Cornea Transplant Update

Okay, first of all, thus far, it seems it is NOT rejecting. But it was getting infected, and in turn THAT could have started a graft rejection, if I waited another day or so.

But I did have the BEGINNINGS of an infection, thanks to a stitch that had popped loose from the graft. So, the doctor I had to see on Triage/emergency basis removed it just with the tweezers. I asked and SHE (who is a Retina Specialist, not cornea) said it was ONLY the popped stitch, and kept me on my OmniPred steroid drop every 4 hours, and added Vigamox antibiotic drops 4 times a day.

Well.....

I'd gone back yesterday (Monday) for a re-check with my regular doctor, the Cornea Specialist. And he found something that must have developed over the weekend, otherwise the other doctor, I'm certain would have seen it while looking at my eye on Friday.

It seems that I have developed an abscess where the stitch was loose and just "floating" there. So, now I am a self-proclaimed walking Drug Store. At least through tomorrow morning, when the decision will be made to either keep me on my drug plan, or take a knife (again) to my eyeball (same thing he said, as when he removes the stitches). Yes, he may have to lance the abscess, let it drain, and grab a culture to see exactly what kind of infection is growing.

Of course, I'm hoping and praying feverishly that the drugs all are WORKING.

What's my drug regimen, you ask? The kind where it has made it impossible to volunteer at the school at all this week.

Twice a day, Aleve (one in morning, one at nighttime, both with food).

Once a day, Doxycycline (at bedtime, no dairy/calcium at least 2 hours before taking)

EVERY (waking) hour, Vigamox drops (antibiotic to stave off rejection and bacteria).

Every 2 hours, OmniPred drops (steroid) to ward off swelling and inflammation and eye pressure problems.

Every 4 hours, Bacitracin Ointment in lower eye lid, also an anti-bacterial medication.

To say I feel like I'm on a never-ending merry-go-round is probably a horrible understatement at the moment. And I have to do this regimen AT LEAST through a part of tomorrow morning. Probably even longer if he has to cut in to the abscess.

But!!!... Yes, there is a "but". There is a so-called silver lining in all of this mess.

It seems (seeing as I haven't seen the doctor in over a year) that we BOTH got a surprise. Because the doctor on Friday claimed I still had five stitches to go, but I don't know if she was actually looking for anymore of them other than the infected one. My regular specialist (Cornea) said he saw NONE.

Either he already removed some (which he did, a total of eight altogether), the other doctor removed the one, or they even actually DISSOLVED somehow, though they aren't considered "dissoluble" by what I had always understood.

So, that is ONE less worry to have to go through anymore. And that is apparently why my vision was now pegged in that eye as being either 20/50 or 20/40 (depending on which test I took between two different eye chart tests that they give me).

We'd talked about it many times in the past (and yes, he reminded me yesterday lol) that as stiches came out, being that the graft was sewn in pretty tightly and "flattened" it, to where it 'touched' my pupil, that the cornea would round its self out, and that this is FINALLY happening..

Now it seems that it is NOT the stitches, but the cataract that I have had since about a month post-transplant, that is hindering my peripheral vision on the outer left side of the eye.

So, of course, that means I am STILL facing (at least) one last surgical procedure to remove the cataract-ridden lens, and have it replaced with an implant.

So, there's the current news from the last post, If It's Not One Thing, It's Another... (WARNING!!!! language laced!) .. At least this one isn't filled with words that would make a sailor blush and pass out. (=

If It's Not One Thing, It's Another... (WARNING!!!! language laced!)

Yeah, I feel like having a pity party. If you want to join in the "fun", be my guest. But if you feel like telling me I should be thankful and that I should feel blessed or lucky, then go the fuck on to some other page, because honestly, I'm in no mood to hear it.

For one thing, I DO count myself as being lucky AND blessed. I have been given a wonderful gift from someone I'll never have the pleasure of meeting and thanking. That hurts my heart a little, each and every single day.

And yes, I am EXTREMELY thankful to the person and their family for being HEROES and giving me something that was almost completely taken away from me for the rest of my life.

My sight. And even my entire eye.

But I also have a RIGHT to sometimes be angry. I have a right to vent. And if you don't like it, then please spare the both of us, and go on. Today is not a good day for you to try your positivity thing on me. Because right now, I don't see a "silver lining". Most of the time, I do. But today isn't your lucky day.

Nor is it mine.

You see, I very well may have scratched my cornea, thanks to (once again) my own stupidity. But it seems I was able to get it taken care of on my own.

I've been using my steroid drops religiously (for the most part) and my eye seemed to be doing A LOT better. But I did (accidentally, due to being extremely busy and thoughtless) forget to use my drops. At all. All day.

Now, my transplanted eye is giving me fits. It's not in pain. But it is red (mainly on outside side of the eye) and a bit itchy, and burning a little.

Yes, I've been careful to keep up with my drops. And it IS helping. But... I am getting a growth of concern.

So, it seems that once again, I will have to go in, when I honestly cannot afford to, and see if the R-word is back.

Rejection.

Yes, people, a CORNEA (tissue) transplant can and DOES reject, sometimes. If that is the case, then this will be my second bout with it in the last two years (transplant-iversary was 10/29/2011). I'm hoping against hope that in reality, it's my stupid ass allergies affecting it.

Along with my eye being a bit teary, red and itchy/burning, my nose is like a leaky faucet. And it's only happening on the left. Both the nostril and the eye on the left side of my face.

I'm just sick to death of this crap. Why? I knew that I had really no choice, but a transplant. Otherwise, it was lose the entire eyeball. And I knew I was "trading one set of problems for another". But DAMN IT!!! This has become utterly ridiculous.

It seems like EVERY fucking time shit's going good with me and my eye, something JUST HAS TO happen to cause another blow to my self-esteem and to my recovery process.

It's really getting old. And yes, sometimes, I do wish that they would have just taken the whole eye. It would have saved me a lot of trips to the doctor. It would have saved a lot of worry and fraying of my nerves. And it would have saved a lot of money that I really do NOT have for this on-going, life-long after-care.

Now, there is a (at this point, minutely) small chance, that I could be going in to rejection again. And IF I am, then we will once again try to (successfully, like last time) reverse it. BUT!.. There is always that chance, that fear, that it cannot be reversed. Which means another transplant. Another surgery I really cannot afford. Another person's death to save my sight.

How in the end, is ANY of this shit fair? If I'm rejecting and the cornea has to go, I know that I will feel like I let down my donor and their family. That they gave of themselves in vain. I failed, if indeed, I cannot save this cornea. And it will be MY fault. MY doing.

It scares me. Even when my eye IS doing really well. But it scares me even more so in times like this.

Money is NOT all that they took from us.

On Saturday night our home was broken in to. Luckily none of us were home. Normally, I am home with the kids while Scott works second shift at work. But this weekend, which is a RARE occasion, Scott worked day shift and was home by 2:30 in the afternoon.

Hayley and I left before the others on Saturday afternoon to go up to KMart. About thirty minutes later, I was called to meet the rest of the crew at KFC for dinner.

After dinner, we went to a couple of other places. Within the two and a half hours that we were gone is when it happened.

At least two people were involved in the break in, according to a neighbor who's had this happen and also according to the police.

Their point of entry was through my dead-bolted kitchen door. Here's how badly they kicked it in to the inside...

They went through my kid's rooms and their drawers looking for money. Then they moved down to my bedroom where they had gone through my jewelry box and had grabbed twenty bucks from my husband's box. Then they grabbed the change, ALL of it from my change box.

They even went in to my LAUNDRY ROOM of all places and turned stuff over including my clothes basket and a recycle bin looking for money.

Altogether, these fools got out of my home with about thirty dollars in bills and change combined. But they took MUCH more than the money. They took away the INNOCENCE of my children. They took away THEIR safety net. They took away their security.

Never, EVER should I as a parent have to TRY and answer my six-year-old's question of "why did people rob us and take our 'stufftes'?". There is NO answer that I can give but that the people that did this were thoughtless and heartless, mean people that only wanted something that someone else had.

My eleven-year-old daughter should not even KNOW what it means to be "violated". And that's the ONLY word she can use right now to tell me how she feels. They went through HER purse and the room. They went through my son's room and his drawers.

My son is terrified and is worried about it happening AGAIN. And is working out a plan of action for WHEN it does..Not "if".

My husband and I are at a loss right now. We knew this happened to OTHER people. We knew that there is always that CHANCE that this could happen. But now that it REALLY has happened, it scares us.

It especially scares him. In the fact that IF there is indeed a "next time", that it will be on a night when he is at work and I am alone with the kids in the house.

We are getting some "free" tips from a neighbor. She said she would even help supply a couple of the things. I'll do anything it takes to protect my kids. Anything.

But I cannot protect their feelings, their fear and do enough at this point to make them feel "safe enough". These people took my children away from me, in a sense.

Friend In Need Of Support...And A Gripe On Behalf Of Hubby

First of all, a dear friend of mine that I have known since the CafeMom days (like 3 YEARS now!) is in need of some mondo support, prayers and good thoughts/vibes.

Her name is Angel and she also blogs. Feel free to check her out over at Angel Believes.

This morning, I had read a post that she made last night. It is speaking about one of her sisters. Apparently, doctors had found a suspicious mass within her head, that has been causing severe migraines. Now, the sister must undergo a battery of tests to see if it has entered the brain cavity and if it's the dreaded "C-word",from there, then do what is needed.

So, I am asking you all to PLEASE go over and give her some words of encouragement and support.

Now (!!*WARNING*!! Strong Language Ahead!)...

Over on FaceBook, I am a 'fan' of Kroger. For one thing, I am a *former* employee. Two, my husband is still an employee. Three, thanks to his hard work and dedication, we get a discount on ALL Kroger products along with the current sale price. Four, I just love shopping there.

Lately, I have seen some real Scrooges over on the Wall and within the Kroger page's Discussion Board. Some "now former" and disgruntled "current" shoppers of the retail chain have been real assholes. No lie!

I'm tired of seeing one post over there after another blaming Management and the employees for every single damn thing that goes wrong. Including product weight changes, Gift Card Policy, other Return Policy rules and even store remodeling.

Come on, people!!! THINK before you start jabbering your jaws (more like fingers if on the computer) and bitching about things in the WRONG manner. Honestly it will get you NOWHERE with Management or Sale Floor/Department employees. It just makes you look like a jackass.

When it comes to what is sent, versus what is left out, that is NOT Management or employee fault...That is WAREHOUSE idiots. And when it is NATIONAL Brand, please, do NOT complain and bitch out the STORE employees. That has to be taken up with the National Product Vendor for THAT item!

Remodels...NOT IN EMPLOYEE/MANAGEMENT control, either. That is CORPORATE level.

Return/GIFT CARD Policy...Corporate's rules. NOT store-level things.

Also, I can personally tell you, as a *former* employee of Kroger and of other retail chains in my years, if you bitch, nag, gripe, cuss out and yell at the employees or Management Team, you will get NOWHERE. They will tell you that they will contact Corporate and whatever else needed to as to shut you the hell up.

Why? Because you were RUDE. And we are HUMAN just like those that come in the store. And like YOU, us "lackeys" have feelings and they CAN and often DO get hurt because some asswipe decided that acting like a spoiled little brat would get them what they want.

WRONG!

When you as a customer talk calmly, civilly and in an adult-like manner, we (employees and Management alike) are MORE than willing to listen, be attentive, and are more able to HELP resolve your issue.

Even with Product Vendors. We can RELAY messages or even CALL THEM personally right then and there to see what can be done with the problem at hand.

It's all in how the CUSTOMER chooses to interact with the store's employees.

In a nutshell, the moral of the story is...

Retail employees and their Management Team have NO control with what CORPORATE level says (that includes Zone Managers). And they EXPECT to be treated with RESPECT and with KINDNESS. Just like you, the CUSTOMER expects to be treated.

After all, my husband is a hard working family man in retail who is only like everyone else in this country, trying to provide for his family, has feelings and is a hard worker who is only doing what he is told to do.

The End.

Like A Rock... (Memoir Monday with Travis)

This is my first time doing Memoir Monday. So be gentle as I get this cherry popped, please??

If you care to jump in to the fire and have some fun spilling your guts to the world about a memory of times past, then click on the button above, then go grab the linky and do a Memoir Monday of your own.

So, here is my story...


For all of my childhood, and a small portion of my early teen-hood, I never was able to swim. Being I had a trache in my throat, if I went under the water, then the water would seep directly in to my lungs, via the hole in my throat.

Sure, I did go in to pools, but stayed in the shallow end. I never dunked under the water. But I did tilt my head back, or immerse my face. That was the limits to my "swimming".

After the trache was removed, and the hole was sewn closed (six months after the initial taking out), I was able to TRULY get wet in a pool (or even a bathtub). But I still stayed in the shallow area of the pools I would get in to.

But during those years of not being able to swim, my parents and I would camp at this one pristine lake area. Every year, like clock work, I had the same stupid accident.

I'd be walking in the lake water, that went to my thighs at the depth I would go to. But somehow, some way, every single year, the same catastrophe would occur.

The sand bed would catch my foot and pull me under, as if I slipped on a wax floor. And every year that happened, I would have water rushing in to my lungs, per the trache. And yes, I was drowning as I panicked, being I couldn't pull myself up.

After the first two times of this happening, the camp security would know instinctively the next year that if they saw us, to keep an eye out and be prepared to call 911. Why? Because it became tradition for me to drown for five straight years in a row.

Yes, I apparently loved the lake so very much, I had to go down under and kiss the sand grains.

Yesterday, we went to my in-law's house to get in the pool. Normally, I wear these yellow water wings, seeing as I prefer not to be a rock and sink to the bottom. Bryce normally wears them and/or a life vest while in the deep end as well.

But my sister-in-law kind of looked at me funny as my other sister-in-law (BIL's ex-wife) told the first one that it doesn't surprise her and both her and Scott told his sister that I never got to learn EVERYTHING about swimming on the deep end due to the trache.

Sure, I can breast stroke, back stroke, doggy paddle, and even float on my back. But never could I get the hang of bobbing-type floating. Like a buoy.

But this all changed as of yesterday as my two SIL's coaxed me to try floating without the wings in the deep end. Of course, I stayed by the wall. But within thirty minutes, I was out in the middle of a nine-foot deep pool, bobbing like a floating apple.

Then, I got gutsy and jumped off the side of the pool (with goggles on to protect my bad eye). Then, my courage and confidence came in to full swing. My husband for the first time ever in our ten years together, saw me jumping off of the diving board (feet first, mind you) and coming back up with ease, only to float like I'd been doing it most of my life.

It took me twenty years past the removal of my trache to overcome fear and hesitation. But, finally, I did so. As did Bryce. He and I both "graduated" to the big time and we are both now with the "big kids" when it comes to swim time.

I'd called my father, almost in tears, to let him know that I did it..finally, I did it. He even said it was better late than never. And I know that we both thought...if only mom could have been here to see this.