I have been blogging for at least the last three years. Maybe even more than that. But I'm not one for keeping count.
Over these last few years, I have discovered some really neat blogs, and wonderfully crafted Bloggers. Some armature. Some went "pro". And some fall right in between the middle.
I've followed or read ALL kinds of topics from bloggers. From being a stay-home-parent, all the way to giveaways, and in between, some things like topics of the Paranormal, poetry, and fan fiction.
Today, I wish to bring to you (yes including a couple of my other blog pages, too) some Bloggers who spin their crafty words on to their pages from ALL types of blogging topics. Please indeed do take some time and check them out.
A Tall Drink of Sweet Tea (A little bit of everything)
Holly's House...not a perfect mom's blog... (That name should say it all! lol... And I thought my kids were nutso. WARNED! Explicit language)
Narragansett No. 7 (A pro writer, giving a funny look in to the everyday life of being a parent... WARNED! Explicit language)
Another Cookie, Please (What started as a chronicle of her mother's battle with illness turned in to a page filled with all kinds of tidbits and her no-nonsense take of the world around her.)
Living for the Dream~Teri Drost PhotoArt (A BRAND NEW blog page! Features wonderfully captivating and beautiful photography art. From nature to reptiles, Terii snaps them all!)
The Blindo Diaries (Advice for those fighting and/or living with blindness. From someone who's there.)
Parga's Junkyard (Giveaways, coupons, shopping tips, reviews, recipes)
Now, being the gracious Hostess that I am, and because my Mama taught me better, I have saved MY links for last. I urge you to check these out, also. I have so many pages to write in because I wanted to keep my topics (for the most part) organized and more readily available to my readers and my potential readers.
Poetic Thoughts (Blog of poems that either are originals by me, or credited to famous authors.)
Through A Looking Glass (Educational. My life as a person that had a Corneal Transplant)
ParanorMel (All about the subject of the Paranormal. Primarily ghosts, hauntings, and my own experiences, and those of my family.)
The "Mental"-ist Mom (Talking about my life as a parent of a child deemed disabled by his many mental disorders. I also talk about the Disability Community in general, as well.)
As you can see from this list, there is indeed SOMETHING for not just one or two types of interest groups. But there is something for EVERYONE to (hopefully) enjoy. And I hope that you have found something that you may have been looking for.
Depending on the popularity of this post, comments/reactions to it and if there are any requests, I may do another one of these in the future. And hopefully, with a MUCH longer list of blog links.
My work is ORIGINAL...Don't be a thief.
What is written in this blog, is of the author's own originality. It contains the sole views, thoughts, and stories of this blog's author.
Showing posts with label cornea transplant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cornea transplant. Show all posts
Friday, January 27, 2012
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Putting My Worst Face Foward...
I didn't always see myself as "pretty". In honestly any sense of the word.
I was your average American tomboy girl. I loved being barefoot, in jeans or shorts and a comfy shirt. I hated dresses and makeup. In fact, I rarely, if ever wear either of the latter to this day. And I'm about to turn thirty-five.
As a teen, I had your basic teen acne. Or so I'd thought. I had some pretty icky breakouts. Especially around the time of a hormonal flux at the nearing of my menstrual cycle.
After years of trying everything, by my 19th birthday, it all just went away. I went on with my life. Had gotten married, had a child, divorced. Remarried, had two more children. Also I'd lost a child in between the middle and youngest.
That's also when my breakouts came back. Right near the loss of that baby in 2003. And they came back with a vengeance.
After having my youngest child, who is now seven years old, and in the First Grade, things only had become worse. But I figured that over time, with my hormones getting back to a normal level, everything would just clear up again.
Oh how WRONG was I with that assumption. If anything, they had become worse.
By the time she was a year old, my face went to looking like this with Rosacea...
And yes, it steadily got worse than this. To the point that it hurt me emotionally, psychologically and even socially.
I hated leaving my home. I didn't like to be out in public. Not looking like that! People would stare. Little children would ask what happened to my face, as they pointed and had that look of disgust upon their faces.
There were times that I was even embarrassed to be around my family, wondering what they thought of how I looked. On occasion certain members of the family would "grill" me on what I ate, what I used to clean my face and whatnot.
I did NOTHING wrong. I ate NOTHING wrong. It was NOT my fault. But it certainly felt like I did SOMETHING wrong.
Eventually the Rosacea went in to an area of the body I had NEVER heard of it even being possible.
My eyes. But it primarily attacked my left eyeball. And I went to a Ophthalmologist who sadly MISTREATED me for the wrong infection. In the end, the Ocular Rosacea (Subtype 4) ate away most of the cornea (outer window of the pupil that is your eye's lens) in the left eye.
At times, my face looked like this man's...
And yes, my eye would like like the one in this picture...
In the end, after my cornea had perforated (had a hole in it), I looked like this..
Not even two weeks later, thanks to Ocular Rosacea eating away my cornea, I had no choice but to have an emergency-based Corneal Transplant (Keratoplasty) and required a full graft of another person's cornea after they had died and were an organ/tissue donor.
Here I am 2-weeks post-op...
And here I am 2 YEARS later...
As for the Rosacea, it is now under control!! I am on Doxycycline pills. And will most likely be on and off of them for the rest of my life.
Plus, soon, seeing as I can no longer have children, we are going to try a cream medication after removing me from the Doxycycline pills in a few months. And if need be, I may even end up being on both to ensure that when I have an "attack of the pimple kind", it will not be that bad, and will be staved off from being inside my eye.
Here I am today, pimple/Rosacea free (for the most part)...
I still have breakouts. Mainly around my cycle. But it's now just a bump here and a bump there. Yes, they CAN be painful, swelled and very red. But at least I'm NOWHERE near as horrible looking as back in the time of my youngest being a baby.
I'm more confident, knowledgeable about my conditions and am no longer afraid to walk out of my home, only to face ridicule from strangers young and old.
I was your average American tomboy girl. I loved being barefoot, in jeans or shorts and a comfy shirt. I hated dresses and makeup. In fact, I rarely, if ever wear either of the latter to this day. And I'm about to turn thirty-five.
As a teen, I had your basic teen acne. Or so I'd thought. I had some pretty icky breakouts. Especially around the time of a hormonal flux at the nearing of my menstrual cycle.
After years of trying everything, by my 19th birthday, it all just went away. I went on with my life. Had gotten married, had a child, divorced. Remarried, had two more children. Also I'd lost a child in between the middle and youngest.
That's also when my breakouts came back. Right near the loss of that baby in 2003. And they came back with a vengeance.
After having my youngest child, who is now seven years old, and in the First Grade, things only had become worse. But I figured that over time, with my hormones getting back to a normal level, everything would just clear up again.
Oh how WRONG was I with that assumption. If anything, they had become worse.
By the time she was a year old, my face went to looking like this with Rosacea...
And yes, it steadily got worse than this. To the point that it hurt me emotionally, psychologically and even socially.
I hated leaving my home. I didn't like to be out in public. Not looking like that! People would stare. Little children would ask what happened to my face, as they pointed and had that look of disgust upon their faces.
There were times that I was even embarrassed to be around my family, wondering what they thought of how I looked. On occasion certain members of the family would "grill" me on what I ate, what I used to clean my face and whatnot.
I did NOTHING wrong. I ate NOTHING wrong. It was NOT my fault. But it certainly felt like I did SOMETHING wrong.
Eventually the Rosacea went in to an area of the body I had NEVER heard of it even being possible.
My eyes. But it primarily attacked my left eyeball. And I went to a Ophthalmologist who sadly MISTREATED me for the wrong infection. In the end, the Ocular Rosacea (Subtype 4) ate away most of the cornea (outer window of the pupil that is your eye's lens) in the left eye.
At times, my face looked like this man's...
And yes, my eye would like like the one in this picture...
In the end, after my cornea had perforated (had a hole in it), I looked like this..
Not even two weeks later, thanks to Ocular Rosacea eating away my cornea, I had no choice but to have an emergency-based Corneal Transplant (Keratoplasty) and required a full graft of another person's cornea after they had died and were an organ/tissue donor.
Here I am 2-weeks post-op...
And here I am 2 YEARS later...
As for the Rosacea, it is now under control!! I am on Doxycycline pills. And will most likely be on and off of them for the rest of my life.
Plus, soon, seeing as I can no longer have children, we are going to try a cream medication after removing me from the Doxycycline pills in a few months. And if need be, I may even end up being on both to ensure that when I have an "attack of the pimple kind", it will not be that bad, and will be staved off from being inside my eye.
Here I am today, pimple/Rosacea free (for the most part)...
I still have breakouts. Mainly around my cycle. But it's now just a bump here and a bump there. Yes, they CAN be painful, swelled and very red. But at least I'm NOWHERE near as horrible looking as back in the time of my youngest being a baby.
I'm more confident, knowledgeable about my conditions and am no longer afraid to walk out of my home, only to face ridicule from strangers young and old.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
A Grafted Life (Update #2)
Well, I had yet another checkup for the eye's cornea graft, where the last stitch that was still sewn in to the cornea had popped loose and went in to an infection.
After battling the infection, and in turn, an abscess that was right at the top edge of my transplant and the sclera (white portion of the eye), I am VERY happy to report that all of the medications had done their job, and the abscess was irradiated.
But I am also now left with a reminder. Of what I went through, and of what NOT to do again in the future.
Waiting. Too long. I waited a day or two too long to go in and the end result is a scar on my eye that will never go away, or even fade some. The stitch that popped had a nasty infection (that I'd mistaken as ALLERGIES), that once removed, had caused the abscess. The abscess appeared within 24 to 48 hours post-treatment to remove the infected stitch.
So, take it from me, do NOT wait. As soon as you see a red look to your eye, have any amount of pain or burning, GET IT CHECKED OUT. Especially if you have had the eye issues that I have had to endure, and most especially if you have received a Corneal Grafting Transplant for ANY kind of reason.
Do not let ANYTHING hurt that precious gift that you were able to receive. A second chance at sight.
Now, I am down to only using my OmniPred (Prednisone/steroid) drops four times a day for another two weeks, then only twice a day after that. And my Doxycycline pills once at night, to keep my Roseacea from flaring up and attacking my skin and my eyes.
Also, my latest eye chart test pegged me at 20/30 vision. Up from 20/40 last week at that checkup. And my doctor has said that out of 30 to 40 of his patients being Cornea Transplant Recipients, I am the ONLY patient in his care with my type of graft (keratoplasty) due to Perforation of Ocular Roseacea.
As for the rounding of my cornea, my doctor had said that we got the best rounding of the cornea as we possibly can. He said all along that it wasn't going to be perfect, but it's better than having it flat up against my pupil like a flat tabletop.
All in all, it was a good visit. I'm back on track. I've also learned a hard lesson about being a "tough old broad" (at almost 35 years young), and NOT doing what I should have done at the very first sign of trouble.
Like the Cornea Specialist had said, my transplant is a lifelong commitment and will hit a roadblock here and there. As will my Roseacea. And as long as I keep my follow-up appointments and tell when I even remotely think that there is a problem, then we can always stay ahead of the game and avoid other close calls of graft failure/rejection in the future.
After battling the infection, and in turn, an abscess that was right at the top edge of my transplant and the sclera (white portion of the eye), I am VERY happy to report that all of the medications had done their job, and the abscess was irradiated.
But I am also now left with a reminder. Of what I went through, and of what NOT to do again in the future.
Waiting. Too long. I waited a day or two too long to go in and the end result is a scar on my eye that will never go away, or even fade some. The stitch that popped had a nasty infection (that I'd mistaken as ALLERGIES), that once removed, had caused the abscess. The abscess appeared within 24 to 48 hours post-treatment to remove the infected stitch.
So, take it from me, do NOT wait. As soon as you see a red look to your eye, have any amount of pain or burning, GET IT CHECKED OUT. Especially if you have had the eye issues that I have had to endure, and most especially if you have received a Corneal Grafting Transplant for ANY kind of reason.
Do not let ANYTHING hurt that precious gift that you were able to receive. A second chance at sight.
Now, I am down to only using my OmniPred (Prednisone/steroid) drops four times a day for another two weeks, then only twice a day after that. And my Doxycycline pills once at night, to keep my Roseacea from flaring up and attacking my skin and my eyes.
Also, my latest eye chart test pegged me at 20/30 vision. Up from 20/40 last week at that checkup. And my doctor has said that out of 30 to 40 of his patients being Cornea Transplant Recipients, I am the ONLY patient in his care with my type of graft (keratoplasty) due to Perforation of Ocular Roseacea.
As for the rounding of my cornea, my doctor had said that we got the best rounding of the cornea as we possibly can. He said all along that it wasn't going to be perfect, but it's better than having it flat up against my pupil like a flat tabletop.
All in all, it was a good visit. I'm back on track. I've also learned a hard lesson about being a "tough old broad" (at almost 35 years young), and NOT doing what I should have done at the very first sign of trouble.
Like the Cornea Specialist had said, my transplant is a lifelong commitment and will hit a roadblock here and there. As will my Roseacea. And as long as I keep my follow-up appointments and tell when I even remotely think that there is a problem, then we can always stay ahead of the game and avoid other close calls of graft failure/rejection in the future.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Cornea Transplant Update
Okay, first of all, thus far, it seems it is NOT rejecting. But it was getting infected, and in turn THAT could have started a graft rejection, if I waited another day or so.
But I did have the BEGINNINGS of an infection, thanks to a stitch that had popped loose from the graft. So, the doctor I had to see on Triage/emergency basis removed it just with the tweezers. I asked and SHE (who is a Retina Specialist, not cornea) said it was ONLY the popped stitch, and kept me on my OmniPred steroid drop every 4 hours, and added Vigamox antibiotic drops 4 times a day.
Well.....
I'd gone back yesterday (Monday) for a re-check with my regular doctor, the Cornea Specialist. And he found something that must have developed over the weekend, otherwise the other doctor, I'm certain would have seen it while looking at my eye on Friday.
It seems that I have developed an abscess where the stitch was loose and just "floating" there. So, now I am a self-proclaimed walking Drug Store. At least through tomorrow morning, when the decision will be made to either keep me on my drug plan, or take a knife (again) to my eyeball (same thing he said, as when he removes the stitches). Yes, he may have to lance the abscess, let it drain, and grab a culture to see exactly what kind of infection is growing.
Of course, I'm hoping and praying feverishly that the drugs all are WORKING.
What's my drug regimen, you ask? The kind where it has made it impossible to volunteer at the school at all this week.
Twice a day, Aleve (one in morning, one at nighttime, both with food).
Once a day, Doxycycline (at bedtime, no dairy/calcium at least 2 hours before taking)
EVERY (waking) hour, Vigamox drops (antibiotic to stave off rejection and bacteria).
Every 2 hours, OmniPred drops (steroid) to ward off swelling and inflammation and eye pressure problems.
Every 4 hours, Bacitracin Ointment in lower eye lid, also an anti-bacterial medication.
To say I feel like I'm on a never-ending merry-go-round is probably a horrible understatement at the moment. And I have to do this regimen AT LEAST through a part of tomorrow morning. Probably even longer if he has to cut in to the abscess.
But!!!... Yes, there is a "but". There is a so-called silver lining in all of this mess.
It seems (seeing as I haven't seen the doctor in over a year) that we BOTH got a surprise. Because the doctor on Friday claimed I still had five stitches to go, but I don't know if she was actually looking for anymore of them other than the infected one. My regular specialist (Cornea) said he saw NONE.
Either he already removed some (which he did, a total of eight altogether), the other doctor removed the one, or they even actually DISSOLVED somehow, though they aren't considered "dissoluble" by what I had always understood.
So, that is ONE less worry to have to go through anymore. And that is apparently why my vision was now pegged in that eye as being either 20/50 or 20/40 (depending on which test I took between two different eye chart tests that they give me).
We'd talked about it many times in the past (and yes, he reminded me yesterday lol) that as stiches came out, being that the graft was sewn in pretty tightly and "flattened" it, to where it 'touched' my pupil, that the cornea would round its self out, and that this is FINALLY happening..
Now it seems that it is NOT the stitches, but the cataract that I have had since about a month post-transplant, that is hindering my peripheral vision on the outer left side of the eye.
So, of course, that means I am STILL facing (at least) one last surgical procedure to remove the cataract-ridden lens, and have it replaced with an implant.
So, there's the current news from the last post, If It's Not One Thing, It's Another... (WARNING!!!! language laced!) .. At least this one isn't filled with words that would make a sailor blush and pass out. (=
But I did have the BEGINNINGS of an infection, thanks to a stitch that had popped loose from the graft. So, the doctor I had to see on Triage/emergency basis removed it just with the tweezers. I asked and SHE (who is a Retina Specialist, not cornea) said it was ONLY the popped stitch, and kept me on my OmniPred steroid drop every 4 hours, and added Vigamox antibiotic drops 4 times a day.
Well.....
I'd gone back yesterday (Monday) for a re-check with my regular doctor, the Cornea Specialist. And he found something that must have developed over the weekend, otherwise the other doctor, I'm certain would have seen it while looking at my eye on Friday.
It seems that I have developed an abscess where the stitch was loose and just "floating" there. So, now I am a self-proclaimed walking Drug Store. At least through tomorrow morning, when the decision will be made to either keep me on my drug plan, or take a knife (again) to my eyeball (same thing he said, as when he removes the stitches). Yes, he may have to lance the abscess, let it drain, and grab a culture to see exactly what kind of infection is growing.
Of course, I'm hoping and praying feverishly that the drugs all are WORKING.
What's my drug regimen, you ask? The kind where it has made it impossible to volunteer at the school at all this week.
Twice a day, Aleve (one in morning, one at nighttime, both with food).
Once a day, Doxycycline (at bedtime, no dairy/calcium at least 2 hours before taking)
EVERY (waking) hour, Vigamox drops (antibiotic to stave off rejection and bacteria).
Every 2 hours, OmniPred drops (steroid) to ward off swelling and inflammation and eye pressure problems.
Every 4 hours, Bacitracin Ointment in lower eye lid, also an anti-bacterial medication.
To say I feel like I'm on a never-ending merry-go-round is probably a horrible understatement at the moment. And I have to do this regimen AT LEAST through a part of tomorrow morning. Probably even longer if he has to cut in to the abscess.
But!!!... Yes, there is a "but". There is a so-called silver lining in all of this mess.
It seems (seeing as I haven't seen the doctor in over a year) that we BOTH got a surprise. Because the doctor on Friday claimed I still had five stitches to go, but I don't know if she was actually looking for anymore of them other than the infected one. My regular specialist (Cornea) said he saw NONE.
Either he already removed some (which he did, a total of eight altogether), the other doctor removed the one, or they even actually DISSOLVED somehow, though they aren't considered "dissoluble" by what I had always understood.
So, that is ONE less worry to have to go through anymore. And that is apparently why my vision was now pegged in that eye as being either 20/50 or 20/40 (depending on which test I took between two different eye chart tests that they give me).
We'd talked about it many times in the past (and yes, he reminded me yesterday lol) that as stiches came out, being that the graft was sewn in pretty tightly and "flattened" it, to where it 'touched' my pupil, that the cornea would round its self out, and that this is FINALLY happening..
Now it seems that it is NOT the stitches, but the cataract that I have had since about a month post-transplant, that is hindering my peripheral vision on the outer left side of the eye.
So, of course, that means I am STILL facing (at least) one last surgical procedure to remove the cataract-ridden lens, and have it replaced with an implant.
So, there's the current news from the last post, If It's Not One Thing, It's Another... (WARNING!!!! language laced!) .. At least this one isn't filled with words that would make a sailor blush and pass out. (=
Friday, November 11, 2011
If It's Not One Thing, It's Another... (WARNING!!!! language laced!)
Yeah, I feel like having a pity party. If you want to join in the "fun", be my guest. But if you feel like telling me I should be thankful and that I should feel blessed or lucky, then go the fuck on to some other page, because honestly, I'm in no mood to hear it.
For one thing, I DO count myself as being lucky AND blessed. I have been given a wonderful gift from someone I'll never have the pleasure of meeting and thanking. That hurts my heart a little, each and every single day.
And yes, I am EXTREMELY thankful to the person and their family for being HEROES and giving me something that was almost completely taken away from me for the rest of my life.
My sight. And even my entire eye.
But I also have a RIGHT to sometimes be angry. I have a right to vent. And if you don't like it, then please spare the both of us, and go on. Today is not a good day for you to try your positivity thing on me. Because right now, I don't see a "silver lining". Most of the time, I do. But today isn't your lucky day.
Nor is it mine.
You see, I very well may have scratched my cornea, thanks to (once again) my own stupidity. But it seems I was able to get it taken care of on my own.
I've been using my steroid drops religiously (for the most part) and my eye seemed to be doing A LOT better. But I did (accidentally, due to being extremely busy and thoughtless) forget to use my drops. At all. All day.
Now, my transplanted eye is giving me fits. It's not in pain. But it is red (mainly on outside side of the eye) and a bit itchy, and burning a little.
Yes, I've been careful to keep up with my drops. And it IS helping. But... I am getting a growth of concern.
So, it seems that once again, I will have to go in, when I honestly cannot afford to, and see if the R-word is back.
Rejection.
Yes, people, a CORNEA (tissue) transplant can and DOES reject, sometimes. If that is the case, then this will be my second bout with it in the last two years (transplant-iversary was 10/29/2011). I'm hoping against hope that in reality, it's my stupid ass allergies affecting it.
Along with my eye being a bit teary, red and itchy/burning, my nose is like a leaky faucet. And it's only happening on the left. Both the nostril and the eye on the left side of my face.
I'm just sick to death of this crap. Why? I knew that I had really no choice, but a transplant. Otherwise, it was lose the entire eyeball. And I knew I was "trading one set of problems for another". But DAMN IT!!! This has become utterly ridiculous.
It seems like EVERY fucking time shit's going good with me and my eye, something JUST HAS TO happen to cause another blow to my self-esteem and to my recovery process.
It's really getting old. And yes, sometimes, I do wish that they would have just taken the whole eye. It would have saved me a lot of trips to the doctor. It would have saved a lot of worry and fraying of my nerves. And it would have saved a lot of money that I really do NOT have for this on-going, life-long after-care.
Now, there is a (at this point, minutely) small chance, that I could be going in to rejection again. And IF I am, then we will once again try to (successfully, like last time) reverse it. BUT!.. There is always that chance, that fear, that it cannot be reversed. Which means another transplant. Another surgery I really cannot afford. Another person's death to save my sight.
How in the end, is ANY of this shit fair? If I'm rejecting and the cornea has to go, I know that I will feel like I let down my donor and their family. That they gave of themselves in vain. I failed, if indeed, I cannot save this cornea. And it will be MY fault. MY doing.
It scares me. Even when my eye IS doing really well. But it scares me even more so in times like this.
For one thing, I DO count myself as being lucky AND blessed. I have been given a wonderful gift from someone I'll never have the pleasure of meeting and thanking. That hurts my heart a little, each and every single day.
And yes, I am EXTREMELY thankful to the person and their family for being HEROES and giving me something that was almost completely taken away from me for the rest of my life.
My sight. And even my entire eye.
But I also have a RIGHT to sometimes be angry. I have a right to vent. And if you don't like it, then please spare the both of us, and go on. Today is not a good day for you to try your positivity thing on me. Because right now, I don't see a "silver lining". Most of the time, I do. But today isn't your lucky day.
Nor is it mine.
You see, I very well may have scratched my cornea, thanks to (once again) my own stupidity. But it seems I was able to get it taken care of on my own.
I've been using my steroid drops religiously (for the most part) and my eye seemed to be doing A LOT better. But I did (accidentally, due to being extremely busy and thoughtless) forget to use my drops. At all. All day.
Now, my transplanted eye is giving me fits. It's not in pain. But it is red (mainly on outside side of the eye) and a bit itchy, and burning a little.
Yes, I've been careful to keep up with my drops. And it IS helping. But... I am getting a growth of concern.
So, it seems that once again, I will have to go in, when I honestly cannot afford to, and see if the R-word is back.
Rejection.
Yes, people, a CORNEA (tissue) transplant can and DOES reject, sometimes. If that is the case, then this will be my second bout with it in the last two years (transplant-iversary was 10/29/2011). I'm hoping against hope that in reality, it's my stupid ass allergies affecting it.
Along with my eye being a bit teary, red and itchy/burning, my nose is like a leaky faucet. And it's only happening on the left. Both the nostril and the eye on the left side of my face.
I'm just sick to death of this crap. Why? I knew that I had really no choice, but a transplant. Otherwise, it was lose the entire eyeball. And I knew I was "trading one set of problems for another". But DAMN IT!!! This has become utterly ridiculous.
It seems like EVERY fucking time shit's going good with me and my eye, something JUST HAS TO happen to cause another blow to my self-esteem and to my recovery process.
It's really getting old. And yes, sometimes, I do wish that they would have just taken the whole eye. It would have saved me a lot of trips to the doctor. It would have saved a lot of worry and fraying of my nerves. And it would have saved a lot of money that I really do NOT have for this on-going, life-long after-care.
Now, there is a (at this point, minutely) small chance, that I could be going in to rejection again. And IF I am, then we will once again try to (successfully, like last time) reverse it. BUT!.. There is always that chance, that fear, that it cannot be reversed. Which means another transplant. Another surgery I really cannot afford. Another person's death to save my sight.
How in the end, is ANY of this shit fair? If I'm rejecting and the cornea has to go, I know that I will feel like I let down my donor and their family. That they gave of themselves in vain. I failed, if indeed, I cannot save this cornea. And it will be MY fault. MY doing.
It scares me. Even when my eye IS doing really well. But it scares me even more so in times like this.
Monday, October 10, 2011
It's That Time Again...
Leaves are turning to vibrant and almost magical-like colors. Hues of orange, yellow and red are all popping up around on the hill and mountainsides of the Appalachians. I love Autumn here in Virginia.
It's also time to break out hand-me-down costumes, or purchase new ones for the kids that have outgrown them all. And not to mention, buying the goodies that you will be passing out to the little fairies, ghosts, superheros and goblins.
And for me personally, it will be my 2-year-anniversary post-transplant for my eye. It's strange to know that already two years has just flown right past me. I still wonder about my donor and their life. And I often think about the donor's family, that I will seemingly never have the pleasure of meeting. I even throw around the idea of maybe even writing them an update letter.
Also, it will mark 22 years since my mother passed away, on the same day that I celebrate my anniversary date. Wow!! 22 years. How is even possible? It certainly to me, does NOT feel like that much time has gone by. But it has.
As you can see, I haven't even posted on to ANY of my three blogs in well over a month. I pretty much have given up writing on them. For various reasons. And honestly, for the most part, I do NOT miss this. I felt freed up, truthfully. I don't feel mentally pressured to crank out posts. I have never been in to blogging as to be popular or get mega numbers in followers/readers. I did it/do it as a release for my mind and to just talk about things that interest me, and maybe bring awareness to topics (like Pregnancy & Infant Loss month, which coincides with Breast Cancer Awareness month...but is overshadowed by BCA).
So, consider this my update, but don't be too surprised if I don't jot in this area again for another good while. I really don't feel the "love" for blogging like I had once had. And I'm okay with that. If I lose followers/readers, I'm not going to cry over it, or lose any sleep. But it's nice to know that there are a FEW people that follow/read me that genuinely care about what I have to say on here. To them, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. And I thank you for still sticking with me, though you know it may be like forever before I write again.
Later taters!!
It's also time to break out hand-me-down costumes, or purchase new ones for the kids that have outgrown them all. And not to mention, buying the goodies that you will be passing out to the little fairies, ghosts, superheros and goblins.
And for me personally, it will be my 2-year-anniversary post-transplant for my eye. It's strange to know that already two years has just flown right past me. I still wonder about my donor and their life. And I often think about the donor's family, that I will seemingly never have the pleasure of meeting. I even throw around the idea of maybe even writing them an update letter.
Also, it will mark 22 years since my mother passed away, on the same day that I celebrate my anniversary date. Wow!! 22 years. How is even possible? It certainly to me, does NOT feel like that much time has gone by. But it has.
As you can see, I haven't even posted on to ANY of my three blogs in well over a month. I pretty much have given up writing on them. For various reasons. And honestly, for the most part, I do NOT miss this. I felt freed up, truthfully. I don't feel mentally pressured to crank out posts. I have never been in to blogging as to be popular or get mega numbers in followers/readers. I did it/do it as a release for my mind and to just talk about things that interest me, and maybe bring awareness to topics (like Pregnancy & Infant Loss month, which coincides with Breast Cancer Awareness month...but is overshadowed by BCA).
So, consider this my update, but don't be too surprised if I don't jot in this area again for another good while. I really don't feel the "love" for blogging like I had once had. And I'm okay with that. If I lose followers/readers, I'm not going to cry over it, or lose any sleep. But it's nice to know that there are a FEW people that follow/read me that genuinely care about what I have to say on here. To them, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. And I thank you for still sticking with me, though you know it may be like forever before I write again.
Later taters!!
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