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Wednesday, May 18, 2011

PYHO... Mommy Wars

*Please remember, for some of us, this is the only place to be able to vent in a safe way, as to avoid the unneeded negativity that may already be occurring in our lives. In other words, if you have nothing constructive, and uninsulting to say, please refrain or move on. Or else, I let Angel come at you with one of her flaming vlogs.*

Yesterday morning, over on my FaceBook profile, I put a little lighthearted post up about this being the last two weeks of school. My exact words were...

"All the kids are off to school and here I sit, sipping my second cup of coffee. Best enjoy it while I can. In two weeks, the peace will NOT be with me. For 2 months."

In a nutshell, I meant no malice. I was not whining (as a friend had stated on behalf of her sister) and yes, indeed KNOW that I am VERY fortunate to be home with my kids.

But it wasn't always this way. I have also been a working mother as well in my time. And I missed some important areas of growth in two of my children because of it. When my third (and last) came along, I quit my job because honestly, there was no way, even with BOTH of our incomes, could afford full and part time child care for THREE kids. So I left and never went back in to the workforce.

ALL of us mothers (and fathers) work hard. Both inside and outside of the home. Only real difference is that some mothers get to earn monetary income, as well as have the house duties (and parental duties). And some of us don't earn more than kisses or hugs, which in my mind trumps all the monetary pay in the world.

"I would say you are pretty lucky!"...Yes, I am. But also, I didn't post what I did as to gain sympathy or bragging rights.

Is this what posting anything in the way of parenting has come to? Picking a war over a joke? Hell, I even made it in to a "Yoda-ism" near the end.

I'm NO better in the parenting department, being a mother who stays home, than the working girl next door with a kid or two. We both have the same job description where being a parent is concerned. Love, nurture and support our kids.

But believe me when I say, staying home 24/7 is no real picnic either. I would LOVE to be able to once again earn money from a day's work. I would love to have ADULT interactions outside of my home and the school setting (where I volunteer).

Then again, my line of work to go back to would NOT allow me the schedule I would need. Not in the retail life. It's not a "9 to 5" environment with every weekend off. And you can never really plan anything around your schedule, because that ALWAYS is changing.

Basically, there are pros and cons in BOTH areas of being a parent who works and who stays home. I may JOKE about the fact that Summertime will bring me little to no peace (which is VERY true), I will STILL enjoy the time I will have with my kids being home.

Like another mommy-friend said to me last night, "If your children don't annoy you at least once a week, you aren't around them enough". So true there! And believe me, I'm around mine enough, that the gray hairs just keep piling on my head. But I don't love, nor do I not want to be with them any less.

That FB post meant that I am being HUMAN, as well as realistic of what's to come with Summer break looming.

Just because I am a mother, it does NOT mean I have to "enjoy" having NO peacefulness or "me time" to take time for ME, and instead place myself last.

Which I do anyways.


Lisa said...

You know, I would have been one of those moms annoyed with your post since I work. you've really opened my eyes to the other side of this. While I do believe some SAHMs who feel this way do not have the underlying feelings you do, I'll keep it in mind before I go getting judgmental.

Thanks for this post.

Heather said...

In all honesty people are really much too sensitive. Not everything is meant as a dig or a slight or complaining, sometimes it just is what it is.
I think we waste way too much time psycho analyzing why people posted something on facebook or what they meant by it.
I feel for you - I lighthearted post was taken way the wrong way!

Slidecutter said...

I read the comments on Facebook and was not pleased at all, found the response to your posting most inappropriate.

The grass is always greener, can't have it both ways, blah, blah and more blah. Working moms envy those who stay at home with their children; can't blame them. SAHM envy Working Mom's who can enjoy a respite from the sometimes daily grind of housework and child rearing and.. earn a paycheck; can't blame them either!

For anyone to sit back and pass judgment at someone who has every damn right to vent, about home, children or their job, indicates someone living very much outside of the borders of reality and riddled with mass doses of ignorance.

I, for one, support every working mother out there. I understand your angst in being away from your home and child, or children. I give each of you much credit.

I also support every SAHM who, at times, is made to feel worthless because she isn't balancing a career and family but does one hell of a job in her given capacity, especially when there are children having special needs.

And, when women on both sides of this fence want to vent, complain, piss and/or's your right to do so!

Everyone would be better served to just reach out and let others know that they understand while keeping any derisive reactions buttoned-up!


Missy (& various in Transplant blog) said...

Side note...The sister who defended the one who stated I was lucky was the one that REALLY misjudged it. By a long shot.

I'd already gotten torn in to over a statement I made in a couple FB groups because honestly, some people were honestly beating a dead horse over NOTHING...I was never rude, but got my head chewed off for it.

So, I stated exactly.. "Sometimes, I hate the interwebz, You can't at times say something without getting chewed." and the sister of the initial commenter ripped in to me, thinking I took a dig at the sis in question.

Needless to say, NOTHING I said on MY page was taken as what it was meant to be taken as. So, I didn't log in for the rest of the day, nor did I speak up on MY page out of fear of retaliation for what I may state until mid-morning.

Even then all I said was "...???" just to see what may happen.

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

I didn't get to be a mom. However I am surround by many whom i love. However I do find it a very judgemental place and that is so sad. If done right it is the hardest damn job on the planet. Whether you are stay at home or have to work outside the home as well.

I have a job that I love yet I bitch and moan at times. Does that mean I don't love my job? I realize a job is not as valuable as a child - don't critize me, I am just saying venting is needed, venting is expected. You are all probably too young to remember Erma Bombeck. She was the original blogger back in the day who vented about her kids, her hubby and the damn housework that she ran from. It's all okay!! She loved them all the same but that didn't make her stop venting.

You're great! Enjoy the peacefullness while it lasts. :-)

Slidecutter said...

What pissed me off was "if you were fishing for a comment you got one". I almost shot back with a NY snarky reply but just figured it would worsen the debate and, frankly, be so far over the realm of that person's ability to understand that it would have proved pointless.

I hope these people aren't those you deem "friends" because I'm not impressed with their attitudes.

Missy (& various in Transplant blog) said...

Actually, Patty, yes they are friends of mine. And while I understand the one sister "defending" the other, she did so in the wrong manner.

Note too, I never replied back, which in turn I think angered her more. I wasn't about to be the one to look like a total ass.

If anything, she SHOULD have inboxed me about the whole thing. Because the sister who initially said what she did in the initial post said her piece and dropped it.

Slidecutter said...

Well, maybe PMS was rearing it's ugly head in their direction; it certainly wasn't fair to point at you and suggest that.

I wuvs ya, Missy...will have your back anytime you need me!

Missy (& various in Transplant blog) said...

Margaret, you hit the nail on the head, my friend!

And even then, I honestly wasn't even venting! I wasn't upset. Just being playful with the reality that my kids will be home for two months and that in fact, peacefulness I have now will be gone for a while.

I honestly didn't see any harm in my words. And to think I was FOR ONCE in the last TWO WEEKS having a good day.

I never once MENTIONED that I was being verbally assaulted by my own child and got myself kicked and stomped on. Not here in my other blog, on FaceBook or on Twitter. I KEPT QUIET about it.

Maybe I should bitch more as to really give reason to complain about me?

singedwingangel said...

I think it is a debate that should never even be up for debate. As women we want to feel like we are doing our best for our children, whether we stay home or work outside. I have spent most of my life in the home with the kids but I am now working outside because we need the money. I think that however our chldren are cared for as long as they know they are loved adn we do our best that is what is important.

Shell said...

Some people take everything so personally and so seriously, instead of seeing it as the lighthearted joke that it was. And while it might have struck a nerve with someone- it's their own personal story, not your words, that was bothering them.

People say things sometimes that I have to stop and remind myself- look at the context of what they are saying, look at their intent- so that I won't get upset.

Kim said...

Yeah, I agree with Shell. People need to LIGHTEN up. And if they are mothers they know very well how tough being a stay-at-home mom is. If you were my FB friend, I'd tell you to enjoy the peace while you can. Because you are so right - it is no picnic staying home either.

RoryBore said...

Anyone can have a bad day at the "office".....why should we SAHM's be any different? Why can someone else vent about their boss, their manager, their clients, their co-workers: but a mom cannot say anything about her children lest it be construed as Negative. I am not trying to be negative, this IS my reality. To talk any other way would be a lie. Sorry, much as I would like to pretend it is all sunshine, rainbows and dancing ponies around here...well, it ain't.

I have actually had people tell me to "just get a job". Excuse me? I HAVE a job. Furthermore, I am pretty sure I listened last week for an hour while You ranted about office politics. So, why don't YOU quit? I resent being told that I am not entitled to my emotions or feelings. That devalues me as a person...and I am a WHOLE person; not just a mom. And after 3 kids and 4 years at home...I just cannot pretend to apologize for longing for a little more, for me, sometimes.

Not a Perfect Mom said...

people need to chill working mothers enjoy their day jobs so much they skip to work every day? I don't think so...

EMM said...

UGH! It really bothers me that people are so judgy judgerson on FB. Why do people feel like every thought they have should be shared and expressed? You keep posting what you want to post, and don't worry about those out there that might share their two cents, even when it's not asked for.

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