Putting My Worst Face Foward...

I didn't always see myself as "pretty". In honestly any sense of the word.

I was your average American tomboy girl. I loved being barefoot, in jeans or shorts and a comfy shirt. I hated dresses and makeup. In fact, I rarely, if ever wear either of the latter to this day. And I'm about to turn thirty-five.

As a teen, I had your basic teen acne. Or so I'd thought. I had some pretty icky breakouts. Especially around the time of a hormonal flux at the nearing of my menstrual cycle.

After years of trying everything, by my 19th birthday, it all just went away. I went on with my life. Had gotten married, had a child, divorced. Remarried, had two more children. Also I'd lost a child in between the middle and youngest.

That's also when my breakouts came back. Right near the loss of that baby in 2003. And they came back with a vengeance.

After having my youngest child, who is now seven years old, and in the First Grade, things only had become worse. But I figured that over time, with my hormones getting back to a normal level, everything would just clear up again.

Oh how WRONG was I with that assumption. If anything, they had become worse.

By the time she was a year old, my face went to looking like this with Rosacea...

And yes, it steadily got worse than this. To the point that it hurt me emotionally, psychologically and even socially.

I hated leaving my home. I didn't like to be out in public. Not looking like that! People would stare. Little children would ask what happened to my face, as they pointed and had that look of disgust upon their faces.

There were times that I was even embarrassed to be around my family, wondering what they thought of how I looked. On occasion certain members of the family would "grill" me on what I ate, what I used to clean my face and whatnot.

I did NOTHING wrong. I ate NOTHING wrong. It was NOT my fault. But it certainly felt like I did SOMETHING wrong.

Eventually the Rosacea went in to an area of the body I had NEVER heard of it even being possible.

My eyes. But it primarily attacked my left eyeball. And I went to a Ophthalmologist who sadly MISTREATED me for the wrong infection. In the end, the Ocular Rosacea (Subtype 4) ate away most of the cornea (outer window of the pupil that is your eye's lens) in the left eye.

At times, my face looked like this man's...

And yes, my eye would like like the one in this picture...

In the end, after my cornea had perforated (had a hole in it), I looked like this..

Not even two weeks later, thanks to Ocular Rosacea eating away my cornea, I had no choice but to have an emergency-based Corneal Transplant (Keratoplasty) and required a full graft of another person's cornea after they had died and were an organ/tissue donor.

Here I am 2-weeks post-op...

And here I am 2 YEARS later...

As for the Rosacea, it is now under control!! I am on Doxycycline pills. And will most likely be on and off of them for the rest of my life.

Plus, soon, seeing as I can no longer have children, we are going to try a cream medication after removing me from the Doxycycline pills in a few months. And if need be, I may even end up being on both to ensure that when I have an "attack of the pimple kind", it will not be that bad, and will be staved off from being inside my eye.

Here I am today, pimple/Rosacea free (for the most part)...

I still have breakouts. Mainly around my cycle. But it's now just a bump here and a bump there. Yes, they CAN be painful, swelled and very red. But at least I'm NOWHERE near as horrible looking as back in the time of my youngest being a baby.

I'm more confident, knowledgeable about my conditions and am no longer afraid to walk out of my home, only to face ridicule from strangers young and old.

A Grafted Life (Update #2)

Well, I had yet another checkup for the eye's cornea graft, where the last stitch that was still sewn in to the cornea had popped loose and went in to an infection.

After battling the infection, and in turn, an abscess that was right at the top edge of my transplant and the sclera (white portion of the eye), I am VERY happy to report that all of the medications had done their job, and the abscess was irradiated.

But I am also now left with a reminder. Of what I went through, and of what NOT to do again in the future.

Waiting. Too long. I waited a day or two too long to go in and the end result is a scar on my eye that will never go away, or even fade some. The stitch that popped had a nasty infection (that I'd mistaken as ALLERGIES), that once removed, had caused the abscess. The abscess appeared within 24 to 48 hours post-treatment to remove the infected stitch.

So, take it from me, do NOT wait. As soon as you see a red look to your eye, have any amount of pain or burning, GET IT CHECKED OUT. Especially if you have had the eye issues that I have had to endure, and most especially if you have received a Corneal Grafting Transplant for ANY kind of reason.

Do not let ANYTHING hurt that precious gift that you were able to receive. A second chance at sight.

Now, I am down to only using my OmniPred (Prednisone/steroid) drops four times a day for another two weeks, then only twice a day after that. And my Doxycycline pills once at night, to keep my Roseacea from flaring up and attacking my skin and my eyes.

Also, my latest eye chart test pegged me at 20/30 vision. Up from 20/40 last week at that checkup. And my doctor has said that out of 30 to 40 of his patients being Cornea Transplant Recipients, I am the ONLY patient in his care with my type of graft (keratoplasty) due to Perforation of Ocular Roseacea.

As for the rounding of my cornea, my doctor had said that we got the best rounding of the cornea as we possibly can. He said all along that it wasn't going to be perfect, but it's better than having it flat up against my pupil like a flat tabletop.

All in all, it was a good visit. I'm back on track. I've also learned a hard lesson about being a "tough old broad" (at almost 35 years young), and NOT doing what I should have done at the very first sign of trouble.

Like the Cornea Specialist had said, my transplant is a lifelong commitment and will hit a roadblock here and there. As will my Roseacea. And as long as I keep my follow-up appointments and tell when I even remotely think that there is a problem, then we can always stay ahead of the game and avoid other close calls of graft failure/rejection in the future.

Cornea Transplant Update

Okay, first of all, thus far, it seems it is NOT rejecting. But it was getting infected, and in turn THAT could have started a graft rejection, if I waited another day or so.

But I did have the BEGINNINGS of an infection, thanks to a stitch that had popped loose from the graft. So, the doctor I had to see on Triage/emergency basis removed it just with the tweezers. I asked and SHE (who is a Retina Specialist, not cornea) said it was ONLY the popped stitch, and kept me on my OmniPred steroid drop every 4 hours, and added Vigamox antibiotic drops 4 times a day.

Well.....

I'd gone back yesterday (Monday) for a re-check with my regular doctor, the Cornea Specialist. And he found something that must have developed over the weekend, otherwise the other doctor, I'm certain would have seen it while looking at my eye on Friday.

It seems that I have developed an abscess where the stitch was loose and just "floating" there. So, now I am a self-proclaimed walking Drug Store. At least through tomorrow morning, when the decision will be made to either keep me on my drug plan, or take a knife (again) to my eyeball (same thing he said, as when he removes the stitches). Yes, he may have to lance the abscess, let it drain, and grab a culture to see exactly what kind of infection is growing.

Of course, I'm hoping and praying feverishly that the drugs all are WORKING.

What's my drug regimen, you ask? The kind where it has made it impossible to volunteer at the school at all this week.

Twice a day, Aleve (one in morning, one at nighttime, both with food).

Once a day, Doxycycline (at bedtime, no dairy/calcium at least 2 hours before taking)

EVERY (waking) hour, Vigamox drops (antibiotic to stave off rejection and bacteria).

Every 2 hours, OmniPred drops (steroid) to ward off swelling and inflammation and eye pressure problems.

Every 4 hours, Bacitracin Ointment in lower eye lid, also an anti-bacterial medication.

To say I feel like I'm on a never-ending merry-go-round is probably a horrible understatement at the moment. And I have to do this regimen AT LEAST through a part of tomorrow morning. Probably even longer if he has to cut in to the abscess.

But!!!... Yes, there is a "but". There is a so-called silver lining in all of this mess.

It seems (seeing as I haven't seen the doctor in over a year) that we BOTH got a surprise. Because the doctor on Friday claimed I still had five stitches to go, but I don't know if she was actually looking for anymore of them other than the infected one. My regular specialist (Cornea) said he saw NONE.

Either he already removed some (which he did, a total of eight altogether), the other doctor removed the one, or they even actually DISSOLVED somehow, though they aren't considered "dissoluble" by what I had always understood.

So, that is ONE less worry to have to go through anymore. And that is apparently why my vision was now pegged in that eye as being either 20/50 or 20/40 (depending on which test I took between two different eye chart tests that they give me).

We'd talked about it many times in the past (and yes, he reminded me yesterday lol) that as stiches came out, being that the graft was sewn in pretty tightly and "flattened" it, to where it 'touched' my pupil, that the cornea would round its self out, and that this is FINALLY happening..

Now it seems that it is NOT the stitches, but the cataract that I have had since about a month post-transplant, that is hindering my peripheral vision on the outer left side of the eye.

So, of course, that means I am STILL facing (at least) one last surgical procedure to remove the cataract-ridden lens, and have it replaced with an implant.

So, there's the current news from the last post, If It's Not One Thing, It's Another... (WARNING!!!! language laced!) .. At least this one isn't filled with words that would make a sailor blush and pass out. (=

If It's Not One Thing, It's Another... (WARNING!!!! language laced!)

Yeah, I feel like having a pity party. If you want to join in the "fun", be my guest. But if you feel like telling me I should be thankful and that I should feel blessed or lucky, then go the fuck on to some other page, because honestly, I'm in no mood to hear it.

For one thing, I DO count myself as being lucky AND blessed. I have been given a wonderful gift from someone I'll never have the pleasure of meeting and thanking. That hurts my heart a little, each and every single day.

And yes, I am EXTREMELY thankful to the person and their family for being HEROES and giving me something that was almost completely taken away from me for the rest of my life.

My sight. And even my entire eye.

But I also have a RIGHT to sometimes be angry. I have a right to vent. And if you don't like it, then please spare the both of us, and go on. Today is not a good day for you to try your positivity thing on me. Because right now, I don't see a "silver lining". Most of the time, I do. But today isn't your lucky day.

Nor is it mine.

You see, I very well may have scratched my cornea, thanks to (once again) my own stupidity. But it seems I was able to get it taken care of on my own.

I've been using my steroid drops religiously (for the most part) and my eye seemed to be doing A LOT better. But I did (accidentally, due to being extremely busy and thoughtless) forget to use my drops. At all. All day.

Now, my transplanted eye is giving me fits. It's not in pain. But it is red (mainly on outside side of the eye) and a bit itchy, and burning a little.

Yes, I've been careful to keep up with my drops. And it IS helping. But... I am getting a growth of concern.

So, it seems that once again, I will have to go in, when I honestly cannot afford to, and see if the R-word is back.

Rejection.

Yes, people, a CORNEA (tissue) transplant can and DOES reject, sometimes. If that is the case, then this will be my second bout with it in the last two years (transplant-iversary was 10/29/2011). I'm hoping against hope that in reality, it's my stupid ass allergies affecting it.

Along with my eye being a bit teary, red and itchy/burning, my nose is like a leaky faucet. And it's only happening on the left. Both the nostril and the eye on the left side of my face.

I'm just sick to death of this crap. Why? I knew that I had really no choice, but a transplant. Otherwise, it was lose the entire eyeball. And I knew I was "trading one set of problems for another". But DAMN IT!!! This has become utterly ridiculous.

It seems like EVERY fucking time shit's going good with me and my eye, something JUST HAS TO happen to cause another blow to my self-esteem and to my recovery process.

It's really getting old. And yes, sometimes, I do wish that they would have just taken the whole eye. It would have saved me a lot of trips to the doctor. It would have saved a lot of worry and fraying of my nerves. And it would have saved a lot of money that I really do NOT have for this on-going, life-long after-care.

Now, there is a (at this point, minutely) small chance, that I could be going in to rejection again. And IF I am, then we will once again try to (successfully, like last time) reverse it. BUT!.. There is always that chance, that fear, that it cannot be reversed. Which means another transplant. Another surgery I really cannot afford. Another person's death to save my sight.

How in the end, is ANY of this shit fair? If I'm rejecting and the cornea has to go, I know that I will feel like I let down my donor and their family. That they gave of themselves in vain. I failed, if indeed, I cannot save this cornea. And it will be MY fault. MY doing.

It scares me. Even when my eye IS doing really well. But it scares me even more so in times like this.

One Year and Counting

Yesterday was filled with a lot of laughter, smiles and fun. But deep down, I knew exactly what the day was all about. Some of it, sad. While, for the most part, good.

I'd spent the entire school day in my youngest daughter's Kindergarten class. We carved real pumpkins in "teams". Then we did a ton of different crafts. Including my 'Jack-O-Lantern Jug' that they have an option to use as a candy collection jug for Trick-Or-Treating.

After trying to think of something to do to commemorate the special meaning of October 29th as being the Transplant Anniversary since having my new Cornea placed in, helping me to once more see, and even be able to keep the whole eye that at this time last year was ravaged with infection to the point is nearly impossible to save it, I think I found my way of honoring my Donor, their family and the significance of the day.

I had fun. I smiled. I played with the wonderful children I help every week in the classroom. I even danced with the kids at the Halloween Dance that was put on for them after school. I lived life as I always have. As a survivor of the hurdles I have had to face, and as the mother I was before my sight in the left eye was robbed, thanks to infection and an accident.

As I sit here and think back about the past week, I honestly cannot think of a better way to thank and honor such a gift, or the Donor that gave of themselves. To live my life. Be happy. To be the mother that I was meant to be to my children. To be the wife I have striven to be for my husband for the past eight years of our marriage. To be the friend that I have always been or have to tried to have been to others.

My donor gave me what was robbed of me in a matter of seconds. Even though apparently, the damage was already severely done over the prior months before. But it took just one accidental poke with my own knuckle to complete what the infection set out to do. To take away my sight completely from my left eye.

Almost a month later, my Donor gave me their cornea, thanks to their loving gift at the end of their life, and to sheer luck that one was readily available to fit my needs.

At first, it killed me inside to know that I had to have someone die to let me live my life as I have always known. I had "Survivor's Guilt". Especially when Thanksgiving and Christmas came around. I knew that as I sat down to dinner and opening gifts, another family was sitting around grieving and wishing that their loved one was still here to enjoy life and the holidays with.

Now that the year has come along, and I am pretty much back to normal like before all of this had happened, I no longer try to think about things in a "sad way". I know deep within my heart, my Donor is happy with my getting back on with life and enjoying being a wife and a mother.

They gave me my life back. And for that, I will FOREVER be grateful. To them, and to their family. And I have realized, at least for me personally, the best way to honor them, not just on October 29th, but EVERY single day of the year, is to just live my life to the fullest capacity, smile as much as I can, and know that THEY TO know just how thankful that I am of the gift that they bravely and heroically gave to me.

So Many Thoughts Come to Mind...Ponderings On a Rainy Day.

In one month and two days from today, it will be a milestone. And a lot of different meanings.

For one, my childhood friend, Lisa's birthday is on October 29th. We just recently reconnected, thanks to FaceBook, after almost 25 years of dropping off the earth to one another. Then, soon followed by her three sisters, Neva, Dana and Rena.

Then, add in the fact that it will be 21 years since my mother's passing. Over the years it has gotten much better to take in and deal with. I know she will always be with me in my heart and in my memories (what few I have left of her and our time together).

The biggest milestone to come on October 29th though is...

It will be my one-year anniversary since my Cornea Transplant. While I'm happy to have the sight that I DO have in it now, compared to before the surgery (and the fact that I have a cornea), it will also be a day of mourning.

Yes, we recipients DO mourn the passing of those which have given us our second chances. We never (in most cases) were able to meet them in life. And a rare few of us get to meet the families that are mourning the loss of their loved one that donated to us. But we are very thankful and grateful, none the less. And it hurts us to know that another family is out there, somewhere, hurting and are not able to have the time with their family any longer, as we recipients share in the joys, trials and tribulations of our families.

It's on days like this, where it's damp, chilly and rainy, that I sit and wonder. What if my mother were still alive? How would she have felt of my moving across to the other side of the states? How would she think of my husband? What nicknames would she have given her grandchildren?...Would I have still had that stupid trache until I turned 18?

I also wonder who my donor was. What is their gender? How old were they? What were their likes and dislikes? Was their family life filled with love and laughter?

So many thoughts to ponder as I sit here, sipping my coffee and listening to the stillness of the house, as the rain beats down and the cars are passing by on slick roads.

Popping My Vlogging Cherry!

The Life And Limitations Of A Corneal Graft Recipient

Over on my profile page at Facebook, a friend of mine had some questions about my Corneal Transplant that I had done in October of last year. I'm almost eight months post-transplant. Barring a few complications, so far, I'm doing quite well.

My friend's father had passed away a while back, and she had his corneas donated. They went to two different individuals. Thanks to her gift of her father's corneas, two more people are able to see the world around them.

There is sadly not as much conversation, education and awareness, as well as support for Corneal Grafting Transplants. We seem to be on the back burner. Mainly because to many it's "just an eye" and it's "just tissue". But the reality is...it is SO MUCH more than that!

Corneas are literally the windows to the world around us. Without corneas, you would not be able to see. AT ALL! Nor can you protect your eyes from MOST infections. Especially those that are air-borne caused.

Like many other things. Your eyes (and your corneas) get taken for granted. That is, until you lose the cornea, your sight, and almost the entire eye(s).

Here are the questions that she asks, and my answers.

Can you drive after you've had a cornea transplant ? No, not at this time. Due to complications of tight stitching and an ever-more developing Cataract, I am Legally Blind and would not be able to see things clearly from the left side or from my peripheral vision, which is still limited as well.

What about contact sports, swimming, flying etc? I can now just go back in to the water, but must be careful doing so. Contact sports are still a no-no. Flying, I don't know of yet either. I'm hoping to be allowed to get on roller coasters this summer with my kids at King's Dominion. Should know today, being I have a two-month checkup this afternoon.

Can the pressure from those cause damage to the transplant ? Ocular pressure certainly can harm the transplant. This is why it is checked at every visit. And for the first six weeks post-transplant, I wasn't allowed to bend at the waist, pick up objects (even my child) if they were over a specified weight, and even sex was banned.

Also, for the first week, I was not allowed to take a regular shower or wash my hair. I wasn't allowed to use face wash for the first month. I didn't color my hair again until like four months after surgery.

Just the other weekend, I got in to the pool. Before then, that was a no-no due to the chemicals used.

We (Corneal Graft patients) are placed on the ocular version of Prednisone. The side effects remain within the eye region, instead of having overall systemic effects.

I'm pretty sure I have some nerve damage in the way of nerve sensitivity. Now extreme heat (over 350 from an oven) and extreme cold (like from a freezer) either gives me a sharp pain or a "searing" feeling. I noticed those the first time I got to cook again, and when I opened a freezer section door at the store. And it's been like that ever since.

If anyone has ANY question in regards to Corneal Transplantation, or Donation, please feel free to ask away. Also, if you have yet to become a registered Organ/Tissue/Eye/Bone Donor, please click HERE and become a HERO.

Organ/Tissue Donation....Distorting the MYTHS. Stating the FACTS.

Organ Donation. It is one of the most selfless, heroic acts a person can do for their fellow man. It gives another person (or a number of people) a new lease on life. A second chance that would not have come otherwise.

Since it's founding and inception, Organ, Tissue, and Eye Donation have made great strides, and had come a long way where medical technology is concerned.

Too bad public education and awareness have neither made the same wonderful strides since that time. There are so many myths, half truths and all-out lies when it comes to the topic of Organ/Tissue/Eye Donation. Some are classics that you have heard so many times, it's like second nature and doesn't even phase you when you hear the words blurted out unexpectedly.

The number one myth/lie I tend to hear the most is... "If I have an accident or other tragic medical emergency, and I am a Registered Organ Donor, then the EMS and the Emergency Department/hospital will NOT do EVERYTHING in their power to save my life, so that they can get my organs".

How very, VERY untrue that this statement is. All medical professionals are to do EVERYTHING in their means and within their power to save lives. No matter if the patient is an organ donor, or not. 

Another is.. "They might take my 'parts' when I am still legally alive, but look like I am dead".

Yet, this is another false statement. The Transplant Coordination Team must do various, and rigorous tests, including several EEG's, eye dilation test, and nerve sensation testing. After all of those are completed (multiple times) and each time nothing changes with negative results for EVERY time, then the patient is declared BRAIN DEAD (which is a legal form of death), and also their only means of having a heartbeat and breathing lungs is via the ventilator.

There were comments on a Fan Page I belong in regards to the possibility of New York mandating an "Opt-Out" Organ Donation System, where you are of "presumed consent to donate", unless you sign a paper/check a box for your State-issued Driver's License or ID that you wish to NOT be an Organ Donor. Basically, it is donation in reverse. Instead of VOLUNTARILY giving your organs, you will be PRESUMED to be a donor, unless you say otherwise.

Some of the comments were either of a selfish nature, or of not enough self-education in to the ins and outs of donating.

There are some people that don't want to donate being that they would only want to have their "parts" go to 'good people', not "killers, rapists" and others deemed less fitting of society.

There was one comment where an ADULT female would only donate (including her heart) ONLY to children. Sadly to say though, an adult (for the most part) cannot donate their organs to a child. Especially the heart and the lungs.

The only adult organs that are able to be cross-matched with children (TO MY KNOWLEDGE) is heart valves, and the liver (that can be cut in to 7 or 8 pieces and will regenerate to full size in the host body), skin, and the corneas (window of the eye).

Otherwise, there is no feasible ability to transplant adult organs in to children. Not unless the recipient's chest wall, kidney areas are of a compatible size of their donors.

In all real honesty, the last two excuses/explanations I gave as to why people wish to NOT donate their organs after their death are the two most selfish. Yes, children (especially infants and other small children) are at the greatest need of transplants. And they have the highest rate of donor shortage. But I do NOT fault the parents of deceased children. It is hard enough to lose your child, only to have to make a DRASTIC decision like that, at such a critical, emotional and bereaved time such as that.

But unlike the latter, I don't see where, in my mind and personal opinion, that there is a valid excuse to NOT donate (other than for religious practice/belief reasons). Especially when you put a "price" on donating. Such as stipulating that you only want a "good person or people" to have your organs. Or that as an adult only wants to give to children, which will make what you CAN give, very little.

Speaking of "setting a price" on Organ Donation. That is another misconception I caught on that Fan Page board. Some one (who rides motorcycles) said that he wouldn't want to donate, being that the DONOR family gets dumped with the cost of procurement, transporting of the organs and tissues, and for the RECIPIENT's  surger(ies).

Again, a FALSE statement/myth/accusation. Nothing, and I mean *NOTHING* is charged to the Donor or their family for *any* part of the Transplant process. That all befalls to the RECIPIENT. Believe me, I know. Just for my cornea (not including harvesting, transportation, or transplantation) cost me $3,000.00. ME!....Not my donor or their family. It is against FEDERAL law to charge a single dime to the Donor or their loved ones being a donor or for the donation process.

So, I hope that for those of you that are still deciding to become an Organ/Tissue Donor, or for those of you that never really knew much about the process have read this and have taken something away (positive) about the TRUTH of being a Donor.

I truly believe that if more people were to self-educate (through reputable organizations, websites and through personal experiences of recipients) of exactly how Donation works, there would be MILLIONS more people willing to sign up to be a HERO.

Copy of letter to DONATE LIFE AMERICA re: my story of being a Cornea Recipient

For much of my adult life, I have been battling what I thought to be "teen acne". That was until the morning of October 21,2009. That's when I perforated my Cornea after poking it with my finger knuckle as I scratched an itch on my eyebrow, and my finger slipped.

On October 24th, I was sent to Duke University Medical Center and learned that I in fact had the skin condition, Rosacea. This is called Ocular Rosacea. It was in my eyes as well. And as a result, the Cornea thinned with each flare-up.

On October 29th, I was rushed back to Duke for an emergency Corneal Transplant. The Gluing procedure that was used to wait out the infection didn't work.

Thanks to my Donor, their courageous gift, and his/her family, I was able to regain my sight. At least a tiny bit. It's going to take a great amount of time (about a year or so) for all of my vision to return.

But this married, Stay-At-Home Mom of three children (ages 10 years to 5 years) is forever grateful to the doctors, her Donor, Donor Family and the North Carolina Eye Bank for the gift of sight. Without them and my family's support, I very well could be blind for the rest of my life (or even without an actual eye).

That Cornea Donation saved my Cornea, the eye it's self, and my life as I've come to "know" it.

Please give to others. Be a Donor and give someone the chance at a better, healthier, and happier life.

I myself am an Organ/Tissue/Eye Donor. If you are going to "take", it's always a good thing to also "give".

Melissa, State of Virginia

Looking Up! (Update re: Cornea/Eye Appointment today)

Well, for the first time since my initial Corneal Transplant Surgery, something has finally gone RIGHT!

After looking at the eye and getting a good peek in to the back of it (for the first time), I got the all clear. My rejection REVERSED!!!!

For three tedious and daunting weeks, my Pred-Forte and I once again became closer friends than I care to admit to. Now I'm back down to four times a day on that, my Doxycycline (oral) medicine twice a day, and my lubricant drops as needed (usually no more than three times in a day).

What an improvement in just three weeks! And even better news?....

Even though he couldn't do it this time, being that I am just now getting out of rejection, I'm looking forward to finally getting SOME of the 15 stitches removed at next month's visit. He said that it's chancing it now to start removal. But when he does, it will be between 3 and 5 of them getting cut out.

If you are interested in this topic, please feel free to leave me QUESTIONS HERE in the comments area. I will try my best to answer them or at least find the info and their locations and work it all in to a separate post on the topic of Corneal Transplantation.

With my stitches loosening, it is now making the Cornea round like it should be, not flat like a table top. My peripheral vision is now back, thanks to the Cornea not being so tight against my pupil. The biggest nuisance now is the fact that my upper eyelid "sticks" to my eyeball. When it tries to "peel off", the air that got trapped releases and my eye "pops". It doesn't hurt. Just feels REALLY weird.

But at least now I can look UP! 

Come, join us at... The Transplant Experience Community (TEC) group on Facebook...

It's a safe haven. It is a place of support and understanding.

Thanks to Rex and Linda Maus, those of us that are facing a transplant, have had a transplant, were a Living Donor, or we are a family member of a Donor, have a place to run to. To call home.

That place is The Transplant Experience Community (TEC) group over on Facebook.

We have all various types of groups of transplant members there. Liver. Kidney. Bone. Heart. Lung. And even Cornea.

There are forum threads in the discussions area for each transplant group. There is a "Prayer Corner". We also provide a place to vent about the after affects of the surgeries.

As not only a member of this wonderful community....no, FAMILY, but as an Administrator in the group as well, I can personally say that I have never felt so close to "strangers" over a computer as I do with my fellow members in TEC.

We laugh together. We cry together. We share our hopes, our dreams, and our fears with one another. There is real love in the group. It illuminates all around within the group's walls.

If you or a loved one, be it a sister, brother, mother or father, a friend or co-worker is in need of a transplant, has had a transplant, or you wish to know more about Organ/Tissue Donation, please feel free to join us at The Transplant Experience Community. We are waiting for you with open and accepting arms.

The Transplant Experience TEC

It's Test Time For Me Today (Transplanted Problems)

Today is a test of faith, of self-perseverance, self-reflection and of courage. For me anyways.

In the last three weeks, I have been having to fight off rejection from my graft. The doctor had noticed a VERY early stage of it during the last appointment.

If the eye is still trying to give my Cornea the boot, then the BEST-case scenario is that I have to keep up the tedious task of dropping Pred-Forte in my eye several times (again) during the day. From the time I wake, until I go to bed.

WORST-case scenario? Honestly, I really don't think that I am even remotely to that point. But it would be to go and have another Transplant surgery done with a new donated Cornea.

With that all said, I am going to be bringing my "Transplant posts" back to my main blog (here at 'The (Not Always) Happy Homemaker Diary'). The blog for the Transplant Community isn't really getting any hits. So, I figured that this would be the best decision.

Sure, not everyone cares to know about the ins and outs of being a Donor, Donor Family, or a Recipient. But there are also many that do. So, being that my main blog (HERE!) gets the most "action", I will just keep those that are interested and/or following my progress (or lack thereof) updated on this page.

So, please know that I will update with the latest news as soon as I can. My appointment isn't until late this afternoon. Until then....

Smile

Sometimes it takes great difficulty to smile. Sure, it takes a less number of facial muscles to smile, than to frown. But there are days that you just really don't want to smile.

There are times in my life that have had to just "grin and bear it". Then there have been times where I use smiling and laughter to "kill the pain". And there have been times that no matter how someone has tried, they just cannot for the life of them, make me smile, being that my inner pain was too great.

After learning several years ago that Bryce indeed had mental problems that I fought hard to get recognized and dealt with, I had to do SOMETHING to ease the stress, anguish and even the bitterness that laid within myself.

So, I took it upon myself to commit to smiling and laughing at least once for every time my heart broke due to the horrid "mental diseases" that took my happy boy from me.

Today, I am still committed to doing so. Although sometimes, I admit, I do falter. After all, I am still human, ya know!

Especially in the last few months. It's almost four months now since my Corneal Transplant was done. And there have been some problems associated with my new "window". But for the most part, I've been doing unexpectedly well for this time table.

Now, I am fighting off early signs of rejection. We knew that although slight, it was a possibility. And it happened. Sure! I was mad. I was angry at myself (internally). I cried A LOT on Saturday.

But now, I am choosing to smile. I am choosing to look POSITIVELY at my plight...and the fight that lay ahead. I still have a decent sized road ahead of me. And I have all the backup I'm needing. My faith, my family, my friends who have been so supportive and my doctor who has fought along side me the whole step of the way.

So, no matter how bad your road is filled with snapped off tree limbs, rocks and pebbles, smile as you walk past each of them. Because in the end, you WILL get to your final destination...smiling.

Arm, eye and stomach...What a combination to deal with.

Germ invasion, broken arm and a failing eye. That is what I have been dealing with since last week. Let's just say it's kind of looking up.

The bright side? Bryce's arm and hand/finger swelling is going down and he is doing well in the cast.

Otherwise, there isn't much of a bright side. Other than the fact that the constant drops in the eye are helping to reverse possible irreversable damage to my Cornea.

After sitting in the Cornea Specialist's chair, he looked in to my eye and looked at results from a new test I had done last Friday. Then asked how long my eye has been red.

Come to find out...My Cornea is in the EARLY stages of Rejection. Not even in my fourth month yet and BOOM! Now I'm on my Pred Forte Drops several times a day. At least for the next three weeks.

Then, Friday night, Skyler got us up at around eleven from a nice slumber, only to let Scott and I know as she cried that she "puked" all over my living room carpet and couch. Let's just say, it is going to still require the Rug Shampooer to get the stains up.

Top it all off with last night, around midnight, Bryce got up and barely made it to the toilet and threw up. He also had some on the doorway area of his carpet. But otherwise, he did it full throttle all over the seat, inside, and the side of the potty.

At this point with my immune system already attacking my eye and having a lowered "defense", I can't afford to get sick. That would make my already failing eye a complete failure most likely. My body is already attacking the Cornea. To get sick leaves a wide-open shot like a dear being hunted in the clearing of the forest. It's sure to be killed.

One day soon, I will be able to hopefully put all of my worries behind me with my eye. But now that is is in rejection, my chances go up for it to happen again if I can save THIS Cornea.

Well, that's life. I have YET to be able to get Bryce's Vyvanse. Still working on fighting insurance and waiting to see if the Pre-Authorization went through. Plus, Bryce has an appointment Friday for his broken arm. Needless to say, Dr. Asshat who doesn't call back never let him get an earlier appointment so he won't miss TWO WEEKS of school. So, it looks like Monday of NEXT week is when he can go back. Bryce NEEDS TO BE IN SCHOOL! Not stuck at home...for a broken arm. Good lord!

This guy makes me wonder if he is a quack. Who the hell keeps a kid home for two weeks? Put Bryce in a sling, make sure he gets assistance from the other kids and the teacher to help write and carry heavy things and take extra precautions (like no P.E. or recess on the school yard).

The Transplant Experience Community (TEC) group on Facebook...

It's a safe haven. It is a place of support and understanding.

Thanks to Rex and Linda Maus, those of us that are facing a transplant, have had a transplant, were a Living Donor, or we are a family member of a Donor, have a place to run to. To call home.

That place is The Transplant Experience Community (TEC) group over on Facebook.

We have all various types of groups of transplant members there. Liver. Kidney. Bone. Heart. Lung. And even Cornea.

There are forum threads in the discussions area for each transplant group. There is a "Prayer Corner". We also provide a place to vent about the after affects of the surgeries.

As not only a member of this wonderful community....no, FAMILY, but as an Administrator in the group as well, I can personally say that I have never felt so close to "strangers" over a computer as I do with my fellow members in TEC.

We laugh together. We cry together. We share our hopes, our dreams, and our fears with one another. There is real love in the group. It illuminates all around within the group's walls.

If you or a loved one, be it a sister, brother, mother or father, a friend or co-worker is in need of a transplant, has had a transplant, or you wish to know more about Organ/Tissue Donation, please feel free to join us at The Transplant Experience Community. We are waiting for you with open and accepting arms.

The Transplant Experience TEC