"The Walking Dead"... The Humanized Version. And The "Mother" of All Questions.

WARNING!!! The video below contains graphic scenes, primarily of violence and may be disturbing to some viewers. Discretion is advised!



Last night, I had my husband watch this very scene from the show. It was then, as I once again was crying that he had asked me a very point-blank question. One that hit to the very core of me.

"If it were one of our kids, could you pull the trigger?"...

WOW! Powerful, isn't it? He wasn't asking me if I had thought that HE could put a bullet through our zombie-child's brain, or let alone someone other than us as their parents to do so.

I was asked if I myself, as their MOTHER, could bring myself to end my child's suffering by pointing the barrel of a gun at my their head and fire the shot to (finally) kill my son or my daughter.

In all honesty, I do NOT think that I could bring myself to shoot any one of my kids. Zombie-fied, or not. Even though it is for the greater good. For my child that is suffering the effects of being one of the un-dead, and to ease my own conscience as to start MY grieving process of losing my child to some crazy viral mutation.

As mothers, at least the majority of us anyways, because we all know that in today's society, some mothers should have NEVER had kids, as you can tell from news articles and TV spots, we can never imagine hurting our children. Especially in that manner.

We carried them for around nine months within the confines of our body. They were (literally) attached to us from day one of conception. We love them like no one else honestly can. We do our very best to protect them and to be vigilant in fulfilling their needs.

So, to see Sophia walk out of that barn's doorway as a zombie, it actually did break my heart. That horrid lump in my throat came bubbling up and my heart sank deep within my chest. To see Carol run after her daughter, Sophia as she came out of the barn was just sickening to my heart, knowing that there is NOTHING to do for her, but to end her suffering via a bullet to the brain.

As for Rick, as a parent/father himself, to BE the one to step forward, gun in hand, as his son, Carl, who was close friends with Sophia watched in unimaginable horror as Lori (Carl's mother) told her son to not watch, was taking on that leadership roll in a bold, new, albeit a gut-wrenching way.

If you watched closely as Rick aims the gun at Sophia, tears are stinging his eyes, as he tried hard to hold back. Hearing Carol's screams and cries I'm sure didn't help him with knowing that what he was about to do, HAD to be done. His jaw clinches and flinched just slightly as he pulls back on the trigger.

In one deep breath, it is over. Sophia is officially gone.

For all of those involved, it was a nightmare come true. Especially for the parents of the group. Primarily for Carol. To see the agony in her eyes, and hear it in her voice and in her cries about killed me.

And that question that my husband asked me in regards to being able to pull the trigger on my own child? It stuck with me and ate at me most of the night.

As for how the Makeup Artists made Sophia in to a zombie, I COMMEND THEM! They had done an explicitly excellent job of putting her humanity first, and the monstrous side to her, as a secondary attribute. She was the epitome and the if you will, spokes-zombie of the Walking Dead community. We got to see, thanks to Sophia (again, thanks to the Makeup crews!) as the little girl that (some of us) had grown to know and like (if not love), even though she was no longer completely human.

So to see her story end in this way, which indeed was utterly shocking, it left me, as a mom, heartbroken, but glad all at once. A mother lost a child. But in the end, there was and will be closure for Carol. And for the others.

Or will there be?

Memories Of The Past, Memories In The Making

I'm eight years old, and it is officially the first day of school. I'm off to First Grade in Mrs. Bartley's class. I'm all ready to go in my white, ruffle-neck dress shirt, my purple overalls with the yellow tulip on the front, and my pigtails upon my head.

Being it's no more than a seven-minute walk to school, and back then, my area was pretty darn safe, my parents started out on the journey to my new school along side me, with Sarah, our Corgi. They stopped at the corner of the next street over from us and let me finish the walk on my own. As a big girl.

I remember vaguely, as I turned my head to see my parents still standing there at the corner, after I crossed the street, then crossed to the opposite corner at the end of the block. They waved to me, my dog looking sad and in wonderment of where her "sister" is going off to without her. My mom, I saw wiping tears from her eyes, trying not to fall apart, as most of us mothers do when their babies start trying out their wings.

After waving good-bye and walking out of their sight, I can only imagine how Mom fell apart, and how Dad had to console her on that "lonely" walk back to the house after I made the rest of my way off to school that beautifully warm and sunny morning.

But that would also be the last time she would ever see me take that "big leap" in growing up. Ever. Because the year before I was to start Junior High/Middle School, my mother had passed away after having suffered from a massive stroke and pneumonia.

Yesterday (Thursday, August 18th) my oldest had her Middle School orientation to take a dry run at finding her classes, knowing how to get in to her locker, meet her teachers and to learn the rules.

She has to get on the bus now, about an hour earlier than before, when she attended Elementary School. And she is fine with that. Because she also now gets out about an hour earlier than her siblings.

As my daughter waited outside at the bus stop (which for her, is now across the street) I had the flashbacks. I saw her as a tiny girl again, just starting Preschool. She and I waited for the bus at the top of the hill near our former home. She was SO excited. And I watched as she clomped up each step with her short, stubby little legs, and her huge backpack on her back, as she boarded the bus. It took all that I had to not just lose it right then and there.

Yesterday, it hit me. Not only am I seeing my little girl, my first born, grow up before my very eyes into what will be a stunningly beautiful young woman, but I am witnessing something my mother never was able to have the chance to, and never will. Not with myself, and not with her grandchildren.

I was VERY close to my oldest daughter's age when I lost my mother. And I am only about eight and a half years younger than my mother's age when she died. It pains me to know that my mother has had to miss out on SO much. My marriage. My kids. How I have grown and matured. My overcoming of many medical obstacles.

While I feel blessed and fortunate to be here to see and experience the wonders of my children as they each make their own headway in the world and leave their own marks on the world, it still saddens me that I didn't get the chance to have my mom see all that I can.

So, I guess in a way, I am living life and experiencing these things for the both of us. And I often times wonder what Mom would say, think or do. What would she say about how my life has turned out? What would she say about the man that I married or how I am raising and rearing my children?

Sadly, those are questions that will forever haunt me and be left unanswered. And to this day, it is still hard for me to come to terms with that fact.

PYHO... Mommy Wars

*Please remember, for some of us, this is the only place to be able to vent in a safe way, as to avoid the unneeded negativity that may already be occurring in our lives. In other words, if you have nothing constructive, and uninsulting to say, please refrain or move on. Or else, I let Angel come at you with one of her flaming vlogs.*

Yesterday morning, over on my FaceBook profile, I put a little lighthearted post up about this being the last two weeks of school. My exact words were...

"All the kids are off to school and here I sit, sipping my second cup of coffee. Best enjoy it while I can. In two weeks, the peace will NOT be with me. For 2 months."

In a nutshell, I meant no malice. I was not whining (as a friend had stated on behalf of her sister) and yes, indeed KNOW that I am VERY fortunate to be home with my kids.

But it wasn't always this way. I have also been a working mother as well in my time. And I missed some important areas of growth in two of my children because of it. When my third (and last) came along, I quit my job because honestly, there was no way, even with BOTH of our incomes, could afford full and part time child care for THREE kids. So I left and never went back in to the workforce.

ALL of us mothers (and fathers) work hard. Both inside and outside of the home. Only real difference is that some mothers get to earn monetary income, as well as have the house duties (and parental duties). And some of us don't earn more than kisses or hugs, which in my mind trumps all the monetary pay in the world.

"I would say you are pretty lucky!"...Yes, I am. But also, I didn't post what I did as to gain sympathy or bragging rights.

Is this what posting anything in the way of parenting has come to? Picking a war over a joke? Hell, I even made it in to a "Yoda-ism" near the end.

I'm NO better in the parenting department, being a mother who stays home, than the working girl next door with a kid or two. We both have the same job description where being a parent is concerned. Love, nurture and support our kids.

But believe me when I say, staying home 24/7 is no real picnic either. I would LOVE to be able to once again earn money from a day's work. I would love to have ADULT interactions outside of my home and the school setting (where I volunteer).

Then again, my line of work to go back to would NOT allow me the schedule I would need. Not in the retail life. It's not a "9 to 5" environment with every weekend off. And you can never really plan anything around your schedule, because that ALWAYS is changing.

Basically, there are pros and cons in BOTH areas of being a parent who works and who stays home. I may JOKE about the fact that Summertime will bring me little to no peace (which is VERY true), I will STILL enjoy the time I will have with my kids being home.

Like another mommy-friend said to me last night, "If your children don't annoy you at least once a week, you aren't around them enough". So true there! And believe me, I'm around mine enough, that the gray hairs just keep piling on my head. But I don't love, nor do I not want to be with them any less.

That FB post meant that I am being HUMAN, as well as realistic of what's to come with Summer break looming.

Just because I am a mother, it does NOT mean I have to "enjoy" having NO peacefulness or "me time" to take time for ME, and instead place myself last.

Which I do anyways.

Osama bin Laden's "death picture"

Normally, I don't put out more than one post per blog, per day. But today is a bit different. Because there has been a major change in the course of our history. Not only in my country, the United States of America, but globally.

The reign of terror known as Osama bin Laden is OVER. At least where the man himself is concerned. Now, we should plan our next move to abolish the entire al Qaeda group, in my opinion.

In the wake of his death, people have been making so-called rallying cries as for being furnished the "proof" that the Devil's next of kin is really, honestly, most in fact D-E-A-D.

Well, I'm just going to come out and say it...

People that are demanding a picture of a dead bin Laden are NUTS! And they are not thinking of what COULD happen if those photos are released.

Plus, I do NOT want my SMALL children to be given the chance to see an extremely graphic picture of a man with holes through his skull.

I'm reading the article via CNN's news site about the "debate" to release OBL's death pictures. CLICK HERE TO READ FOR YOURSELF.

The following picture below IS graphic, but is also a *FAKE*. Be warned though, it's not pretty, and it makes me queasy.

Now, just think, if you think this one, which indeed IS Photo-Shopped is gross, imagine how much nastier that the REAL pictures will be.

In fact, here is a quote from Collin Powell, via the said article on his thoughts regarding the releasing of the REAL post-mortem pictures of the right-hand man of the Devil himself.

"Powell said he doubts releasing an image will satisfy doubters.

"There will be skeptics out there as you know whether in the Middle East (or elsewhere)," Powell said. "Even if you show the picture, there'll be skeptics. That's just the nature of the world. Because they'll say it was Photoshopped.""

Boy, oh boy! I agree 1,000% with the man and have in fact said the VERY exact same thing. No matter what, the skeptics and anyone against Obama will cry and say that they are faked and are just showing them to shut the doubters up.

In other words, the President and his Administration can't win, no matter what road that they decide to take. No matter WHATEVER TYPE of proof is laid out for all to see. Plus it could have GRAVE ramifications for us as a nation if we were to plaster the dead man's pictures all over the nightly news cast, and our "celebration" of such means were to reach the Middle East. Talk about seeking vengeance! We would LITERALLY be asking for it.

And I for one believe that Osama bin Laden REALLY is dead and buried (at sea..please don't make me have to explain that to you all, too).

Al Jazeera has confirmed that the al Qaeda leader is in fact dead as a door nail. His followers have been mourning him and are hailing him as a martyr. And they are vowing to avenge the asshole's death.

What more proof do you need?