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Monday, April 5, 2010

Mean Girls...The realities from someone that's been there.

Mean girls. They have been show-cased in movies, in music and in the news. I've personally had experience with the real deal. Primarily in the Elementary School years. Being that I looked "different" from the other children, I was an outcast.

The girls mainly were the ones to degrade me. Not just in their words, but their actions as well. Often as a girl, I wondered what kind of "kicks" the kids got out of teasing and degrading me. What was with their pointless jokes on my behalf? To this day, I still at times have these questions pop in to my head.

Do bullies, especially the girls, really know what life-long affects take place when they pull their heartless pranks, say their cruel words and make their mark in the "Mean Girls" history book?

Thanks to their cruelty from long ago, I still have self-esteem issues. I often think of myself as not pretty and not worthy of love and affection by a man. Yes, I have a husband. One that loves me and sees me as beautiful. But personally, I cannot see what he sees.

All I still see to this day is a girl that has scars from one end of her body, to the other. I see where I once had a feeding tube from my diaphragm, in to my stomach. I see where the tracheostomy was performed and the trache was the symbol of my survival, as well as my ability to BREATH. I see the pitted area under my right arm where I had a chest tube placed to drain all the collective fluid from my right lung after it collapsed. I see the uneven breasts and the scar leading from under my right arm, leading up just past my right shoulder blade, where they re-inflated my lung, as well as reattached my esophagus, where it was detached (birth defect).

And to this day, I have lasting psychological and emotional side effects not only from having done what was needed to ensure my survival, but from the scars left behind from YEARS of torture from those that never truly understood, let alone took the time to TRY and understand or learn why I looked "different".

Mean girls have gotten to the point with their bullying in this cyber-age, where their violence towards other girls has taken such a toll on its intended victim, that those being teased, taunted and humiliated are TAKING THEIR LIVES.

Is it honestly worth a life to ridicule and demoralize another human being just to get "kicks" from someone else's imperfections? To me, no it certainly is NOT!

If only some of these "mean girls" could have the tables turned on them. Not that I would EVER wish ill-will on another human being. But how would they feel if something was to happen to them and they were disfigured? Be it from a car accident or a fall? Or from some other disfiguring and/or life-altering situation? Maybe they were placed on medication that made them gain weight, or it was caused by a medical condition.

Once their "perfection" is changed in to "imperfection", then they start having friends "dropping" them from their inner circle, or "cliques". Then, the stares and whispers begin. And of course with them not knowing the FULL story behind the changes, the rumor mill starts churning. As do the assumptions.

Finally, the heckling, physical picking and pranks begin.

Finally, that FORMER "mean girl" is getting to experience the reality of what she used to do at one time in her life. Now, instead of the huntress, she is the prey.

Try being in my shoes, or the "former mean girl's" shoes. If only more "mean girls" could experience what myself and MILLIONS of other girls of the past have had to endure. Not by choice, but by force.

Do I blame the parents? In MOST cases, YES! Especially in this day and age. Parents should be an EXAMPLE, as well as the greatest teacher when it comes to children having compassion and empathy for their peers.

Then again, parents can teach these kids all the good values of compassion, respect, empathy and love to their children, and those kids go out in to the world and make poor choices. Their greatest weapon of choice? The internet.

Cyber-bullying, especially among teen girls is at an all-time high. As are the suicide rates due to cyber-bullying. It is so easy to create a profile, "friend" your target and play with their minds and emotions. All the while, as you are "friending" the target, you are talking negatively behind the target's back.

After a while, there will be a whistle blower to throw it all in the target's face to show how "stupid" and gullible the victim has been. Once the victim sees what is REALLY thought about her, then the self-esteem issues, the emotional issues and the mental issues come in and destroy its target.

Please, teach your children to have compassion. Teach them that NO MATTER WHAT, the person that "looks" different (in ANY form!) is still a human being with feelings. Let your children know that it could very easily be them on the other end. Let them know that their actions indeed do speak louder than words. And words used in the wrong way, can and DOES hurt. No matter if they are said behind the person's back, to their face, or on a computer screen.

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