So, You Wish To Help Those In Need... (Website info incl.!!)

But you don't know where to go or where to start?

First of all, decide if you wish to make a monetary donation, item (food, clothing or toys and books) donation, or donate some of your free time (like in a Soup Kitchen).

Once you have decided which way (or ways) to go, then figure out your ending budget (as to stay within your means of monetary comfort level).

After you do steps one and two, then you need to find a place (or the places) to go to as to make your donation happen.

As someone who has had to have help around the holidays with getting gifts for my children (food was never an issue for us), believe me when I say that the recipient(s) of your generosity, love and compassion are beyond grateful, your willingness to help those in need, are NOT lost. Especially when it comes to seeing the smiles on our children's faces come Christmas morning.

To the people and the organizations that had helped us in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Now, as a tradition in our family (of two parents and three kids), we donate spare change as we can throughout the Thanksgiving/Christmas holiday season. Also, we donate to the Salvation Army's "Angel Tree" Organization.

I see it as giving back and paying it forward, being that they and a couple of churches have helped us in the past. Now, we aren't as strapped as we used to be. And it teaches my children a valuable lesson in giving, caring and what it means to help your community.

When we go to the mall, we let THEM each pick a child of their choosing (boy or girl), and they choose the age range (usually their age) and then my husband and I try to find a child that is 3 years old or younger.

Then, we take them to places like Family Dollar or Dollar General and have them buy a book (or coloring book), one or two age-appropriate toys, and at least one outfit and some socks.

After that, we let them help pack or wrap the gifts and place them in to a shopping bag (grocery size) and we place the tag with the child's number on it.

Within 72 hours, my kids are taken back to the mall and THEY place their bag(s) of presents for their child under the Angel Tree.

So, here below will be some Charitable Organizations, with their website address and a small description of what they do. Or they may be sites to help direct you to things like your local Soup Kitchen, or Shelter..

Have a safe, fun, happy and GIVING Christmas/Hanukkah season, everyone!


Toys For Tots is ran by the Marine Corps. You bring them unwrapped, unopened/used toys, and they donate them to your locality's kids in need.

Soup Kitchen Locality Directory List is where you can find a place near you to serve a hot Holiday Meal to those in Homeless Shelters.

ASPCA is the site to go to if you wish to help organizations that help treat, house and find new "forever homes" for animals. They are in desperate need all of the time for food, animal toys, supplies like blankets and towels and even bathing supplies.

Angel Tree helps supply Christmas gifts to deprived, in-need children who's families cannot afford much this year (out of work, laid off, disabled and cannot work) because food and medication are more important, as well as heating and shelter this Winter Season. You can donate books, toys and/or clothing.

Goodwill will accept your gently-used or even NEW items to put up for sale in their shops. Their items are sold for extremely low prices and will help those that CAN afford to buy (a few things)for their family members. Plus it puts your community's citizens to work. At your locality's various donation stations and within your community's stores.

Christmas Charity is your ultimate, one-stop-shop for charitable organizations that not only include those mentioned above, but MANY, MANY others as well. For the USA and abroad, as well.

Christmas Shopping = ...Being Greedy Bastards (??)

Originally, I had posted the following on my FaceBook page as a "Note". But I think it needs to really go further than just to my friends on my "Friends List".

Let's just say that I am tired of seeing people lump everyone in to one huge category when it comes to having the "Christmas Shoppers spirit" and are then viewed as materialistic assholes who don't give a rat's ass about their fellow man, woman or child.

What I had initially said was...

I'm just going to put this out there, knowing I may tick some off...

Yes, my children made wish lists for Christmas. Heck, even this year, Mom and Dad are joining in the list-making fun ourselves.

We are NOT materialistic people. We are not all about money and things. Not that having those is a bad thing, per say. And I commend those that are strong on their stance about helping the needy.

But it does peeve me off a bit when you have a bit of a crap-tastic attitude about people shopping for the Holiday, and seemingly "auto-assuming" that we don't give to those less fortunate. In what seems to be every post about donating items to help people.

We have been in a spot where we required help to get our children things for Christmas. If it weren't for Salvation Army, the Angel Tree organization, Toys For Tots and a couple of churches, my children would have basically had NOTHING under the tree.

MOST of us that some people have bashed and downgraded over buying gifts in fact DO buy for and donate things like toiletries, food, clothing, books and toys.

Are there some people in this world that don't give two craps about those in need? YEP. But there are way less of them, and oh-so-many-more of US THAT *DO* care about those that are hurting for food and clothing to keep warm this winter.

So, please, when you are asking people to have a heart and donate to a charity, be it with time, money or items, don't make it sound like we are some horrible, heartless excuses for human beings. When you add insults to your passionate desire to help others, it makes people NOT want to help.

Just some food for thought...

And a quick FYI... My family (myself, my husband, and our kids) DO in fact donate to the Salvation Army's Angel Tree organization, as well as drop money as we can in to their donation buckets.

Now, to ready for Christmas shopping tomorrow.

The "Pregnancy Game" Statuses On FaceBook

I'm pretty certain that those of you reading this, have a FaceBook page. And I'll bet you two to one, that at least once, within your News Feed, you have seen the now infamous "cravings game". The status goes like this...

""I'm _weeks and craving _"

It is inboxed to LADIES ONLY on FaceBook, and specifically in the email, like the bra and purse games, you are not to NOT tell the men about it, and to keep them guessing what it's all about. All the while, it is SUPPOSED TO be promoting Breast Cancer Awareness.

Here's one little flaw. BC Awareness is NEXT month, people! In October. Not in September. And it sure as hell is not in August (when it started to circulate)!

And here is flaw number two. Do you all know what other Awareness time it is, in OCTOBER, that coincides with Breast Cancer Awareness Month? Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.

Personally, I see it as being insensitive to Breast Cancer survivors and those that sadly lost the battle, to use pregnancy "jokes" as a means to raise awareness. Being that it, as well as the bra thing is NOTHING in relation to the subject of Breast Cancer. And yes, to me, it is also in a way, distasteful to make it a "game" when there are many women (and men) that have lost a baby during pregnancy.

If you (general use, not to any specific person) are going to try and raise awareness for something or a cause you believe in, then it's best to "shoot from the hip" and state specifically what the nature of the subject is. Not to make others wonder (especially saying WOMEN ONLY CAN KNOW WHAT IT REALLY MEANS). That does not a thing to raise awareness for the ACTUAL cause/subject.

Plus think about this...men are MEN. They aren't going to sit and think "oh look, I think that these ladies are trying to make us aware of a deadly disease that can even strike men". They are just sitting there, wondering "WTH is this crap with weeks and cravings for all these candies?". Sad, but true. Even my husband has said it's not doing a single thing to "raise awareness".

As a mom that has lost 2 angel babies, and as a daughter-in-law that has a MIL who has survived BC twice and other cancers as well, I'm sorry, but yes I am a bit offended, and I have strong oppositions to "games" like this that don't do a thing for the "root point" of awareness.

*Wander with me over at FOR THE LOVE OF BLOGS and join in the fun!*

Parents...Learn From This Show!

No, I'm not joking. And the subject of bullying isn't a joke, either. It's real. It's raw. And today's form of bullying has taken on new ways of cause and effect.

When I was a small child, I was heckled, ridiculed, made the butt of jokes, and even "imitated" because of my trache. Don't forget the name calling and pushing.

But today, with technology advances such as the internet and YouTube, bullying has taken new and (literally) far-reaching forms.

Now kids attack one another on sites such as FaceBook and MySpace, or even Twitter.

Not just in the form of words. But via groups, "like pages", Tweets, videos and other internet means, including in the Blogging world. This is called Cyberbullying.

I am a longtime 'One Life To Live' (ABC) fan. One of the current storylines is centering around a Freshman boy in High School who has life-threatening Asthma. Shane Morasco is at the end of his rope with the bullying and the video of him naked in the school's gym being posted to the internet and "MyFace" (OLTL's version of FaceBook) and ready to end his life just to "make it all stop".

Sadly this is something in regards to bullying that we hear about almost daily in the news media outlet. Be it face-to-face bullying or being bullied on the internet.

Here is the preview of the storyline for this week (April 4th)...



Please, I beg EACH AND EVERY SINGLE PARENT that reads this, TEACH your children about bullying and it's many forms. Teach them what the (possible) repercussions are as the bully and what CAN (and often does) happen to bullying victims.

Both sides lose when it comes to bullying. Some lose their lives. Some have to live with lifelong guilt due to their actions. And families are torn because of the actions of the bully and their target.

No child should suffer abuse from a bully.

And bullies have it within them to change and become better people. But sometimes for that to happen, it comes at a hefty price.

It should NEVER have to be that way.

Distorting the FACTS from the MYTHS About Organ/Tissue/Eye Donation

The following are the Myths and the Facts about being or becoming an Organ/Tissue/Eye Donor.

Information (copy/pasted) is provided by the Mayo Clinic.

Myth: If I agree to donate my organs, the hospital staff won't work as hard to save my life.

Fact: When you go to the hospital for treatment, doctors focus on saving your life — not somebody else's. You'll be seen by a doctor whose specialty most closely matches your particular emergency. The doctor in charge of your care has nothing to do with transplantation.
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Myth: Maybe I won't really be dead when they sign my death certificate.

Fact: Although it's a popular topic in the tabloids, in reality, people don't start to wiggle their toes after they're declared dead. In fact, people who have agreed to organ donation are given more tests (at no charge to their families) to determine that they're truly dead than are those who haven't agreed to organ donation.
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Myth: Organ donation is against my religion.

Fact: Organ donation is consistent with the beliefs of most religions. This includes Catholicism, Protestantism, Islam and most branches of Judaism. If you're unsure of or uncomfortable with your faith's position on donation, ask a member of your clergy. Another option is to check the federal Web site OrganDonor.gov, which provides religious views on organ donation and transplantation by denomination.
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Myth: I'm under age 18. I'm too young to make this decision.

Fact: That's true, in a legal sense. But your parents can authorize this decision. You can express to your parents your wish to donate, and your parents can give their consent knowing that it's what you wanted. Children, too, are in need of organ transplants, and they usually need organs smaller than those an adult can provide.
....................................

Myth: An open-casket funeral isn't an option for people who have donated organs or tissues.

Fact: Organ and tissue donation doesn't interfere with having an open-casket funeral. The donor's body is clothed for burial, so there are no visible signs of organ or tissue donation. For bone donation, a rod is inserted where bone is removed. With skin donation, a very thin layer of skin similar to a sunburn peel is taken from the donor's back. Because the donor is clothed and lying on his or her back in the casket, no one can see any difference.
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Myth: I'm too old to donate. Nobody would want my organs.

Fact: There's no defined cutoff age for donating organs. Organs have been successfully transplanted from donors in their 70s and 80s. The decision to use your organs is based on strict medical criteria, not age. Don't disqualify yourself prematurely. Let the doctors decide at your time of death whether your organs and tissues are suitable for transplantation.
..........................................

Myth: I'm not in the best of health. Nobody would want my organs or tissues.

Fact: Very few medical conditions automatically disqualify you from donating organs. The decision to use an organ is based on strict medical criteria. It may turn out that certain organs are not suitable for transplantation, but other organs and tissues may be fine. Don't disqualify yourself prematurely. Only medical professionals at the time of your death can determine whether your organs are suitable for transplantation.
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Myth: I'd like to donate one of my kidneys now, but I wouldn't be allowed to do that unless one of my family members is in need.

Fact: While that used to be the case, it isn't any longer. Whether it's a distant family member, friend or complete stranger you want to help, you can donate a kidney through certain transplant centers. If you decide to become a living donor, you will undergo extensive questioning to ensure that you are aware of the risks and that your decision to donate isn't based on financial gain. You will also undergo testing to determine if your kidneys are in good shape and whether you can live a healthy life with just one kidney.
.........................................

Myth: Rich and famous people go to the top of the list when they need a donor organ.

Fact: The rich and famous aren't given priority when it comes to allocating organs. It may seem that way because of the amount of publicity generated when celebrities receive a transplant, but they are treated no differently from anyone else. In fact, the United Network for Organ Sharing (UNOS), the organization responsible for maintaining the national organ transplant network, subjects all celebrity transplants to an internal audit to make sure the organ allocation was appropriate.
.........................................

Myth: My family will be charged if I donate my organs.

Fact: The organ donor's family is never charged for donating. The family is charged for the cost of all final efforts to save your life, and those costs are sometimes misinterpreted as costs related to organ donation. Costs for organ removal go to the transplant recipient.

Donation... Give the gift of Smiles & of Yourself.

A while back, I had written a post about an experience that took myself and my husband by surprise. We knew that when the time was right, we were going to pass on the gift of giving to someone. We have since been on the lookout of who and how we were going to "Pay It Forward" to.

This is a concept I already had in mind for myself though, since I had turned the age of eighteen. Since then, I have been a Registered Donor to donate anything I can in the event of my death.

Who knew that at the age of thirty-two, just fourteen years after becoming a Donor, that I also would be seeing the whole topic of Organ/Tissue Donation from the other side of the fence. You can read my Corneal Transplant Recipient story HERE.

But also, I have been able to "pay it forward" monetarily. And thanks to the donations that were all pooled together, a record twenty-five children were able to purchase books at the Spring Book Fair at school.

Hayley had found a $100 bill in the school's soccer field a while back and brought it home. Sure I got on her for not turning it in right away. But then, I myself constantly forgot to take it with me to turn in as well.

So, seeing as so much time has passed, we (Scott and I collectively) decided to donate the $100 to the school's Library for the Book Fair's "Students in Need" box. After the totals were counted, there was close to $190.00 to split between the kids. Pre-K through Fist grade students were able to spend up to $5 and those in Second through Fifth grade were able to spend up to $10.

It felt wonderful to see the long list and know that so many children were being helped this year. I'm NOT happy that they had to be on it, because of such financial hardships in their families. But I AM happy that these kids were able to continue on the path to a wonderful love and enjoyment of reading.

Although, there is something else, along with the love of reading that is very close to my heart. That is Organ/Tissue Donation Awareness. Not just because I am a Registered Donor, as is my husband. But because we as a family have experienced firsthand the miracles of Tissue Donation. To be able to regain (most of) my sight back is an honest miracle. And as a mother, being down just ONE eye is hard to deal with. No matter how much you do to "adapt".

Did you know that you can be a LIVING Donor? Blood, a piece of your liver, a kidney, bone marrow, tendons and other tissues.

Then, you have Donors that donate skin, corneas, major organs such as your hearts and lungs. Plus cadaver (deceased) donors can give their tissues, bones, livers, kidneys, and intestines.

Right now, in the United States of America, the statistics for Recipients CURRENTLY awaiting their "gifts of LIFE" stands at (provided by Organ Procurement & Transplant Network)..

All Organs 110,484
Kidney 88,087
Liver 16,164
Pancreas 1,384
Heart 3,188
Lung 1,758
Intestine 265

As a Registered Donor, you can potentially save up to eight people's lives, and enrich and better about 50 lives.

Giving has always been a part of me and of who I am. I give what I can, where I can, when I can. So signing up to be an Organ/Eye/Tissue Donor was a no-brainer for me. If you are interested in becoming a Donor, please visit OrganDonor.Gov or United Network for Organ Sharing (UNOS) and find out more Organ Transplantation and becoming a HERO, and to find out how to register in your state or Provence.

Because to us, our Donors (living and deceased), and their families are indeed our HEROES!

CPS

CPS, or other wise known as Child Protective Services.

Can't stand them myself, in all honesty. And with good reason.

In the last nine years, I have dealt with them now at least three or four times. And all involving the same child. And in the end, every time, the reports of "abuse" are unfounded.

Why? Because my kids are KIDS. They get bumps and bruises. My son has a bleeding problem with his nose. And oh my goodness! THEY FALL DOWN and they get HURT.

Kids are no longer allowed to be children. Not when it comes to playing. And also, it's apparent you are no longer allowed to raise your voice, because that is "verbal abuse". And you can no longer spank them (with your hand) because well that's "physical abuse".

People, you all need to learn the DIFFERENCE between punishing or getting hurt and REAL ABUSE.

I got hurt MANY times as a kid. I got yelled at for doing something wrong or dangerous (that I KNEW that I should NOT be doing) and yep, I got SPANKED.

The horror! I had parents that did this thing called PARENTING.

One ER doctor called CPS on me for a "suspicious bruise" from a fall my son had at 18 months old. Guess what? CPS saw EXACTLY where he fell and how and knew then that hey, he GOT HURT.

Another time was after his "big accident" with the bedpost. But it wasn't for that, but for teeth marks left by a cousin. That too was "unfounded" seeing as we as parents did nothing wrong, but it still had to be reported.

Then there were two other times as well where a "suspicion of physical abuse" came to light, one being after my kid had a bloody nose that morning and oh no!! I MISSED a spot of blood on his arm as I was cleaning him up. His bus was JUST pulling up as I got it stopped and got him cleaned up.

So in a nutshell, these days a school, a child-based agency, a hospital or anyone for that matter can call CPS on you. You can LOOK at your kid in the "wrong" way and get called on.

Now a good friend of mine is being investigated for something that was SUPPOSEDLY 'said' by someone else. And this apparently took place a good while back when it was reported. The child in question was already talked to by the Social Worker (at school). The child FLAT OUT denied ANYTHING such as what was stated EVER took place.

Now, the home study portion of the case, where it's basically the "last leg" of investigating to wrap it up and bring forth the agent's findings has been "canceled" THREE or even FOUR times now.

There are kids that are REALLY being hurt and neglected. But you and I are ones that get picked on while the TRULY abused are the ones being neglected by an agency that is to PROTECT THEM.

Those that REALLY need CPS's help get it too late because by then, the children ARE dead.

Where is THEIR justice? I know. It's with the worker who was to HELP them, but instead were investigating and trying to stake the WRONGLY accused.

This "protection system" is so screwed up and ass-backwards, it truly is tragic to watch.

One Hot Mama!...I'm Pretty Ticked & Heed My Warning.

If I could, I would have this shooting out of my head..

And have these shooting from my eyes...

Why?

Because, for the now third or fourth time, my local Walgreen's Pharmacist has messed up. It's one thing to miscount the number of pills. It's also one thing to not even fill one of them. Heck, it's even one thing to place your child's medications in the WRONG "filled and ready to go" bins.

But when your "mistake" at reading the prescription goes as far as one, filling it with the WRONG refill number, as well as with the WRONG DOSE, that is when I am DONE.

And that is also when I write to Corporate Office, and to the District Office, and to the Local Store. Yep. Every single level of Walgreen's got a copy of my letter of complaint about this "mix up".

The medications that my child is on are pretty "powerful" and can have some pretty bad side effects if given wrong. The one that was completely dispensed wrong can hurt his Blood Pressure or even his heart.

What SHOULD HAVE BEEN 2 mg. of a dose at 2 refills was ACTUALLY FILLED as 3 mg. dose with 3 refills.

How does someone read a "copy" wrong? When in doubt CALL THE DOCTOR that prescribed the medication, THEN proceed to fill it. It's not rocket science.

Please, my readers, for your safety and for the safety of your family, especially your children, READ LABELS on the medication bottles. Every time. No matter how many times you filled the same medication.

Here is a copy of my letter to all of the branches of Wallgreen's...

To Whom It May Concern,

I'm writing to complain about the (now) third or fourth "accident" in regards to my son's medications being improperly filled.

My nine-year-old is on medications that can have a great impact on his heart and his blood pressure.

His Intuniv was filled COMPLETELY wrong. I was supposed to have 2 mg dose with 2 refills. Instead I received 3 mg dose and 3 refills.

I cannot tell who had filled my son's medications last night, seeing as you do not have your Pharmacists place their names on the prescriptions that they are having to fill. That alone to me, is discouraging. Because I now cannot tell you in fact WHO ACTUALLY filled my child's medications.

At this time I am NOT "taking my business else where", but do know that I will NOT be talking very kindly about your store, and especially not in regards to this branch.

When filling medications, it means that your staff is literally holding their customer's/patient's lives in their hands. Including children.

Thank you,
Melissa C

200 Posts!?.. And A "We Need To Talk" Moment.

Now that the blog series is over, I can move on to other topics. Aren't you just ecstatic?

One thing that has happened since starting the "25 Days Of Christmas" posts is that I have reached (and gone beyond at this point) writing 200 posts!!





Exciting, isn't it? I've so far posted about all kinds of things from my son who has many mental disorders, to my life as a Stay-At-Home Mom and Wife, and all kinds of other things in between.

Today though, I am once again going to touch upon a very sensitive topic. One that never takes a break and is a battle for millions around the world, not just in the United States every single day. It doesn't care if it's Christmas time or Summer time.

Abuse.

Not just one kind, but all forms of abuse. Child abuse. Domestic Violence. Sexual abuse. Verbal, emotional and mental abuse.

If you wish to read about my personal, first hand experience with being in an abusive relationship, then I urge you to READ HERE.

As of today, over on FaceBook, I have "re-started" a page that I had running under a different name. Seeing as the site's new format no longer allows for name changes, I had to start fresh and delete the old page.

It is called Bring REAL Awareness To Abuse.

You can either click on the page's title above, or click on the page's "Like" box above at the top of this blog's page.

There, you will find tips, facts, statistics and information for how to get help. It's still just starting out. And I am also relying on the page's members to be active and participate as well.

Abuse in any form is not a laughing matter. It never rests. So, bringing forth awareness and information in how to watch for signs of abuse and how to find help shouldn't take a back seat, either.

But also please note (within the page)..

*Some pictures that might be posted could very well be GRAPHIC in nature as to "drive home" the realities of what REALLY happens when a child is abused.

*These pictures could either be posted by the page owner or via the page's members.

*VIEWER DISCRETION OF PHOTOS IS ADVISED! And admittance of MINORS below a certain age (13 years) will NOT be allowed.


Dedicated to all of those that "died young" at the hands of an abuser...

Yes, Virginia, words *CAN* hurt.

Words. They are probably the most powerful tool that we possess as human beings. They can be used to encourage, relate with and help in the healing process. They can also cut like a knife, aggravate and maim another to their very core.

Some words, while spelled the same, can have two very differential meanings. Take the word "ship". One is a boat that floats on the water, carrying people abroad from one piece of land to another. The other "ship" means to carry items from one location to another for people through a mailing service.

But the word that we will be focusing on that has become ever so quite popular to use in various context is "retard/retarded".

From Dictionary Reference ...

"re·tard·ed"

[ri-tahr-did]

–adjective

1.characterized by retardation: a retarded child.
–noun

2.( used with a plural verb ) mentally retarded persons collectively (usually prec. by the ): new schools for the retarded.

Origin:
1800–10; retard + -ed2

—Related forms
non·re·tard·ed, adjective
un·re·tard·ed, adjective

—Synonyms
backward, disabled, handicapped.

"re·tard"

[ri-tahrd, for 1–3, 5; ree-tahrd for 4]

–verb (used with object)
1.to make slow; delay the development or progress of (an action, process, etc.); hinder or impede.

–verb (used without object)
2.to be delayed.

–noun
3.a slowing down, diminution, or hindrance, as in a machine.

4.Slang: Disparaging .

a.a mentally retarded person.

b.a person who is stupid, obtuse, or ineffective in some way: a hopeless social retard.

5.Automotive, Machinery . an adjustment made in the setting of the distributor of an internal-combustion engine so that the spark for ignition in each cylinder is generated later in the cycle.

[End of definitions]

Now, in all the years that I have gone with my father, my husband or on my own to the Mechanic to get my vehicle checked have I ever heard the word "retarded" come out of their mouths to describe the setting of my car's distributor.

I have though, heard of those with mentally debilitating handicaps being referred to as being "retarded" or being a "retard". Both by the medical community, and through society's "common man". And honestly, I literally cringe when I hear those words. No matter their context.

My daughter has a friend who's younger sister is severely handicapped. She cannot walk. She cannot talk. She cannot eat normally like you and I do. But she is sharp. She can bounce around her home with ease upon her knees. She can speak through a "voice box" communications computer, or uses sign language. And she must eat through a bottle, seeing as her "food" has to be in almost a completely liquid consistency.

She has Cerebral Palsy. She is what people would call "retarded". But after you see all that she CAN do, she can place most of us "normal" people to shame. My children play with her at school and within their home. She and I have fun talking and she is ALWAYS giving me hugs and when she sees me in passing at school, the biggest smile comes to her face and she is about to bounce out of her wheelchair to get to me and wants to high-five me.

My biggest pet peeve though, with the words "retard" and "retarded" is when they are used in a non-medical, derogatory manner. Saying to someone, "You are such a retard!" is not only insulting towards the person you are referring to, but to those that REALLY DO have mentally challenging handicaps.

And when you say, "That's retarded.", you are insinuating that something is "slow, stupid, obtuse or ineffective". But listen to yourself as you say it. It's on the same level as stating "That is so gay!". So something is having a relationship with it's own kind? That made no sense. And it insults those in your community that ARE in fact, Gay.

How would people like to hear something along the lines of "It's so nigger."? Sounds great, doesn't it? *insert eye roll here*

Or how about "Stop being such a Jew!"?

My son has several mental disorders that have in the end, deemed him disabled by the state and by the Federal Government. He is NOT stupid, slow, defective, a socially inept being, or a hindrance. He is my son, who is bright-minded with some quirks. He is disabled emotionally, socially, maturely and mentally (to an extent).

What are his disorders, you ask (for those that are new to my blog, or just don't know)? He has ADHD, OCD, ODD, Mood Disorder (basically, he has Bipolar, but due to age, is Dx'd with the Mood Disorder until later in age), and Asperger's Syndrome 'tendencies' (he does not have full-blown Asperger's, but is borderline).

He can be violent, abusive and easily short tempered. He cannot handle change well (especially sudden or massive changes at one time). He has Manic-type mood swings with outward evidences of 'highs' and 'lows' (extreme hyperness or extreme sadness) at any given moment of each day.

But on the flip side, my child is one of the most loving, caring, affectionate, brightest children you would ever meet. With even his bad days, it's hard to NOT love him or want to do your best by him. No matter the cost.

The one thing my son is *NOT* is "retarded". By ANY meaning of the word. I certainly would NEVER let a medical professional refer to him as being such, let alone anyone within "general society". He is handicapped or "challenged". Nothing more. Nothing less.

So, before you (generalizing the word 'you', not pointing fingers to any specific person) go and state that someone is a "retard" for any reason, or say that something is "retarded", think BEFORE you speak those words from your lips. Because once you say them, you can NEVER take them back.

Even those within the medical community have started the change from using the words "retard" and "retarded", seeing the hurt and anguish those two 'simple' words bring to those that ARE affected by mental and physical disabilities, as well as their families and friends.

That alone should tell you something. That wording and context are EVERYTHING. So yes, while sticks and stones may break bones, names (and misuse of words) *CAN* hurt. Especially those that know of someone, or they themselves are personally affected with being handicapped.

Please if you wish to help stop the spreading of the "R-Word" in it's wrong verbiage, join me at...




I have taken the pledge. Will you?


Also, while I am NO fan of severe Right-Wing Conservatism, nor am I NOWHERE near a 'fan' of Sarah Palin, I WILL agree with her anger and I WILL side with Palin in regards to Rush Limbaugh's uses of "retard" and "retarded". Even as he referred to those that REALLY ARE cognitively and developmentally disabled persons.





Don't even get me started on Ann Coulter...

Daydreaming, ADHD & Team Building

It's been a strange start to the week. Monday wasn't too bad as far as Monday's go. Tuesday was Election Day for Mid-Terms. I even voted for Tazmanian Devil to get City Court Clerk. Instead some idiot I have no clue about got the spot. I think Taz would have done a fine job myself. And last night was also the monthly appointment for Bryce, my Special Needs child.

It's becoming increasingly apparent that the medications that he is on for the ADHD are helping. But not to the extent that we would care to see. He is on the maximum dose of Vyvanse. And we are upping his Intuniv to three mgs. to see if that may help a bit more.

But also, the teachers MUST be willing to work more with him. And with us. In a COMPLETE team effort. They have yet to realize that NOT EVERYTHING he does is within HIS control. A lot of it has to do with the ADHD and its severity taking control and causing him to wander, be completely distracted, blurting out, cutting in to conversations or instruction. He even said one of the teachers mainly lectures for the entire time, every single day. An ADHD kid CANNOT handle more than five to ten minute increments of "lecturing".

These people are expecting him to pull off the impossible. To stay on task, focus completely and listen 100% of the time, during the entire day. While us "normal" people CAN do that, a child with severe ADHD cannot. They do not have the control over their brains to obtain such feats.

Even the doctor had agreed with me when I stated that basically my child is in a constant daydream. His brain NEVER slows down enough to tackle one specific thing at a time. His mind is a jumbled mess twenty-four hours a day, unless people are willing to re-direct him, work with him and help ensure that he is keeping on track with the task at hand.

For the last several years, myself and Bryce's Case Manager have hit one stumbling block after another. Even though Bryce is listed BY THE STATE, as well as by FEDERAL GOVERNMENT (seeing as he DOES collect SSDI) as being "disabled", my child has been turned down time and time again for in-school services. This means he cannot get an IEP, a 504 Plan, most accommodations. Why? Because he is SO damn smart and "making the grade", that his disability isn't "showing" enough through his grades to "mandate needs" for Specialized Services through the school system.

Excuse me??? So in a nut shell, they are stating that being my child does not have a severe intellectual impediment, he isn't deaf or blind, can walk and talk just like any other "normal" person, that he does NOT qualify for a damn thing, seeing as he DOES have behavioral issues that severely impact social skills and daily living skills. Just getting him to do a five minute task can take easily twenty minutes or more.

At school, about three weeks ago, he was SUPPOSED TO go to the bathroom that sits kitty-corner from the classroom. But about ten minutes later, he was found to be down the hall at the Second Grade area, just standing there, watching in to one of the classrooms. And he honestly cannot say why, or how he "got there".

He is ALWAYS "forgetting" his FINISHED homework. No matter how much I have tried, the boy is incessantly disorganized with his binder.

All he does is get in to trouble in school for wandering the room, not staying on task, speaking out of turn, bugging the other students in class, not following (multiple) directions (which is EXTREMELY hard for Bryce to accomplish), wandering the halls and being a "behavioral nuisance".

Now, someone PLEASE DO tell me, how are these "problems" that the teachers are always complaining of NOT being addressed in their correct manner? As in, with Specialized Services being readily available and in use with and for my child? How bad does it honestly have to get with his behavior and "daydreaming" for them to FINALLY take a hard look and actually GIVE HIM the services Bryce is RIGHTFULLY due?

Honestly, sometimes Public Education amazes me. And *not* in a good way, mind you. So, if I seem angry in this post, and in general, you can bet your ass I am! I'm tired of the run-arounds, the blind-eyes and the refusal to HELP my child live up to his full potential and get the best educational opportunity available.

"If I Die Young"..

Sadly, many women do around the world. Thanks to Domestic Violence and Domestic Abuse. Most times, it is far too late to get the help that they so desperately need to get away from their abuser/attacker. And by the time anything is truly done in regards to the abuser, the woman is already forever gone.

Domestic Violence and Domestic Abuse can take place within anyone's home. And it is NOT always the man that is the abuser. There are women who have been known to abuse their boyfriend/husband or their girlfriend/wife. Men are just better known to be an abuser.

And I am a survivor of Domestic Abuse/Violence. The worst case of it being when I was in my early twenties. I was at the time living with my former BFF and my former (abusive) boyfriend.

At first, it was just little things. Basically, he was just a lazy bastard that suddenly felt that I needed to 'cater' to him and HIS needs. Then, as time went on, in came the isolation and the constant "checking up" on me to see about my whereabouts and who I was with (if he and I weren't together).

One day though, near the very end of the relationship, he finally snapped like the proverbial twig. I made a remark and basically told him that it was time for HIM to move out. Suddenly, rage had filled his eyes. It's as if a demon entered his body and took it over. All in the course of a split second.

Next thing I know, I feel the palm of his hand on my throat, and his fingers wrapped around. I could feel my pulse pulsating his fingers. And I felt the blood trying to pump and supply my brain with needed oxygen.

My airway was cut off completely, and I struggled as his hand lifted my feet off the ground as he was choking me literally to death. There was not an ounce of air entering my body. I could feel myself fighting off passing out.

And as quickly as it happened, it stopped. But not before he squeezed my throat so tight, that I turned red, and then bluish purple in the lips (by my friend's account, who witnessed this), and that I had felt the searing pain of his nails digging in to my neck.

After he let go, he tried to apologize and started crying. "Boo-fucking-hoo" was my thought, and I opened the door and told him to get out, and to not come back. I threw most of his shit out to the curb, but he broke in to MY home and stole things that were mine (and of course claimed it was NOT him, though none of HIS things were missing that were left behind).

In a moment, my life was almost gone. He either could have choked me to death, or could have snapped my neck and then he would have broken it, causing instant death. But he let me go in time.

I'm one of the lucky ones. I am a survivor. I am NOT a victim. Victims sadly are those that had died at the hands of someone that they loved and trusted. Or they are the ones that are too scared to leave their attacker/abuser, in fear of what may happen in the aftermath.

I'm here to say to those of you reading this, and are in an abusive relationship...YOU CAN GET OUT! No, it will not be easy. And yes, he/she will make their threats and scare you in to staying. And you will have to learn once again how to live and to take YOUR life back.

Abusers are all about power and control. They want to have all of it, and for their victims to relinquish it all to them. It's a power trip. So, they will use anything and everything against you to get what THEY feel that is "rightfully" theirs. Hitting, name-calling, isolation tactics, talking down towards the victim. It's all used to get the upper hand.

But I can tell you that you CAN get the upper hand back. It just takes the courage deep within that yes, YOU DO HAVE inside, and the willingness to leave. And their ARE organizations that can and will help you.

The police. The hospital. Social Services. And the National Domestic Violence Hot Line. Family and friends, too can help you. Don't be scared. There is a better life out there for you. Much better than the life you are forced to live now. NO ONE should be a caged bird, with its wings clipped. That is NOT living life. That is living a slow death.

Please, if you are in an abusive relationship, find it within yourself to leave and to live your life again. I promise you, it WILL get better.

Nat. Domestic Violence Hot Line  (1−800−799−SAFE(7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224)

....I'm as green as the ring on my little, cold finger, I've
Never known the lovin' of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand, there's a
Boy here in town says he'll, love my forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by
The sharp knife of a short life,

...And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when your dead how people start listenin'

....Uh oh (uh, oh)
The ballad of a dove (uh, oh)
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when your really gonna need them, oh

I won't remember for a day,or for the month.This 'rememberance' will be with me until I die.

See the ribbon above? I have chosen personally to not only remember this important day of awareness on just October fifteenth of every year. But, to remember it for the entire month of October.

Nor will I ever be allowed to forget for the rest of my days.

October fifteenth is known nationally (in the USA) as "Pregnancy And Infant Loss Remembrance Day". And for many mothers such as myself, as well as the millions around the world, we will never be able to forget our babies. Some of us were lucky enough to hold them for a few hours, a few days, or a few months. Then again, some of us (such is my case) never got to hold, touch or even see our baby.

On Halloween Day of 2003, I was in the sixteenth week of pregnancy. All was going fine (as so I thought, seeing as I had no complications to that point, and it was my third pregnancy). That day, I was scheduled for a vaginal ultrasound being I was a high-risk pregnancy for health reasons.

I knew, the second I had seen the little peanut on the screen, something was very off. After having so many ultrasounds in the past, I knew what to look for. And the one thing that none of us had seen was the heart fluttering.

After the doctor's tone changed to the ever-so-famous "cautiously optimistic" tone, I knew that it was confirming what I already knew thanks to my "Mommy gut".

To get a better look and to indeed confirm what all of us already knew, I got placed on the big ultrasound. And then and there, I had the worst nightmare for a pregnant mother to go through. My baby was dead.

After getting the shocking news, my mother-in-law called my husband to get to the doctor's office. All he knew was that something was wrong with the baby. After we both got over the shock of all that happened, I called where we both worked at the time and let them know. For some stupid reason I kept on apologizing for not making it back to work from my extended lunch time.

A few days later, seeing as the baby did not miscarry on it's own, I was forced to have a D & C (Dilation and Curettage) to help expel my twelve to fourteen-week-old baby. I was nearing toxic levels in my system from the baby being dead inside for up to approximately four weeks. It was the worst and the most horrific surgerical procedure that I have ever had to endure.

All I knew was this was NOT supposed to be happening. I was not to be having to abort my baby. I was supposed to be having a normal pregnancy and readying for the new addition to our hearts. And instead, I was being forced to let him or her go.

To this day, especially when Halloween Day is upon us, and when November third (the day that my baby was "officially" gone from me), I still grieve. And I often wonder what would have become of our Michael Gregory, if he had survived.

Sure, some will read this and say to themselves that I need to "get over it already". But they cannot EVER know the lasting pain and the hole that is forever etched in to your heart and in to your soul from a loss as deeply profound as losing your baby (or a child in general).

I may not have ever been able to have held and caressed my child in my arms. But he is forever within a special place of my heart, and is deep within my soul, right along with his two sisters and his brother. For they too had lost out on having another brother to love.

Volunteering. It's that time again.

Have you ever done it? Volunteering, I mean. In your child's school.

Did you know that as a Volunteer, you do NOT have to work at the school its self? You can do some things as a Volunteer in the privacy and comfort of your own home, as well.

And another bonus? You do not have to have a child at the school to be a volunteer! You can be a grandparent, an aunt or uncle. Or just a local neighbor that wishes to lend a helping hand.

Some of the things that you can do at home as a Volunteer would be...

Cutting out soup labels or boxtops.

Make phone calls to get others to supply things such as snacks and juices for events.

Cut out letters, numbers, shapes and other needed decorations for classrooms or other areas of the school you choose to help.

There are also many things you can help with within the school's setting. And you do NOT have to be with your child's class, either.

You can...

Be a Room Parent that coordinates and heads class parties as per the school's allotment.

Help in the Library.

Help with Reading Classes.

Assist at the school's Book Fair(s) that are held once or even twice a year.

Help with After School Activities (such as dances).

There is something for EVERYONE to do. Talents and knowledge within all types of areas are needed and encouraged to be filled.

You just do not know how even (what seems to be) the simplest of "jobs" you do, be it from home, or within the school, can affect the children you serve, and the staff.

Kids and the staff need outside help and resources to let the kids benefit the best that they can while in their instructional setting.

Plus, it gives you an up-close, upfront, and personal view of what REALLY does go on in the school environment and classrooms.

This year, I'm looking to add a couple more hats to being a Volunteer. The Principal and I had talked while I was at Orientation with Skyler, who is going in to Kindergarten this year.

We are going to look at me getting a "promotion" to Co-Volunteer-Coordinator, for one thing. The Volunteer Coordinator is dealing with a lot of health issues and having to travel much due to a family member being ill. She was gone a good portion of last school year, and I took over. So, I know what the entire job entails. And I gladly welcome the challenge.

And then, I will be sitting on not just one, but two Parent Advisory Boards. One for the school it's self, and the other where parents from ALL of the schools in each school zone come together and state (as a representative of your school and your zone/ward)in front of the School Board what WE as parents, and as reps, would like to see done differently, added, or taken away from 'policy'.

At the school-level, I would bring back to the meetings, what was discussed and decided upon at the School Board level, we would let the Principal know what we want to see for our individual school, and we would help decide on certain things of what to change, add, or remove.

So, it seems that overall, I'm going to be a busy bee where school is concerned, more so than last year. And I do plan on doing my three-days-per-week volunteering in the classrooms and wherever else I am needed.

I'm honestly at my happiest points after I have done a few hours at the school. It's so very rewarding. Not just for the kids and the staff. But for myself as well. I get to walk away each time, knowing I made a difference in a child's life. Even if it's just a scratch upon the surface.

Once the kids (that don't) get to know me, and I them, there is a very special bond. And yes, I may even collect a few favorites. It's really not hard to do. And the kids that know me from last year will come up and see me. I look forward to those that will do so, to come running up to me and give me my 'daily' hug. I'll be asked if I could lunch with one here or there. And knowing me, I won't be able to resist the puppy dog eyes and cave in.

Really, when I think of it, I don't know who gets more out of volunteering. Us, the Volunteers, or the kids that come to know us and look for us to be darting down the halls, maybe to their classrooms.

Please, if you have never done so, or think you cannot, do try to volunteer at least once within a local school. It's a gift that keeps on giving every time you do something to make a difference in a child's world. I wouldn't trade this gift in for anything.

Are you on FaceBook? Come see me here!

I've got many interests. It seems like at least one for every letter of the alphabet. *I wonder now how many of you started reciting your ABC's and put an interest with each letter...hehe.*

I now run two groups that I had started. And I own a couple of Fan/Like Pages for both this blog, and my ParanorMel blog, as well.

If you are a member of FaceBook, feel free to check out the following places that I hang out in when I'm not playing Cafe World (for Skyler!), posting videos to my wall, or looking in on my peeps.

The first one up is a place for the ladies ONLY! Sorry guys, you are barred from this room. And if we catch you, you get thrown out like a drunk in speedos at the nightclub.

The Ladies Room is a place for the ladies (married, divorced, single..we take them all!) to just chat, share recipes, vent, get or give advice and talk about much more...Relationships, raising kids, marriage, home-based topics. Even gab about current events, top news topics, celebrities, and entertainment.

This is a group for WOMEN only!! And all members MUST be 18 years of age, or older to be a part of the group. No exceptions! If you are found out to be a minor, or a male member, you WILL be removed, as well as BANNED from The Ladies Room. << Told ya we were harsh!

I Support Parents With SILENTLY Disabled Children is a group for Mothers, Fathers, Foster Parents or Legal Guardians of a child that is disabled by "SILENT" disabilities, such as any Mental Disorder/Illness/Disability, a physical handicap that isn't necessarily "visible" on the outside (like Lupus) or another type of "silent" disability... Get support, advice and be able to vent in a SAFE HAVEN where other caregivers/parents as yourself will "get you".

Parents/families with Non-Disabled children who may also like to learn more about Silent Disabilities, and/or wish to GIVE SUPPORT/ADVOCATE for children with SILENT disabilities and their parents, may join as well!

As for the Fan Pages, first up is The (Not Always) Happy Homemaker Diary page. Inside, you can get links to the most current, as well as past blog posts for the blog. It's an interactive area where you can post discussions, talk about the posts and much more.

And last, but most certainly not least, is the Fan Page over at FaceBook for my secondary blog, ParanorMel. Where, again, you can find the latest, as well as past blog post links. You can talk about YOUR experiences with the paranormal, post pictures, open topics on the Discussions tab and do so much more.

That seems to be all for this "plug post", today. I hope to see you come over and stop by. Join in the fun at one of, or better yet, all of these great, fun, supportive, and interactive places! 

Teens and Young Adults.... See what can REALLY happen behind the wheel of a car.

Driving is a privilege. It is *not* a right. And you are handling a possibly deadly weapon. And it *can* cause mass destruction. In your life, the lives of your passengers, your victim(s), and their family.

Your eyes NEED TO BE on the road at all times. Not dialing a cell number. Not texting or reading a text from a buddy. Not looking down on the floor for the CD.

Both young, new drivers (16 year-olds) and their elderly counterparts make up for the most accidents with a vehicle in the United States.

I'm urging my readers and their teen kids (even those almost getting their license or Learner's Permits) RIGHT NOW to scroll down and WATCH the video.

WARNING!! This video is VERY graphic, but also VERY accurate. It will quite possibly make you feel ill, make you cry, or even hyperventilate.

Maybe that's what MANY teen drivers need...Shock and seeing what REAL LIFE is like during a vehicle accident.



Unsafe Driving... - The top video clips of the week are here


Thank you to all that had watched this very poignant video. Please parents, I URGE YOU to PLEASE talk with your teenagers and young adult children about the repercussions of UNSAFE driving practices. You may save your child's life, and at least one other life in the world by doing so.

McDonald's is changing the world.

McDonald's. It's been a kid-friendly staple for over fifty years. Who knew that when Ray Kroc first opened his little burger joint's doors, that it would be the mega-empire it is today?

It wasn't (if I remember correctly) until the middle 1970's that Happy Meals started to appear. Back then, it was either a hamburger or cheeseburger, with a small fry and a kid-sized drink.

Today, there are various types of Happy Meals. From burgers, to nuggets, to even a Snack Wrap. Plus you can now choose fries or "Apple Dippers", and either a milk (or chocolate milk), Apple Juice, or a fountain drink (AKA soda).

The other day, I had taken my kids for a breakfast. I had no milk, so no cereal. And I wanted to get out of the house anyways. At first I didn't seem to notice, but when I went to throw some trash away, I did.

Usually, you can see the small, plastic boxes where you can drop coins in to the box's slot. All proceeds in that box goes to the Ronald McDonald's Charity House for your general locality.

There, now in a huge window display poster, it now reads that Happy Meals and McDonald's was bringing even more smiles...and hope to kids and their families.

Namely families with sick, hospitalized children.

To my memory, if it serves me right, my parents, a time or two, had to stay at the Ronald McDonald Charity House while I was hospitalized. Plus, even though it was for a (grown) uncle, I and his (then) girlfriend and were able to stay a night at the Ronald McDonald Charity House here for this area.

McDonald's has (for the most part) always been committed to children and their families. They help HUNDREDS of families every year, around the United States.

When families, and their children must travel long distances for medical treatment, or the child is transferred via ambulance or helicopter to a distant hospital, then this is where the RMCH comes in.

They house the family (and sometimes the child too, if they are not admitted to the hospital), feed them a meal, let them shower and rest. And the RMCH has as much of a comfortable environment as possible. To make it as much a "home away from home" as they can make it.

I'm so happy that children and their families have somewhere to go, and feel safe, and be comfortable, as well as relaxed during their child's most trying time of life. And I'm happy to be a part of it. I love giving back to those that helped me and my family when I was a child. Be it RMCH, Children's Miracle Network (CMN), or Shriner's Organization.

Without them all, I don't know where myself, my parents or the millions of families like ours would have (or would in the future) do without them.

Mama Bear Is Striking Back Again. Compliance Dept., Here I Come!

As mothers, many of us possess this uncanny gift. We call it Mom-dar. With this gift we can sense things from a mile away (it seems) that just feels "off". Be it about a place, a situation, or even a person.

And for me, my Mom-dar was right on target that day, but I couldn't place why. I knew the who. But for what reason?

Well, as of last night I now know the why, to go along with the who.

Many readers know that I had a lot of problems obtaining Bryce's Intuniv. I was able to get samples. But the going in every one to two weeks was getting to be a real hassle. And of course, it didn't help the doctor (once again) was on a month-long leave when I needed him for the Pre-Authorization process.

Being the doctor in charge of Bryce's care was gone, another doctor who in fact is over the other doctors in the practice is to pick up the slack and help with prescriptions (if they are established) and pre-auth's.

Not the Office Manager! And believe me, he SUCKED! Yes, it is a male head Office Manager/Nurse. Gender is not the issue. The ability to perform duties, and get the IMPORTANT matters taken care of in a TIMELY manner are the issues.

The one nurse that DID help us by taking charge when I came in crying and finding lie after lie had gotten more done in TWO DAYS than the idiot did in (almost) a month.

After all was said and done, I made formal grievance complaints against the Office Manager, and then called insurance and filed one with them as well. The lady in Compliance for the Doctor's Building was pretty upset and took care of it all right away. She even apologized to me (though I told her it wasn't her place, and nothing was her fault).

Last night, I had gotten a call. It was from the nurse that HELPED me and my son. I found out this happened to more than just us. It happened to a few families. And I was not the only one to file a complaint. A few of us did.

And our beloved nurse got FIRED last week because of it all. Because she stood up for us and our kids. Because she voiced herself over what she was seeing. And because she could EASILY get many in that building fired...

Though the office manager (if you want to call him that) claims he is going nowhere and that he has friends in "high places" to ensure his stay. And he has been REPORTED on several occasions for various screw ups and "no call, no shows" to work. He comes and goes as he pleases. No consistency in the office.

She was fired based on "aggressive communication" and for "overstepping authority". In other words, she got somewhere with insurance by playing their game back with them and got somewhere, where as the one appointed to do so, didn't do a damn thing and it made him look bad.

I've done it once, and I will GLADLY do it again. I am calling Compliance to file a grievance on my fave nurse's behalf. And writing her a Letter Of Recommendation. Plus I found out from the "birdie" that my other favorite nurse (that knew what the hell she was doing) was 'pushed out' by the Office Manager because he didn't like that she could run circles around him and do HIS job and her's 110% better than he ever could.

Sometimes, I hate men. Especially the egotistical, narcissistic, asshole types.

Off to start my busy day of calls and (maybe) taking a kid to the doctor due to an allergy problem and a (possible) ear infection.

Blog Blast From The Past...Boy Was I *Mad*!

WOW! This blog is from LAST SUMMER where I posted it on my blog page at MySpace. These days now are NOT AS bad, but we still have times where I have the same problems.

Read on, if you wish. But be mindful, at this point in time last year, I was struggling. So was Bryce, and the rest of the family. So in the end, I was (unintentionally) biting heads off. But with good reasons. Both Bryce and I were in a dark place where his problems are concerned.

It's filled with some adult language, and much anger. I am the type that I don't mind advice. But I refuse to be EXPECTED to take it (and use it). Especially from someone that CLEARLY knows NOTHING about my son's conditions, our our life of dealing with them.....



June 28, 2009 - Sunday

Blog Title : Let me give YOU a lesson on what it's like for kids like mine and our families...

Category: Life

As a mother of 3 and a mom of a child with ADHD and a host of other mental disorders I can say that yes, we DO tell these kids "no". And at times have to PHYSICALLY redirect them.

Doesn't always work. Sorry.

They can be VERY manipulative and obviously sneaky.

Thanks for your *ahem* advice anyways to those who love to give it when not even asked for their opinions on the subject matter.

**I love how those that DON'T live with kids like ours thinks that they know all there is in how to *control* them to be PERFECT.**

I have our tool room locked, thanks to my son threatening to KILL ME more than once by bludgeoning me with a hammer.

And my attic door is locked, thanks to him constantly going up there, where it is a dangerous area to be and getting in to things after being told REPEATEDLY to not go up there.

If things don't change soon, we MIGHT have to PAD LOCK all my doors to leave my home due to his running off, jumping off my balcony and running up under a bridge where trains go through SEVERAL times a day.

Anyone that thinks that they can do better with MY child, I extend an invitation to let you keep my kid for ONE MONTH and see just how much progress you make with YOUR way of "straightening" him out and be able to have self-control, less aggression and not be so defiant and have more attention span.

Sound like a deal?

By around 4 PM, my son's Vyvanse wears off. It only works for a set number of hours. And it isn't meant to be taken more than once a day. In the morning, when you need them to focus and be attentive during the daytime.

Vyvanse can make a child lose their appetite for the most part. And instead of eating when they are SUPPOSED to, even with constant coaxing, they will at most times sneak in the middle of the night to the kitchen and get out food and eat when THEY feel hungry enough to eat.

That is one of the huge drawbacks with this and other ADHD medicines. They can severely affect the hunger center of the brain while helping the area that controls impulsivity and attention. It really is a Catch-22.

Where meal time is concerned and the fact that my son more times than not, refuses to eat because he is "not hungry" at meal time (knowing he had NOTHINGin between meals but a few drinks of water, milk or low sugar juice), no matter what was fixed, in my house, if you cook it, then they must eat at least SOME of it. I'm not cooking to cater to suit each individual taste. I am cooking for the family as a WHOLE.

For kids like ours speaking of mine, that are on a medicine that acutly decreases the appetite center of the brain, we must "force" them to eat their meals. And also, they thrive on incentives.

So, if they eat at least 1/2 their meal at dinner, then they get a HEALTHY snack later that evening. That may contain (like for MY family) a small juice box and a granola bar, fruit cereal bar or a small bag of BAKED chips.

Some kids like ours will try to manipulate and "run the show" to ensure that they are getting what THEY (the CHILD) wants.

So, as their parent, we have to have the upper hand and enforce stricter than normal rules upon our child.If that means no extra food (a TREAT) for not complying with OUR rules about eating meals, then so be it.

Don't just assume that our kids get junk food. Because in about 90% of the cases where they are sneaking and hoarding (and hiding) their food, the parents are trying their best and their HARDEST to maintain a HEALTHY lifestyle of eating and portioning.

NO CHILD should have to feel like they aren't "being fed" well enough. And parents of children like ours (mine and the OP) are doing ALL that we can to ensure that our children have the best nutrition and that their nutritional needs ARE being met.It's nowhere near an easy job for us.

And it is especially hard on our kids. Because they honestly CANNOT help how they are or how their brain functions. But not only do their disorder severely affect them, they affect the family as a WHOLE.

Honestly, I have lost count as to how many times my son has (almost severely) hurt either of my two girls. One is 17 months older, the other 3 YEARS younger than him. My son is 8.

Much of the time it's because his impulses say he "needs" a certain toy or other item that they have, so if he doesn't get what "his brain tells him to get", then he acts out violently and basically makes the sister give up the said item. By causing them pain to make them let go and so he can snatch it and take it away.

Right now, my son is is in Intensive In-Home Therapy. And at it's highest level of services. Crisis Intervention. Because he is half a hair away from being placed in a specialized facility to house him and help him more than what we as his parents and the IIHT can do.

Believe me. we have tried everything possible. Yes, from spanking down to time-outs, to taking things away, and grounding.As of this time, we are trying a points system. He has to earn a set amount in five areas of compliance.

If he gets the minimum goal, my son gets ONE privilege of his choice. If he gets a little higher, he gets TWO of them of his choosing. If he makes the full amount of points, then my son can have ALL of his privileges if he chooses so.

But, if he falls BELOW the minimum allowance, then he gets NOTHING. No privileges at all.

So far, even though he is trying to butt heads with me and testing me to see if I will break, the system has thus far been working. I think his seeing his progress and knowing what the deal is, it's finally making some headway. But, it's still early in the game.

Try being up constantly to tell your kid to go back to sleep (knowing he has YET to close the peepers) from 11 PM til around 4 AM.

All because he didn't get his Trazodone for the night. His brain is CONSTANTLY active. It can't "go to sleep" and rest without medical intervention. How he does it, I have no idea.

And being that his brain is so active, losing physical sleep does NOT affect his ability to learn. It primarily affects his moods and compliance with authority figures. Mainly of the FEMALE variety.

Well, now that you have been informed of what I and MANY other parents go through on a DAILY basis with our Special Needs kids with mental disorders, does it honestly sound easy or like that there is a "quick fix" to all of the problems that the kids and us as their parents have to endure?

If you still say YES, then I will let you have my son, WITHOUT his medications and see how easy it is for you to "tame" him and break him as if he is a wild animal.

Some people really amaze me and other moms and dads like myself as to how they view our kids, us as parents and show how IGNORANT of the facts that they really are. It's sad, really.

If anyone should be pitied, it's those types of people. Not us.

Special Needs, Special Education, Aides, And Stuff.

As the mother of a Special Needs child that is NOT Neurotypical, I love to educate others (the public at large) on what it's like as a parent, but also for our kids, that have a SILENT Disability.

What is a Silent Disability you ask? Well, to put it in layman's terms, it means that someone has a disability, or a combination of different disabilities that does NOT outwardly show in physical appearance. They may walk and talk just fine. But on he INSIDE, it is a completely different story. The person may have Lupus or Fibromyalgia. Or they have Bipolar or Oppositional Defiance Disorder. And there are MANY upon many other ailments, malady's and illness that seem to not appear to be noticed on the outside of the body.

My son has several mental disorders. They impede and impact his daily living and social skills. And also his eating and sleeping habits. He has very few friends. He has a very difficult time with outward, verbal expression. He has emotional set backs, as well as a decreased maturity level (that is NOT within 'normal' range for a boy his age). For the most part, he looks, walks, and talks just like you and I. But when he displays his "quirks" and has manic episodes, and angers so badly that the devil looks like an angel, then you know something is seriously off with my boy.

Have you ever gotten upset at ANY person that parks in the Handicapped Parking space, only to see them get out and walk in to the store, minus a cane, walker, or scooter. And even without an oxygen tank? Are you more upset that they took that spot from a REAL disabled person? Or that they walk and act "just fine"? Maybe for you, it's both?

I've honestly lost count of how many stares my mother-in-law and I have gotten as we step out the van and WALK to the store's entrance from her handicapped parking space. She is disabled and cannot stay in the store and walk for too long. And she has a hard time breathing, but not needing oxygen (yet). She has Systemic Lupus, a colostomy bag and she tires easily due to the Lupus. But you cannot see that from just looking at her.

Now, back to children with Special Needs (of any kind, really). I was reading on my local news station's web page that a near-by county is CUTTING Behavioral Aides from their schools. Why? They suddenly became a part of the county's budget cuts.

http://www.wset.com/news/stories/0610/746253.html?ref=tw

Those that work with kids like mine are an integral part of those student's having the ability, focus and willingness to learn, and learn effectively. To take them away from those kids (as was said in the article) for even just ONE school year, can set those kids (potentially) back for SEVERAL years to come.

I'm sorry, but no basic Teacher's Aide will be able to 'effectively' assist those children in the manner that they need the help to be within the mainstream classroom setting. Not unless they too have children that have some type of mental/behavioral disability/disorder.

Even then, for as long as I have been dealing with and learning the ropes with my own child, it does NOT make me an "expert" in the field of Childhood Neurological Behavioral Sciences. I'm just a MOM that has a lot of personal experience and literature-based knowledge of what is wrong with MY child.

Many, if not MOST of those children have SSI Disability, as well as Medicaid Insurance. If need be, the kids can still have their Aides (those that will require the most one-on-one assistance), and Medicaid can pick up the bills. All they will need is a Pre-Authorization from their Specialist. Ninety-nine percent of the time, Pre-Auth's are APPROVED.

In the end, it's truly a win-win situation. No money out of the school's pocket (or the children's parents). And the kids get the Aides that they desperately need in order to receive the best education possible for their abilities (and disabilities).

Honestly, this is a 'no-brainer'....