I'm angry. I'm scared. I'm confused. And I keep asking that golden question, "why?!".
Yesterday, I had to take Hayley to the doctor. Usually, she is the healthiest of the three kids. For her, it's just basic check-ups and any shots needed. End of story.
Not anymore. I took her in for two reasons. One being her left ear hurt really bad. Come to find out, she had a severe blockage of wax deeply near the ear drum.
But, that was the least of my problems. And her's.
The other night I fixed tacos the way I normally do. Within just hours, Hayley came to my room between 12:30 and 1:00 AM, scratching herself to the point of trying to almost tear her skin off, as she cried.
When I turned on the light (main light in the room), what I saw scared me almost to death. She was red and hived from head to toe. Her lips, jaws, and throat were AT LEAST double their size. And her breathing was a bit off/erratic.
In a blind haze, Scott gave her Tylenol. So I got the Benadryl pills and popped one down her. Within thirty minutes she was doing better and she fell back to sleep in my bed.
After going to the doctor, we found out that she had her first Anaphylaxis episode. Her sensitivity to Soy (which she has had all her life) usually is to a point where she is (like) a Lactose Intolerant person. She can have small, minute amounts, and it won't hurt her.
Not anymore! That was the culprit. And she has now developed a hyper-sensitivity to it. As well as already being hyper-sensitive to shrimp (steamed and uncooked), Red Dye 40 (in red Popsicles only), mushrooms, Blue Cheese Dressing (and other fungi-based foods). As well as an allergy to Amoxicilline.
From now on, Hayley must carry an Epinephrine Pen (Eppy Pen) with her at all times. No matter where she goes. Including to her dad's house. And also we will all have to read ingredient labels more carefully, maybe sub a food out here and there for her to have if she can't have a certain food at a mealtime. And I will also have to ask places we go to eat at how they cook their food, how they serve it up (using separate utensils for each item, no cross-contaminating). And I will need to get allergy friendly recipes for all of us to have (as to not single her out as much as possible).
Why am I angry? Because it seems like no matter how I get ahead and my kids do well, life has to throw another monkey wrench in to the fire. I need a break, as do Hayley and Bryce who are now BOTH considered "Special Needs Kids". I'm tired and I'm tired of seeing my children go through all this crap. And there isn't a whole lot I can do for them.
Why am I scared? Because now, her allergies have gotten to a point, that they can POTENTIALLY KILL my child. I saw that with my own eyes the other night. And it scares me. I don't want to live without my kids. I'd be lost without a single one of them. And I am scared that her (bio) dad won't get his head out his ass and get educated, or will do what is needed if the need arises...That is injecting the shot in her leg (due to his fear of needles and shots).
Why am I confused? Because I know of NO ONE else in the family from either her father's side, or mine that have allergic reactions this bad, or to this many things. So I cannot pinpoint how or why she has these allergies, or the severity of reactions she suffers. We only share a couple of allergies. Bee stings (from any stinging bug) and the medicine.
As for the "why"...I just want to know WHY. Why my kids. What did any of them do to deserve the medical hardships all of them are dealing with. Skyler has that wart/immune system problem. Bryce has his Mental Disorder issues. Now, Hayley has her allergy issues. Why them? What for? Is someone above getting their jollies off on seeing my kids suffer, and I suffer along with them.
In a nutshell, a lot of changes are coming. And it's going to take time to figure it all out. I'm going to need help on this one. I've been thrown in to the lion's den and I'm sinking in the water without a paddle.
