of us. For years we have had been stereotyped as "lazy", "bon-bon eaters", "ass sitters".
When in reality, we were only escaping reality for an hour Monday through Friday. To join families that were, while imaginary, still like us in so many ways. And they tackled some of the very same problems that happen in everyday life.
After today, they will no longer be joining us in fantasy-land. Some of us have been watching since we were children. And some of our parents were still "kids" themselves when it first aired.
Today, we will say our final good-byes to the Mannings, the Buchanans, the Evans clan and to One Life To Live.
For 43 years, Viki, Asa, Dorian, the Woleks and a host of other characters in it's over-four-decades run came on to our TV screens. They made us laugh. They made us cry. Sometimes, they made us angry, too. But for an hour, their world was my world, and vice versa.
One Life To Live, as well as All My Children were what I used to escape my everyday life. Be it at it's regular time, or from my recording it on VHS tape to watch during the weekend.
It gave me a "normalcy" in a world that for me, was completely turned upside down due to the passing of my mother in 1989. During the summer, with exception to an episode here and there due to trips and whatnot, I watched religiously every single day. From 2-3 PM, Monday through Friday. Even my Nana got in to them. Mainly AMC. But it was something BOTH of us could relate to and talk about.
Since day one, I have always been a Bo Buchanan fan. Not so much a Bo and Nora fan, per say. And in all honesty, I liked the pairing of him and Paige the best (the second Paige of the three actresses that portrayed the character). Poor Bo. He's been through SO very much. And SO many loves and marriages. But all in all, he had ALWAYS remained true to himself and to those around him. Especially his "Pa", Asa Buchanan.
I wasn't around for the beginning of OLTL. But I am here for it's end. But like many other fans, it will ALWAYS be in my heart, in my memory and a topic I'll talk about from time to time.
For it may be a show to some people. But for myself, and oh so many others, it was an escape, and a place in time of Television where you could INDEED relate to someone, no matter who the character was.
Art imitates life. OLTL Creator, Agnes Nixon speaking of fake Soap, "Fraternity Row", while in reality, speaking of her baby, "One Life To Live"...
The embedding is disabled for the next one that I wanted to show you, but you can view it by clicking on THIS LINK (Viki's Voice-Over: "Soap Opera's Are About Families"). Again, in reality, Viki's portrayer, Erika Slezak, is speaking about OLTL and how us soap fans view our shows.
Clint Buchanan's revelation about "family" always being there, no matter what, can be seen under THIS LINK. As is watching Rex, Gigi, and Shane Balsam leave for England so that Shane can attend a prestigious Art School.
In 2007, Asa Buchanan's portrayer, Phil Carey had passed away. With the news of his death in real life, the show killed off Asa as well. He took no crap. Not on the show, and not in real life. A tribute video...
Also, the first "Clint Buchanan", actor Clint Richie had passed away after a "routine" surgical procedure. His tribute..
One Life To Live opening credits throughout the years of the show's run...
Thank you, Agnes Nixon, for creating a place for us that needed a helping hand in addressing problems of the world, and bringing awareness to them, and even a means to find how to help.
Thank you for giving me a place to call "home" in a world of fantasy, that in many ways over the years, mirrored my reality of the world around me. You had given me a place to venture out of my life of sadness, grief and depression, to smile a little bit, and even cry with the characters.
To the wonderful actors past and present, thank you, to EVERY single one of you, for your heart, dedication and LONG hours on sets to bring your fans a quality show and bringing out your characters in such a way, that they were true extensions of yourselves. And for making them BELIEVABLE, as well as relate-able.
To my fellow fans, I want to say thank you to you all as well. We have been able to give one another some WONDERFUL conversations. And even some civil arguments (LOL!).
But all in all, I will truly miss talking with some of my friends about what just happened to Clint, or Jessica. Or talk about how goofy David Vickers is being. Or how Todd Manning again has pulled a fast one and gotten away with something that in the real world, would have him locked up so fast, that your head would spin.
Thank you One Life To Live, because you have given SO much to us in your 43 years. I can't wait to see you all in future acting endeavors. But I will truly and honestly miss you all coming on to my Television screen from 2:00 til 3.
My work is ORIGINAL...Don't be a thief.
What is written in this blog, is of the author's own originality. It contains the sole views, thoughts, and stories of this blog's author.
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Friday, January 13, 2012
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
For My Dear "Sister-Friend", Angel...
In 1989, my mother had a massive stroke. Amazingly, it didn't kill her right then and there. Nor did the hours-long lack of treatment (it struck overnight as my dad and I slept).
That was on October 1st, 1989, when my father had found my mother in her favorite chair, not able to speak, barely could hear, and was blind in one eye. Also, her entire right side was paralyzed.
For 28 days, my mother suffered. Unbearable for her to endure. Unbearable for me to watch. Especially when she and I had more in common than I had ever thought that we could. Before her move to a so-called rehabilitation center, she had to have a trache placed in, due to the muscles in her lungs spasming and filling with fluid due to pneumonia.
So many times, with her good hand (her left side), she succeeded in pulling out her nasal-gastric feeding tube.It was so bad, they finally had to restrain her arm as to keep the tube in to nourish her.
But I knew then, even at the age 12, that mother wanted out. She didn't want to live like that. She didn't want US to live with her being like that. She wanted to let nature take it's course and release her. I think she KNEW that no matter what, the affects of the stroke were going to kill her in the end.
On that 28th and final day, after all of the denials of my father of her not getting better, and saying she WILL, I think something inside of ME gave me the wisdom of timing and of knowing what was the RIGHT thing to do.
As Dad went off to get a soda or some coffee, and waiting for him to be out of earshot, being you had to yell at the top of your lungs for her to hear you, I told my mother something that I NEVER in my young mind or heart would ever think I'd have to...
"It's okay Mom. WE will be okay. I'll be alright. I know you don't want to do this anymore, and you want to go home. If that IS what you want, then it's okay to let go and be with Grandma and Grandpa".
Within not even a 24 hour time frame, after I had said those words to her, Dad got that dreaded call from the Rehab Center. Something happened and she stopped breathing. He and his mom rushed to the receiving hospital that she was taken to by ambulance.
All in all, between the center, the ambulance and the ER, they all worked to save my mother for about an hour.
They called her death just about a mere five minutes before Dad and Nana had arrived.
She went Home. Just as she wanted to. No longer to suffer or to lay there, not LIVING what was to had become her "life.
Now, my friend Angel and her sisters have been faced with a similar scenario that scarcely mimics mine. Only, I am an only child. And I didn't deny to myself what "home" truly meant.
Like I had told Angel on her blog post, and in a comment within one of her FaceBook status posts, it is NOT a weak thing to finally realize the realities of the end of someone's life, and wish to not prolong their suffering. It is not a decision that is EVER made lightly, and often times, not made sooner because WE don't wish to be without the person that we will be losing to death.
It takes an insurmountable amount of strength, courage, and most of all, UNCONDITIONAL love to make an end-of-life decision to let your loved one die with dignity and the least amount of medical restraint as possible.
The clues are there, being provided by the one that is suffering. But sometimes, because of our emotions and the need to NOT want to let go, we don't always see them. Or we do, but refuse to admit that they are there. And that's normal. And it's OKAY.
Please, I implore ALL that read this post, to MAKE KNOWN your final wishes. Have a Living Will drawn up and let your family and close friends know what YOUR wishes are. My mother, and Angel's mother did NOT do this.
In the end, we were the ones to have to carry that horrendous weight upon our shoulders to make that life ending, and life altering decision. To let go. To let our mothers find peace and rest. NO child, young, old or in between should have to endure as we had to.
Angel, my dear, sweet sister who literally wears her name on her sleeve...
Know that while heartbreaking, difficult and emotionally-draining, what you and your sisters decided to do, had taken A LOT of courage and strength. What you did was a wonderful showing of UNCONDITIONAL love, and a heart-felt final gift of that love. Never (any of you) feel that you were weak in mind, or in heart of coming to that conclusion. Because it is the farthest thing from the truth, my dear sister.
SIDE NOTE;
As of this post being completed, I went to Angel's FaceBook page, to sadly find that her mother has had her sedation scaled back and letting her breath more on her own. It's just now a matter of time to see where things will go from there. It's in her mother's hands, and most importantly, in God's will.. May the family find comfort in the Lord Jesus through this sad and difficult time.
That was on October 1st, 1989, when my father had found my mother in her favorite chair, not able to speak, barely could hear, and was blind in one eye. Also, her entire right side was paralyzed.
For 28 days, my mother suffered. Unbearable for her to endure. Unbearable for me to watch. Especially when she and I had more in common than I had ever thought that we could. Before her move to a so-called rehabilitation center, she had to have a trache placed in, due to the muscles in her lungs spasming and filling with fluid due to pneumonia.
So many times, with her good hand (her left side), she succeeded in pulling out her nasal-gastric feeding tube.It was so bad, they finally had to restrain her arm as to keep the tube in to nourish her.
But I knew then, even at the age 12, that mother wanted out. She didn't want to live like that. She didn't want US to live with her being like that. She wanted to let nature take it's course and release her. I think she KNEW that no matter what, the affects of the stroke were going to kill her in the end.
On that 28th and final day, after all of the denials of my father of her not getting better, and saying she WILL, I think something inside of ME gave me the wisdom of timing and of knowing what was the RIGHT thing to do.
As Dad went off to get a soda or some coffee, and waiting for him to be out of earshot, being you had to yell at the top of your lungs for her to hear you, I told my mother something that I NEVER in my young mind or heart would ever think I'd have to...
"It's okay Mom. WE will be okay. I'll be alright. I know you don't want to do this anymore, and you want to go home. If that IS what you want, then it's okay to let go and be with Grandma and Grandpa".
Within not even a 24 hour time frame, after I had said those words to her, Dad got that dreaded call from the Rehab Center. Something happened and she stopped breathing. He and his mom rushed to the receiving hospital that she was taken to by ambulance.
All in all, between the center, the ambulance and the ER, they all worked to save my mother for about an hour.
They called her death just about a mere five minutes before Dad and Nana had arrived.
She went Home. Just as she wanted to. No longer to suffer or to lay there, not LIVING what was to had become her "life.
Now, my friend Angel and her sisters have been faced with a similar scenario that scarcely mimics mine. Only, I am an only child. And I didn't deny to myself what "home" truly meant.
Like I had told Angel on her blog post, and in a comment within one of her FaceBook status posts, it is NOT a weak thing to finally realize the realities of the end of someone's life, and wish to not prolong their suffering. It is not a decision that is EVER made lightly, and often times, not made sooner because WE don't wish to be without the person that we will be losing to death.
It takes an insurmountable amount of strength, courage, and most of all, UNCONDITIONAL love to make an end-of-life decision to let your loved one die with dignity and the least amount of medical restraint as possible.
The clues are there, being provided by the one that is suffering. But sometimes, because of our emotions and the need to NOT want to let go, we don't always see them. Or we do, but refuse to admit that they are there. And that's normal. And it's OKAY.
Please, I implore ALL that read this post, to MAKE KNOWN your final wishes. Have a Living Will drawn up and let your family and close friends know what YOUR wishes are. My mother, and Angel's mother did NOT do this.
In the end, we were the ones to have to carry that horrendous weight upon our shoulders to make that life ending, and life altering decision. To let go. To let our mothers find peace and rest. NO child, young, old or in between should have to endure as we had to.
Angel, my dear, sweet sister who literally wears her name on her sleeve...
Know that while heartbreaking, difficult and emotionally-draining, what you and your sisters decided to do, had taken A LOT of courage and strength. What you did was a wonderful showing of UNCONDITIONAL love, and a heart-felt final gift of that love. Never (any of you) feel that you were weak in mind, or in heart of coming to that conclusion. Because it is the farthest thing from the truth, my dear sister.
SIDE NOTE;
As of this post being completed, I went to Angel's FaceBook page, to sadly find that her mother has had her sedation scaled back and letting her breath more on her own. It's just now a matter of time to see where things will go from there. It's in her mother's hands, and most importantly, in God's will.. May the family find comfort in the Lord Jesus through this sad and difficult time.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
So, You Wish To Help Those In Need... (Website info incl.!!)
But you don't know where to go or where to start?
First of all, decide if you wish to make a monetary donation, item (food, clothing or toys and books) donation, or donate some of your free time (like in a Soup Kitchen).
Once you have decided which way (or ways) to go, then figure out your ending budget (as to stay within your means of monetary comfort level).
After you do steps one and two, then you need to find a place (or the places) to go to as to make your donation happen.
As someone who has had to have help around the holidays with getting gifts for my children (food was never an issue for us), believe me when I say that the recipient(s) of your generosity, love and compassion are beyond grateful, your willingness to help those in need, are NOT lost. Especially when it comes to seeing the smiles on our children's faces come Christmas morning.
To the people and the organizations that had helped us in the past, THANK YOU!!!
Now, as a tradition in our family (of two parents and three kids), we donate spare change as we can throughout the Thanksgiving/Christmas holiday season. Also, we donate to the Salvation Army's "Angel Tree" Organization.
I see it as giving back and paying it forward, being that they and a couple of churches have helped us in the past. Now, we aren't as strapped as we used to be. And it teaches my children a valuable lesson in giving, caring and what it means to help your community.
When we go to the mall, we let THEM each pick a child of their choosing (boy or girl), and they choose the age range (usually their age) and then my husband and I try to find a child that is 3 years old or younger.
Then, we take them to places like Family Dollar or Dollar General and have them buy a book (or coloring book), one or two age-appropriate toys, and at least one outfit and some socks.
After that, we let them help pack or wrap the gifts and place them in to a shopping bag (grocery size) and we place the tag with the child's number on it.
Within 72 hours, my kids are taken back to the mall and THEY place their bag(s) of presents for their child under the Angel Tree.
So, here below will be some Charitable Organizations, with their website address and a small description of what they do. Or they may be sites to help direct you to things like your local Soup Kitchen, or Shelter..
Have a safe, fun, happy and GIVING Christmas/Hanukkah season, everyone!
Toys For Tots is ran by the Marine Corps. You bring them unwrapped, unopened/used toys, and they donate them to your locality's kids in need.
Soup Kitchen Locality Directory List is where you can find a place near you to serve a hot Holiday Meal to those in Homeless Shelters.
ASPCA is the site to go to if you wish to help organizations that help treat, house and find new "forever homes" for animals. They are in desperate need all of the time for food, animal toys, supplies like blankets and towels and even bathing supplies.
Angel Tree helps supply Christmas gifts to deprived, in-need children who's families cannot afford much this year (out of work, laid off, disabled and cannot work) because food and medication are more important, as well as heating and shelter this Winter Season. You can donate books, toys and/or clothing.
Goodwill will accept your gently-used or even NEW items to put up for sale in their shops. Their items are sold for extremely low prices and will help those that CAN afford to buy (a few things)for their family members. Plus it puts your community's citizens to work. At your locality's various donation stations and within your community's stores.
Christmas Charity is your ultimate, one-stop-shop for charitable organizations that not only include those mentioned above, but MANY, MANY others as well. For the USA and abroad, as well.
First of all, decide if you wish to make a monetary donation, item (food, clothing or toys and books) donation, or donate some of your free time (like in a Soup Kitchen).
Once you have decided which way (or ways) to go, then figure out your ending budget (as to stay within your means of monetary comfort level).
After you do steps one and two, then you need to find a place (or the places) to go to as to make your donation happen.
As someone who has had to have help around the holidays with getting gifts for my children (food was never an issue for us), believe me when I say that the recipient(s) of your generosity, love and compassion are beyond grateful, your willingness to help those in need, are NOT lost. Especially when it comes to seeing the smiles on our children's faces come Christmas morning.
To the people and the organizations that had helped us in the past, THANK YOU!!!
Now, as a tradition in our family (of two parents and three kids), we donate spare change as we can throughout the Thanksgiving/Christmas holiday season. Also, we donate to the Salvation Army's "Angel Tree" Organization.
I see it as giving back and paying it forward, being that they and a couple of churches have helped us in the past. Now, we aren't as strapped as we used to be. And it teaches my children a valuable lesson in giving, caring and what it means to help your community.
When we go to the mall, we let THEM each pick a child of their choosing (boy or girl), and they choose the age range (usually their age) and then my husband and I try to find a child that is 3 years old or younger.
Then, we take them to places like Family Dollar or Dollar General and have them buy a book (or coloring book), one or two age-appropriate toys, and at least one outfit and some socks.
After that, we let them help pack or wrap the gifts and place them in to a shopping bag (grocery size) and we place the tag with the child's number on it.
Within 72 hours, my kids are taken back to the mall and THEY place their bag(s) of presents for their child under the Angel Tree.
So, here below will be some Charitable Organizations, with their website address and a small description of what they do. Or they may be sites to help direct you to things like your local Soup Kitchen, or Shelter..
Have a safe, fun, happy and GIVING Christmas/Hanukkah season, everyone!
Toys For Tots is ran by the Marine Corps. You bring them unwrapped, unopened/used toys, and they donate them to your locality's kids in need.
Soup Kitchen Locality Directory List is where you can find a place near you to serve a hot Holiday Meal to those in Homeless Shelters.
ASPCA is the site to go to if you wish to help organizations that help treat, house and find new "forever homes" for animals. They are in desperate need all of the time for food, animal toys, supplies like blankets and towels and even bathing supplies.
Angel Tree helps supply Christmas gifts to deprived, in-need children who's families cannot afford much this year (out of work, laid off, disabled and cannot work) because food and medication are more important, as well as heating and shelter this Winter Season. You can donate books, toys and/or clothing.
Goodwill will accept your gently-used or even NEW items to put up for sale in their shops. Their items are sold for extremely low prices and will help those that CAN afford to buy (a few things)for their family members. Plus it puts your community's citizens to work. At your locality's various donation stations and within your community's stores.
Christmas Charity is your ultimate, one-stop-shop for charitable organizations that not only include those mentioned above, but MANY, MANY others as well. For the USA and abroad, as well.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
I'm Not, I can't
I act happy. But I'm not.
I sound excited. But I'm not.
I say that I'm ready to. But I'm not.
I say that it's indeed time. But for me, it's not.
The tears I try to choke back and hide lay beneath the surface. Like a raging water fall. It feels like the first time all over again. In what seems like the not-too-distant past.
She is growing up. I can't stop it.
She is maturing. I can't stop it.
Before I know it, she will be out in the vast world on her own. Not too many years left. And the years that are bygone, as are the ones to come, have passed or will pass as a thief in the night, all too quickly.
Now, Middle School years are upon us. She is no longer a little girl. Not yet a "young woman", but caught in the middle.
The smile, chuckles and the silly exclamations from me are just a facade. My way of coping with the realities of life as a mother to a girl who is growing rapidly before my eyes.
Inside, I rage. My heart hurts. I wonder if so far I have REALLY given it my all to her, and indeed gave her the tools she will need for the next chapter of her life.
In the end though, I can't let her go. I'm not ready.
I sound excited. But I'm not.
I say that I'm ready to. But I'm not.
I say that it's indeed time. But for me, it's not.
The tears I try to choke back and hide lay beneath the surface. Like a raging water fall. It feels like the first time all over again. In what seems like the not-too-distant past.
She is growing up. I can't stop it.
She is maturing. I can't stop it.
Before I know it, she will be out in the vast world on her own. Not too many years left. And the years that are bygone, as are the ones to come, have passed or will pass as a thief in the night, all too quickly.
Now, Middle School years are upon us. She is no longer a little girl. Not yet a "young woman", but caught in the middle.
The smile, chuckles and the silly exclamations from me are just a facade. My way of coping with the realities of life as a mother to a girl who is growing rapidly before my eyes.
Inside, I rage. My heart hurts. I wonder if so far I have REALLY given it my all to her, and indeed gave her the tools she will need for the next chapter of her life.
In the end though, I can't let her go. I'm not ready.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Picture Perfect w/For The Love of Blogs
(Taken last month (July,2011) at a theme park. Times like this, we cherish when all three can be TRUE brother and sisters, being that due to my son's mental issues, they don't always have the best relationship among themselves.)
Thursday, March 17, 2011
The Mom Pledge..Take A Stand!
I'm a mother, a daughter, a friend, a "sister", a sister-in-law, a daughter-in-law, niece and an aunt.
I'm also compassionate, passionate, sympathetic and empathetic.
What I am NOT is hateful, demeaning, cruel or mean-spirited.
Over the years I have been within the internet world, I have seen some pretty wild, nasty, hate-filled and prejudiced words thrown at others. Complete strangers mind you.
Especially among fellow MOTHERS. And primarily between one "mothers-friendly" site and within the blogosphere.
Am I 100% innocent of not saying something out of haste or anger that was hurtful to someone on the internet? Nope. I'm no angel and will never claim to be.
But I also won't stalk someone and leave such hateful things like what I have seen and even at times (literally) got sick over.
Blogging in particular is an outlet for many different people, for many different reasons. Mothers are of the Blogosphere's top contributors.
As a mother myself, between this blog and my other blog, The "Mental"-ist Mom, I talk about my kids in one way or another. The secondary blog mainly revolves around my son who is disabled due to several mental health issues and what my life is like in raising him to be as normal as he can be. And to show that outward appearances CAN be and at most times, ARE deceiving.
If you are a mother, a blogger and a mom who is AGAINST other mommy-bloggers that can have "verbal diarrhea", leaving hate-filled comments on other's posts or "stalk" other mommy-bloggers (or any blogger really), as a means to TEAR DOWN others, instead of wanting to BUILD THEM UP and offer *support* or encouragement, then I *HIGHLY* recommend that you take the MOM BLOGGER PLEDGE today.
The Mom Pledge Blog features every weekday a fellow Pledge within the community who is standing up against negative mom bloggers.
The Pledge (via The Mom Pledge Founder, Elizabeth Flora Ross)...
I am a proud Mommy Blogger. I will conduct myself with integrity in all my blogging activities. I can lead by example.
I pledge to treat my fellow moms with respect. I will acknowledge that there is no one, "right" way to be a good Mom. Each woman makes the choices best for her family.
I believe a healthy dialogue on important issues is a good thing. I will welcome differing opinions when offered in a respectful, non-judgmental manner. And will treat those who do so in kind.
I stand up against online bullying. My blog is my space. I will not tolerate comments that are rude, condescending or disrespectful.
I refuse to give those who attack a platform. I will remove their remarks from my blog with no mention or response. I can take control.
I want to see moms work together to build one another up, not tear each other down. Words can be used as weapons. I will not engage in that behavior.
I affirm that we are a community. As a member, I will strive to foster goodwill among moms. Together, we can make a difference.
...Now, if only more of us women (mothers or not) can be like this. Women are known to be catty and cut-throat. But to be so to someone you don't even know is just despicable and disheartening.
There are REAL feelings being felt behind those screens, reading the words of hate and disrespect. Real tears fall EVERY single day because a fellow mother had the gall to spew vile from her fingertips.
What if it was being said to you (aimed at the guilty who may read this)?? How would YOU feel if those harsh, demeaning, hurtful, hateful words were "spoken" to you? You don't REALLY know the blogger's life. How much she is TRULY hiding away from the world, only letting out certain pieces.
So now, I beg you, choose your words carefully. You never really know how deep another's pain may be already. To add "insult to injury" can potentially end with disastrous results. Bullying should have been left behind in the school-age years. And stalking should NEVER happen.
Take the pledge with me today. MOMMY-BLOGGERS UNITE!
I'm also compassionate, passionate, sympathetic and empathetic.
What I am NOT is hateful, demeaning, cruel or mean-spirited.
Over the years I have been within the internet world, I have seen some pretty wild, nasty, hate-filled and prejudiced words thrown at others. Complete strangers mind you.
Especially among fellow MOTHERS. And primarily between one "mothers-friendly" site and within the blogosphere.
Am I 100% innocent of not saying something out of haste or anger that was hurtful to someone on the internet? Nope. I'm no angel and will never claim to be.
But I also won't stalk someone and leave such hateful things like what I have seen and even at times (literally) got sick over.
Blogging in particular is an outlet for many different people, for many different reasons. Mothers are of the Blogosphere's top contributors.
As a mother myself, between this blog and my other blog, The "Mental"-ist Mom, I talk about my kids in one way or another. The secondary blog mainly revolves around my son who is disabled due to several mental health issues and what my life is like in raising him to be as normal as he can be. And to show that outward appearances CAN be and at most times, ARE deceiving.
If you are a mother, a blogger and a mom who is AGAINST other mommy-bloggers that can have "verbal diarrhea", leaving hate-filled comments on other's posts or "stalk" other mommy-bloggers (or any blogger really), as a means to TEAR DOWN others, instead of wanting to BUILD THEM UP and offer *support* or encouragement, then I *HIGHLY* recommend that you take the MOM BLOGGER PLEDGE today.
The Mom Pledge Blog features every weekday a fellow Pledge within the community who is standing up against negative mom bloggers.
The Pledge (via The Mom Pledge Founder, Elizabeth Flora Ross)...
I am a proud Mommy Blogger. I will conduct myself with integrity in all my blogging activities. I can lead by example.
I pledge to treat my fellow moms with respect. I will acknowledge that there is no one, "right" way to be a good Mom. Each woman makes the choices best for her family.
I believe a healthy dialogue on important issues is a good thing. I will welcome differing opinions when offered in a respectful, non-judgmental manner. And will treat those who do so in kind.
I stand up against online bullying. My blog is my space. I will not tolerate comments that are rude, condescending or disrespectful.
I refuse to give those who attack a platform. I will remove their remarks from my blog with no mention or response. I can take control.
I want to see moms work together to build one another up, not tear each other down. Words can be used as weapons. I will not engage in that behavior.
I affirm that we are a community. As a member, I will strive to foster goodwill among moms. Together, we can make a difference.
...Now, if only more of us women (mothers or not) can be like this. Women are known to be catty and cut-throat. But to be so to someone you don't even know is just despicable and disheartening.
There are REAL feelings being felt behind those screens, reading the words of hate and disrespect. Real tears fall EVERY single day because a fellow mother had the gall to spew vile from her fingertips.
What if it was being said to you (aimed at the guilty who may read this)?? How would YOU feel if those harsh, demeaning, hurtful, hateful words were "spoken" to you? You don't REALLY know the blogger's life. How much she is TRULY hiding away from the world, only letting out certain pieces.
So now, I beg you, choose your words carefully. You never really know how deep another's pain may be already. To add "insult to injury" can potentially end with disastrous results. Bullying should have been left behind in the school-age years. And stalking should NEVER happen.
Take the pledge with me today. MOMMY-BLOGGERS UNITE!
Friday, March 4, 2011
TGIF!! It's "Fab Friends Friday" with For The Love Of Blogs.
YAY!! Friday is back. Thank goodness. It only took Friday six days to come back around.
If you haven't done so yet, stop on by For The Love Of Blogs and check them out. It is a WONDERFUL community of bloggers. Vic, Ashley and the crew are awesome peeps to get to know. And the community is VERY organized.
Click on the Fab Friends Friday button below, and see what I'm talking about. And feel free to become a member of FTLOB and join in the Fab Friends Friday Hop.
To read my latest blog entry titled, "Blogging vs. "Too Personal" Writing (Also known As "When To Keep It To Yourself")" click on said title and it will take you right to it.
Also over on Twitter, For The Love Of Blogs is hosting their first-ever Twitter Party! Everyone is invited to join in the Twitter-ific fun. The party begins at 12 PM, EST on March 5th.
Use the hashtag #FTLOBPARTY when answering or asking questions to make it easier for @taylordates, @scenicglory or @ashley_plus3 to keep up.
Have a great Friday, everyone! And here is to hoping that you will be hopping with FTLOB too.
If you haven't done so yet, stop on by For The Love Of Blogs and check them out. It is a WONDERFUL community of bloggers. Vic, Ashley and the crew are awesome peeps to get to know. And the community is VERY organized.
Click on the Fab Friends Friday button below, and see what I'm talking about. And feel free to become a member of FTLOB and join in the Fab Friends Friday Hop.
To read my latest blog entry titled, "Blogging vs. "Too Personal" Writing (Also known As "When To Keep It To Yourself")" click on said title and it will take you right to it.
Also over on Twitter, For The Love Of Blogs is hosting their first-ever Twitter Party! Everyone is invited to join in the Twitter-ific fun. The party begins at 12 PM, EST on March 5th.
Use the hashtag #FTLOBPARTY when answering or asking questions to make it easier for @taylordates, @scenicglory or @ashley_plus3 to keep up.
Have a great Friday, everyone! And here is to hoping that you will be hopping with FTLOB too.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
March Is Women's History Month (Sally Hemings)
So many women have graced the pages of History. Clara Barton (started the Red Cross), Molly Brown (stoic Titanic survivor), Amelia Earhart (first female pilot to cross the Atlantic), all the way up to today's First Lady, Michelle Obama (first African American First Lady of the United States).
We are strong, independent-minded, "get 'r done" kind of people. We have had to fight for rights that were solely provided to the male species. Some of us braved opposition and even death for the love of a man that at the time was socially unacceptable to love.
As is the case of the first Women's History Month feature here at the Homemaker Diary.
Her name is Sally Hemings. She was a devoted slave on Thomas Jefferson's Poplar Forest Plantation.
This past Fall, I was given the chance to finally see for myself, the beautiful grounds and home of Monticello. I'd gone with my eleven year old on a field trip. The home is only about a thirty minute drive from where I live, but until then, I was never able to go to the home and see it's wonderful structures and learn in real time, it's grand history.
Speaking of history, here, provided by WOMEN IN HISTORY is Sally Hemings' information.
DATE OF BIRTH: c.1773
PLACE OF BIRTH: Virginia
DATE OF DEATH: c. 1835
PLACE OF DEATH: Virginia
FAMILY BACKGROUND: Sally Hemings was born to slave master and sea captain, John Wayles and his slave Elizabeth "Betty" Hemings. John Wayles died the year Sally was born. Sally's family then became the property of Thomas Jefferson. Sally's eldest son, Madison Hemmings, accounts that Thomas Jeffereson is the father of Sally's children.
EDUCATION: As a maid in France, Sally received domestic servant training. It is uncertain whether or not she was literate.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS: Sally Hemings was the personal servant to Thomas Jefferson's daughter, Mary, later known as Maria. At the age of fourteen, Sally escorted Mary to France where Sally became very much a part of French society. Upon returning, she also became the maid to Jefferson's daughter, Martha.
After the death of Thomas Jefferson, Sally stayed at Monticello, caring for Martha and her family. Financial hardships which fell on the Jefferson family prevented Sally from leaving Monticello.
BIBLIOGRAPHY:
Bear, James A., Jr.. "The Hemings Family of Monticello," Virginia Cavalcade 29. 1979.
Betts, Edwin Morris, ed. Thomas Jefferson's Farm Book. 1953. Princeton: Princeton University Press, 1953.
Brodie, Fawn M. Thomas Jefferson: An Intimate History. New York: Naughton, 1974
Dabney, Virginius. The Jefferson Scandals: A Rebuttle. New York: Dodd, Mead, 1981.
Woodson, Byron W. A President in the Family : Thomas Jefferson, Sally Hemings, and Thomas Woodson. Westport: Praeger, 2001.
WEB SITES:
Sally Hemings - Monticello page
Sally Hemings - Gale Group Women's History Month
We are strong, independent-minded, "get 'r done" kind of people. We have had to fight for rights that were solely provided to the male species. Some of us braved opposition and even death for the love of a man that at the time was socially unacceptable to love.
As is the case of the first Women's History Month feature here at the Homemaker Diary.
Her name is Sally Hemings. She was a devoted slave on Thomas Jefferson's Poplar Forest Plantation.
This past Fall, I was given the chance to finally see for myself, the beautiful grounds and home of Monticello. I'd gone with my eleven year old on a field trip. The home is only about a thirty minute drive from where I live, but until then, I was never able to go to the home and see it's wonderful structures and learn in real time, it's grand history.
Speaking of history, here, provided by WOMEN IN HISTORY is Sally Hemings' information.
DATE OF BIRTH: c.1773
PLACE OF BIRTH: Virginia
DATE OF DEATH: c. 1835
PLACE OF DEATH: Virginia
FAMILY BACKGROUND: Sally Hemings was born to slave master and sea captain, John Wayles and his slave Elizabeth "Betty" Hemings. John Wayles died the year Sally was born. Sally's family then became the property of Thomas Jefferson. Sally's eldest son, Madison Hemmings, accounts that Thomas Jeffereson is the father of Sally's children.
EDUCATION: As a maid in France, Sally received domestic servant training. It is uncertain whether or not she was literate.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS: Sally Hemings was the personal servant to Thomas Jefferson's daughter, Mary, later known as Maria. At the age of fourteen, Sally escorted Mary to France where Sally became very much a part of French society. Upon returning, she also became the maid to Jefferson's daughter, Martha.
After the death of Thomas Jefferson, Sally stayed at Monticello, caring for Martha and her family. Financial hardships which fell on the Jefferson family prevented Sally from leaving Monticello.
BIBLIOGRAPHY:
Bear, James A., Jr.. "The Hemings Family of Monticello," Virginia Cavalcade 29. 1979.
Betts, Edwin Morris, ed. Thomas Jefferson's Farm Book. 1953. Princeton: Princeton University Press, 1953.
Brodie, Fawn M. Thomas Jefferson: An Intimate History. New York: Naughton, 1974
Dabney, Virginius. The Jefferson Scandals: A Rebuttle. New York: Dodd, Mead, 1981.
Woodson, Byron W. A President in the Family : Thomas Jefferson, Sally Hemings, and Thomas Woodson. Westport: Praeger, 2001.
WEB SITES:
Sally Hemings - Monticello page
Sally Hemings - Gale Group Women's History Month
Friday, February 4, 2011
TGIF!! Join me & my FAB FRIENDS.
As a child, I had to struggle with being "different". Never mind the buck teeth or the (boy like) short hair cut (thanks MOM!). My kind of "different" was well..different.
My outward, physical appearance made me "look" different. I was at the time (legally) deemed handicapped, due to the nature of the medical problems I had as a kid, and the fact that I had to carry specialized medical equipment with me for emergency basis.
What was my "difference"? I had a tracheostomy from the time of my birth, up until almost the age of thirteen. It looked like the following graphic (or at least pretty close to this one)..
Now I'm sure as you can tell, with the way elementary school children CAN be, that I wasn't the most "popular" kid on the playground. I took it all in stride. But what friends I did in fact have, they were REAL as well as TRUE friends.
They looked beyond the trache and had seen just another kid. Just another girl. Just another tom-boy. I liked to do many of the same things as they did. Imaginative play. Riding bikes. Coloring, swinging, and all the other cool, crazy, fun things that all the other kids liked to do.
While I have ALWAYS valued my childhood friends and their friendships, one always has, and most certainly always will stand out in my mind.
Danielle. Though we all called her "Dolly". She and I were like peas and carrots (thanks "Forest Gump"!). Pretty much, we were inseparable. We did EVERYTHING together. At home, at school.
But she too was "disabled". But unlike me, her disability was hidden. Dolly had a Congenital Heart Defect, and a hole in her heart at birth, that they did patch. But in later years, her heart began to go in to Congestive Heart Failure. We were about six and seven years old at the time.
Eventually, Dolly had to be placed on the National Transplant List. And like now, of course, children's organs, especially hearts and lungs were hard to come by. But finally, her waiting was over and she was able to receive a new heart.
The transplant its self was a success. And yes, I knew, even at the tender age of six, that my BFF was really sick and had to get a new heart. My parents didn't hide it from me.
But, within a few hours of the transplant, her heart was starting to be rejected by her body. And the doctors did EVERYTHING in their power to get her heart to settle and stabilize, even going as far as getting her right back on the list.
Sadly within the first twenty-four hours post-op, Dolly's body couldn't take anymore of the beating that the rejection was placing on her and her heart. She died at the tender and innocent age of seven years old.
For three years, we were like peas and carrots. Side by side. But this is one thing I could not do with her. I couldn't walk her to the Gates. When my mom told me she passed, at first I didn't believe it. I ran out of the house, next door to Dolly's house. As soon as I walked in and had seen all the sad faces and the crying, I knew then that really my friend was gone.
To this day, I still think of her from time to time, and the friendship we had shared. And all the crazy things we would do. And tucked away, up in a box within my attic, I have the last picture that we had taken together, not too long before her death.
So, take my advice...VALUE your friends and your friendships every single day. Don't take for granted what there is in your life. Because one day, they could suddenly be snatched from your life. You never, EVER know what life is going to throw at you or at them at any given moment.
Now, first of all, add your link to my Linky Tool down below and share your blogs with us. And then, head on over to meet some more of my Fab Friends over at For The Love Of Blogs by clicking on the "Fab Friends Friday" button.
My outward, physical appearance made me "look" different. I was at the time (legally) deemed handicapped, due to the nature of the medical problems I had as a kid, and the fact that I had to carry specialized medical equipment with me for emergency basis.
What was my "difference"? I had a tracheostomy from the time of my birth, up until almost the age of thirteen. It looked like the following graphic (or at least pretty close to this one)..
Now I'm sure as you can tell, with the way elementary school children CAN be, that I wasn't the most "popular" kid on the playground. I took it all in stride. But what friends I did in fact have, they were REAL as well as TRUE friends.
They looked beyond the trache and had seen just another kid. Just another girl. Just another tom-boy. I liked to do many of the same things as they did. Imaginative play. Riding bikes. Coloring, swinging, and all the other cool, crazy, fun things that all the other kids liked to do.
While I have ALWAYS valued my childhood friends and their friendships, one always has, and most certainly always will stand out in my mind.
Danielle. Though we all called her "Dolly". She and I were like peas and carrots (thanks "Forest Gump"!). Pretty much, we were inseparable. We did EVERYTHING together. At home, at school.
But she too was "disabled". But unlike me, her disability was hidden. Dolly had a Congenital Heart Defect, and a hole in her heart at birth, that they did patch. But in later years, her heart began to go in to Congestive Heart Failure. We were about six and seven years old at the time.
Eventually, Dolly had to be placed on the National Transplant List. And like now, of course, children's organs, especially hearts and lungs were hard to come by. But finally, her waiting was over and she was able to receive a new heart.
The transplant its self was a success. And yes, I knew, even at the tender age of six, that my BFF was really sick and had to get a new heart. My parents didn't hide it from me.
But, within a few hours of the transplant, her heart was starting to be rejected by her body. And the doctors did EVERYTHING in their power to get her heart to settle and stabilize, even going as far as getting her right back on the list.
Sadly within the first twenty-four hours post-op, Dolly's body couldn't take anymore of the beating that the rejection was placing on her and her heart. She died at the tender and innocent age of seven years old.
For three years, we were like peas and carrots. Side by side. But this is one thing I could not do with her. I couldn't walk her to the Gates. When my mom told me she passed, at first I didn't believe it. I ran out of the house, next door to Dolly's house. As soon as I walked in and had seen all the sad faces and the crying, I knew then that really my friend was gone.
To this day, I still think of her from time to time, and the friendship we had shared. And all the crazy things we would do. And tucked away, up in a box within my attic, I have the last picture that we had taken together, not too long before her death.
So, take my advice...VALUE your friends and your friendships every single day. Don't take for granted what there is in your life. Because one day, they could suddenly be snatched from your life. You never, EVER know what life is going to throw at you or at them at any given moment.
Now, first of all, add your link to my Linky Tool down below and share your blogs with us. And then, head on over to meet some more of my Fab Friends over at For The Love Of Blogs by clicking on the "Fab Friends Friday" button.
Monday, January 31, 2011
It Was A 'Pay It Forward' kind of evening
They say that Angels walk among us. They are hidden within society, not showing their wings, as to blend in. They show mercy, love and kindness. Some are our Guardian Angels, sent here to be with us, help guide us and to protect us.
I truly believe we have met an "Angel in Disguise"...
Last night, hubby and I decided to take the kids out for dinner. He was in the mood for Wendy's (seeing as what he is REALLY in the mood for, he can't have at the moment, so something else HAS TO take its place).
After a good, long wait, being that for some reason, the place was packed and the line long (on a SUNDAY night), we finally made it up to the counter to give the Cashier our order.
Between the meal combos and the Frosties (can't leave without having a Frosty!)the bill racked up to almost forty dollars (within a few cents!).
Scott whipped out the trusty Check Card and proceeded to hand it to the lady behind the counter, only to be told to put his card back in to his wallet.
After giving the woman a puzzled look, she said "someone already paid for your order" and then secretively-like told Scott it was the "lady ahead of you in the pink shirt".
By that time, I'd already sat the kids down at a table. He came to me and explained all that transpired and I was just flabbergasted, to say the least. So, as the "Lady In Pink" was sitting at a booth, awaiting her order, I sauntered over and thanked her for her sincere kindness.
Being that my poor cell phone was about to die, I had enough umph in it to post a text to my FaceBook about it. When I got home, I was surprised at how many "liked" or replied to my post. Especially those that were shocked that there are still people out there that love others enough, even strangers, to do "random acts of kindness".
But like I later stated on another Status I had done, the kindness of strangers still amazes me, but doesn't truly surprise me. I know that they are still out there, though in now a rare breed.
And like I said, blessed are the meek. This woman and her generous heart had taught my children something that no school, nor even I as a parent talking about it could ever teach them. They witnessed what I have told them about "love thy neighbor and do unto others as you wish to have done unto you".
They know (well, at least the two older ones do) that eventually, and as a family mind you, we intend to "pay it forward" to a fellow stranger. Be it at a restaurant, at the gas station or even the grocery store.
And after what I'd been witness to and on the receiving end of, it took me back to the movie starring Haley Joel Osment, Kevin Spacey and Helen Hunt aptly named "Pay It Forward", where a teacher who is scarred from a fire has his class do a project of doing a good deed for someone, then in turn that person does a good deed for another. Then that person goes and also does a good deed, and so on. The stipulation? The receiver MUST follow through and "pay it forward" with an act of kindness towards another. Be it a stranger or a friend or family member.
With that all said, I *CHALLENGE* all of my readers who are reading this post to go out and "PAY IT FORWARD". And it does NOT have to be with buying something or paying for something for another person. Just as long as it's a random act of kindness.
I truly believe we have met an "Angel in Disguise"...
Last night, hubby and I decided to take the kids out for dinner. He was in the mood for Wendy's (seeing as what he is REALLY in the mood for, he can't have at the moment, so something else HAS TO take its place).
After a good, long wait, being that for some reason, the place was packed and the line long (on a SUNDAY night), we finally made it up to the counter to give the Cashier our order.
Between the meal combos and the Frosties (can't leave without having a Frosty!)the bill racked up to almost forty dollars (within a few cents!).
Scott whipped out the trusty Check Card and proceeded to hand it to the lady behind the counter, only to be told to put his card back in to his wallet.
After giving the woman a puzzled look, she said "someone already paid for your order" and then secretively-like told Scott it was the "lady ahead of you in the pink shirt".
By that time, I'd already sat the kids down at a table. He came to me and explained all that transpired and I was just flabbergasted, to say the least. So, as the "Lady In Pink" was sitting at a booth, awaiting her order, I sauntered over and thanked her for her sincere kindness.
Being that my poor cell phone was about to die, I had enough umph in it to post a text to my FaceBook about it. When I got home, I was surprised at how many "liked" or replied to my post. Especially those that were shocked that there are still people out there that love others enough, even strangers, to do "random acts of kindness".
But like I later stated on another Status I had done, the kindness of strangers still amazes me, but doesn't truly surprise me. I know that they are still out there, though in now a rare breed.
And like I said, blessed are the meek. This woman and her generous heart had taught my children something that no school, nor even I as a parent talking about it could ever teach them. They witnessed what I have told them about "love thy neighbor and do unto others as you wish to have done unto you".
They know (well, at least the two older ones do) that eventually, and as a family mind you, we intend to "pay it forward" to a fellow stranger. Be it at a restaurant, at the gas station or even the grocery store.
And after what I'd been witness to and on the receiving end of, it took me back to the movie starring Haley Joel Osment, Kevin Spacey and Helen Hunt aptly named "Pay It Forward", where a teacher who is scarred from a fire has his class do a project of doing a good deed for someone, then in turn that person does a good deed for another. Then that person goes and also does a good deed, and so on. The stipulation? The receiver MUST follow through and "pay it forward" with an act of kindness towards another. Be it a stranger or a friend or family member.
With that all said, I *CHALLENGE* all of my readers who are reading this post to go out and "PAY IT FORWARD". And it does NOT have to be with buying something or paying for something for another person. Just as long as it's a random act of kindness.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
I got the "Versatile Blogger Award"!
Rules
1. Thank and link back to the person who gave you the award
2. Answer 10 questions
3. Pass it along to 7 blogs you've recently discovered and enjoy
4. Leave your recipients a note, telling them about the award
First of all, I really MUST thank AubrieAnne over at Who's Your Editor? for the award. For her to say that I'm 'versatile' may be an underscore of the truer word for my blogging (lol). Seeing as I'm known to be "all over the place" in my thoughts, feelings and life experiences when it comes to my writings and ramblings.
AubrieAnne, in some ways, I find us to have become kindred spirits of sorts. Books, being strong in our convictions and our views of what's "right" when it comes to civility and tact in the art of Blogging. Thank you also for your new-found friendship, not just this lovely award.
My 10 Questions...
1. Why did you create this blog?
My main objective with this particular blog was just to talk about my everyday life as a Stay-At-Home Mom of my three children. Also as an outlet to let off steam about things in the home or my thoughts and views on top headlines. It was a connection for me to the outside world, really.
2. What kind of blogs do you follow?
I mainly follow "Mommy Blogs", seeing as I can relate to them and even bounce ideas off of them or get advice. But I'm also in to parents who blog about having Special Needs children, being my son is disabled by many different mental disorders. I love AubrieAnne's blog being she writes about books and poetry. And I am myself an avid reader, mainly of sci-fi, comical romance and the Paranormal. Plus I also follow a few Paranormal blogs as well.
This is simple lol.. I can't wear makeup. At least not on my eyes, due to having a Corneal Transplant until otherwise told I can. With chronic dry eye it would be hard to wear it on my bad eye. So I just forgo the makeup altogether.
4. Favorite clothing brand?
Honestly, I don't have one. I'm an easy going gal that just wears whatever is comfortable.
5. Your indispensable makeup product?
Read answer to question # 3. (=
6. Favorite color?
Purple!! Because to me is signifies passion. Not as in love type passion. But that you are a passionate person and are strong in your convictions and are bold enough to take a stand for yourself or the proverbial underdog when you feel injustice has been rendered.
7. Favorite Perfume?
I'm in to the Dove Body Mists. Mainly peach, rain and berry scented.
8. Favorite film?
If you REALLY know me well enough, then you know for a FACT that I cannot for the life of me, keep to just one movie. I'm an avid fan(atic) of Nicolas Cage's work. I have most of his movies in my DVD collection. So my answer will be "Nic Cage movies".
9. What country would you like to visit and why?
Ireland! Most of both sides of my family are Irish. Primarily my father's side, who's grandparents immigrated from the country at the turn of the century. They went on to have seven children. My grandmother was the baby of the family who was born in 1915. One of my Great-Uncles was even being born DURING the 1908 San Fransisco earthquake that devastated the city. So, there is certainly a lot of rich heritage and history there in Ireland for me.
10. Would you rather forget to put mascara on one eye or forget blush on one side of your face?
Again, refer to question # 3's answers. (=
Now to pass on this esteemed award...
Narragansett No. 7
Just Hide the Dishes in the Dryer...
Dave's Buttoned-Up Mind
Adoption of Jane UG-Lbc
Carrie with Children
Letters For Lucas
Randomness with Rachel
Monday, January 3, 2011
Monkey In The Middle (A Divorce Post)
Monkey In The Middle is a game that my husband and I play with our youngest, Skyler, who is six years old. If he and I are sitting on the couch or the floor, or laying in the bed and she wants to "snuggle-buggle", then she always says she is the "monkey in the middle". Skyler sometimes is, and other times is not the proverbial monkey. Sometimes, just to get her goat Scott or myself would be the monkey.
Sadly, I have had my oldest playing this game as well. She is the monkey in the middle that must go between her two parent's homes. I have full physical cusody, and always have. Her father gets visitations every other weekend and we alternate (major) holidays. Plus I personally set out three week blocks where she stays with him in one-week increments during the summer while school is out.
Plus, I give extra time even on their "off" weekends where I can and feel it's appropriate (to go to the movies, park, etc.).
No matter how bad he has been known to talk about me, cuss me and even go as far as calling me a slave driver (because in MY home she has chores, rules and consequences, whereas in HIS home, they don't exist), I still bend over backwards to give him more time with our daughter. Even when it is NOT stipulated to do so in our still-standing court order.
How Hayley has grown in to the young lady she has thus far, without resentment towards either of us has just blown me away.
For one thing, I NEVER talk ill of her father in front of her or to her.
Two, I don't make her go on those "off" days unless SHE wants to (at 11, she can now make her own mind up about extended stays and other 'extra' days to spend time with him).
Thirdly, she knows clearly what her expectations are in MY home.
Fourth, I don't pick fights with her father (in person or over the phone) over trivial things (i.e. the having/not having a TV in the bedroom debacle over the phone..I do *not* allow one in my kids' rooms, he says she has one there and that I am a bitchy, mean mom {in so many words} for not letting the kids, including HIS "kid" to have one in their rooms in *MY* home).
Fifth, I do my very best (most of the time) to be civil towards her father. Especially when Hayley is present.
Children of divorce are fragile on some levels. But are much more thick-skinned than most people realize and give these kids credit for. Look at all that THEY must put up with. Especially if the parents, for whatever reason cannot seem to get along on ANY level.
She's been going between myself and my ex-husband like this (for the most part over the years) since she was about two years old (was one-day visits from infancy until two years due to some legal issues and other things I cannot get in to here; maybe a later post).
We split (as in I walked out with a few things we needed in hand and never looked back) when she was five months old. By then I had a "friend" in my life that treated me RIGHT, the way I should have been treated all along and this person cared enough about me and my daughter that the sister even helped me get out and let me and my then-five-month old daughter stay with her and her family.
Yes, there are times that Hayley does the "I want to live with my daddy!" routine. As soon as I say that I know it's because he is the "no-rules-do whatever you want-without consequences" parent, she hushes up and walks off.
I guess he has yet to learn, especially now that she is a preteen (or shall we say Tween, seeing that's the 'norm' these days), he cannot be her friend. Not now. She needs PARENTS that will lay down the law and set those morals and values to solidly cement within before it's too late.
Sure! She will at some point (more than likely) try to experiment with drugs and alcohol, or even cigarettes. And (God forbid) seriously think of having sex. But all I can do now is try my best up until those years NOW to lay the foundation to keep away from those types of things and avoid problems down the road with them.
But then again, when you are the "Monkey In The Middle" with two parenting styles within two different home environments, it can get confusing of which way to turn. So I am planning to just keep doing what I'm doing and hope for the best down the road.
No one said being the parent of a "divorce" child was easy!
Sadly, I have had my oldest playing this game as well. She is the monkey in the middle that must go between her two parent's homes. I have full physical cusody, and always have. Her father gets visitations every other weekend and we alternate (major) holidays. Plus I personally set out three week blocks where she stays with him in one-week increments during the summer while school is out.
Plus, I give extra time even on their "off" weekends where I can and feel it's appropriate (to go to the movies, park, etc.).
No matter how bad he has been known to talk about me, cuss me and even go as far as calling me a slave driver (because in MY home she has chores, rules and consequences, whereas in HIS home, they don't exist), I still bend over backwards to give him more time with our daughter. Even when it is NOT stipulated to do so in our still-standing court order.
How Hayley has grown in to the young lady she has thus far, without resentment towards either of us has just blown me away.
For one thing, I NEVER talk ill of her father in front of her or to her.
Two, I don't make her go on those "off" days unless SHE wants to (at 11, she can now make her own mind up about extended stays and other 'extra' days to spend time with him).
Thirdly, she knows clearly what her expectations are in MY home.
Fourth, I don't pick fights with her father (in person or over the phone) over trivial things (i.e. the having/not having a TV in the bedroom debacle over the phone..I do *not* allow one in my kids' rooms, he says she has one there and that I am a bitchy, mean mom {in so many words} for not letting the kids, including HIS "kid" to have one in their rooms in *MY* home).
Fifth, I do my very best (most of the time) to be civil towards her father. Especially when Hayley is present.
Children of divorce are fragile on some levels. But are much more thick-skinned than most people realize and give these kids credit for. Look at all that THEY must put up with. Especially if the parents, for whatever reason cannot seem to get along on ANY level.
She's been going between myself and my ex-husband like this (for the most part over the years) since she was about two years old (was one-day visits from infancy until two years due to some legal issues and other things I cannot get in to here; maybe a later post).
We split (as in I walked out with a few things we needed in hand and never looked back) when she was five months old. By then I had a "friend" in my life that treated me RIGHT, the way I should have been treated all along and this person cared enough about me and my daughter that the sister even helped me get out and let me and my then-five-month old daughter stay with her and her family.
Yes, there are times that Hayley does the "I want to live with my daddy!" routine. As soon as I say that I know it's because he is the "no-rules-do whatever you want-without consequences" parent, she hushes up and walks off.
I guess he has yet to learn, especially now that she is a preteen (or shall we say Tween, seeing that's the 'norm' these days), he cannot be her friend. Not now. She needs PARENTS that will lay down the law and set those morals and values to solidly cement within before it's too late.
Sure! She will at some point (more than likely) try to experiment with drugs and alcohol, or even cigarettes. And (God forbid) seriously think of having sex. But all I can do now is try my best up until those years NOW to lay the foundation to keep away from those types of things and avoid problems down the road with them.
But then again, when you are the "Monkey In The Middle" with two parenting styles within two different home environments, it can get confusing of which way to turn. So I am planning to just keep doing what I'm doing and hope for the best down the road.
No one said being the parent of a "divorce" child was easy!
Monday, December 6, 2010
25 Days of Christmas (Day 6)
I'm sure that like us in my home, you are in the midst of tree trimming, hanging wall decor, trading out your everyday "breakables" with those with a Christmas-like theme and preparing your festive meal plans. Then add in all that gift buying and ensuring that all of your Holiday Cards are written, stamped and ready to hand out or mail to those you hold dear.
But wait! What about those that have no tree? Those that have no money or means to have a good meal? And those that cannot buy ANYTHING for even their own child?
What can YOU do to make a difference? Even in just one child's or senior's life this Christmas season. The season of giving, loving and good will towards others.
Let's see here...
You can donate toys and clothing (new) to the Salvation Army's Angel Tree.
ANGEL TREE INFO
Or you can donate NEW toys to Toys For Tots.(Ran by the Marine Corp)
TOYS FOR TOTS INFO
You can even donate GENTLY used toys, books and clothing to your local Goodwill Center, where people can still buy items, but at a very affordable price.
GOODWILL DONATION INFO
If you wish to donate food items, that is WONDERFUL as well. Many stores in your area are currently holding Food Drives. Kroger, WalMart, Target, Food Lion..just to name a few. Call your local retail grocer of your liking and ask what they are doing and how to donate to their Donation Station.
You could even donate food to your local charity centers and/or Food Bank.
FEEDING AMERICA
FOOD BANK FOR NEEDY *PETS* (They need to eat too!)
Wish to actually donate TIME this year? Why not volunteer in a local Soup Kitchen this Christmas?
NATIONAL FOOD BANK ORG LISTINGS
NATIONAL REGISTRY THAT'S LESS CONFUSING
As far as donations go, other than Goodwill, if you wish to not go national, and KNOW for certain that your contribution is staying local and to those in REAL need, I suggest going through your church or synagogue. Especially at this time of year, most churches and synagogues set up donation stations in their foyers to help fellow members and parishioners (in a confidential means, of course) where all donations stay within the place of worship (and distributed only to members deemed in need of assistance).
I've done my part, as have my kids (Angel Tree..Day 3). Now it's your turn.
Yes, I am CHALLENGING everyone that reads this post to GO OUT and to HELP others in need. Be it volunteering time, your money, buying food for a food pantry/bank/drive, or to donate a NEW toy and/or clothes to a child that may have NOTHING under the tree this year without YOUR help.
Everyone needs a little light in their lives. Will you be their beacon? No child (or senior, or even pets) deserve to not have a touch of happiness in the cold months.
But wait! What about those that have no tree? Those that have no money or means to have a good meal? And those that cannot buy ANYTHING for even their own child?
What can YOU do to make a difference? Even in just one child's or senior's life this Christmas season. The season of giving, loving and good will towards others.
Let's see here...
You can donate toys and clothing (new) to the Salvation Army's Angel Tree.
ANGEL TREE INFO
Or you can donate NEW toys to Toys For Tots.(Ran by the Marine Corp)
TOYS FOR TOTS INFO
You can even donate GENTLY used toys, books and clothing to your local Goodwill Center, where people can still buy items, but at a very affordable price.
GOODWILL DONATION INFO
If you wish to donate food items, that is WONDERFUL as well. Many stores in your area are currently holding Food Drives. Kroger, WalMart, Target, Food Lion..just to name a few. Call your local retail grocer of your liking and ask what they are doing and how to donate to their Donation Station.
You could even donate food to your local charity centers and/or Food Bank.
FEEDING AMERICA
FOOD BANK FOR NEEDY *PETS* (They need to eat too!)
Wish to actually donate TIME this year? Why not volunteer in a local Soup Kitchen this Christmas?
NATIONAL FOOD BANK ORG LISTINGS
NATIONAL REGISTRY THAT'S LESS CONFUSING
As far as donations go, other than Goodwill, if you wish to not go national, and KNOW for certain that your contribution is staying local and to those in REAL need, I suggest going through your church or synagogue. Especially at this time of year, most churches and synagogues set up donation stations in their foyers to help fellow members and parishioners (in a confidential means, of course) where all donations stay within the place of worship (and distributed only to members deemed in need of assistance).
I've done my part, as have my kids (Angel Tree..Day 3). Now it's your turn.
Yes, I am CHALLENGING everyone that reads this post to GO OUT and to HELP others in need. Be it volunteering time, your money, buying food for a food pantry/bank/drive, or to donate a NEW toy and/or clothes to a child that may have NOTHING under the tree this year without YOUR help.
Everyone needs a little light in their lives. Will you be their beacon? No child (or senior, or even pets) deserve to not have a touch of happiness in the cold months.
Friday, December 3, 2010
25 Days of Christmas (Day 3)
"The Spirit Of Giving vs. Receiving From Others" is what I have chosen for today.
As most of my readers know, just over a year ago, I required an emergency Corneal Transplant. I was needing it at some point. But thanks to complications I went from preparing to "do it now or else" within less than a week.
Since I was eighteen, I have been a Registered Organ/Tissue Donor. I've always been the type of person that took more joy in GIVING to others than I did with taking. It's been this way since I can remember.
Also, for the last three Christmases past, my husband and I had to swallow our pride and apply for assistance for the kids through the Salvation Army's 'Angel Tree' program that has generous people and families donate presents to needy children.
This year, we have turned a tide and did not apply this year. Some may call up nuts because my son being on SSI Disability automatically qualifies him and his sisters. But I am not, nor have I ever been the one to profit from another's suffering. Even if it meant a better Christmas for my children.
This year, with my children all now being at ages and levels of understanding in regards to helping others, we have decided to give back. On our way out to let the kids shop for one another, we stopped by the mall and found the local Angel Tree for our area.
Each of my kids were allowed to pick a child of their choosing. They all got kids off the tree of their gender and age range (though Skyler had to do a five-year-old, seeing as six was no longer there).
The first ones that they wanted to shop for after we "busted" through the store's doors was get the gifts for their chosen kids. In that moment as their mom, I could not have been more proud. They put OTHERS above themselves and thought of helping another human being BEFORE thinking of THEIR wants.
Each of their kids got a set of clothing and a toy (or make-up) that they made the final decision on (as long as it was within our price range).
After that, then the girls got to shop for their gifts to Bryce as he and I sat in the van. Then, it was vice versa.
Next, the girls have to get one another (seeing as it was getting late and too cold to be out). And knowing my three, separately, Scotty and I will be having to take them all as to be able to shop for us (Mom and Dad) like we do every year.
In the end though, this year, I have seen with my own eyes that the values I have tried hard to instill in to my children are indeed paying off. And it's getting paid forward.
Because this Christmas, three more children in this world WILL have *something* under their Christmas tree. All because three of their peers decided it was better to give than to get.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Dec. 1st is World AIDS Day
Will you join me? I urge you, if you are on TWITTER, MySpace, or on FaceBook, to RIGHT CLICK, then copy the picture above of the Red Ribbon and use it as your profile picture for today in support of bringing awareness to AIDS and to support in finding a cure.
My cousin Raymond (who I have blogged about before many moons ago) was a victim of HIV/AIDS. He died when I was fourteen years old (almost TWENTY years ago). I was there, along with my grandmother, his mother, and his sister and her husband as Ray drew on his last breaths.
To see him struggle and fight on that last day was beyond heart breaking. As a "child" to be witness to such a horrific scene, it was unimaginable to see death in it's raw form. And in one of it's worst ways. I held his hand and told him it was okay to let go.
He was more than my cousin. He was my "brother". He loved me as if I was almost his. We went places all the time together. Hung out listening to Madonna and Prince. We watched movies.
And I even ate off his fork and took sips from his glass of drink. And I hugged him and kissed him (on the lips) all of the time.
Unlike his own REAL siblings and mother, I did *not* live in fear of his disease...Or of him. So he was "sick" with HIV/AIDS. He was still a human being. And I treated him the same AFTER he became sick, just as I did BEFORE he started showing the signs of full-blown AIDS.
Yes, Raymond was Gay. All out, too. He had the "walk", the "talk", and the "mannerisms" of a truly "Gay" man. That to me, made him even more lovable. Don't ask me why, because to this day, I can't pinpoint the reason.
When he died, it forever left an aching hole within my heart. I didn't lose my cousin. I lost my brother. And for a "technically" only child, that was a loss almost to great for me to bear.
Sadly at the end, I noticed relief in his mother and sister. And for the wrong reasons. It seemed like they were "relieved" to be rid of the "eye sore" of the family. The "problem child" that supposedly brought shame upon their family name. As well as humiliation. And that in its self SICKENED me.
NO ONE should have to "hide" their disease and live in fear of those that are SUPPOSED TO love them UNCONDITIONALLY, no matter HOW the disease was spread to them, be it through unprotected sex, an open wound, or tainted bags of blood from a donation.
I'm a straight, married mother of three beautiful children. I could be in a serious car accident today and require a blood transfusion. And it could POSSIBLY be tainted with the HIV/AIDS infection. Yes, screening has gotten much better since their testing abilities of the 1980's. But science and medicine are NOT perfect and could miss that one bag of blood.
A friend and I could both get cut and they accidentally taint my blood with the infection.
If I contracted AIDS, how would YOU view me? Would I be a Leper? Would you (especially if you don't know me from Eve) ASSUME that I am in a homosexual (Lesbian) relationship?
Or would you extend your hand and your heart to me and my family? Would you shake my hand and hug me? Maybe even playfully take a sip from my glass.
What would you do? After all, those with HIV/AIDS have a right to be treated as human beings, too.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Thanksgiving Thankfulness; Going Above & Beyond Family & Friends
It's that time of year again. Time for turkeys to be carved, stuffing and pie to well, stuff you silly and ready for the Christmas holiday sales.
It's also a time for reflection and truly being thankful for all you have and those that are in your life. Sure, I have the basics. Thankful for my husband and kids, for having a sturdy roof over my head, warm blankets, a van that still runs good.
But there is SO much more to be thankful for. Like knowing that I live in a country where even though I respect my President/leader, I won't be shot and killed or imprisoned for stating that I don't care for him and how he is "leading" the country.
And I'm thankful for my son's doctor who has helped over the last several years to finally help him find balance mentally and has helped me ensure that he is getting the proper treatments and therapies for his problems.
I'm thankful for the teachers that my children have this school year. They all have "Homeroom" teachers that have gone above and beyond the call of duty to teach these kids and not let them fall behind.
I'm thankful for my husband who goes and slaves away in a freezer for eight to ten hours a day as to let other families place food on their tables. He works so hard and diligently to give our kids what they need, sometimes what they want and to ensure we have a good home to live within.
I'm thankful for my kids. Each of them have such a uniqueness about them. All three have personalities so differing that their individuality keeps me on my toes every second of every day. Before them, my life was pretty "boring". They have all brought me new life and new ways each day of how to look at life as a whole.
I'm thankful to my Cornea Donor, and his or her family. Because for a second Thanksgiving/Christmas season, I have the ability to watch my children enjoy the holidays with both eyes wide open.
So, besides the basic "thankful for's", what are you truly THANKFUL for? Or whom are you truly thankful for? When you sit down and think about it, so many people can touch one person's life. But it takes a very special person or persons to touch your very soul.
Other than your kids, of course.
It's also a time for reflection and truly being thankful for all you have and those that are in your life. Sure, I have the basics. Thankful for my husband and kids, for having a sturdy roof over my head, warm blankets, a van that still runs good.
But there is SO much more to be thankful for. Like knowing that I live in a country where even though I respect my President/leader, I won't be shot and killed or imprisoned for stating that I don't care for him and how he is "leading" the country.
And I'm thankful for my son's doctor who has helped over the last several years to finally help him find balance mentally and has helped me ensure that he is getting the proper treatments and therapies for his problems.
I'm thankful for the teachers that my children have this school year. They all have "Homeroom" teachers that have gone above and beyond the call of duty to teach these kids and not let them fall behind.
I'm thankful for my husband who goes and slaves away in a freezer for eight to ten hours a day as to let other families place food on their tables. He works so hard and diligently to give our kids what they need, sometimes what they want and to ensure we have a good home to live within.
I'm thankful for my kids. Each of them have such a uniqueness about them. All three have personalities so differing that their individuality keeps me on my toes every second of every day. Before them, my life was pretty "boring". They have all brought me new life and new ways each day of how to look at life as a whole.
I'm thankful to my Cornea Donor, and his or her family. Because for a second Thanksgiving/Christmas season, I have the ability to watch my children enjoy the holidays with both eyes wide open.
So, besides the basic "thankful for's", what are you truly THANKFUL for? Or whom are you truly thankful for? When you sit down and think about it, so many people can touch one person's life. But it takes a very special person or persons to touch your very soul.
Other than your kids, of course.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
One Year and Counting
Yesterday was filled with a lot of laughter, smiles and fun. But deep down, I knew exactly what the day was all about. Some of it, sad. While, for the most part, good.
I'd spent the entire school day in my youngest daughter's Kindergarten class. We carved real pumpkins in "teams". Then we did a ton of different crafts. Including my 'Jack-O-Lantern Jug' that they have an option to use as a candy collection jug for Trick-Or-Treating.
After trying to think of something to do to commemorate the special meaning of October 29th as being the Transplant Anniversary since having my new Cornea placed in, helping me to once more see, and even be able to keep the whole eye that at this time last year was ravaged with infection to the point is nearly impossible to save it, I think I found my way of honoring my Donor, their family and the significance of the day.
I had fun. I smiled. I played with the wonderful children I help every week in the classroom. I even danced with the kids at the Halloween Dance that was put on for them after school. I lived life as I always have. As a survivor of the hurdles I have had to face, and as the mother I was before my sight in the left eye was robbed, thanks to infection and an accident.
As I sit here and think back about the past week, I honestly cannot think of a better way to thank and honor such a gift, or the Donor that gave of themselves. To live my life. Be happy. To be the mother that I was meant to be to my children. To be the wife I have striven to be for my husband for the past eight years of our marriage. To be the friend that I have always been or have to tried to have been to others.
My donor gave me what was robbed of me in a matter of seconds. Even though apparently, the damage was already severely done over the prior months before. But it took just one accidental poke with my own knuckle to complete what the infection set out to do. To take away my sight completely from my left eye.
Almost a month later, my Donor gave me their cornea, thanks to their loving gift at the end of their life, and to sheer luck that one was readily available to fit my needs.
At first, it killed me inside to know that I had to have someone die to let me live my life as I have always known. I had "Survivor's Guilt". Especially when Thanksgiving and Christmas came around. I knew that as I sat down to dinner and opening gifts, another family was sitting around grieving and wishing that their loved one was still here to enjoy life and the holidays with.
Now that the year has come along, and I am pretty much back to normal like before all of this had happened, I no longer try to think about things in a "sad way". I know deep within my heart, my Donor is happy with my getting back on with life and enjoying being a wife and a mother.
They gave me my life back. And for that, I will FOREVER be grateful. To them, and to their family. And I have realized, at least for me personally, the best way to honor them, not just on October 29th, but EVERY single day of the year, is to just live my life to the fullest capacity, smile as much as I can, and know that THEY TO know just how thankful that I am of the gift that they bravely and heroically gave to me.
I'd spent the entire school day in my youngest daughter's Kindergarten class. We carved real pumpkins in "teams". Then we did a ton of different crafts. Including my 'Jack-O-Lantern Jug' that they have an option to use as a candy collection jug for Trick-Or-Treating.
After trying to think of something to do to commemorate the special meaning of October 29th as being the Transplant Anniversary since having my new Cornea placed in, helping me to once more see, and even be able to keep the whole eye that at this time last year was ravaged with infection to the point is nearly impossible to save it, I think I found my way of honoring my Donor, their family and the significance of the day.
I had fun. I smiled. I played with the wonderful children I help every week in the classroom. I even danced with the kids at the Halloween Dance that was put on for them after school. I lived life as I always have. As a survivor of the hurdles I have had to face, and as the mother I was before my sight in the left eye was robbed, thanks to infection and an accident.
As I sit here and think back about the past week, I honestly cannot think of a better way to thank and honor such a gift, or the Donor that gave of themselves. To live my life. Be happy. To be the mother that I was meant to be to my children. To be the wife I have striven to be for my husband for the past eight years of our marriage. To be the friend that I have always been or have to tried to have been to others.
My donor gave me what was robbed of me in a matter of seconds. Even though apparently, the damage was already severely done over the prior months before. But it took just one accidental poke with my own knuckle to complete what the infection set out to do. To take away my sight completely from my left eye.
Almost a month later, my Donor gave me their cornea, thanks to their loving gift at the end of their life, and to sheer luck that one was readily available to fit my needs.
At first, it killed me inside to know that I had to have someone die to let me live my life as I have always known. I had "Survivor's Guilt". Especially when Thanksgiving and Christmas came around. I knew that as I sat down to dinner and opening gifts, another family was sitting around grieving and wishing that their loved one was still here to enjoy life and the holidays with.
Now that the year has come along, and I am pretty much back to normal like before all of this had happened, I no longer try to think about things in a "sad way". I know deep within my heart, my Donor is happy with my getting back on with life and enjoying being a wife and a mother.
They gave me my life back. And for that, I will FOREVER be grateful. To them, and to their family. And I have realized, at least for me personally, the best way to honor them, not just on October 29th, but EVERY single day of the year, is to just live my life to the fullest capacity, smile as much as I can, and know that THEY TO know just how thankful that I am of the gift that they bravely and heroically gave to me.
Friday, October 22, 2010
"If I Die Young"..
Sadly, many women do around the world. Thanks to Domestic Violence and Domestic Abuse. Most times, it is far too late to get the help that they so desperately need to get away from their abuser/attacker. And by the time anything is truly done in regards to the abuser, the woman is already forever gone.
Domestic Violence and Domestic Abuse can take place within anyone's home. And it is NOT always the man that is the abuser. There are women who have been known to abuse their boyfriend/husband or their girlfriend/wife. Men are just better known to be an abuser.
And I am a survivor of Domestic Abuse/Violence. The worst case of it being when I was in my early twenties. I was at the time living with my former BFF and my former (abusive) boyfriend.
At first, it was just little things. Basically, he was just a lazy bastard that suddenly felt that I needed to 'cater' to him and HIS needs. Then, as time went on, in came the isolation and the constant "checking up" on me to see about my whereabouts and who I was with (if he and I weren't together).
One day though, near the very end of the relationship, he finally snapped like the proverbial twig. I made a remark and basically told him that it was time for HIM to move out. Suddenly, rage had filled his eyes. It's as if a demon entered his body and took it over. All in the course of a split second.
Next thing I know, I feel the palm of his hand on my throat, and his fingers wrapped around. I could feel my pulse pulsating his fingers. And I felt the blood trying to pump and supply my brain with needed oxygen.
My airway was cut off completely, and I struggled as his hand lifted my feet off the ground as he was choking me literally to death. There was not an ounce of air entering my body. I could feel myself fighting off passing out.
And as quickly as it happened, it stopped. But not before he squeezed my throat so tight, that I turned red, and then bluish purple in the lips (by my friend's account, who witnessed this), and that I had felt the searing pain of his nails digging in to my neck.
After he let go, he tried to apologize and started crying. "Boo-fucking-hoo" was my thought, and I opened the door and told him to get out, and to not come back. I threw most of his shit out to the curb, but he broke in to MY home and stole things that were mine (and of course claimed it was NOT him, though none of HIS things were missing that were left behind).
In a moment, my life was almost gone. He either could have choked me to death, or could have snapped my neck and then he would have broken it, causing instant death. But he let me go in time.
I'm one of the lucky ones. I am a survivor. I am NOT a victim. Victims sadly are those that had died at the hands of someone that they loved and trusted. Or they are the ones that are too scared to leave their attacker/abuser, in fear of what may happen in the aftermath.
I'm here to say to those of you reading this, and are in an abusive relationship...YOU CAN GET OUT! No, it will not be easy. And yes, he/she will make their threats and scare you in to staying. And you will have to learn once again how to live and to take YOUR life back.
Abusers are all about power and control. They want to have all of it, and for their victims to relinquish it all to them. It's a power trip. So, they will use anything and everything against you to get what THEY feel that is "rightfully" theirs. Hitting, name-calling, isolation tactics, talking down towards the victim. It's all used to get the upper hand.
But I can tell you that you CAN get the upper hand back. It just takes the courage deep within that yes, YOU DO HAVE inside, and the willingness to leave. And their ARE organizations that can and will help you.
The police. The hospital. Social Services. And the National Domestic Violence Hot Line. Family and friends, too can help you. Don't be scared. There is a better life out there for you. Much better than the life you are forced to live now. NO ONE should be a caged bird, with its wings clipped. That is NOT living life. That is living a slow death.
Please, if you are in an abusive relationship, find it within yourself to leave and to live your life again. I promise you, it WILL get better.
Nat. Domestic Violence Hot Line (1−800−799−SAFE(7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224)
....I'm as green as the ring on my little, cold finger, I've
Never known the lovin' of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand, there's a
Boy here in town says he'll, love my forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by
The sharp knife of a short life,
...And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when your dead how people start listenin'
....Uh oh (uh, oh)
The ballad of a dove (uh, oh)
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when your really gonna need them, oh
Domestic Violence and Domestic Abuse can take place within anyone's home. And it is NOT always the man that is the abuser. There are women who have been known to abuse their boyfriend/husband or their girlfriend/wife. Men are just better known to be an abuser.
And I am a survivor of Domestic Abuse/Violence. The worst case of it being when I was in my early twenties. I was at the time living with my former BFF and my former (abusive) boyfriend.
At first, it was just little things. Basically, he was just a lazy bastard that suddenly felt that I needed to 'cater' to him and HIS needs. Then, as time went on, in came the isolation and the constant "checking up" on me to see about my whereabouts and who I was with (if he and I weren't together).
One day though, near the very end of the relationship, he finally snapped like the proverbial twig. I made a remark and basically told him that it was time for HIM to move out. Suddenly, rage had filled his eyes. It's as if a demon entered his body and took it over. All in the course of a split second.
Next thing I know, I feel the palm of his hand on my throat, and his fingers wrapped around. I could feel my pulse pulsating his fingers. And I felt the blood trying to pump and supply my brain with needed oxygen.
My airway was cut off completely, and I struggled as his hand lifted my feet off the ground as he was choking me literally to death. There was not an ounce of air entering my body. I could feel myself fighting off passing out.
And as quickly as it happened, it stopped. But not before he squeezed my throat so tight, that I turned red, and then bluish purple in the lips (by my friend's account, who witnessed this), and that I had felt the searing pain of his nails digging in to my neck.
After he let go, he tried to apologize and started crying. "Boo-fucking-hoo" was my thought, and I opened the door and told him to get out, and to not come back. I threw most of his shit out to the curb, but he broke in to MY home and stole things that were mine (and of course claimed it was NOT him, though none of HIS things were missing that were left behind).
In a moment, my life was almost gone. He either could have choked me to death, or could have snapped my neck and then he would have broken it, causing instant death. But he let me go in time.
I'm one of the lucky ones. I am a survivor. I am NOT a victim. Victims sadly are those that had died at the hands of someone that they loved and trusted. Or they are the ones that are too scared to leave their attacker/abuser, in fear of what may happen in the aftermath.
I'm here to say to those of you reading this, and are in an abusive relationship...YOU CAN GET OUT! No, it will not be easy. And yes, he/she will make their threats and scare you in to staying. And you will have to learn once again how to live and to take YOUR life back.
Abusers are all about power and control. They want to have all of it, and for their victims to relinquish it all to them. It's a power trip. So, they will use anything and everything against you to get what THEY feel that is "rightfully" theirs. Hitting, name-calling, isolation tactics, talking down towards the victim. It's all used to get the upper hand.
But I can tell you that you CAN get the upper hand back. It just takes the courage deep within that yes, YOU DO HAVE inside, and the willingness to leave. And their ARE organizations that can and will help you.
The police. The hospital. Social Services. And the National Domestic Violence Hot Line. Family and friends, too can help you. Don't be scared. There is a better life out there for you. Much better than the life you are forced to live now. NO ONE should be a caged bird, with its wings clipped. That is NOT living life. That is living a slow death.
Please, if you are in an abusive relationship, find it within yourself to leave and to live your life again. I promise you, it WILL get better.
Nat. Domestic Violence Hot Line (1−800−799−SAFE(7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224)
....I'm as green as the ring on my little, cold finger, I've
Never known the lovin' of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand, there's a
Boy here in town says he'll, love my forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by
The sharp knife of a short life,
...And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when your dead how people start listenin'
....Uh oh (uh, oh)
The ballad of a dove (uh, oh)
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when your really gonna need them, oh
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
I won't remember for a day,or for the month.This 'rememberance' will be with me until I die.
See the ribbon above? I have chosen personally to not only remember this important day of awareness on just October fifteenth of every year. But, to remember it for the entire month of October.
Nor will I ever be allowed to forget for the rest of my days.
October fifteenth is known nationally (in the USA) as "Pregnancy And Infant Loss Remembrance Day". And for many mothers such as myself, as well as the millions around the world, we will never be able to forget our babies. Some of us were lucky enough to hold them for a few hours, a few days, or a few months. Then again, some of us (such is my case) never got to hold, touch or even see our baby.
On Halloween Day of 2003, I was in the sixteenth week of pregnancy. All was going fine (as so I thought, seeing as I had no complications to that point, and it was my third pregnancy). That day, I was scheduled for a vaginal ultrasound being I was a high-risk pregnancy for health reasons.
I knew, the second I had seen the little peanut on the screen, something was very off. After having so many ultrasounds in the past, I knew what to look for. And the one thing that none of us had seen was the heart fluttering.
After the doctor's tone changed to the ever-so-famous "cautiously optimistic" tone, I knew that it was confirming what I already knew thanks to my "Mommy gut".
To get a better look and to indeed confirm what all of us already knew, I got placed on the big ultrasound. And then and there, I had the worst nightmare for a pregnant mother to go through. My baby was dead.
After getting the shocking news, my mother-in-law called my husband to get to the doctor's office. All he knew was that something was wrong with the baby. After we both got over the shock of all that happened, I called where we both worked at the time and let them know. For some stupid reason I kept on apologizing for not making it back to work from my extended lunch time.
A few days later, seeing as the baby did not miscarry on it's own, I was forced to have a D & C (Dilation and Curettage) to help expel my twelve to fourteen-week-old baby. I was nearing toxic levels in my system from the baby being dead inside for up to approximately four weeks. It was the worst and the most horrific surgerical procedure that I have ever had to endure.
All I knew was this was NOT supposed to be happening. I was not to be having to abort my baby. I was supposed to be having a normal pregnancy and readying for the new addition to our hearts. And instead, I was being forced to let him or her go.
To this day, especially when Halloween Day is upon us, and when November third (the day that my baby was "officially" gone from me), I still grieve. And I often wonder what would have become of our Michael Gregory, if he had survived.
Sure, some will read this and say to themselves that I need to "get over it already". But they cannot EVER know the lasting pain and the hole that is forever etched in to your heart and in to your soul from a loss as deeply profound as losing your baby (or a child in general).
I may not have ever been able to have held and caressed my child in my arms. But he is forever within a special place of my heart, and is deep within my soul, right along with his two sisters and his brother. For they too had lost out on having another brother to love.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
"Where Were You On That September Day?"
If you recognize that line that I used for the title of this post, then you know which song it is from and what it symbolizes. September 11, 2001 will remain in many a heart and memory for generations to come.
Not for it's year in music or the Emmy that Television shows had won. Or the hot Summer Flicks that Hollywood spun out that year.
It will be remembered as one of the most prolific tragedies of our time. Of our generation, and of the Twentieth Century. September 11th is forever known as '9-11'.
That was the day that it did indeed seem that the world had stopped turning. Millions in America, and billions around the world had frozen in place as they had witnessed first hand, or had seen the first taped images of the root cause of the first Trade Center Tower being on fire, seeing as the second plane crashed in to the other tower as the first was being filmed on live TV, as it was on fire and had people JUMPING OFF the building, as to escape being burned alive.
Do you remember what you were doing at that moment in time? Be it in pieces, or in minute detail. I certainly do. All the way down to calling my husband at work, and listening to his description of how the customers and his co-workers reacted to the news.
When the news started breaking, they had said in past-tense that a plane hit the WTC Tower. As Diane Sawyer and Charlie Gibson from Good Morning America (back in those days) were trying to get more on the story, thinking a bomb (not a plane) had gone off, right behind them, on the back screen, in a live shot, the other plane came in at what seemed to be an odd angle.
Suddenly, as I sat there, engrossed and waiting for a more defined answer to what happened, the answer became horrifically known to me and millions of others in the nation as to what REALLY happened.
Sitting there, holding Bryce in my arms (he was three months old then, and Hayley was at school for her (then) developmental delays), I watched as the other plane hit and just blew up before my very eyes.
Suddenly, I began to cry and I notably held Bryce a little tighter as he sat upon my lap, oblivious to what was unfolding before him. Then the thought swept in to my mind, and I could hear myself say "What kind of world have I truly brought my children in to? Is this what they have to look forward to in their future? What did we as a nation do, to deserve this kind of terroristic-type act (not knowing yet that it INDEED WAS a terrorist attack upon out nation)?".
I'd sat there, frozen and silent. It wasn't until I came out of the 'trance' that I realized that I just witnessed a plane full of people, and people within that tower being murdered. The shock to see what I had, left me dazed.
After I got myself together, I called my husband at work (then, we didn't have cells, so I had to call the store) and I asked if they had heard. He'd said yes, as did all of the customers and fellow employees, being that they announced it, and then had a moment of silence...Customers left in droves to get home, or were on frantic calls right in the aisles, Scott said, making sure their loved ones in NY and that were to be on flights that morning were okay.
Just think, one week prior, I was flying home from Reno, Nevada, after a week's stay due to my grandmother (Nana, who's ashes I wrote about finally getting) had passed away. Even then, on the flight home, something seemed...'off'. But I could never place what it was. I just felt very uneasy. And I had never felt that way before when it came to flying.
Maybe I was sensing the tragedy that was about to unfold. But I just didn't "get it". The entire trip home felt 'weird'. Who knows.
Maybe there were a couple of those terrorists on board with me, getting "practice flights" or going to their final destination via my route to go home. This I will never, ever know for sure. All I know is that I knew that there was something big coming. I could feel it. But I couldn't pinpoint what it was. That feeling stayed with me...
All the way home on my flight upon American Airlines.
*The following has real footage from news tapes included in to this song's video.*
May we never forget.
Not for it's year in music or the Emmy that Television shows had won. Or the hot Summer Flicks that Hollywood spun out that year.
It will be remembered as one of the most prolific tragedies of our time. Of our generation, and of the Twentieth Century. September 11th is forever known as '9-11'.
That was the day that it did indeed seem that the world had stopped turning. Millions in America, and billions around the world had frozen in place as they had witnessed first hand, or had seen the first taped images of the root cause of the first Trade Center Tower being on fire, seeing as the second plane crashed in to the other tower as the first was being filmed on live TV, as it was on fire and had people JUMPING OFF the building, as to escape being burned alive.
Do you remember what you were doing at that moment in time? Be it in pieces, or in minute detail. I certainly do. All the way down to calling my husband at work, and listening to his description of how the customers and his co-workers reacted to the news.
When the news started breaking, they had said in past-tense that a plane hit the WTC Tower. As Diane Sawyer and Charlie Gibson from Good Morning America (back in those days) were trying to get more on the story, thinking a bomb (not a plane) had gone off, right behind them, on the back screen, in a live shot, the other plane came in at what seemed to be an odd angle.
Suddenly, as I sat there, engrossed and waiting for a more defined answer to what happened, the answer became horrifically known to me and millions of others in the nation as to what REALLY happened.
Sitting there, holding Bryce in my arms (he was three months old then, and Hayley was at school for her (then) developmental delays), I watched as the other plane hit and just blew up before my very eyes.
Suddenly, I began to cry and I notably held Bryce a little tighter as he sat upon my lap, oblivious to what was unfolding before him. Then the thought swept in to my mind, and I could hear myself say "What kind of world have I truly brought my children in to? Is this what they have to look forward to in their future? What did we as a nation do, to deserve this kind of terroristic-type act (not knowing yet that it INDEED WAS a terrorist attack upon out nation)?".
I'd sat there, frozen and silent. It wasn't until I came out of the 'trance' that I realized that I just witnessed a plane full of people, and people within that tower being murdered. The shock to see what I had, left me dazed.
After I got myself together, I called my husband at work (then, we didn't have cells, so I had to call the store) and I asked if they had heard. He'd said yes, as did all of the customers and fellow employees, being that they announced it, and then had a moment of silence...Customers left in droves to get home, or were on frantic calls right in the aisles, Scott said, making sure their loved ones in NY and that were to be on flights that morning were okay.
Just think, one week prior, I was flying home from Reno, Nevada, after a week's stay due to my grandmother (Nana, who's ashes I wrote about finally getting) had passed away. Even then, on the flight home, something seemed...'off'. But I could never place what it was. I just felt very uneasy. And I had never felt that way before when it came to flying.
Maybe I was sensing the tragedy that was about to unfold. But I just didn't "get it". The entire trip home felt 'weird'. Who knows.
Maybe there were a couple of those terrorists on board with me, getting "practice flights" or going to their final destination via my route to go home. This I will never, ever know for sure. All I know is that I knew that there was something big coming. I could feel it. But I couldn't pinpoint what it was. That feeling stayed with me...
All the way home on my flight upon American Airlines.
*The following has real footage from news tapes included in to this song's video.*
May we never forget.
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