Time Has Passed & It's Almost Time Again.. (Picture-filled post!)

Now you are probably sitting here, reading that title and wondering, "what in the world is this chick talking about with this wacky riddle?!".

On November 18th, my oldest of the three kids had turned twelve years old. Yes, she is one more year closer to the dreaded tag known as "teenager". All in all though, with her maturity level (both mentally, as well as physically) she is more like a fourteen year old.

I'm thirty-five. She is twelve. I am 100 pounds on the nose. She last weighed in at 98. I am five feet tall. She is too. I don't have a set of "boobage". She does.

Basically, if you were to ask her thoughts about all this "you're as tall as your Mama" talk, that may just be what she would do to me after snickering. Like she did in the doctor's office when he asked how old I was, when discussing reading glasses.

As for the second part of the answer to my awesome riddle-title...

The youngest of the three "angels" of mine will be turning seven years old on Monday. Hard to believe. Already, seven years have just up and flown past like a speeding NASCAR racer doing 250 on the inside stretch.

In many ways she is taking after her big sister. She looks up to her (especially being that Big Sissy is about a foot and a half or so taller than her lol) and severely misses her when my oldest has to go on bi-weekly visits with her biological father.

Both of my girls have shown me (albeit the hard way) just what all it had taken my parents to raise me. Raging hormones, attitudes, "Princess-tude".

And thank God, the oldest (who now wears makeup), puts it on and still looks natural, but accentuates her features. Especially those beautiful blue eyes of her's.

At the end of the day, no matter how old they get, and no matter how tall they grow, they will ALWAYS be the apple of their Daddy's eye. My husband may not be my oldest's biological father with not a shred of DNA shared between them, but she is HIS, and he will tell you that to your face.

The little one is so wrapped around her Dad's finger, it's not funny. Okay. It is. But geez! And I thought that I got away with "murder" as a kid. Wrong. I kind of wish I could do that "Freaky Friday" thing and trade places with her for about 24 hours and enjoy some of the (tons of) freedom that she gets.

This past Summer's trip to Richmond has been one of the best I think that we have enjoyed as a family. And now, with all three of my kids growing up, and inching ever so much closer to being teens and "big kids", I find myself reflecting more on the Summers past, when the kids were so innocent, that it never seemed like we as parents would have to deal with more than scraped knees and the occasional "she/he took my toy".

To those of you with "young" (as in under the age of eight years old), take my advice and heed it well. Cherish EVERY single moment with your child(ren). Relish in each hug and kiss (yes, even the open-mouthed baby ones!). Enjoy the fanciness of every tea party and doll playtime.

The young years fly by faster than a Santa Ana wind.

PYHO... Mommy Wars

*Please remember, for some of us, this is the only place to be able to vent in a safe way, as to avoid the unneeded negativity that may already be occurring in our lives. In other words, if you have nothing constructive, and uninsulting to say, please refrain or move on. Or else, I let Angel come at you with one of her flaming vlogs.*

Yesterday morning, over on my FaceBook profile, I put a little lighthearted post up about this being the last two weeks of school. My exact words were...

"All the kids are off to school and here I sit, sipping my second cup of coffee. Best enjoy it while I can. In two weeks, the peace will NOT be with me. For 2 months."

In a nutshell, I meant no malice. I was not whining (as a friend had stated on behalf of her sister) and yes, indeed KNOW that I am VERY fortunate to be home with my kids.

But it wasn't always this way. I have also been a working mother as well in my time. And I missed some important areas of growth in two of my children because of it. When my third (and last) came along, I quit my job because honestly, there was no way, even with BOTH of our incomes, could afford full and part time child care for THREE kids. So I left and never went back in to the workforce.

ALL of us mothers (and fathers) work hard. Both inside and outside of the home. Only real difference is that some mothers get to earn monetary income, as well as have the house duties (and parental duties). And some of us don't earn more than kisses or hugs, which in my mind trumps all the monetary pay in the world.

"I would say you are pretty lucky!"...Yes, I am. But also, I didn't post what I did as to gain sympathy or bragging rights.

Is this what posting anything in the way of parenting has come to? Picking a war over a joke? Hell, I even made it in to a "Yoda-ism" near the end.

I'm NO better in the parenting department, being a mother who stays home, than the working girl next door with a kid or two. We both have the same job description where being a parent is concerned. Love, nurture and support our kids.

But believe me when I say, staying home 24/7 is no real picnic either. I would LOVE to be able to once again earn money from a day's work. I would love to have ADULT interactions outside of my home and the school setting (where I volunteer).

Then again, my line of work to go back to would NOT allow me the schedule I would need. Not in the retail life. It's not a "9 to 5" environment with every weekend off. And you can never really plan anything around your schedule, because that ALWAYS is changing.

Basically, there are pros and cons in BOTH areas of being a parent who works and who stays home. I may JOKE about the fact that Summertime will bring me little to no peace (which is VERY true), I will STILL enjoy the time I will have with my kids being home.

Like another mommy-friend said to me last night, "If your children don't annoy you at least once a week, you aren't around them enough". So true there! And believe me, I'm around mine enough, that the gray hairs just keep piling on my head. But I don't love, nor do I not want to be with them any less.

That FB post meant that I am being HUMAN, as well as realistic of what's to come with Summer break looming.

Just because I am a mother, it does NOT mean I have to "enjoy" having NO peacefulness or "me time" to take time for ME, and instead place myself last.

Which I do anyways.

Parents...Learn From This Show!

No, I'm not joking. And the subject of bullying isn't a joke, either. It's real. It's raw. And today's form of bullying has taken on new ways of cause and effect.

When I was a small child, I was heckled, ridiculed, made the butt of jokes, and even "imitated" because of my trache. Don't forget the name calling and pushing.

But today, with technology advances such as the internet and YouTube, bullying has taken new and (literally) far-reaching forms.

Now kids attack one another on sites such as FaceBook and MySpace, or even Twitter.

Not just in the form of words. But via groups, "like pages", Tweets, videos and other internet means, including in the Blogging world. This is called Cyberbullying.

I am a longtime 'One Life To Live' (ABC) fan. One of the current storylines is centering around a Freshman boy in High School who has life-threatening Asthma. Shane Morasco is at the end of his rope with the bullying and the video of him naked in the school's gym being posted to the internet and "MyFace" (OLTL's version of FaceBook) and ready to end his life just to "make it all stop".

Sadly this is something in regards to bullying that we hear about almost daily in the news media outlet. Be it face-to-face bullying or being bullied on the internet.

Here is the preview of the storyline for this week (April 4th)...



Please, I beg EACH AND EVERY SINGLE PARENT that reads this, TEACH your children about bullying and it's many forms. Teach them what the (possible) repercussions are as the bully and what CAN (and often does) happen to bullying victims.

Both sides lose when it comes to bullying. Some lose their lives. Some have to live with lifelong guilt due to their actions. And families are torn because of the actions of the bully and their target.

No child should suffer abuse from a bully.

And bullies have it within them to change and become better people. But sometimes for that to happen, it comes at a hefty price.

It should NEVER have to be that way.

Distorting the FACTS from the MYTHS About Organ/Tissue/Eye Donation

The following are the Myths and the Facts about being or becoming an Organ/Tissue/Eye Donor.

Information (copy/pasted) is provided by the Mayo Clinic.

Myth: If I agree to donate my organs, the hospital staff won't work as hard to save my life.

Fact: When you go to the hospital for treatment, doctors focus on saving your life — not somebody else's. You'll be seen by a doctor whose specialty most closely matches your particular emergency. The doctor in charge of your care has nothing to do with transplantation.
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Myth: Maybe I won't really be dead when they sign my death certificate.

Fact: Although it's a popular topic in the tabloids, in reality, people don't start to wiggle their toes after they're declared dead. In fact, people who have agreed to organ donation are given more tests (at no charge to their families) to determine that they're truly dead than are those who haven't agreed to organ donation.
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Myth: Organ donation is against my religion.

Fact: Organ donation is consistent with the beliefs of most religions. This includes Catholicism, Protestantism, Islam and most branches of Judaism. If you're unsure of or uncomfortable with your faith's position on donation, ask a member of your clergy. Another option is to check the federal Web site OrganDonor.gov, which provides religious views on organ donation and transplantation by denomination.
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Myth: I'm under age 18. I'm too young to make this decision.

Fact: That's true, in a legal sense. But your parents can authorize this decision. You can express to your parents your wish to donate, and your parents can give their consent knowing that it's what you wanted. Children, too, are in need of organ transplants, and they usually need organs smaller than those an adult can provide.
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Myth: An open-casket funeral isn't an option for people who have donated organs or tissues.

Fact: Organ and tissue donation doesn't interfere with having an open-casket funeral. The donor's body is clothed for burial, so there are no visible signs of organ or tissue donation. For bone donation, a rod is inserted where bone is removed. With skin donation, a very thin layer of skin similar to a sunburn peel is taken from the donor's back. Because the donor is clothed and lying on his or her back in the casket, no one can see any difference.
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Myth: I'm too old to donate. Nobody would want my organs.

Fact: There's no defined cutoff age for donating organs. Organs have been successfully transplanted from donors in their 70s and 80s. The decision to use your organs is based on strict medical criteria, not age. Don't disqualify yourself prematurely. Let the doctors decide at your time of death whether your organs and tissues are suitable for transplantation.
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Myth: I'm not in the best of health. Nobody would want my organs or tissues.

Fact: Very few medical conditions automatically disqualify you from donating organs. The decision to use an organ is based on strict medical criteria. It may turn out that certain organs are not suitable for transplantation, but other organs and tissues may be fine. Don't disqualify yourself prematurely. Only medical professionals at the time of your death can determine whether your organs are suitable for transplantation.
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Myth: I'd like to donate one of my kidneys now, but I wouldn't be allowed to do that unless one of my family members is in need.

Fact: While that used to be the case, it isn't any longer. Whether it's a distant family member, friend or complete stranger you want to help, you can donate a kidney through certain transplant centers. If you decide to become a living donor, you will undergo extensive questioning to ensure that you are aware of the risks and that your decision to donate isn't based on financial gain. You will also undergo testing to determine if your kidneys are in good shape and whether you can live a healthy life with just one kidney.
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Myth: Rich and famous people go to the top of the list when they need a donor organ.

Fact: The rich and famous aren't given priority when it comes to allocating organs. It may seem that way because of the amount of publicity generated when celebrities receive a transplant, but they are treated no differently from anyone else. In fact, the United Network for Organ Sharing (UNOS), the organization responsible for maintaining the national organ transplant network, subjects all celebrity transplants to an internal audit to make sure the organ allocation was appropriate.
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Myth: My family will be charged if I donate my organs.

Fact: The organ donor's family is never charged for donating. The family is charged for the cost of all final efforts to save your life, and those costs are sometimes misinterpreted as costs related to organ donation. Costs for organ removal go to the transplant recipient.

Japan, the Bible, and the Apocalypse.. Oh my!

What a ride this past weekend has been. Between dealing with a death in the family, Japan being rocked (literally) to its knees and everything else in between, you would honestly think that Armageddon has finally started to rear its head.

First the initial earthquake, then the earthquake-provided tsunami, then aftershocks that are as big almost as the initial quake, now TWO Nuclear Power Plant explosions.

Thanks for a FaceBook friend posting the following, I can now (clearly) see the signs of impeding warning that is upon us globally.

"Sept 11 (NY), Jan 11 (Haiti), March 11 (Japan)...Luke 21:10-11 : "Nation will rise against nation, & kingdom against kingdom. There will be great earthquakes, famines, and pestilences in various places, and fearful events and great signs from Heaven.". Jesus says, For behold I come quickly, (so...ask yourself are we ready?)."

Until now, I didn't really pay much attention. But look at this pattern...Three sets of "11" on the day's dates. Plus one of them was 2001, another also was in 2011. Too many ones for my head to wrap around.

Makes what I had posted in my ParanorMel blog about the Horseman of the Apocalypse video seem more real than "shopped or cropped".

To read about the video from MSNBC that *supposedly* caught the ghostly figure of one of the Bible's Four Horsemen during a nighttime riot in Cairo, Egypt, CLICK HERE.

Pretty eerie stuff if you ask me. Sure I'm still on the proverbial fence as to the validity of the piece. If I wasn't in the technologically advanced age, then I say that that is some cause for worry.

On the flip side of the argument though, if indeed someone did in fact catch the horseman REALLY riding through, fulfilling Biblical Prophesy for our generation's time, then my friends, some of us are in some deep shit. And some of us are about to be called home.

One of my favorite novel series to read is the Left Behind books. It's a series by Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins. The books speak about topics of Christian dispensationalist End Times: pretribulation, premillennial, Christian eschatological viewpoint of the end of the world.

Pretty fascinating and capturing stuff, if you ask me.

Just too much is happening within the world on a global scale to NOT really take a deeper look in to why all of these "natural disasters" are taking place as well as other life-taking matters (terrorist attacks, wars, severe famine and pestilence). When you think about it all, and put one and one together, it honestly makes you see things in a much bigger picture being interwoven like a spider's web of destruction.

I *HAD* A 'Fab Friend' a few Friday's Ago

It's that time again over at For The Love Of Blogs for Fab Friends Friday.



While I relish in participating normally, I had contemplated for most of this week as to whether I should even write this post or not, seeing as so much in my family's life is going on. But here it goes..

There's a friend of mine from a good while back that has seemed to have distanced themselves from me and a few of our mutual friends. We met about three years ago via an internet website. From there, we were practically inseparable, going and joining other sites together as we found them and figured the other would enjoy being there as well.

But in the recent weeks of past, if not about a month or even longer, seeing as I'm really not keeping count this person has strayed and basically "dropped" our friendship off on the wayside.

Yes, both of us have a lot going on. But I have tried to get "something" from the person to acknowledge that I indeed exist in their world. We both are on FaceBook together. But alas, my words fell on "deaf eyes".

I'd noticed the change after this person started writing in their blog of things that NORMALLY, I'd never see from this person, seeing as in all honesty, was very highly out of context for the blog's "theme of writing" that I had come to know and even respect.

But now, this person does nothing but writing prompts and blog carnivals at least 95% of the time. No longer do I see REAL substance in the writing. So I had decided after somethings that were written of a "personal" nature and more than my eye's fair share of writing prompts, to un-follow their blog.

And then I finally stopped following the person on Twitter as well, thanks to never being "spoken" to anymore over there in any way, shape or form. Between both places, this "friend" has yet to even acknowledge that I am no longer on either of their lists as a follower. Or realized we are no longer even "speaking" with one another.

This past week has apparently been REALLY hard on both of us. But unlike them, I made it no "secret" as to what has happened within my family. Not on here, Twitter or FaceBook.

The ONE person that I thought that I could count on, the one I was SURE would be there for me, my husband and our children was nowhere. Not to say sorry to my kids for their loss or to my husband who lost his beloved grandfather.

Yes, I did write something on their wall. But to no avail. And because I didn't know until after the fact of what they are going through, what I had written in some ways I wish I didn't. But then again...

Needless to say, even that post I made on their wall went unnoticed and/or just ignored of acknowledgment.

This person KNOWS I don't do the "one-sided, one-way-street, all give-and-no get" type of friendship.

This person talks with a certain other friend on all these sites ALL of the time. Acknowledging their posts on their page, and converses on their own page when said friend posts there.

If that's how it's going to be, then I think that this person just needs to tell me that our friendship is over. Because obviously I'm not running with the right "clique" or the "cool crowd" of bloggers. Or on Twitter for that matter.

I'm honestly DONE trying.

I'm "Pouring Out My Heart" as I am "Cleaning Out My Closet".

I decided to "double dip" today, which is really a rare thing. Today, this post will serve as both a participant in Shell's



..and For The Love Of Blog's (Vic's)



As most of my readers know, I required a Corneal Transplant back in October of 2009. I had a bad infection invade the eye its self, then it also eroded the cornea. But I perforated the entire cornea when I accidentally poked myself in the eye.

While I have fairly good eyesight (colors, some shape, light) I still have problems. One being a cataract that will eventually need removal. I still have eight of sixteen stithces left to go.

I have my good days. But lately, I have had a rough go. I don't often complain on here or on Facebook or Twitter. I don't want to sound like a "whiner".

And most people, if they don't understand that a transplant is NOT a "cure all" think that the recipient must be ALWAYS happy and feel "lucky".

In all honesty, lately I've had some trouble where infection is TRYING to attack again. Not bad, but in an annoying way. I am working on getting it calmed as we speak.Add in sinus trouble also making my eye a bit unnerved and it's an all out "party"

Sometimes, I wish that they did take the eye. Then I'd have no more drops, no more stitches needing to removed. No cataract to be taken out. No mounting doctor bills for "after care" that constantly come at me. And no chance of needing a SECOND transplant later on down the road.

Is it selfish and ungrateful of me to think and feel this way? Maybe. But I also feel that my children have been through enough with their mother having one set back after another with her eye in one way or another.

Yes, I am so very thankful to my donor and their family. Without their gift, I would have no sight at all. But also my children and I are paying a price. As is my husband. Not just monetarily.

Organ and tissue transplants are not the cure all to the problem with that organ or tissue. In fact, you go from having one set of problems, to a new kind of set. Mainly dealing with the chance of rejection. It CAN happne a day later or many years down the road. And we live in the thought of "is this the day that it all goes downhill and we have to start over again?". It's not a life I wish on anyone. Even for "just an eye".

I'm angry. At my skin condition that invaded my eye. I'm angry at myself for not getting that under control sooner. I'm angry that my body turned against me. I'm angry that another family had to suffer a loss. I'm angry that it took someone to die for me to be able to see with both of my eyes.

While I may smile and "look" or even "sound" happy on the outside, inside, especially right now, I'm screaming and seething. Because right now, I feel that I have lost a battle (again) that I have fought hard to win and overcome for the last year and a half.

Death Panels...Since when is one's life "not budgetable"?

Arizona has a Governor without a heart or a soul. Her state's budget cuts are not only "saving" money, but are also COSTING lives.

Now, two people are dead. Thanks to the budget cuts and the insurance's refusal (due to said cuts) to pay for much-needed transplants.

There's now a list of people in the state of Arizona whom will surely die, being that their assurance of insurance has been cut off because the insurer will not "be able" to pay for the transplants.

Including the one this past week who was needing a kidney transplant.

Yes, the insurance I am speaking of is Government-funded Medicaid. The state's funds for the insurance that helps those that are low-income, too disabled to work or meet other criteria for the (supplemental) insurance will be cut by $1.2 million.

Luckily though, the citizens of Arizona have Senate Minority Leader-Elect David Schapira (Democrat) in their corner. And he is asking to have *emergency* restoration of the Medicaid funds to be put in to place. But only for certain types of transplants.

Thus far, 98 patients are on that list.

Patient Mark Price died in November, as he was desperately awaiting a bone marrow transplant.

Read the full story at... CNN.com

As a transplant recipient myself, to see these kinds of cuts made at the expense of human life, is utterly deplorable. Shame on the state of Arizona, and it's idiot Governor, Janet Brewer.

Rest assured though, that in the event that herself or one of family members or close friends (who were on Medicaid, thanks to job loss or lower income status) suddenly required a transplant of some type, she would be fighting tooth and nail to get their insurance to pay for it.

But hey, it's no one special or important (to the dumb hag called 'Governor') so she feels that she can go to lay her head down at night without the guilt of knowing that she (literally) signed almost one hundred of her citizen's death warrants by her actions of slashing the access to their medical insurance, and to much-needed medical care to stay alive.

Sure, it was "just an eye" to most people. But saving my sight, as well as my entire eye was of utmost importance to me as a mother of three children who are all still under the age of twelve.

If my insurance wasn't there to help cover the cost of my (**$23,000.00**) surgery to have my cornea replaced with a cadaver's cornea, then I would not have my sight, let alone the eye its self. And being a mother, it would have hindered (somewhat) my being the mother I am to my children.

What kind of person wishes to slash funding as to let others be there with their children and grandchildren? A thoughtless Government Official such as Governor Janet Brewer, is who! And the scary part in all of this? If one state does something like this to "save the state money", then most often times, even more states follow and institute these cuts as well.

And that's a scary thought in its self! It will go from just under a hundred, to hundreds, then to thousands. Then, quite possibly the "movement" could cost MILLIONS of lives here in America.

Is this really what our country's Government was built to be all about? Money over it's people.

The more I look, the more I view it in this manner. And it frightens me more and more a bit each and every day, that our children and grandchildren's lives will be placed on the front lines as a means to save a few extra bucks for the Government Officials to pocket.

The money NEEDS to be put back in place. At least some it it, anyways. And for the most needful of transplants (heart, lung, kidney). And Arizona's guidelines on insuring transplants needs to be overhauled as well. No one's life is above another's. Or at least it shouldn't be.

I can understand (at this time) that they cannot cover ALL types of transplants. But give those with the biggest fights ahead, the biggest chance at living.

Is this really too much to ask, Gov. Janet Brewer?

Monkey In The Middle (A Divorce Post)

Monkey In The Middle is a game that my husband and I play with our youngest, Skyler, who is six years old. If he and I are sitting on the couch or the floor, or laying in the bed and she wants to "snuggle-buggle", then she always says she is the "monkey in the middle". Skyler sometimes is, and other times is not the proverbial monkey. Sometimes, just to get her goat Scott or myself would be the monkey.

Sadly, I have had my oldest playing this game as well. She is the monkey in the middle that must go between her two parent's homes. I have full physical cusody, and always have. Her father gets visitations every other weekend and we alternate (major) holidays. Plus I personally set out three week blocks where she stays with him in one-week increments during the summer while school is out.

Plus, I give extra time even on their "off" weekends where I can and feel it's appropriate (to go to the movies, park, etc.).

No matter how bad he has been known to talk about me, cuss me and even go as far as calling me a slave driver (because in MY home she has chores, rules and consequences, whereas in HIS home, they don't exist), I still bend over backwards to give him more time with our daughter. Even when it is NOT stipulated to do so in our still-standing court order.

How Hayley has grown in to the young lady she has thus far, without resentment towards either of us has just blown me away.

For one thing, I NEVER talk ill of her father in front of her or to her.

Two, I don't make her go on those "off" days unless SHE wants to (at 11, she can now make her own mind up about extended stays and other 'extra' days to spend time with him).

Thirdly, she knows clearly what her expectations are in MY home.

Fourth, I don't pick fights with her father (in person or over the phone) over trivial things (i.e. the having/not having a TV in the bedroom debacle over the phone..I do *not* allow one in my kids' rooms, he says she has one there and that I am a bitchy, mean mom {in so many words} for not letting the kids, including HIS "kid" to have one in their rooms in *MY* home).

Fifth, I do my very best (most of the time) to be civil towards her father. Especially when Hayley is present.

Children of divorce are fragile on some levels. But are much more thick-skinned than most people realize and give these kids credit for. Look at all that THEY must put up with. Especially if the parents, for whatever reason cannot seem to get along on ANY level.

She's been going between myself and my ex-husband like this (for the most part over the years) since she was about two years old (was one-day visits from infancy until two years due to some legal issues and other things I cannot get in to here; maybe a later post).

We split (as in I walked out with a few things we needed in hand and never looked back) when she was five months old. By then I had a "friend" in my life that treated me RIGHT, the way I should have been treated all along and this person cared enough about me and my daughter that the sister even helped me get out and let me and my then-five-month old daughter stay with her and her family.

Yes, there are times that Hayley does the "I want to live with my daddy!" routine. As soon as I say that I know it's because he is the "no-rules-do whatever you want-without consequences" parent, she hushes up and walks off.

I guess he has yet to learn, especially now that she is a preteen (or shall we say Tween, seeing that's the 'norm' these days), he cannot be her friend. Not now. She needs PARENTS that will lay down the law and set those morals and values to solidly cement within before it's too late.

Sure! She will at some point (more than likely) try to experiment with drugs and alcohol, or even cigarettes. And (God forbid) seriously think of having sex. But all I can do now is try my best up until those years NOW to lay the foundation to keep away from those types of things and avoid problems down the road with them.

But then again, when you are the "Monkey In The Middle" with two parenting styles within two different home environments, it can get confusing of which way to turn. So I am planning to just keep doing what I'm doing and hope for the best down the road.

No one said being the parent of a "divorce" child was easy!

"I ♥ Being White"

I'm a fan of many upon many "Like" pages. In fact, almost (now) 650 of them. Yeah, I like A LOT of different things. I'm pretty well-rounded, to say the least.

One thing that I am *not* is racist. I love people and am friends with (or have family members of) all different colors and ethnic backgrounds. Primarily Black Americans.

Over on FaceBook, under the "Discover More Pages" link in your "Other Pages" of your Info Tab, they have various other "Like" Pages to choose from. And believe me when I say EVERYTHING under the sun that you can think of is in that section.

Including "I ♥ Being Black" (Black).

What I am about to say, may slightly offend some people. Then again, maybe it will open some eyes. I'm not looking to make friends with this post.

To me, as a white person, I find THAT page hypocritical. As well as in all honesty, to me, offensive.

That to me, is Reverse Racism. Why? Because, if it were "I ♥ Being Black (Latino, Hispanic, Chinese, Japanese, ect), it is considered acceptable. If there was one aptly named "I ♥ Being *WHITE*" then someone is going to cry foul and call the page and it's members racists for having "white pride".

How is it fair to us Caucasian people to be penned as racists and "(insert race here) haters" for stating that we love our skin color, but ANY other race can do so, and not have one eye batted at them for doing such?

And don't think for a minute that my race isn't downed or 'hated'. I have seen others being called "cracker" and "whitey". But as soon as you as a white person call out a derogatory name of another race, then you are considered a race hater.

There is racism in EVERY area of the human race. And to see the hypocrisy in the "I ♥ Being Black" page, as well as out in the world is sickening to me. This is the 21st Century, people! ALL OF US need to get with the times.

We are not back in the 20th Century, or even the 19th Century, where racism was running rampant. There is no longer slave ownership and segregation. It is time to STOP HANGING HISTORY OVER THE 'WHITE MAN'S' HEAD!!!

How, after at least the last 40 years, can we as a human society still be so damn barbaric? I say it's time that we get it together and GET OVER the past, and move on in to the future.

This goes for racism, homophobia, the way that we treat (all forms of) the disabled and how we treat the sick (such as those with HIV/AIDS).

When all is said and done, at the end of each day, "I ♥ Being A Human Being of Society".

So Many Thoughts Come to Mind...Ponderings On a Rainy Day.

In one month and two days from today, it will be a milestone. And a lot of different meanings.

For one, my childhood friend, Lisa's birthday is on October 29th. We just recently reconnected, thanks to FaceBook, after almost 25 years of dropping off the earth to one another. Then, soon followed by her three sisters, Neva, Dana and Rena.

Then, add in the fact that it will be 21 years since my mother's passing. Over the years it has gotten much better to take in and deal with. I know she will always be with me in my heart and in my memories (what few I have left of her and our time together).

The biggest milestone to come on October 29th though is...

It will be my one-year anniversary since my Cornea Transplant. While I'm happy to have the sight that I DO have in it now, compared to before the surgery (and the fact that I have a cornea), it will also be a day of mourning.

Yes, we recipients DO mourn the passing of those which have given us our second chances. We never (in most cases) were able to meet them in life. And a rare few of us get to meet the families that are mourning the loss of their loved one that donated to us. But we are very thankful and grateful, none the less. And it hurts us to know that another family is out there, somewhere, hurting and are not able to have the time with their family any longer, as we recipients share in the joys, trials and tribulations of our families.

It's on days like this, where it's damp, chilly and rainy, that I sit and wonder. What if my mother were still alive? How would she have felt of my moving across to the other side of the states? How would she think of my husband? What nicknames would she have given her grandchildren?...Would I have still had that stupid trache until I turned 18?

I also wonder who my donor was. What is their gender? How old were they? What were their likes and dislikes? Was their family life filled with love and laughter?

So many thoughts to ponder as I sit here, sipping my coffee and listening to the stillness of the house, as the rain beats down and the cars are passing by on slick roads.

I Watched Someone Die Not Once, But Twice!

Today is World Alzheimer's Day. Do you know of someone that has been touched by this awful disease? Or, are you yourself inflicted with it?

My grandmother (Nana) had Alzheimer's. It started off slowly when I was still living in Nevada. Actually, I take that back. I strongly believe for her, it started while we were all still living in California, where I was born and primarily raised.

At first, it was very subtle. Nana would place something down in a pretty conspicuous place, where anyone with pretty good eyes (and back then, they were pretty good for her) could clearly see the object in question. Only, minutes later, she would get up and do whatever, only to search long and hard for what she "misplaced" moments earlier. When one of us (being myself, my dad, or my step-mom) would find it sitting practically in front of our face, we all would just laugh it off and chalk it up to Nana having a "blond moment".

But as time wore on, and after we moved to Nevada, things with Nana's memory was getting worse. And worrisome. She had gotten to a point where she could tell you about her childhood and teen years, but could not recite to you what she ate for dinner the night before.

Eventually, long after my dad and step-mother divorced, Nana's Alzheimer's really took a hold of her, along with the other factoring health problems (such as her COPD and her Emphysema). At this point, my father's own health was starting to rapidly decline, due mainly to the stress of being his mother's primary caregiver. Even with outside resources stepping in to help with her care...

Eventually, there was no other choice. And it was primarily for my father's health and sanity, that Nana was placed in to a Nursing Care Facility. Not too long after her transfer to the home, her mental status declined dramatically.

No longer could she tell you what she ate just a couple of hours before, for dinner or any other meal. Now, my father became my uncle. Because whenever my dad went in (almost daily) to see her, Nana thought that he was her oldest son, not my father. That really tore him apart inside. No longer was he the son that was REALLY there, and that was her main caretaker.

About a year or so after her entrance in to the Nursing Home, and at the point where that God-awful disease, Alzheimer's robbed my grandmother of her mental faculties completely, I got the call that I was dreading for the last couple of years. The day before her birthday, no less.

That next VERY early morning, I hopped on the first of THREE planes (stupid layovers!) to get to her, hopefully in time. She was in the hospital, her organs shutting down. Her mind now ravaged savagely by the Alzheimer's. They gave her (at best) 24 hours. It was then about the 23 to 25 hour mark when I got in to Reno, and hence to the hospital with my dad.

Somewhere in between his waiting for me at the airport and us getting to the hospital, Nana apparently suffered a Stroke. Her Hernia that she developed made her look AT LEAST seven months pregnant.

At one point, I had to leave the room. I could no longer take seeing her in that condition. For me, that was NOT *my* grandmother. That was *not* the same woman, by looking at her, that helped to raise me the rest of the way after my mother's death in 1989. So, as calmly as I could, I told her I would be back in a bit, as to let her rest.

For a brief moment in time, she had a twinge of clarity within her ravaged mind. Which of course, by then was moments that were far and few in between. She started mumbling and her hands started to go erratic. She was (in the only way she could, being she couldn't speak due to the stroke) trying to tell me not to leave her. She was getting so upset, I told her (through yelling, being the stroke damaged the nerves in her ears) I'd be back. She calmed a bit, but not much..Finally I had to leave. I almost got sick all over the ward's floor from seeing what I did. It was horrific..

Before that point, all she did was breath and stare at the ceiling without literally batting an eyelash. That alone brought me back to being 12-years-old and seeing my mother in pretty much the same condition after her stroke. For me, history was repeating it's self and rearing its ugly head before my very eyes.

The next day, we went back. She made it through her birthday. But later that next evening, something inside me said to NOT go and see her when they transferred her back to the Nursing Home. To die.

Not even an hour after I had changed my mind, we got *THE* call. She was gone. Free now, from the pain that she had to endure at the end. And finally, Alzheimer's Disease no longer had it's horrible grip upon her mind. She was free.

A few years later, my father and I were talking about Nana. He finally admitted something to me. Years before, when Hayley and Bryce were 2 years and 3 months of age, it was the ONLY time that she (Nana) was able to see, touch and hold her great-grand-babies. I'm so happy she was. And he even posted a family picture of us on her Nursing Home room's wall.

It came out in this conversation with Dad, that about a month before she passed away, Nana had forgotten who I was. She would look at the picture and without missing a beat, would ask my father who it was (the young lady) in the picture that was on her wall. Then she would ask about my (now) husband, Scott and the kids.

To hear that she no longer remembered the woman whom she helped raise tore me apart inside. It made me angry. Not at her, but at the disease. It made me resentful. Why me? Why did that nasty disease have to rob me of her, and in turn, her of me?

It's truly sickening to watch and know of someone you love, and that (more than likely) took care of you, just waste away to practically nothing. It is a disease I don't care to wish upon my worst enemy.

For me and my father, we didn't lose our mother and grandmother just once in our lives. We had to endure losing her twice. The first time, she was 'dead', but still breathing. And that is the worst kind of death, in my mind, to see someone you love go through.

If you wish to know more about Alzheimer's disease and it's history of origin, please CLICK HERE.

ADHD...

As a mother, it is hard to watch your child struggle. What are ordinary, everyday tasks and expectations to us, is a ball of confusion and frustration for our kids.

Sitting still. Focusing. Being organized. Paying attention to the instructor. Following multiple directions at a rapid pace.

Sounds like a lot, and even a bit confusing to you? I'm sure that it does. But to my son, and to millions of other children in the United States alone, it is a hardship for them every single day to keep up with those tasks while in the classroom, and even at home.

Constantly, I have to remind my hyper, active, not-very-attentive son to complete this task first, so he can move on to the next. Then, after that, I have to remind him to let me check his work against his Agenda, to ensure that he completed the assignments. Then, and only then, may he have his computer or his TV time.

The same goes for his household chores. And the teachers have to stay on top of Bryce as well, being he can fall off of the track pretty quick, and pretty often.

Case in point.. Bryce was found to be sitting in the hall, by his Science and Social Studies Teacher's room. Apparently, he was disrupting the class and "poking at" one girl constantly. After being told to finally move himself to an area where he could be alone, he started to bawl and be belligerent. So, the teacher sent him to the hall.

Then, at snack time, when the Mixed Berries were passed out, he couldn't have any, being that the kitchen never made him a separate bowl without the Blackberries, being he is allergic to them. He went buck wild, pitching a fit, not concentrating on the teacher's explanation, and saying he was being abused because she was "starving" him.

It's not ALL stemming from his ADHD. The lashing out is from another disorder he is inflicted with. But the "poking" of the child, his fidgeting, his lack of concentration, and organization skills, as well as his hyperness, even in his talking to others is a part of the ADHD that he has. Bryce has the more severe form of the disorder.

And yes, he is on medication therapy for it. He takes Vyvanse in the morning, before school. His Intuniv is taken before bedtime. It also serves as a sleep aide, being that his brain stays in "overdrive". The Intuniv relaxes the centers in the brain to control his sleep pattern. And it helps him focus on going to sleep, along with his bedtime routine rituals.

One thing that I have noted the last few years, as the parent of an ADHD child that is medicated, is that most (not all, mind you) teachers think that the medication is the "magic cure-all" for the ADHD while the child is in their classroom. That cannot be further from the truth.

While the medications DO help the child stay focused, attentive, and with less likelihood to blurt out or talk out of turn (or even go way off the topic at hand), the medicines can only control those points to a certain extent.

The remainder of the ADHD child's success relies upon both the child's willingness to gain SELF-control and SELF-discipline, as well as the teacher's willingness to work with the child to achieve those same goals that ADHD students need to be successful students.

This may mean giving the ADHD child a separate desk area, where fellow students will not be a distraction. Or even asking the child if the student is understanding and able to follow the lesson. The teacher can't be "all mouth". They must be about action as well. This means walking around, using hand gestures. Anything to keep the ADHD child engaged in the lesson.

On average, the typical ADHD child can give you no more than fifteen minutes of their attention. For the ones with severe ADHD, you are lucky, and I mean LUCKY, to get ten minutes of their attention, being most severe cases have an attention span of only five minutes.

Too many teachers rely on medication therapy. And anti-medicating advocates talk about us parents? MOST of us parents tried EVERYTHING else under the sun for our children BEFORE going the "pill route".

Our child's first line of defense of course, are the parents. Then, the doctors and therapeutic team. Teachers though, as well as the other school staff round out the team for these kids. We ALL have to work together to help these children with ADHD be successful . Within the classroom setting, as well as out in the community and within the world.

So, remember that while ADHD medications DO help, it's far from being the "cure-all" route of having a successful child. One-on-one working with your child (or student, if that is the case), providing the appropriate tools for success, and helping them to build their SELF-esteem and SELF-control are the REAL keys for having an ADHD child that is well-rounded, adjusted, organized and an overall good student in the classroom and beyond.

Being a Mother (Or Wife) *Really Is* A 'Thankless' Job!

I honestly DO love being my children's mother. They bring smiles to my face in one way or another, almost on a daily basis.

I've laughed with them. I've cried with them. I've laughed at their actions or words. I've cried for them.

All in all, I would die for them, if need be. I would do almost anything for them. Almost.

When you hear women say that motherhood is a 'thankless' job, they aren't kidding! It truly is a 'thankless' job, indeed. No pay (as in no monetary gain), no vacation (even when you ARE on vacation, away from the kids), no sick days (being you still most of the time, end up caring for them, even when feeling your worst), and no promotion (being that you have the highest job in the "company").

You cook. You clean. You ensure that they have all that they need, basics-wise. You make sure that they are up, ready, and prepared for school each morning. And never once (or so rare, that we often forget it has been said) do you get a "thanks for all that you do, Mom" comment from them.

Lately, I have gotten really tired. Tired of being the (Not Very) Merry Maid around the house. No matter what I threaten my kids with, be it loss of TV or computer time, or any other interests that I can take away, it doesn't seem to sink in.

It's a CONSTANT battle to get, let alone KEEP the house (especially their rooms and the play/family room) decently clean for more than twenty-four hours at a time. And instead of THEM HELPING to clean up around the house (mainly their own messes), I end up having to. Or else I have "consequences" to pay. Such as hearing my husband bitch and moan.

In fact, I also have to clean up after him. It's little things. But even then, I feel it is a bit...hypocritical of him to get on the kids about not cleaning up after themselves, but he leaves band-aid wrappers laying around, or a glass on the table.

It must be nice to go to your job, work your ass off, and when you do something that is "above and beyond", you get a compliment. Praise is a nice "payment" or "reward" for a job well done.

Sadly though, many a mother and/or wife that stays home all day doesn't hear those simple, few words that can and does make her day. What are they, you ask?

"The house looks really good. You did a good job".

Honestly, how hard IS this for any man to say? Must be almost impossible. I get "dumped on" with his daily work happenings. I also get told of the GOOD points of his day as well. The same with the kids.

The minute I try to talk about my "roses and thorns" though, I get deaf ears and practically ignored. Or at times even told "I don't want to hear it"...Nice, huh?

I know for a fact, that I am far from being the ONLY wife/mother with these thoughts, and these "situations". But just once in a while, I want to be seen as more than that. I want more than JUST the respect of being 'just' a wife to my husband, and 'just' the mother to my children.

For so many years, I have been struggling to keep MY identity. My pre-wife and my pre-motherhood identities. Thus far, I think I have failed in still trying to be the ME that I was before husbands and kids. I know that I am more than these two things. But apparently, I am not viewed in any other manner. At least not in my own home.

This may be far from the truth. I'm sure that my husband would tell me otherwise. But then again, 'actions speak louder than words'.

Finding yourself via FaceBook.

You probably read that title and thought to yourself that I have officially gone off the deep end. Admit it! Yeah, that's what I thought.

Some of us have personalities that are very open and we know everything about ourselves. What am I saying, you ask? Basically, you know yourself and how much you observe in your world and your life. You know of every single one of your likes, as well as all of your dislikes. People, places, music, literature. You name it, you know of it, all the way down to your very core.

If you are not a FaceBook crackhead, then you are probably quite confused. Let me break it down to it's very simplicity... When you update your interests, you are automatically linked with a "Like" page for that person, place or thing. And/or you can search for said PPT and "Like" it's page.

Some people only "like" a few things. Some people "like" A LOT of things. I have some friends on FaceBook that fall within that first category. I though, fall in to the latter one. And after really looking at all of my interests and "likes" across the board, I think I honestly shocked myself.

Recently, FB had added a new feature. You can see how many "Likes" your friends have, and how many total are on your page as well. For some it's no more than 20. Some, up to 50 or 100...Then there are those such as myself with 200 or more!

After seeing with my own eyes just how many interests and "likes" that I have, my jaw about hit my hardwood floor. It really gave me a great ideal of who I REALLY AM.

I'm more than a wife or a mother. I am more than just a Volunteer at my children's school. I'm more than a daughter or sister-in-law. I am uniquely varied in taste and perception. I am from one extreme to another. I'm a little bit country, and a little bit rock n' roll. I'm a tad bit drama, and a whole lot of laughter.

Life overall has never been all roses, rainbows, puppies and lollipops. I have had more than my fair share of downs that, when looking back, outweighed the ups. But I rolled with the punches and came out the better person in the end, in this thing we call "life".

After seeing everything that I "like", that I take interest in, what my relationships are and weave it all together, I see the entire package now, that makes ME who *I* am.

Now, I can see what so many see in me. I can go with Adam Sandler one minute, laughing until I cry and my sides hurt, to being wrapped up in a love story that stars Sandra Bullock and cry my happy and sad tears all of the way through the movie's entirety.

Or, one moment, I'm listening to Reba McEntire singing "His Name Was John" on the local country station, only to tune in to Lady Gaga on the Rock/Pop station as she sings "Bad Romance".

So much variation is within my life. And I *LIKE* it that way.

How do your FaceBook "likes" cast you and your personality? Do they show the TRUE, FULL and the REAL you? Take a look and see if you "find" yourself today.

Gone, but was never forgotten. Eight years later...

I'm not going to rant, spout off on anything, or joke around. Today is a solemn day. Because reality had set in. With a look at one piece of paper and a package.

Sure, over on Facebook, I was all jokes and laughs. I think it was my way of dealing with what was about to come to my door, and back in to my life. Now, it is here. And the jokes have since stopped. Reflection has taken its place.

I finally got my grandmother's ashes. Eight years after her passing. She arrived here from Nevada on her birthday (8/26) & I missed her.

Then, they tried to deliver her on her Death Anniversary (8/27). I finally got her from the USPO yesterday.

After getting the box open, and pulling her cremains box out, Scott found an envelope with a copy of her Transport-Burial certificate (also served partially as a death cert.).

It was then, as I had seen the DOD, and the place she died, that I finally broke down, as I carried her to the place I want her to be (for now). I had the flash of those last 2 days before her death hit me. And I was mourning her all over again. Even if it was just for a brief moment.

To see this finally over, after almost a decade, for it to come to a close, it the end of longing for me. At least where my Nana is concerned.

She never placed on the papers of whom she wanted to have her cremains sent (family wise) when she filled out the paperwork to donate her body to University of Nevada, Reno.

It looked like the Medical School had her for just under a year. The signature date for cremation was 4-4-2003, which placed it at almost nine months after her date of death.

Holding Nana in my arms, after all of these years was bitter-sweet for me. I wish it was her in the flesh. Even just for a moment, to REALLY hold her, hug on her and tell her how much I love her still...Even though we had our battles as she helped raise me after my mom died. It was more of a generational battle than anything.

At least she is home, with her family, where she belongs. No longer is she encased within a Nitch for those that have gone unclaimed. To them she was 'just a number'. To me, and to my dad, she is much more than that. And now, her death has come full circle.

In fact, there is now a little running joke that was started by one of Scott's Aunts. She said that she bets that Nana got to go to more places in death, than she did in life. She's right! Nana really got around in life. But she REALLY got around in death.

GLBT and Kroger...BOYCOTT? (getting on my soapbox!)

Over at Facebook, I belong to the "Fan Page" for the retail grocery chain, Kroger(KROGER FACEBOOK FAN PAGE). You can ask questions, find out what weekly deals and sales that they are having (or will be having the following week) and converse with fellow customers of the establishment.

The store has re-done their FB page and so I had to search a bit for the DISCUSSIONS tab (which happened to be under BOXES). I like to "talk" with others on the boards in that manner.

Yesterday, I came across one titled "I will not shop at Kroger because you denied sponsorship to the LGBT community.". Of course, it did pique my interest. So, I opened it up and read the initial post that opened the proverbial can of worms. It went like this..

"Removing your use of your logo for the Cincinnati LGBT pride festival is a poor decision.

I live in Columbus, have a Kroger across the street from my house, but your regressive ways have made me rethink going to any Kroger location. I will spend my families money where I am appreciated.

I have already switched to Giant Eagle and will actively spread the word for others to do the same. "

Now, if you know me, I am ALL for the rights and equality for the GLBT Community. Yes, even marriage. But I am also not one to go off on a tangent such as this over the fact that CORPORATE OFFICE made the decision to remove their logo from the Pride Festival.

Was it wrong for Kroger to do such a thing? YES! In *my* mind it was. Kroger spreads talk of community and unity, and wanting to help others. But talk is cheap these days. But to pull out of the Pride Festival, in fear of what their customers *might* think (and HELLO!! Kroger, you DO have customers that are gay, you idiot Heads!) of them.

But to punish a LOCAL store in your area over what the Corporate Office (in Cincinnati, Ohio, mind you!) did (I feel) makes YOU just as bad as the Head Office. When you refuse to shop there (or at any retailer) and take a bunch of friends with you, then yes, you ARE denying a basic, everyday, hard-working employee a paycheck.

Same with gas stations. I do NOT buy the BP gas (for obvious reasons!), but I will not *refuse* to shop inside the convenience store. That store has nothing to gain from BP, except a small percentage of earnings from BP for "featuring" their BP product. Most of their income is through the selling of IN-STORE products, being that the store it's self is of it's own entity. A franchise.

My husband, for the last ten years of his life, has worked at Kroger Food & Drug. And for eight of those ten years (started as, then promoted, then had to go back to it due to certain circumstances and is presently there) Scott has been Head Frozen Food Clerk. Do you HONESTLY think he ENJOYS freezing his ass off daily to provide YOU, the consumer with "quick and easy" meals? I can tell you a resounding NO! At least not ALL of the time.

He gets crap for pay, as he (sometimes) works up to a ten-hour shift, busting his ass to place products on his shelves, make sure orders that come in are stocked with what he needs to supply YOU with to grab off of those shelves and has to hear customers bitch and yell at him for what the WAREHOUSE scratched (did not send) on the order (which is NOT up to him).

When you refuse to shop, you are taking away pay from him, and his fellow employees. And in turn, you are taking it from my kids, and their (fellow employees) families. We rely on those paychecks (just like anyone else in any other employment position) to clothe, feed and house our children. And when you "boycott" a store for what is OUT OF THE *LOCAL STORE'S* control, you not only hurt that store and their employees, you hurt US, THE FAMILIES of those employees.

Everyone wants equal rights. Is it really and honestly fair to "boycott" a single store for what their Corporate Office did? What (Corporate Office) did was INDEED blatantly WRONG. Call THEM. Write to THEM. Email THEM. Don't make the "little guy" suffer. They get the shitty end of the stick. It's Corporate that needs to have a hole burned in their pockets. Not my husband (or my children).

Perfection Perception... Fail.

Ya know what? I wasn't planning on writing on here at all today. I was going to jot some stuff tomorrow. But now, I HAVE TO SAY IT! You all know me well enough by now, that if I have it on my mind, I have to type it out.

Well, technically, I already did. Over at Momster.com. But I felt that I needed to bring it here too. It's a smallishly tweaked version of what I said over at the Fan Page for Momster.com over at Facebook. I tweaked it so that it has an overall umbrella addressing ALL parents, not just moms. Because, I have seen and heard fathers say the exact same thing.

So, without further ado...


I'm sorry but some parents are INSANE when it comes to grades..."Expects NOTHING less than an A"??? WOW! Talk about pressure. That is expecting WAAAY too much.

All three of my kids are advanced and I know that they have wonderful potential. But I REFUSE to say "you cannot earn LESS than an A". Your kids can't fill the void that (maybe) you lacked when it came to school grades.

And while they are smart, they CANNOT be perfect at EVERY single subject. It's unrealistic to think that.

I'm perfectly fine with a C or better. D is cause for concern and a talk. An F constitutes concern, the talk, and privileges taken until grades improve.

Parent's expectations HAVE TO BE within reason. Saying you only expects A's and nothing less is being in an imaginary world.

How would you all like it if (even though you have the potential) your parents told you that if you don't get all A's, all the time, that you would be in trouble. And think of the CONSTANT pressure and fear. Do you REALLY want that for your children?