On The Verge Of Letting It Go

It's with a heavy heart that I say that. Because I have put MUCH time and energy in to that blog. I have never made it a "secret" of my belief in the Paranormal or of the things I have personally witnessed and/or experienced.

I've done pieces on various *reportedly and infamously* haunted places. Done writings on various Paranormal topics, and have openly discussed my own experiences or those of my husband and children.

ParanorMel is primarily centered around the topics of ghosts and hauntings. But I have been known to speak of other things such as UFOs and aliens.

Personally, I feel that I have done pretty much everything that I can to "attract" readers and readership. But alas obviously, to no avail.

So, I'm at a point now that if my efforts of piecing together posts on that blog (which CAN and HAVE been tedious to do, depending on need of information or media availability such as videos) are in so-called "vain" then I'm wondering why I'm doing it? It's most certainly not to hear myself talk (so to speak). But to educate others, let others think for themselves and have the opportunity to voice THEIR views and opinions without ridicule or being called nuts or crazy for their beliefs and what they themselves may have experienced within the Paranormal realm.

Honestly, I don't care if you (generally speaking) have a difference of opinion or view. As long as you state your difference in a manner of civility and respectfulness, then I say POST IT and be HEARD. I'm a big girl and I know that I will NEVER always "be right" or will always have people agree with what I see, think and feel about the subject. That's not how life works.

ParanorMel was started as a way to let others see that they are NOT alone in their quest for answers in the world of the "unknown" and as a way for me to document personal experiences of (primarily) myself and of my kids, whom have had experiences of one kind or another since toddler-hood.

I enjoy sharing the stories of experiences with my readers. But when you don't hear from anyone about 99% of the time about what you have written, it's (I feel) time to let it go and move on. And it saddens me that I have come to this point with that blog, seeing as I LOVE journaling there about the Paranormal.

But at what "price" to myself and MY TIME? I take time out of MY day to write posts, some of which CAN and have taken as much as 45 minutes to write, depending on the subject and what media content I wish to place in the piece. And to have my work subsequently 'ignored' 99% out of 100% of the time, to me is obscene and a proverbial "slap in the face" to me and my work.

My time could be better well spent, in all honesty. But I write for various reasons. And in ParanorMel, I write as to give others hope, reassurance, and to see what my "paranormal life" is like.

With that said, I feel that it may be time to "close up shop" over on that blog and call it a day. Thoughts?

***SIDE NOTE... This post will be *duplicated* in to ParanorMel as well.***

Double Dipping Again.. Pouring My Heart & Cleaning Out The Closet

I'm extremely choosy of what blog carnivals/Blog Hops/Memes I choose to participate in. And honestly, I only participate in a couple. Here they are...

For The Love Of Blogs'




and Shell's



**Before we proceed further... Let it be known upfront that with BOTH of these blog hop's rules, NO NEGATIVITY is allowed in the comments of the post. So go by the cardinal rule. "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all". Leave it at the door and post negativity on YOUR OWN posts/blogs.**

I love my family. I really do. I love being a wife and a mother. I love to volunteer at the school that my children attend. I love watching movies as a family. And doing things as a family.

But a fellow Blogger (Tough Cookie Mommy) and her post REALLY got me thinking.. When is it MY turn for ME? She is going through the same "crisis".

I'd grown up as an only child. After my medical catastrophe at birth, my mom didn't want to chance having another baby "like me". After my mom died my paternal grandmother moved herself in against my dad's wishes and "parented" me. That's where my life of "privacy" waned and went to the wind.

Ever since then, be it under my father's roof, living with roommates or with my former or current husbands and our children, I have never really gotten the chance to do for ME. All my decisions and what I do are intricately centered (rimarily) around the kids and my husband.

I can't shower (most of the time) without at least one person busting in to use the bathroom. Using the toilet even can be a non-singular chore.

Television? I have to try and watch my ABC Soaps in the afternoon (nothing is really appealing to me in the morning hours) before my kids are home. Then no more TV for me until 9:00 at night if I'm lucky and/or not too tired.

Naps...Can't take them in the middle of the day. It's "unnatural" to me. I take them in the evening, after dinner, if I feel that I need one. My husband sleeps for a while after coming home from work in the afternoon. When he sleeps (past when the kids get home from school) NO ONE disturbs him for anything. IF I take one, then all three kids (most times) come in one after another to ask me something...HELLO! You DO have a dad to ask to. Ya know?

There are days that I honestly ask myself the age-old question of many mothers/wives, especially of those of us (like myself) thanks to Reba McEntire, "Is There Life Out There"?

I KNOW I am *more* than JUST a "wife". I am *more* than just a "mother". I am STILL a person. A human being. One who STILL likes to have ME time to figure MYSELF out. Be it during a nap. Or during an uninterrupted shower. Or even having the ability to say MY turn for what I wish to watch on the Television or on DVD.

It's bad enough that my husband and I NEVER, EVER (or shall we say quite rarely do we) get an entire evening alone. Be it to go out or just hang out quietly at home. It's worse to know that you are ONLY being seen as a "wife" or as a "mom".

I'm "Pouring Out My Heart" as I am "Cleaning Out My Closet".

I decided to "double dip" today, which is really a rare thing. Today, this post will serve as both a participant in Shell's



..and For The Love Of Blog's (Vic's)



As most of my readers know, I required a Corneal Transplant back in October of 2009. I had a bad infection invade the eye its self, then it also eroded the cornea. But I perforated the entire cornea when I accidentally poked myself in the eye.

While I have fairly good eyesight (colors, some shape, light) I still have problems. One being a cataract that will eventually need removal. I still have eight of sixteen stithces left to go.

I have my good days. But lately, I have had a rough go. I don't often complain on here or on Facebook or Twitter. I don't want to sound like a "whiner".

And most people, if they don't understand that a transplant is NOT a "cure all" think that the recipient must be ALWAYS happy and feel "lucky".

In all honesty, lately I've had some trouble where infection is TRYING to attack again. Not bad, but in an annoying way. I am working on getting it calmed as we speak.Add in sinus trouble also making my eye a bit unnerved and it's an all out "party"

Sometimes, I wish that they did take the eye. Then I'd have no more drops, no more stitches needing to removed. No cataract to be taken out. No mounting doctor bills for "after care" that constantly come at me. And no chance of needing a SECOND transplant later on down the road.

Is it selfish and ungrateful of me to think and feel this way? Maybe. But I also feel that my children have been through enough with their mother having one set back after another with her eye in one way or another.

Yes, I am so very thankful to my donor and their family. Without their gift, I would have no sight at all. But also my children and I are paying a price. As is my husband. Not just monetarily.

Organ and tissue transplants are not the cure all to the problem with that organ or tissue. In fact, you go from having one set of problems, to a new kind of set. Mainly dealing with the chance of rejection. It CAN happne a day later or many years down the road. And we live in the thought of "is this the day that it all goes downhill and we have to start over again?". It's not a life I wish on anyone. Even for "just an eye".

I'm angry. At my skin condition that invaded my eye. I'm angry at myself for not getting that under control sooner. I'm angry that my body turned against me. I'm angry that another family had to suffer a loss. I'm angry that it took someone to die for me to be able to see with both of my eyes.

While I may smile and "look" or even "sound" happy on the outside, inside, especially right now, I'm screaming and seething. Because right now, I feel that I have lost a battle (again) that I have fought hard to win and overcome for the last year and a half.